Chapter 4: Find your way
By Silver Dolphin
The train ride back to Balamb was a silent, terse one. Squall lay stretched out on the seat, staring at the ceiling, while Quistis sat on the floor, one knee drawn up to her chest, leaning against the seat.
"Do you want to tell me…"
Silence. For all the attention Squall was paying her, she might as well be invisible.
"Never mind." Quistis sighed softly.
"What?" His voice was cool, distant. As if the tender hug they'd shared in the hotel had only been a figment of her imagination.
Squall was only too aware of the honey-blonde hair just a few centimeters from his fingertips. He scowled and clenched his fist. Who could have imagined all the trouble one night of drinking had caused?
There was something between him and Quistis that had not existed before, which had been released from deep inside him last night, when they had united, under the influence of alcohol. Or perhaps it had always been there, but he'd chosen to ignore it till now.
He wanted her. Wanted to touch her silky gold hair, hold her lithe body close to his, to shield her from the hurt that caused tears to sparkle in her cerulean eyes. Wanted to feel her heartbeat unsteady, see her skin flushed and breathing uneven from his lovemaking. And yet…he did not love her.
Love was the tender emotion he had borne Rinoa, love was the happiness in her eyes when he'd asked her to marry him. Bewitched, maybe. Perhaps he was attracted to Quistis. But he wouldn't love her.
He looked at the way she huddled listlessly on the floor, blonde hair trailing over her shoulders, leaving the tender nape of her neck exposed. She looked so defenseless and despondent that he reached out to touch her shoulder.
"Hey."
"Yeah?" she lifted her head, as he joined her on the floor.
"What's wrong with you?" he caught her chin in his fingertips, forcing her to look at him. Her lips parted slightly, silently offering what she didn't have the courage to do so verbally. He closed her lips with a soft, gentle kiss. His lips felt too deceptively soft to belong to such a cold, hard man.
"It probably didn't come from your heart," she said with a small smile as she pressed a finger to his mouth. "Thanks, anyway. I needed that."
He kept his hand still, warm against her nape. Her head drifted to rest against his shoulder.
"So what am I to you, Squall?" she asked softly. "A lover or a friend? Someone to satisfy your hunger when it need be?"
"More than a friend." Squall replied, barely audibly. Beyond the standardized definitions of a friend…but something lacking as a lover…love. That was what was missing.
It was no doubt he hadn't been able to resist kissing her. The way she'd offered her body to him, to help his anguish the night before…she was probably the only one who even saw beyond his frozen exterior. Saw the hurt that lingered within.
"You'll kiss me, and make love to me. But in your mind, it's Rinoa whom you see." Her voice was matter of fact. "I didn't know that even when she had left this earth, I still had her ghost to reckon with."
"Wait for me, Quisty." His hand dropped to her shoulder, pulling her closer.
"I've been doing that for the past five years, Squall." Her tone was one of quiet resignation. "And I probably will till the end of time."
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
"C'mon, Quisty, play something for us! Pleease?" Selphie wailed. "If you don't, Zell's going to entertained us with the sax again, and I don't really want the ceiling to collapse on me just yet!"
"Be nice, Selphie. Zell's not that bad." Quistis defended her former pupil. "So what if he hits a few wrong notes now and again?"
"A few wrong notes?" Sephie fairly screeched, and Quistis frantically gestured for her to lower her voice. "Well, really! I - !"
"I heard that!" Zell yelled around a mouthful of hotdogs. As usual, the energetic blonde SeeD was standing by the food table, wolfing down as many hotdogs as he could. But not even Selphie's insults could drag him away from the food laid out for the little "Welcome Back" party for Squall and Quistis. Of course, the two had only been gone for a day. Quistis suspected that their return had been the perfect excuse Selphie had been groping for to throw a little party to liven things up.
"I haven't played the piano in a long time, Sefie. It's been over six years."
"You never forget anything, Quisty. Please?"
"Oh, all right." More to save her sanity rather than an obligation to please Selphie, Quistis walked over to the grand piano in the corner and tested the keys.
She felt a pair of eyes on her, and raised her chin to see Squall watching her across the room. Something akin to jealousy flashed through her heart, and before she knew it her fingers keyed out the quiet, poignant melody of "Torn between Two Lovers". Her liquid voice soared effortlessly into the soprano range, singing along to the melody.
There are times when a woman
Has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows
How much it's going to hurt
Before I say another word
Let me tell you I love you
Let me hold you close
And say these words as gently as I can
There's been another man
That I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he knows he can't possess me
And he know he never will
There's just this empty place
Inside of me that only he can fill
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Loving both of you is breaking all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feeling like fool
Loving you both is breaking all the rules
You mustn't think you failed me
Just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said
I swear they still are said
I swear they still are true
For no one else can have
The part of me I gave to you
In no way did the lyrics even implicate him at all. Longing robbed her voice of the initial mockery, and their gazes locked and held; both were unmindful of their friends – Seifer's all knowing look, Irvine's raised eyebrow, Zell's curious gaze, and Selphie's speculative eyes. Squall's hand tightened fleetingly around his glass, and, without changing his expression at all slammed it down onto the coffee table and pushed through the silent crowd to the door.
- end chapter four -
