Warnings: AU, TWT, angst, shonen ai, some language, mentions of yaoi.
Author's Notes: My muses spent a LONG time vacationing with Shira's muses. Duo and Wufei finally decided to come back and they brought with them the inclination to write this little fic start to finish. Don't blame me!
Main Pairing: 2+5
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to Shira for sending my muses back to me and to Rhina for allowing me to care about her. The part of Vow is written in memory of Patches.
Dark Clouds and Silver
A Gundam Wing Fic
By: Yuuki Miyaka
Chapter Four
"It's incredible how much being out in the middle of nature helps, isn't it?" Duo's words intruded on Wufei's consciousness, drawing the golden man's attention away from the sky. He glanced at Duo, then smiled. It seemed that Duo's cleansing needed the element of real nature to work. Already he was seeing a marked difference between the cheerful man beside him and the solemn friend he'd put up that first night.
"Indeed. Nature itself is cleansing. Letting it into your soul aids the process," he said smoothly, laying back. The time had come to ask the question that had nibbled at the back of his mind for weeks. "Duo? What happened between you and Hilde?"
Duo's head jerked around. Wufei saw the motion from the corner of his eye. But he ignored it, seeming placid. After a moment, Duo began to answer. "It . . . it was wrong from the start. She had a crush on someone else and was using me to try and get over him. I pretended ignorance for a while, but when the signs became too obvious, I left." Wufei scowled, and it was obvious that Duo saw it, because he hastened to reassure his companion. "I don't think she even realized she was doing it."
"So who'd she have a crush on, anyway?" Wufei growled, not even aware he was doing it. He was angry at her, angry at the situation that she and Duo had created, angry at a life that had hurt Duo so badly without reason.
Duo chuckled softly, the laughter edged slightly with bitterness. "Trowa," he said softly, then lay back on the grass, staring up at the sky as well. "'Fei?"
"Yes, Duo?"
"Ever been in love?" The question surprised Wufei enough to bring his gaze back to the braided man, who almost seemed peaceful where he lay. If it hadn't been for the slightly bitter twist to his lips, Wufei would have even believed the question was as innocently curious as it sounded.
"No, Duo," he answered. It wasn't a lie. He'd never felt that giddy feeling that he'd heard always accompanied love, never felt the need to be best in someone else's eyes, never felt the tightening of his chest at their gaze. He'd never wanted to share his future with anyone . . . until now. And he wasn't entirely sure what to make of this new development.
"Don't ever fall in love. It sucks." The succinct statement summed up Duo's outlook without mincing words, and that hurt Wufei. Would that he could pull that pain out of Duo's eyes. Would that he could lessen the burden of the past from Duo's shoulders. He was beginning to realize just how willingly he'd bear the cross for both of them if it would just make Duo happy again. But Duo's troubles were his own, not Wufei's, and no amount of wishing could take them away. "How come you're so lonely, 'Fei?"
The question, coming out of the blue as it had, took Wufei completely off-guard. He considered, briefly, evading the query. It didn't take long to push that thought aside Duo had been honest and open with him, and he could hardly do less. "I can't see sharing my life with someone who doesn't understand my past. Unfortunately, that rather limits my options. And, of course, I dislike being a burden to anyone. While it is an understandable attitude, it makes relationships that much more difficult to enter into."
"Know what, 'Fei? You need to get laid." The lazy sensuality that Wufei remembered so vividly from their time together as pilots exuded from Duo's voice. Wufei considered the idea for a brief moment before dismissing it with a near-silent 'no.' "Why not?" Duo demanded, rolling over and crawling to sprawl beside Wufei comfortably. Wufei fancied that he could feel Duo's heat, and it tugged at him. Manfully, he resisted the urge to cuddle up beside Duo.
"Because sex without love is empty." The words slipped out of his mouth before he could consider how they would be taken, and he cursed inwardly as he saw Duo withdraw into himself. So much for the progress they'd made. He growled at himself, but couldn't seem to bring himself to qualify or explain the statement. And Duo's final words on the subject were no help.
"Yeah, well, same goes for life."
Chang Wufei had fucked up again. That's what he told himself when he finally went to sleep that night. That's what his first thought was upon awakening. He catalogued this latest error into a file that went deep into his subconscious where he would never forget it, and did this with the ease of long practice. He lay in his sleeping bag, staring up at the sky and cursing his overly-verbose mouth.
The week after Wufei's rather unfortunate statement had been miserable, neither of them doing much to lessen the strain between them. Wufei had tried, once or twice, to explain what he meant, but Duo waved him away before three words were out of his mouth. The American didn't care, he claimed. Wufei had merely been speaking the truth.
And while he'd done just that, Wufei believed that he could have found a better way of explaining that he was afraid of sex without Duo being in love. Because he was beginning to suspect that the mild attraction he'd had to Duo was growing into real love. But Wufei quickly made the decision that whether or not love was involved, he could still help Duo find his center and learn to defend himself. So the cleansing continued.
"Wufei?" Duo asked quietly. He'd gone back to calling Wufei by his full name immediately following the statement that had chilled the air between them the whole prior week. "I've been thinking."
To Wufei's mind, Duo's comment could mean only one thing. "When do you move?" he asked quietly, miserably. He'd felt so . . . comfortable these past weeks, as the companionship between himself and Duo grew into something resembling true friendship. But one wrong statement could wrench that away from him faster than he had ever believed.
Duo, for his part, seemed taken aback. "Um, do you WANT me to go?" he asked slowly. The question startled Wufei, who looked up at Duo and shook his head negatively. His answer was a smile breaking across Duo's face. "Oh good. I kinda like it around you. Oh, I intend to pay you rent someday soon, but for now, well, I kinda got to get my head together, and you're really helping with that. I was actually thinking about what you said a week ago." Wufei winced, lowering his gaze again. He was surprised to see Duo drop down to sit in front of him.
"I won't deny, it hurt. Here I thought you were falling in love with me, and when I offer myself to you, you go and say that. Took me a long time to get past what I thought you meant. Then I started thinking about things again, like whether or not I really should've offered myself in the first place and I finally saw what you were getting at." Wufei's almondine eyes narrowed slightly in query, and Duo smiled. It wasn't his old, sunny smile, and it wasn't a grin. It was merely a smile, touched with enough sadness to make it real. "You saw what I didn't. You knew how I felt before I even did. Maybe you are falling a little in love with me, even though I doubt it. But what's important is that I don't love you."
The way Duo said it, so calm and casual, flayed Wufei's heart. Wufei had never pretended ignorance of Duo's feelings, but being told so coldly that he wasn't loved hurt deeply. Still, Wufei said nothing, merely waiting for Duo to continue. Because the fact of the matter was, Duo needed this confession. And Wufei wanted, above all else, to see his fellow ex-pilot healed. "So anyway, I just wanted to thank you." When Wufei asked why, Duo actually grinned. "For not using me. I think you're the first person who's never used me at all. So . . . thanks." And Duo leaned over, hugging Wufei briefly. It was a masculine hug, complete with back-pounding and mostly-hidden emotions.
Then, Duo rose. "Well, I feel cleansed. How 'bout you?" When Wufei nodded slowly, Duo laughed. "Y'know, nature's incredible, but I'd kinda like to get back to the luxuries of life. Think we can head back tomorrow morning?"
"Yes, Duo. And then, your lessons will begin." Wufei's quiet agreement decided him. He would teach Duo whatever Duo needed to know, and then they would go their separate ways. It was as simple as that.