Who

Who's That Girl?

By Misty and Karina

"What do we do now?" Botan whispered.

Yusuke shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Well, think of something already!"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

"Hey, guys. I don't think we should be doing this, spying on them and all…" Saotome George said nervously, twiddling his fingers.

Yusuke and Botan turned to look at him. "SHUT UP!"

They peeked around the bush where they were hiding. Koenma was seated on a park bench, talking animatedly to a pretty brown-haired girl. She in turn smiled and gazed lovingly at him.

"Who do you think she is?" Botan demanded.

"I don't know." Yusuke sighed. "But she sure is pretty…"

Botan shot him a lethal look.

"Not as pretty as Keiko, of course," Yusuke hastily amended. "But pretty."

"If you ask me, I think she must have some nerve, sitting so close to him like that! Even his father wouldn't do that!"

"Well," George countered, "Enma Daiou isn't exactly that affectionate."

"Whatever," Botan said with a wave of her hand. "Anyway," she continued, with a note of suspicion in her voice, "Who IS she?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Yusuke said, annoyed. "Ooh…do I detect jealousy?"

Botan hit him on the head –hard- with her oar. "OF COURSE NOT!"

"Hey, where did that come from?" Yusuke yelled.

"Sshh, quiet," George whispered, looking around nervously. "They might hear us."

They looked at the couple again, and to their surprise, Koenma and the girl were…HUGGING!

"Well that rascal!" Yusuke said, shaking his head. "I didn't know he was seeing some girl. He's so darn fast!"

"My baby is all grown up!" George said, with tears in his eyes.

Smoke was coming out of Botan's ears, and she looked just about as red as Kurama's hair Misty wrote this *heehee*. "Why that—"

"What's all the fuss about?" Keiko inquired, suddenly appearing beside them.

"Shh, quiet!" the three of them stage-whispered. "They might hear us."

Keiko glanced at Koenma and the mysterious girl. "Well I'll be darned!" she exclaimed. "Who's that girl?"

"She's Koenma's girlfriend!" Yusuke declared.

"Don't say that!" Botan said.

"Well, why were they hugging like that?"

"Why don't we ask him?" Keiko said. She stood up and started to walk towards the couple.

"WAIT!" the other three said in unison.

"What?!"

"I don't think he would tell us," George stated. "If he wanted us to know about this, he wouldn't have kept it a secret."

"But I want to hear what they're saying!" Keiko protested.

A bolt of inspiration suddenly hit Yusuke. "I know!" he said, raising his index finger in the air. "Let's hide behind that tree!!!" He pointed to the oak tree behind the bench where Koenma and the girl were seated.

They tiptoed towards the couple (background music: theme from "Pink Panther") like extremely out of practice, not to mention untalented, ballet dancers.

Suddenly, Koenma turned around and looked in their direction.

"Everybody, hide!" Yusuke hissed.

At that moment, Botan was near the park's moss-covered replica of the Venus de Milo, so she used that for cover. Yusuke and Keiko were stuck in weird positions behind a willow tree.

Oh man! Yusuke thinks. Why couldn't he have caught us behind a sequoia instead? At least I wouldn't have to carry her like this. God, she's so heavy! And my back is killing me! I swear, I really do, that if I ever get out of this alive, I'd… I'd…

While Yusuke was trying to think of something appropriate, poor Saotome George was stranded behind a tiny water fountain. Fortunately, since he is blue, he just blended right in. However, it would be very hard to explain why a water fountain has shorts on. And such an unfashionable pair too.

The girl turned to Koenma. "What is it, dear?"

"I think I heard something back there," Koenma replied, his brow furrowing.

"I didn't hear anything," the girl said. She suddenly brightened up. "Hey," she nudged Koenma. "Isn't that the Venus de Milo?" She pointed to Botan's hiding place.

Botan held her breath. One, two, three, four…

Koenma looked at the direction where she was pointing.

"Why, yes it is. It's not the original though. The original is in the Louvre in France. That one's just a replica made by some Japanese artists, although some say that--"

"Isn't the Venus de Milo supposed to be armless?"

