Title: Guilt, Changes of Hearts story 6
Author: Evil Willow
Distribution: It's at my archive, anyone else who wants it, just ask.
The answer is always yes.
Feedback: Please. You really don't want to see how cruel I can get to
the characters without it. ;-)
Rating: PG-13, because Spike has such a dirty mouth at times. :-)
Spoilers: This story takes off from the end of BTVS: Pangs, and
diverts into a world of my own making. General spoilers up to those
eps
Disclaimer: The story's mine, the character's aren't. Joss, Mutant
Enemy, WB, FOX, and others own the characters. I'll return them, even
if not all in one piece, when finished.
Category: Story/Romance/Angst/Humor
Keywords: Willow/Xander, Anya/Spike
Summary: Willow and Xander try to sort through the aftermath of
recent events, and Spike wonders what it will mean for himself and
Anya when the Slayer returns to Sunnydale.
* * = thoughts/emphasis.
^^^^^^^^^^
Sunnydale
Sunday night/Monday morning
1 am
Spike's Mansion
Spike laid Anya on his bed, and went into the living room. After she
had drunk his blood, she had passed out. He took the opportunity to
carry her back to the mansion, not wanting to risk Xander's return
with reinforcements and vampire-killing intentions.
He went to the kitchen to get some blood, he was weak after letting
Anya drink from him. *It's a good thing that the Slayer's off with my
poof of a Sire. Otherwise, Anya and I both would be dust now. I don't
know how I'm supposed to protect her, when this bloody chip is in my
head. I've gotta get Anya out of Sunnydale, as soon as she's strong
enough. I sure as hell didn't turn her just to watch her die again at
the hands of one of the Scoobies or the Initiative morons.*
He wandered around the house restlessly, and returned to the bedroom,
where Anya was sleeping peacefully. He sat on a chair nearby and
watched her for a while. He still couldn't believe that just twenty-
four hours earlier, she had stumbled into this house in tears at
Xander's betrayal. Now he was waiting for her to wake and start her
new life as a vampire. Hopefully with him. If she didn't blame him
too much for being the reason she was now dead and vamped.
He let himself accept for the first time that Dru was gone, that he
had been the one to kill her. He wondered if she had really known
what was happening. He hoped not.
*Bloody Angelus never should have turned her,* he thought angrily.
*When he did, she lost what little grasp on reality she had as a
human. She was a miserable girl, lost in her own strange world. I
suppose I loved her, even when she made me miserable. I never wanted
it to end this way. I never would have imagined I would be able to do
that to her. She was my reason for staying alive for so many years.
If she hadn't hurt Anya, I would have let her go, but she was mad
with jealousy. She wouldn't have left Anya alone, and I don't plan on
letting anyone hurt Anya ever again.*
He got up, then, and made one last check of the grounds. He didn't
want any of the Scoobies getting in and surprising them. He locked up
and went back to the bedroom. He walked over to where she slept and
pulled the blanket over her. *Silly, really, it's not like she'll
ever feel the cold. Just habit, I guess.* He lay down next to her
and stroked her hair gently. "Sleep now, luv. I'll be here when you
wake up."
&&&&&&&&&
Willow/Buffy's dorm room
Willow sat in her dorm room, trying to study. She hadn't heard from
Xander since she had sent him to deal with Anya, and wasn't sure if
that was a good or bad thing. Sighing, she got up, and paced around
her room for a few minutes. "No news is good news, right?" she said
to herself. "I'm sure everything's okay. It's not like she's a demon
anymore."
The pounding on her door startled her, and she called, "Who is it?"
remembering it was a good idea in Sunnydale not to say 'come in'
without knowing who was on the other side of a door, especially after
sunset.
"It's me, Wills," Xander said.
She ran to the door, pulled it open and hugged him. "I was
starting to worry about you." She looked up at his face and saw the
blank, dazed expression. "Xander, what's wrong?" she asked
worriedly.
"Wrong?" Xander squeaked. He cleared his throat, and tried to be more
convincing. "Uh, nothing's wrong," he said, but he looked away,
avoiding her eyes.
"You can't fool me, Xander," Willow pulled him into the room and sat
him down. "Something bad happened, it's written all over your face.
So Anya didn't take it well?" she asked.
"Um, you could say that," he said vaguely. When Willow just stared at
him, he sighed and continued. "I went to Anya's, meaning to talk to
her, to apologize, to let her beat me up, whatever would make her
feel better." Xander said. He jumped up then and started pacing
nervously up and down the middle of the room. "She finally showed up,
with Spike.... I mean *with* Spike," he emphasized, looking at Willow
to make sure she understood.
