Author's Note: Going to do a few more "x nation takes over the planet" fanfics so TSOMG doesn't stand out. I'm going to be flying by the seat of my pants and making up some of this as I go along, because COD plots are meaningless fluff anyways.
Chapter 1 - A Black Book at Site Hotel Bravo
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Give me one good reason I shouldn't have my men outside my room riddle you with bullets.
[laughter.]
ZELLOGI: You can try! But shinigami can't be killed with human bullets. Or anything else human, for that matter. Sorry to disappoint you!
GENERAL SHEPHERD: …then are you here to kill me? You're not the only one who wants me dead.
ZELLOGI: Nah. I'm just here to explain how that thing works.
GENERAL SHEPHERD: This "thing" does something?
ZELLOGI: As the human expression goes, it does exactly what it says on the tin. Write a name down with a person's face in your mind, and they bite the dust.
[pause.]
ZELLOGI: Man, these human expressions are weird.
GENERAL SHEPHERD: I can make EXCELLENT use of this.
ZELLOGI: I figured as much. So what's the plan?
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Bring the world under the heel of the greatest nation on Earth: the United States of America.
[laughter.]
GENERAL SHEPHERD: This shit's funny to you?! Because it's not a joke to me.
ZELLOGI: Oh, I know it's not! That's why I love it so much! Doesn't really seem your style, though. Another shinigami who was on Earth recently said you prefer to work in the shadows.
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Yes, but out of necessity? With this? Well, with this, I can do what I've always wanted.
ZELLOGI: Sounds interesting! Got any booze?
GENERAL SHEPHERD: There's some scotch in the cabinet.
ZELLOGI: Sweet!
[leaves.]
GENERAL SHEPHERD [To himself]: Time to fucking die, shitheads.
Chapter 2 - First Moves
Taking out a pen, General Shepard quickly wrote the following into the Death Note:
John MacTavish
John Price
Price and MacTavish's mission for the truth was instantly cut short by their deaths. Their bodies were found shortly thereafter.
-gsdn-
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Hello, Mr. President.
POTUS: YOU?! Why are you contacting me?
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Because from this Afghanistan base, I am about to become the ruler of the world.
CABINET: [laughter.]
[names.]
[deaths.]
POTUS: How…how did you-
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Kill everyone in your cabinet instantly? That's for me to know, not you. Here's what's going to happen: in a few days Russia will be crippled by the sudden deaths of all of the senior ultranationalist leaders. You will take the opportunity to move US troops in and install a pro-American puppet government. After that, the rest of the world is next.
POTUS: You can't just conquer the whole world!
GENERAL SHEPHERD: Why not? I can kill anyone who gets close to me.
-gsdn-
ZELLOGI: You are one ruthless bastard!
SHEPHERD: America deserves to rule the world.
ZELLOGI: How do you figure?
SHEPHERD: We are the most noble nation in existence. Only we fought for freedom and influenced the entire world to do so at the same time.
ZELLOGI: General, you know you're talking to a guy who was there, right? The French Revolution was kind of a big deal.
[scoff.]
SHEPHERD: HAH! The French wouldn't have even thought of that if we hadn't done it first.
ZELLOGI: Whatever. Got any weed?
SHEPHERD: No. You can't smoke it in the military.
ZELLOGI: Bummer! Back to the scotch, I guess.
Chapter 3 - The Death of New Russia
It has been often observed that the history of Russia can be adequately summed up with the phrase "Somehow, things got worse." That certainly seemed appropriate in the present moment.
The war with the United States had been going well. Much, much better than a ground invasion against a superpower should have gone. Many Russians were puzzled by the situation, which seemed strangely implausible, as if they were part of a quickly written storyline that wasn't concerned with being realistic.
And then reality had come roaring back. Or rather, the Devil had, because that was the only explanation for so many Russian leaders dying of instant brain aneurysms with no notice.
The ultranationalists had been completely crippled, and a ceasefire declared. But America was not content with a mere ceasefire. Their eastern seaboard had been torn apart by Russian tanks and troops, somehow. So now they were going to get revenge.
And that revenge came in the form of the Protectorate of Russia.