"What?"

"That Venus de Milo," the girl said, puzzled, "has arms on it."

Behind the statue, Botan was turning blue.

Koenma blinked twice to make sure of what he was seeing. "You're right. And the arms don't seem to be made of the same material as the rest of the statue." He frowned. "That's weird."

"Maybe we should look at it more closely."

Oh, please don't. Botan thought. Don't come near, don't come near, don't come near, don't come near, don't come--

"I don't think we should bother," Koenma replied.

Botan let out a huge breath of relief.

"After all, it is a modern version of the Venus de Milo," Koenma continued. "Maybe the artists who made it intentionally put arms on it to distinguish it from the original."

The girl nodded. "Maybe." Her gaze shifted elsewhere. "But look at that weird tree. There's no wind blowing yet it sways from side to side. It's almost as if it's holding something big and heavy in its branches."

"Big and heavy is right," Yusuke muttered from behind the tree.

"What did you say?" Keiko said in a shrill voice.

"Ah…er…" Yusuke stammered, "better be quiet…um…ah… or hear us they might!"

Keiko frowned. "That's a weird thing for you to say. You never talk like that."

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

Yusuke wiped sweat from his brow. Whew, that was close!

"That's good, because at first, I thought you called me big and heavy."

Yusuke put on an innocent face. "Why would I do that?"

"You must have some pretty wild parties around here," the girl remarked.

Koenma looked confused. "Wild parties? Why would you say that?"

"Somebody left his shorts by the water fountain."

"Oh."

"Come to think of it," the girl continued, "those shorts look like the ones I used to wear."

"Huh? That's weird."

"Yeah, it is," the girl agreed. "So where were we?"

"I think it's safe to come out now," Saotome George whispered.

"Well, it's about time!" Keiko exclaimed. "I hurt all over because this ninny over here," points to Yusuke, "doesn't know how to carry a girl."

"I wouldn't have so much trouble carrying you if you weren't so heavy!"

SLAP!

"Ouch! What did you do that for?" Yusuke groaned rubbing his cheek.

Keiko placed her hands on her hips. "Well, you called me fat!"

"Correction. I called you heavy."

"So what? It' still the same thing!"

"Oh dear," George said, slapping his forehead with his palm. "They're fighting again." He turned to Botan. "Would you like to stop them before this turns into an all-out war?"

Botan shook her head. "No. You do the honors."

"Hey you guys," George interrupted. "Don't you want to see what's happening now between Koenma and that girl?"

"NO!" Yusuke and Keiko said at the same time.

They continued to fight.

George sighed. "There's just no stopping them." An idea suddenly occurred to him.

"Guys," he interrupted again. "Let me put it this way. If you don't stop fighting this very minute, I'm gonna take off my shorts!"

Yusuke, Keiko, and Botan covered their eyes. "Okay, okay!

Finally, they reached their destination. They could hear snatches of conversation.

"I think I'm in love," they heard Koenma say.

They all gasped. Yusuke shot Botan a see-I-told-you look.

"Well that doesn't mean anything—" Botan started to say.

"Hn." A voice from the top of the tree muttered.

"Huh?!"

They all looked up to see Hiei perched atop the tree.

"What are you doing here?" Keiko asked. "Wait—are you spying on them too?"

"Hn, why would I do that?" Hiei replied.

"Oh, I dunno," Yusuke said. "Maybe you're jealous or something?"

"With Koenma?" Hiei asked, shocked.

"No, dummy!" Yusuke snapped. "With the girl, of course!"

"Oh," Hiei said. "Hn."

"Wait, I think I heard Koenma say something about marriage!" George exclaimed.

"WHAT?!"

They then listened again.

"I don't know how to describe it," Koenma said. "Everyday, this feeling in me grows and grows…"

"Oh, that's so sweet!" the girl gushed.

"I want to get married," Koenma said, taking the girl's hand. "My very happiness depends on it."

"Of course!" the girl said enthusiastically.

Botan fainted.

"Let's go feed the ducks!" the girl said.