"Oh," was all Willow could manage, shocked by the idea of Spike and
Anya involved.
"Yeah, 'oh'. It's all my fault, too. She was so hurt by what I did,
that Spike was able to move in on her. I should have staked him when
we found out he'd been de-fanged. I should've done a lot of things
differently. Because then, maybe Anya wouldn't be....she wouldn't--"
he stopped, and sat down on her bed abruptly, his eyes full of pain.
"She wouldn't what, Xander?" Willow asked, moving over to stand
beside him. "Xander? Talk to me. Anya what?"
"She wouldn't be dead," he said hoarsely, looking up at Willow sadly.
"Oh my Goddess!" Willow sat next to him. "Xander, how? What
happened?"
"When I realized that she and Spike were together, I was furious,"
Xander said. "Not because I wanted her back. Just because she
deserves better than him. Well, lucky me, I ran right into Drusilla!
And guess what, she was looking for Spike. So being the helpful
Xander that I am, I took her right to Anya's house, because I
believed her when she said she wouldn't hurt me or anyone else....
Imagine my surprise when the the psycho decided to feed on Anya."
"No," Willow said, almost a whisper.
"That's what I said, except much louder," Xander cracked
humorlessly. "Well, leave it to good old Spike, he figured out about
20 seconds too late that he wasn't prohibited from killing demons by
the chip in his head. He staked Drusilla, but Anya was as good as
dead by then."
"Xander, I am so sorry," Willow said, putting her arms around him in
an attempt to comfort him.
"Don't feel bad for me, Willow. You won't when I finish the story,"
Xander replied.
Willow pulled away, looking at him in confusion.
"She wasn't going to make it, even though the ambulance was on its
way. She was still conscious and she asked Spike to turn her. I
should have stopped him, but I couldn't. I... I just left.
"So now you know," he said, as he got up and walked over to the door,
his back to Willow. "It's all my fault that she died, and it's all my
fault that she's a vampire now. I always hurt everyone I love, and if I'm
lucky they only get severe injuries in the process. If I'm not lucky,
they die. And if I'm really not lucky they get turned into vampires.
So you should stay away from me, Willow."
"What?" Willow said slowly, her mind refusing to process this latest
turn in the conversation.
"This isn't a good idea. If you stay with me, chances are I'll get
*you* killed next."
"That's not going to happen, Xander," Willow went over to him and put
her hand on his arm, trying to turn him around.
He resisted and pulled his arm away, opening the door. He stepped outside
into the hall, and said, "I mean it, Willow. I love you so
much--" his voice broke and he took a deep breath, "but you're
better off without me. I'll just hurt you, eventually."
"The hell you will," Willow surprised Xander by pulling
him back inside and slamming the door hard.
She moved between Xander and the door, blocking it. Xander just gaped
at her as she let him have it. "You will *not* pull this crap again,
Xander Harris. I will NOT *let* you SHUT ME OUT! This is the SAME
thing you did when Cordelia got hurt, and it's why we didn't get
together back then! I was and still am sorry that she got hurt, but it
wasn't our fault, any more than Anya's death is your fault now!
"You are NOT cursed, or whatever the hell you think. Life generally
just tends to suck around here, because we live on the hellmouth.
Every once in a while, though, you find something that's good, and
you hold on to it for dear life. And you and I are one of those good
things, Xander. We *belong* together. I'm not going to let you ignore
that!"
Willow stopped to take a breath, but glared at Xander as she did,
daring him to try to argue. Xander continued to look at her in shock,
and Willow walked over and raised her hand. He flinched, as if afraid
she would smack him, and she giggled. "I wasn't going to hit you,
silly." She stroked his cheek with her hand.
"Sorry, guilty conscience, I guess," Xander said, allowing a small
smile. "I give up. I should know better by now than to try to win an
argument with you."
Willow smiled back, "Did you really *want* to win that argument?"
"Of course not," Xander answered, pulling her into his arms and
holding her so tightly she could barely breathe. "I just don't want
anything to happen to you, Wills. I'd die--"
"Nothing is going to happen, Xander, to either of us," Willow
interrupted. She went up on her tip-toes to kiss him gently. A
kiss which shortly evolved into something much less innocent, but
much more fun for both.
"Hey, Willllloooh, my God!!!!!!"
Buffy chose that moment to walk into their dorm room, her arms full
of luggage, which she promptly dropped in shock at seeing her two
best friends in the midst of a very un-platonic kiss.
