The Other Land of Summoned Monsters, Part II
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Author's Note: This is another little story from the Break Room of Summoned Monsters. It is not, repeat NOT, a continuation of the previous tale. It's just another day for the monsters.
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It was another boring day in the break room, and the Summons were talking about death- a concept they were all acquainted with.
"Where I come from," Odin was saying, "I am the All-Father, the greatest of the gods. People who die pass on to Hel's realm, in Niffleheim, the realm of the dead, but those who fight bravely are rewarded with eternal life in Valhalla."
"So what you're saying," Shiva interrupted, "Is that the brave guys go to heaven and the weenies go to hell. Sounds good to me. That's life, really- you win some, you lose some."
"I disagree," Ifrit interjected. "I don't think there's any sort of afterlife at all. You just die, and that's it."
"So everything goes down the drain?" Bahamut rumbled.
Ifrit nodded. "Basically."
"Let's ask Hades," Phoenix said. "He *is* the Lord of the Dead, after all."
Everbody turned to look at their robed comrade, who was sitting at the table with his cauldron.
"Everything is destined for destruction." he said, his raspy voice cutting through them like a knife. He raised up a small brown object so they could see it. "Even this doughnut."
Ten seconds later, the Grim Reaper was licking chocolate frosting off his bone fingers. "Finality has been appeased."
"Was that cream-filled?" Ifrit asked, leaning forward to get a look at the crumbs on the table. "Damn, you *know* I like the cream-filled ones!"
"I prefer those with jelly, myself," Hades replied.
"Eeeeeuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!" Shiva gagged. "Why do you like *those*? They taste like old rubber!"
"Well, I *am* the Lord of Death and Embodiment of Evil," Hades said, shrugging his skeletonized shoulders. "Jelly doughnuts are evil- therefore, I like them. I also like asparagus, 'environmentally friendly' cars, those hard-to-open aspirin bottles, tofu, and the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals."
"What about Britney Spears?" Bahamut-ZERO asked, fearing the answer.
"Second cousin, once removed."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Shiva swatted Bahamut-ZERO with a thick book. "Quiet, you!"
Bahamut-ZERO caught the book. "What the hell- 'Ruttiger's 3rd Level Biology'? Why do you have a biology textbook, Sheev?"
"The name's SHIVA!" the ice spirit retorted, snatching the book back. "And as for why I have this, the answer is simple: nobody summons me anymore. Since the Mortal Callers got stuff like Typhon, I'm out of fashion. Not powerful enough. Therefore, I'm filling up my extra time by taking classes at the college."
"What college?" Ramuh asked. "We spend all our time in this break room. There's no college around here."
Shiva smacked him one. "There's things outside of this room, doofus. There's the college in Nurieka, capital city of the Land of Summoned Monsters. It's only half an hour on the Doom Train from here to there. Miss Rydia lets me attend classes for free, in exchange for handling the local day-care center once a week."
"Who's Miss Rydia?"
The ice spirit grinned. "Miss Rydia is the dean of the college. Technically, she's a Mortal Caller, but she lives in the Land along with the rest of the Summons. That's why she's opened the college- she says that Summons have just as much right to be educated as any Human."
"Yeah, right." Neo-Bahamut said, rolling his eyes. "What's a Summon gonna do with an education, anyway? We're nameless, personality-less monsters! We don't even have *last names*!"
Shiva gave them an evil smile. "That's what you think. I called Square the other day, and I got-"
"What?" Ifrit interrupted. "The boot?"
The smile grew wider. "Nope. A contract for Final Fantasy XII. As a main character."
"WHAAAAAT?" the other Summons yelled.
"Read my lips, people. As soon as I get out of college, I'm gonna be a playable persona in FFXII." She waved a piece of paper at them. "Here's the quick intro they gave me."
The Summons were quiet as they read the words on the paper. Then, Ramuh broke the silence. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit! It's not fair!"
"What's not fair?"
"Look at this paper," Ramuh said furiously. "Look at it. According to this, the character of Shyv Nanashi is a martial artist specializing in Ice spells. Of course, that's just the surface. Later, the rest of the group finds out that her mother was human, but her father was a Summon- *me*! They made *me* out to be *YOUR* father!"
"Life sucks. Get a fucking helmet." Shiva replied philosophically.
"Have you been listening to Dennis Leary again?"
"So what if I have?"
"You are so going down, Ice Bitch-"
The impending argument was interrupted by a burst of music (The 1812 Overture, to be precise) as the break room suddenly got a lot more crowded. Shiva and Ramuh calmed down considerably. Or rather, Shiva turned a very peculiar shade of pinkish-red and hid the textbook behind her back.
"Hey, Artie," Bahamut-ZERO greeted the new arrival[s].
King Arther dropped his helm on the table, revealing a face that looked like Squall with Sephiroth's hair color and eyes.
"'lo," he said, dropping heavily into a chair. "I swear- forget what they went through to get it, if those idiots Summon me and my Knights against a Magic Pot that they haven't given an Elixir to ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to take Kisaragi's Twin Viper, socket a Mastered Bolt materia in it, and ram it crossways up a place where that gay bastard Strife wouldn't even enjoy it."
"Strife ain't gay," Ifrit interjected. "He's just weird."
"Same dif."
"Trust me, it isn't."
The King dropped his huge broadsword on the table and grabbed a cup of nectar from the nearby vending machine. "Godammit, I-" he began, when the 1812 Overture once again summoned the Summons. "Oh, *crap*!"
The Knights vanished as quickly as they had come.
"Um . . ." Shiva whispered. "He kinda left his sword behind."
Whaddaya think? If I get nice reviews, I'll write more. If I get nasty reviews . . . well, let's just say that the Summons like these stories a LOT, and they know where you live.