The two stood up and walked towards the lake.

"Well that was weird," Yusuke commented.

"How could he keep a secret like that?" George sniffed. "After all, I am his personal oni."

They went after the two lovebirds, careful not to make a noise. Hiei stepped down from the tree and followed suit. Meanwhile, George tried to revive a very horrified and almost comatose Botan.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Yusuke asked Hiei in a surprised tone. 'Don't tell me you're actually interested in this! Isn't this a bit too…uh…I don't know…too silly for you?"

Hiei seemed taken aback by the question. He thought for a moment.

"Hn."

Yusuke and company continued spying on the couple, George carrying the still unconscious Botan. "Hmmm…" Botan mumbled, slowly opening her eyes.

Keiko turned to look at her. "She's waking up!"

"Well hello, Mother Goose," Botan said to Keiko smiling lazily. "Did you know that the Eensy Weensy Spider went up the hill and broke his crown, and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Little Bo Beep together again?"

Hiei shook his head ruefully. "I think she's lost it."

"Ditto," Yusuke replied.

"She even called me Mother Goose!" Keiko said with feigned displeasure. She then walked ahead of the group. "Tsk, tsk , tsk," she muttered, looking at Botan.

CRAAAAAACKKKK!!!!

"Oops," Keiko said sheepishly, glancing at the branch that was crushed under her shoe.

Koenma turned around. "What was that?"

"He's looking at us!" Yusuke hissed. "DUCK!!!"

Everyone did so, except for George the oni, who was looking around excitedly. "Duck? Where? I've never seen a duck before! This is SOOO exciting!!!" he said, jumping up and down. "And it's looking at us? WOW!"

Hiei pulled his leg, and the poor oni lost his balance. "WHOA!" George cried out.

"You keep quiet, oni!" A sword was pressed against his throat.

George's eyes grew wide. "Uh…o-k-kay… But…where's the duck?"

Everybody sweatdropped.

"I wonder what that sound was," Koenma said, puzzled.

The girl, feeding the ducks, shrugged. "Maybe it was just your imagination."

Koenma looked again at the direction where he thought the sound was from. "Perhaps."

"What are you so worried about? It's not as if you're ashamed to show me to your friends or something."

"Of course not! I love you, don't I?"

The girl smiled. "I know."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the lake, Yukina and Kuwabara were also feeding the ducks. Or rather, Yukina was feeding the ducks, while Kuwabara was looking at her and grinning like an idiot.

Typical.

Yukina looked up and saw the couple across the lake. "Who's that girl with Koenma?"

"Huh?" Kuwabara mumbled, STILL looking at her and grinning like an idiot.

"Over there!" Yukina said, pointing at them.

Kuwabara slowly came out of his trance and looked at the direction in which she was pointing at. "Oh! Well, I don't know. She IS pretty, but of course, not as beautiful as you, Yukina-san."

Yukina giggled, blushing.

She resumed feeding the ducks, while Kuwabara continued looking at her and grinning like an idiot.

Yukina reached out to a nearby duck. "Here, little duckie!" She pat its head.

The duck started to move away. "Wait! Wait! Don't go!" But the duck went on its way, and all she touched was water.

Uh oh…

"Uh, Kazuma-san?"

"What is it my love?"

" I think I froze the lake…"

"Koenma-chan! The lake is frozen!"

"Oh no," Koenma murmured. "I think Yukina's here."

The girl looked up. "Nani? Where is she? I want to meet her!"

"Uh…I don't think that would be such a good idea."

The girl shook her head. "You haven't told them, have you? So when are you going to tell your friends about us?"

Kuwabara consoled Yukina. "It's okay. I, the great Kuwabara Kazuma, am still here for you." He stood up, and raised his arms, saying, "I will climb the highest mountain, cross the deepest sea, go through the hottest desert, live in the North Pole with only my underpants on, just for YOU!!!"

Yukina looked at him eyes filled with hope. "Can you unfreeze this lake for me?"

"Uh…let's go home."

