Notes: For Finn Week prompt - Moral Courage

Not a Simulation

FN-2187 had just completed a training simulation before his squadron was deployed to Jakku. And his kill count had been the highest in his group during the simulation.

FN-2003 and the others had joked that '87 wasn't leaving any targets for them. And while he'd mistaken what the 'civilian' was holding for a grenade, it had ultimately been a good thing. Because civilians posed no threat.

Because killing civilians was wrong.

But this? This was not a simulation. This was reality. And FN-2003 was dead. Someone that '87 considered a friend, dead. Because of the man Kylo Ren was interrogating now. The resistance pilot.

FN-2187 hadn't seen the blaster bolt hit FN-2003. But he saw the aftermath. And now his friend's blood was on '87's helmet and... and it felt like his blood was on FN-2187's hands too.

He'd failed to shoot the target. The simulations were for nothing. FN-2187 had failed.

And then came the order to shoot to destroy the town and everyone in it. Every single civilian.

But... civilians weren't a threat.

What was FN-2187 even fighting for? FN-2003 would get his designation added to the list of the dead and that was it. No one got time to mourn and FN-2187 would have to go on with his life pretending he didn't feel lost. Untethered. And it'd be the same when he died. No one would remember him. Not really. He'd be another designation on a list of the forgotten.

So if he wasn't fighting for people who cared about him or his friends and that would order them to kill civilians, then he was fighting to survive. And these people were not threats to his survival. Not directly, anyway.

But if Captain Phasma knew he didn't follow orders - worse, if General Hux or Kylo Ren knew...

FN-2187 would be put through re-education. Or killed. It was his survival versus these civilians and... and...

Logically, '87 knows he should do it. If he doesn't shoot these people, then his fellow storm troopers will. It might as well be him, if it means that at least he'll come out of this without having to fear for his life. So he points his blaster at one civilian. Then another. And another.

He never shoots. He can't.

Killing civilians was wrong. FN-2003's voice echoes in FN-2187's head. Killing civilians was wrong.

There are lines that FN-2187 won't cross. Not even to save himself.