**************
End of Story 6
Author: Evil Willow
Distribution: It's at my archive, anyone else who wants it, just ask.
The answer is always yes.
Feedback: Please. You really don't want to see how cruel I can get to
the characters without it. ;-)
Rating: PG-13, because Spike has such a dirty mouth at times. :-)
Spoilers: This story takes off from the end of BTVS: Pangs, and
diverts into a world of my own making. General spoilers up to those
eps
Disclaimer: The story's mine, the character's aren't. Joss, Mutant
Enemy, WB, FOX, and others own the characters. I'll return them, even
if not all in one piece, when finished.
Category: Story/Romance/Angst/Humor
Keywords: Willow/Xander, Anya/Spike
Summary: Willow and Xander try to sort through the aftermath of
recent events, and Spike wonders what it will mean for himself and
Anya when the Slayer returns to Sunnydale.
* * = thoughts/emphasis.
^^^^^^^^^^
Sunnydale
Sunday night/Monday morning
1 am
Spike's Mansion
Spike laid Anya on his bed, and went into the living room. After she
had drunk his blood, she had passed out. He took the opportunity to
carry her back to the mansion, not wanting to risk Xander's return
with reinforcements and vampire-killing intentions.
He went to the kitchen to get some blood, he was weak after letting
Anya drink from him. *It's a good thing that the Slayer's off with my
poof of a Sire. Otherwise, Anya and I both would be dust now. I don't
know how I'm supposed to protect her, when this bloody chip is in my
head. I've gotta get Anya out of Sunnydale, as soon as she's strong
enough. I sure as hell didn't turn her just to watch her die again at
the hands of one of the Scoobies or the Initiative morons.*
He wandered around the house restlessly, and returned to the bedroom,
where Anya was sleeping peacefully. He sat on a chair nearby and
watched her for a while. He still couldn't believe that just twenty-
four hours earlier, she had stumbled into this house in tears at
Xander's betrayal. Now he was waiting for her to wake and start her
new life as a vampire. Hopefully with him. If she didn't blame him
too much for being the reason she was now dead and vamped.
He let himself accept for the first time that Dru was gone, that he
had been the one to kill her. He wondered if she had really known
what was happening. He hoped not.
*Bloody Angelus never should have turned her,* he thought angrily.
*When he did, she lost what little grasp on reality she had as a
human. She was a miserable girl, lost in her own strange world. I
suppose I loved her, even when she made me miserable. I never wanted
it to end this way. I never would have imagined I would be able to do
that to her. She was my reason for staying alive for so many years.
If she hadn't hurt Anya, I would have let her go, but she was mad
with jealousy. She wouldn't have left Anya alone, and I don't plan on
letting anyone hurt Anya ever again.*
He got up, then, and made one last check of the grounds. He didn't
want any of the Scoobies getting in and surprising them. He locked up
and went back to the bedroom. He walked over to where she slept and
pulled the blanket over her. *Silly, really, it's not like she'll
ever feel the cold. Just habit, I guess.* He lay down next to her
and stroked her hair gently. "Sleep now, luv. I'll be here when you
wake up."
&&&&&&&&&
Willow/Buffy's dorm room
Willow sat in her dorm room, trying to study. She hadn't heard from
Xander since she had sent him to deal with Anya, and wasn't sure if
that was a good or bad thing. Sighing, she got up, and paced around
her room for a few minutes. "No news is good news, right?" she said
to herself. "I'm sure everything's okay. It's not like she's a demon
anymore."
The pounding on her door startled her, and she called, "Who is it?"
remembering it was a good idea in Sunnydale not to say 'come in'
without knowing who was on the other side of a door, especially after
sunset.
"It's me, Wills," Xander said.
She ran to the door, pulled it open and hugged him. "I was
starting to worry about you." She looked up at his face and saw the
blank, dazed expression. "Xander, what's wrong?" she asked
worriedly.
"Wrong?" Xander squeaked. He cleared his throat, and tried to be more
convincing. "Uh, nothing's wrong," he said, but he looked away,
avoiding her eyes.
"You can't fool me, Xander," Willow pulled him into the room and sat
him down. "Something bad happened, it's written all over your face.
So Anya didn't take it well?" she asked.
"Um, you could say that," he said vaguely. When Willow just stared at
him, he sighed and continued. "I went to Anya's, meaning to talk to
her, to apologize, to let her beat me up, whatever would make her
feel better." Xander said. He jumped up then and started pacing
nervously up and down the middle of the room. "She finally showed up,
with Spike.... I mean *with* Spike," he emphasized, looking at Willow
to make sure she understood.