After a considerable amount of persuasion, Hiei finally let go of George. Botan was still mixing and matching nursery rhymes while the others were deeply engrossed in listening to the conversation between Koenma and the mysterious girl.

"I can't believe Koenma's finally getting married!" Keiko said excitedly.

"Well it's about time." Yusuke replied. "He's centuries old and all."

Kuwabara and Yukina walked towards the group.

"Hey, what's going on?" Kuwabara demanded.

"Don't you know?" Keiko said incredulously. "Koenma and that girl are getting married!"

"Oh," Yukina said. " So that girl is Koenma's fiancee!"

"I know, isn't it exciting?" George gushed. "I'm just a bit upset that he didn't tell me first!"

"Now, now George," Keiko comforted him. "Maybe he just wanted to surprise you!"

"Sniff. I guess."

Hiei shrugged. "Hn. Silly humans."

They all listened again.

Koenma knelt before the girl. "Ever since I met you, I already felt in my heart that I loved you. There was something about your smile that warmed my heart, and filled my soul with happiness. I could be faced with the world's problems, but when I look into your eyes, I feel comforted, somehow."

"I feel the same way," the girl said lovingly.

"And though I may not be the man of your dreams," Koenma continued, " as you are the woman of mine, I want to try to be that man for you…if you will just let me."

"Oh, that's so sweet!" Keiko exclaimed. She elbowed Yusuke. "Why can't you be that sweet?"

"Ow!" Yusuke yelped. "I could be, if you weren't such a big bully!"

Keiko gave him a warning look. "Yusuke?!"

"All right, all right, I'll behave!"

"Good."

Kurama heard the sound of voices as he was walking by a tree. Those voices sound familiar.

"That was such a nice speech, Koenma-sama," he heard George say.

That sounded like George's voice! What is he doing here? He went over to the back of the tree and found Yusuke, Keiko, Botan, George, Hiei, Kuwabara and Yukina hiding behind it. "What are you guys doing?"

"Sshh, quiet," the others said in unison. "They might hear us."

"What's the matter?" Kurama glanced at where they were looking at, and saw Koenma still kneeling before the girl. "Hey, who's that girl?"

"Don't you know? She's Koenma's fiancee!" Keiko replied.

"Really?" Kurama said. "Well what are you doing hiding behind this tree? Why don't you go congratulate him?"

"WAIT! DON'T!!!"

He approached the couple. Koenma saw him and stood up. "It's Kurama!"

"Hello, Koenma," Kurama greeted him warmly. "I just came here to offer my congratulations."

Koenma felt the girl tug at his sleeve. "Oh, by the way, Kurama, I want to introduce someone to you."

Yusuke and the others all held their collective breaths.

"Kurama," Koenma began. "I'd like you to meet…" he gestured towards the girl.

"…my mother."

The others jumped up from the bush. "MOTHER?!"

"Yes, this is my mother," Koenma said proudly. "By the way, congratulations for what?"

Meanwhile, George shook Botan by the shoulders. "Botan, snap out of it!!! The girl is his mother! There's no need to be jealous!"

Botan was jerked back into reality. "Mother? That girl is his mother?"

George nodded.

"Oh, I knew that. And jealous? Me? Of course not."

"Whatever you say," George said smugly.

"But why does she look so young?" Kuwabara asked, dumbfounded.

"It's a beauty secret," Koenma's mother said in a stage whisper. "If I tell you, I'd have to kill you."

Koenma cut in. "Besides, I'm hundreds of years old, and I still look young, don't I?"

"It doesn't make sense," Yusuke said, shaking his head. "If she was your mother, what were you doing declaring undying love for her?"

"You heard that?" Koenma said, blushing.

Koenma's mother smiled mischievously. "He was practicing that speech for someone else. Right, my cutey- cutey-pie Koenma-chan?" She pinched Koenma's cheek affectionately.

"MOTHER!!!" Koenma protested, trying to get away from his mother. "Please stop treating me like a baby! That's why I didn't want to introduce you to my friends in the first place!"

"Maybe it's because you still act like a baby," Hiei muttered.

Koenma glared at the black-haired fire demon.