----------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: This is another little story from the Break Room of Summoned Monsters. It is not, repeat NOT, a continuation of the previous tale. It's just another day for the monsters.
--------------------------------------
It was another boring day in the break room, and the Summons were talking about death- a concept they were all acquainted with.
"Where I come from," Odin was saying, "I am the All-Father, the greatest of the gods. People who die pass on to Hel's realm, in Niffleheim, the realm of the dead, but those who fight bravely are rewarded with eternal life in Valhalla."
"So what you're saying," Shiva interrupted, "Is that the brave guys go to heaven and the weenies go to hell. Sounds good to me. That's life, really- you win some, you lose some."
"I disagree," Ifrit interjected. "I don't think there's any sort of afterlife at all. You just die, and that's it."
"So everything goes down the drain?" Bahamut rumbled.
Ifrit nodded. "Basically."
"Let's ask Hades," Phoenix said. "He *is* the Lord of the Dead, after all."
Everbody turned to look at their robed comrade, who was sitting at the table with his cauldron.
"Everything is destined for destruction." he said, his raspy voice cutting through them like a knife. He raised up a small brown object so they could see it. "Even this doughnut."
Ten seconds later, the Grim Reaper was licking chocolate frosting off his bone fingers. "Finality has been appeased."
"Was that cream-filled?" Ifrit asked, leaning forward to get a look at the crumbs on the table. "Damn, you *know* I like the cream-filled ones!"
"I prefer those with jelly, myself," Hades replied.
"Eeeeeuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!" Shiva gagged. "Why do you like *those*? They taste like old rubber!"
"Well, I *am* the Lord of Death and Embodiment of Evil," Hades said, shrugging his skeletonized shoulders. "Jelly doughnuts are evil- therefore, I like them. I also like asparagus, 'environmentally friendly' cars, those hard-to-open aspirin bottles, tofu, and the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals."
"What about Britney Spears?" Bahamut-ZERO asked, fearing the answer.
"Second cousin, once removed."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Shiva swatted Bahamut-ZERO with a thick book. "Quiet, you!"
Bahamut-ZERO caught the book. "What the hell- 'Ruttiger's 3rd Level Biology'? Why do you have a biology textbook, Sheev?"
"The name's SHIVA!" the ice spirit retorted, snatching the book back. "And as for why I have this, the answer is simple: nobody summons me anymore. Since the Mortal Callers got stuff like Typhon, I'm out of fashion. Not powerful enough. Therefore, I'm filling up my extra time by taking classes at the college."
"What college?" Ramuh asked. "We spend all our time in this break room. There's no college around here."
Shiva smacked him one. "There's things outside of this room, doofus. There's the college in Nurieka, capital city of the Land of Summoned Monsters. It's only half an hour on the Doom Train from here to there. Miss Rydia lets me attend classes for free, in exchange for handling the local day-care center once a week."
"Who's Miss Rydia?"
The ice spirit grinned. "Miss Rydia is the dean of the college. Technically, she's a Mortal Caller, but she lives in the Land along with the rest of the Summons. That's why she's opened the college- she says that Summons have just as much right to be educated as any Human."
"Yeah, right." Neo-Bahamut said, rolling his eyes. "What's a Summon gonna do with an education, anyway? We're nameless, personality-less monsters! We don't even have *last names*!"
Shiva gave them an evil smile. "That's what you think. I called Square the other day, and I got-"
"What?" Ifrit interrupted. "The boot?"
The smile grew wider. "Nope. A contract for Final Fantasy XII. As a main character."
"WHAAAAAT?" the other Summons yelled.
"Read my lips, people. As soon as I get out of college, I'm gonna be a playable persona in FFXII." She waved a piece of paper at them. "Here's the quick intro they gave me."
The Summons were quiet as they read the words on the paper. Then, Ramuh broke the silence. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit! It's not fair!"
"What's not fair?"
"Look at this paper," Ramuh said furiously. "Look at it. According to this, the character of Shyv Nanashi is a martial artist specializing in Ice spells. Of course, that's just the surface. Later, the rest of the group finds out that her mother was human, but her father was a Summon- *me*! They made *me* out to be *YOUR* father!"
"Life sucks. Get a fucking helmet." Shiva replied philosophically.
"Have you been listening to Dennis Leary again?"
"So what if I have?"
"You are so going down, Ice Bitch-"
The impending argument was interrupted by a burst of music (The 1812 Overture, to be precise) as the break room suddenly got a lot more crowded. Shiva and Ramuh calmed down considerably. Or rather, Shiva turned a very peculiar shade of pinkish-red and hid the textbook behind her back.
"Hey, Artie," Bahamut-ZERO greeted the new arrival[s].
King Arther dropped his helm on the table, revealing a face that looked like Squall with Sephiroth's hair color and eyes.
"'lo," he said, dropping heavily into a chair. "I swear- forget what they went through to get it, if those idiots Summon me and my Knights against a Magic Pot that they haven't given an Elixir to ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to take Kisaragi's Twin Viper, socket a Mastered Bolt materia in it, and ram it crossways up a place where that gay bastard Strife wouldn't even enjoy it."
"Strife ain't gay," Ifrit interjected. "He's just weird."
"Same dif."
"Trust me, it isn't."
The King dropped his huge broadsword on the table and grabbed a cup of nectar from the nearby vending machine. "Godammit, I-" he began, when the 1812 Overture once again summoned the Summons. "Oh, *crap*!"
The Knights vanished as quickly as they had come.
"Um . . ." Shiva whispered. "He kinda left his sword behind."
Whaddaya think? If I get nice reviews, I'll write more. If I get nasty reviews . . . well, let's just say that the Summons like these stories a LOT, and they know where you live.