"Oh," was all Willow could manage, shocked by the idea of Spike and
Anya involved.
"Yeah, 'oh'. It's all my fault, too. She was so hurt by what I did,
that Spike was able to move in on her. I should have staked him when
we found out he'd been de-fanged. I should've done a lot of things
differently. Because then, maybe Anya wouldn't be....she wouldn't--"
he stopped, and sat down on her bed abruptly, his eyes full of pain.
"She wouldn't what, Xander?" Willow asked, moving over to stand
beside him. "Xander? Talk to me. Anya what?"
"She wouldn't be dead," he said hoarsely, looking up at Willow sadly.
"Oh my Goddess!" Willow sat next to him. "Xander, how? What
happened?"
"When I realized that she and Spike were together, I was furious,"
Xander said. "Not because I wanted her back. Just because she
deserves better than him. Well, lucky me, I ran right into Drusilla!
And guess what, she was looking for Spike. So being the helpful
Xander that I am, I took her right to Anya's house, because I
believed her when she said she wouldn't hurt me or anyone else....
Imagine my surprise when the the psycho decided to feed on Anya."
"No," Willow said, almost a whisper.
"That's what I said, except much louder," Xander cracked
humorlessly. "Well, leave it to good old Spike, he figured out about
20 seconds too late that he wasn't prohibited from killing demons by
the chip in his head. He staked Drusilla, but Anya was as good as
dead by then."
"Xander, I am so sorry," Willow said, putting her arms around him in
an attempt to comfort him.
"Don't feel bad for me, Willow. You won't when I finish the story,"
Xander replied.
Willow pulled away, looking at him in confusion.
"She wasn't going to make it, even though the ambulance was on its
way. She was still conscious and she asked Spike to turn her. I
should have stopped him, but I couldn't. I... I just left.
"So now you know," he said, as he got up and walked over to the door,
his back to Willow. "It's all my fault that she died, and it's all my
fault that she's a vampire now. I always hurt everyone I love, and if I'm
lucky they only get severe injuries in the process. If I'm not lucky,
they die. And if I'm really not lucky they get turned into vampires.
So you should stay away from me, Willow."
"What?" Willow said slowly, her mind refusing to process this latest
turn in the conversation.
"This isn't a good idea. If you stay with me, chances are I'll get
*you* killed next."
"That's not going to happen, Xander," Willow went over to him and put
her hand on his arm, trying to turn him around.
He resisted and pulled his arm away, opening the door. He stepped outside
into the hall, and said, "I mean it, Willow. I love you so
much--" his voice broke and he took a deep breath, "but you're
better off without me. I'll just hurt you, eventually."
"The hell you will," Willow surprised Xander by pulling
him back inside and slamming the door hard.
She moved between Xander and the door, blocking it. Xander just gaped
at her as she let him have it. "You will *not* pull this crap again,
Xander Harris. I will NOT *let* you SHUT ME OUT! This is the SAME
thing you did when Cordelia got hurt, and it's why we didn't get
together back then! I was and still am sorry that she got hurt, but it
wasn't our fault, any more than Anya's death is your fault now!
"You are NOT cursed, or whatever the hell you think. Life generally
just tends to suck around here, because we live on the hellmouth.
Every once in a while, though, you find something that's good, and
you hold on to it for dear life. And you and I are one of those good
things, Xander. We *belong* together. I'm not going to let you ignore
that!"
Willow stopped to take a breath, but glared at Xander as she did,
daring him to try to argue. Xander continued to look at her in shock,
and Willow walked over and raised her hand. He flinched, as if afraid
she would smack him, and she giggled. "I wasn't going to hit you,
silly." She stroked his cheek with her hand.
"Sorry, guilty conscience, I guess," Xander said, allowing a small
smile. "I give up. I should know better by now than to try to win an
argument with you."
Willow smiled back, "Did you really *want* to win that argument?"
"Of course not," Xander answered, pulling her into his arms and
holding her so tightly she could barely breathe. "I just don't want
anything to happen to you, Wills. I'd die--"
"Nothing is going to happen, Xander, to either of us," Willow
interrupted. She went up on her tip-toes to kiss him gently. A
kiss which shortly evolved into something much less innocent, but
much more fun for both.
"Hey, Willllloooh, my God!!!!!!"
Buffy chose that moment to walk into their dorm room, her arms full
of luggage, which she promptly dropped in shock at seeing her two
best friends in the midst of a very un-platonic kiss.
**************
End of Story 6