"Oh, lighten up, Koenma-chan," his mother said, and hugged Koenma tighly. "You're my only baby! Come here to your darling mama!!! You're so cute!!! " She pinched him again.

"KAASAN!!!"

The others snickered.

"Hmm…I wonder who was that girl Koenma liked," Keiko said to Yusuke. "I mean his mother did say he was practicing that speech for someone else right?"

Yusuke shrugged.

Just then, Botan and George emerged from behind the tree.

"Botan! You're here too?" Koenma said, visibly flustered.

"Of course she's here, Koenma-chan!" his mother said. "Can't you see? Are you blind or something? Maybe you need to go see a doctor…oh dear, my poor baby has an eye problem!!!"

"MOM!!!"Koenma shouted in frustration. "I was just…surprised."

"Go there, now, Koenma-chan," his mother nudged him. "This is your chance, ne?"

Koenma nodded, and he approached Botan. "Anyway, I want to tell you something. It's really important."

Botan cocked her head to the side. "What?"

Koenma cleared his throat. "Ever since I met you, I knew…I knew…"

"You knew what?"

"I knew that…that…that…"

"That what?!"

"Let me start again." Koenma drew in a deep breath. "Ever since I met you, I knew that…"

"Knew what, Koenma-sama? You're keeping me in suspense!"

"That … you were such a clumsy ditz. And a bubbleheaded twit to boot!"

"Why you—"

"Let me finish!" Koenma protested. "But despite that, I knew, and I still know, that I am lucky to have met such a wonderful person like you. Thank you for being you, Botan."

After that it was so silent, you could hear a pin drop.

"Oh, stop it, Koenma-sama," Botan said shyly. "You're making me blush."

"So much for confessing his undying love," Koenma's mother said under her breath.

Koenma smiled at his mother. He turned to Botan, trying to think of something to say.

A whole minute passed, and yet Koenma still didn't say a word.

"Geez, this is what spending five hundred years with his father does to him!" Koenma's mother said sadly. "He doesn't know how to charm women anymore. And he used to be so witty!"

"But he still is, your Majesty," George said in defense of Koenma.

"Sure," Koenma's mother replied. "But—hey! Those shorts you're wearing are mine, ne?"

"You mean, these are really yours?" An awed George cried out.

"Yes. I used to wear them before I left the palace."

"Wait," Kuwabara began. "You mean those shorts fit you once? Isn't it too large for you?"

Yusuke's eyes widened. "Were you THAT fat then?" His tactless remark earned him a kick in the shin from Keiko, which was followed by a lot of whispered naggings and reprimands about insensitive men who couldn't even keep such comments to themselves.

Koenma's mother frowned. "Well, I admit I was kinda chubby then. But I followed a very effective diet plan. So see me here, still sexy even if I'm centuries old." She winked.

"Really?" Yusuke inquired. He gestured towards Keiko. "You give some advice to Ms. Big, Fat and Heavy here."

SLAP!!!

"Who are you calling fat?" Keiko shouted angrily.

"YOU!!!"

SLAP!!!

"WHO?!" Keiko's hand hovered over his face threateningly.

Yusuke laughed sheepishly. "Ah hehe… I meant YU…Yu… er, Yukina, yeah. Hehe."

SPLAGADOG!!!

Kuwabara grabbed Yusuke by the collar. "Yusuke you @#$%&*$!!! You're calling Yukina fat?"

"Ah, no…'course not…" Yusuke realized that he was now in big trouble. He searched for something to distract the two. Fortunately for him, though, a good one came.

He nudged Kuwabara. "Kuwabara, look! Isn't that Shizuru? Who's that boy with him?"

Kuwabara turned, and frowned. "I don't know. He's not a relative of ours." His eyes grew wide. "And look! They're holding hands! She didn't tell me she had a boyfriend!"

Yusuke grinned, a twinkle in his eye. "Now this is something new."

"Let's follow them!" Kuwabara said. "Who knows, maybe that guy's not someone to be trusted, or—"

"Maybe he's a maniac, a crazed pervert, trying to take advantage of your sister!" Koenma's mother speculated, joining their conversation.