It was more than humiliating. It was the EMBODIMENT of humiliation. Russia was balkanized: Siberia, the Caucasus, and Karelia were all made independent and given to Finland, respectively (even though the latter didn't really want it back at that point). All that remained of Russia was what had been west of the Urals. The invasion of the United States had turned Russia from a Eurasian country into a European one.
General Shepherd was thrilled.
They were just the first ones that would be subjugated under the might of AMERICA!
-gsdn-
A/N: Had to throw some shade, as the Ukrainian war has really made it clear just how laughably unrealistic Modern Warfare 2's plot is. Russia couldn't conquer an outhouse.
Chapter 4 - Team America: World Police
Kim-Jong Un was livid.
Those damn imperialist Americans were taking over the entire world! For some inexplicable, UNFATHOMABLE reason, they had been given the ability to kill human beings via untraceable brain aneurysm. And now all of his closest allies, from the Democratic Republic of the Congo all the way to Eritrea, were being subjugated!
ALL WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT!
It would not happen to him. He vowed it! The Democratic People's Republic of Korea was STRONG, and it would-
-be annexed into South Korea within six months of Kim Jong Un's name being written into the Death Note that day.
-gsdn-
ZELLOGI: RIP, Bozo! Heh.
SHEPHERD: What does that mean?
ZELLOGI: Just a slang term from another reality.
SHEPHERD: Yeah, right…I've been meaning to ask you about-
ZELLOGI: Price would've stabbed you in the eye without the Death Note.
SHEPHERD: Damn.
ZELLOGI: Yeah, and that's we call a Multiuniversal Constant. Basically, in every reality where you weren't given the Death Note, you end your life stabbed in the eye by Price.
SHEPHERD: Guess this version of me is pretty lucky, then.
ZELLOGI: Hah! Understatement of the century.
Chapter 5 - The American Empire
12 years later…
The world belonged to America.
There was the United States, and then there were the Protectorates. Each would be allowed to retain their autonomy, provided they adhered to the following conditions:
Democracy:DEATH TO ALL DICTATORS!
Economy: There would be no countries without McDonalds now! And of course, the Cuban embargo was abolished right after General Shepherd wrote the names of every major Communist Party leader into his Death Note.
Free Trade: NAFTA had been replaced with the Earth Free Trade Agreement, or EFTA for short. The world complained about the favorable trade conditions for America. America noted and disregarded their complaints.
Reparations: For the next century, Saudi Arabia and Russia would be paying the equivalent of 10% of their GDP to the US as reparations for the invasions and the nuke. Russian history textbooks taught students of the dark time before the Protectorate, when America came to spread freedom and Coca-Cola.
Of course, the first bit - democracy - was more the initiative of the POTUS than Shepherd. He was of the opinion that you could never have enough order and discipline, which caused him a not-inconsiderable amount of cognitive dissonance from his Fortress of Killing in Afghanistan.
Speaking of Afghanistan, OH BOY had he had some fun there. He had forced all the Taliban members to strip naked and slit their throats. After that, most Afghanis were willing to accept that Allah approved of modernization. Nowadays there was little difference in women's rights between Afghanistan and Jordan.
It was a future for America and by America, and the world just had to take it.
Epilogue: Shepherd Croaks
21 years later…
"Damn! Mr. America himself has finally arrived!"
"Indeed he has," Zellogi agreed.
Shepherd was dead. He had died knowing that America's reign over the world would be secure forever - on his last day on Earth, the annexation process for Canada had finally been completed. He was old and infirm, so he had gulped a bottle of sleeping pills and had ended up here, in front of a teenage girl with an oversized t-shirt that read "HALICAN DROPS".
"Welcome to the Multiuniversal Afterlife, General Shepherd," the girl said. "I'm Sarah, and I greet the newcomers. I recommend you and Zellogi head on over to the 1776th reality - that's where the Eternal American Empire is!"
Shepherd grinned.
He could ABSOLUTELY get used to this.
-gsdn-
RYUK: Well, that was certainly interesting!
ZELLOGI: You can say that again. Shepherd is quite the character.
DERIDOVELY: You definitely had more fun than Ryuk did when he gave the Geth the Death Note!
RYUK: Fuck off.
[laughter.]