"Come on, you guys," Kurama tried to be rational. "Don't jump to conclusions. Maybe he's just –"

His advice just fell on deaf ears. "Maybe he's just a youkai who wants to eat my sister," Kuwabara said, panicking. "Or maybe she's not his real target. Maybe he actually wants to eat ME!!!"

"Hn," Hiei muttered. "If I were a human-eating youkai, I wouldn't want to eat someone like you, you big oaf."

"Who asked your opinion, shrimp?" Kuwabara retorted. "Oh, my goodness…what if that guy is related to Hiei?! My sister's finished, for sure!!! We've got to save her!!!" He ran off into the direction of Shizuru.

"Hey Kuwabara! Wait for me!!!" Yusuke chased him, dragging Keiko along. Koenma's mother and Yukina followed.

Kurama shrugged, and followed them too. How ironic. Kuwabara isn't aware of the fact that Yukina herself is a relative of Hiei. Ironic indeed.

Hiei followed the group, deep in thought. In his mind he was saying to himself:

Hn.

Meanwhile, Koenma was still trying to say something to Botan.

"Um…Botan?" he ventured.

"Yes, Koenma-sama?"

Koenma sighed. "Oh, nothing."

Botan looked at him, slightly disappointed. Come on, say something, Koenma-sama, she thought. This is getting awkward!

Koenma breathed in, and tried again. "Um…Botan?"

Botan felt a surge of hope. "Yes, Koenma-sama?"

"Oh, nothing." Koenma just couldn't find the nerve to say it to her.

"Koenma-sama, say it!!!" Botan said exasperatedly.

"Okay…" Koenma took in a deep breath. "Um…Botan?"

Botan was very shocked to hear what Koenma said next.

"Would you like to go on and mate?"

"WHAAAT??????!!!!!!"

Koenma reddened, embarrassed. "I know a nice place where we can, um, enjoy ourselves."

Enjoy…ourselves?! Botan felt her face turn beet red. Botan clenched her fists. Baka baka baka baka… Koenma-sama no bakaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU PERVERRRRRRRT!!!!!!!!!!!" she shrieked, and began to pummel poor Koenma with her paddle.

"Bo-tan-cha-n!!!!!!" Koenma managed to shout.

"You hentai you, how dare you say that to me--"

"WHAT?!" Koenma protested indignantly. "I only said 'Would you like to go on a date?' and you get so worked up about it! What the heck is wrong about that?"

"Oh!" Botan finally stopped hitting him. "So that was what you said? Ahhahahahaha!!!!"

"OF COURSE THAT WAS WHAT I SAID!!!" Koenma exploded. "What else?!"

Botan laughed sheepishly. "Nothing…ehehehe…" Botan abruptly changed the subject. "Never mind… um… how about we go on that date now?"

"Okay," Koenma said, and calmed down. Smiling, he took Botan's hand, and they walked away.

Keiko nudged Yusuke. "Yusuke! Look at Koenma and Botan-chan! They're holding hands! How cute!"

"Really?" Yusuke said. "Finally."

"Sshhh," Kuwabara interrupted. "We're trying to watch my sister here, you noisy baka!"

"Baka?!" Yusuke said angrily. "The nerve of this guy… why you…"

"Shut up, Urameshi, Shizuru-oneechan might hear us!!!" Kuwabara shouted in fury. He was about to punch Yusuke, when suddenly someone behind him coughed.

"QUIET!!!" he yelled, and upon turning around, realized in horror who that person was.

"KAZUMA…" Shizuru said crossly. She clenched her fists. "What in the world were you doing spying on me?!" She stepped closer.

Kuwabara started to back away. "Ah…Shizuru-oneesan, let me explain…"

The others sweatdropped. "He's in big trouble now," Koenma's mother commented calmly.

Hiei shook his head ruefully, and muttered... "Hn."

~OWARI~

Author's notes: For more Koenma and Botan fics, go to the site I run with Karina-chan, Shall We Dance!!! Sorry...I just couldn't resist.