In the immaculate white of Shinji's hospital room, a golden light blazed in through the window, introducing the morning and chasing away the madness of the night before. The darkness of death had come by the night, summoned by the boy called Ikari; death had failed to bring forth the soul of the troubled boy into the timeless peace of eternity.

And so the young boy's soul remained in its vessel, returning with the light, chasing away the darkness.


Crying In The Dark: part 2
By Trent Retrix (NeoDethMunky@hotmail.com)
http://1030.8m.com



Major Misato Katsuragi awoke to a subtle repetitious beep from the active monitors on Shinji's medical equipment. The electronic noise kept the steady rhythm it had during the night, marking the rhythms of life that showed the Third Child was slowly pulling back to life, whether he wanted to or not.

Rubbing her eyes, Misato yawned, waking her senses to the area around her. Sensing the slight cold in the air temperature of the room, she reached to the back of her chair and retrieved her jacket, putting it back on. Still sitting in her chair beside Shinji's bed, Misato leaned over and ran her fingers through Shinji's hair, looking at his serene sleeping face with her sore, tired eyes. Standing up, trying to suppress tears, Misato straightened out her shirt and slowly began to walk toward the door.

After rubbing her eyes once more, Misato looked back at the boy, remembering the words she heard that dismal night. She sniffled; blinking her eyes to again restrain the tears she felt would pour out any minute. Shinji's muffled, despair-filled voice echoed through Misato's mind, tearing at her heart with each word.

"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why do you treat me this way?"
"Why do you do this?"
"Why can't we be together?"
"Asuka..."

Misato closed her eyes as she once again berated herself for what she should have done, and what she had failed to do as both Shinji's friend and his guardian. As small tears slowly formed in the corner of her eye, Misato looked back at Shinji's comatose form in the hospital bed.

"Shinji," she whispered, "I should have been there.... I should have tried to help... but I just stood by your door..."

Sobbing noiselessly, Misato turned away from her charge, and left the hospital room to get a cup of coffee, eventually returning to the boy's room to witness no change in his condition.

**********

"Hello, Misato," Dr. Akagi said from the doorframe of Shinji's room, eyeing the raven-haired Major watching over the boy. Caringly, she asked, "how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," Misato answered, not turning toward the blonde woman, her voice sounding distant, "But what is going to happen to Shinji?"

"We've already replaced the blood he's lost," Ritsuko calmly replied, walking in to stand next to her friend, "so Shinji should be regaining consciousness anytime within the next few days. After that, he's going to be on medical leave from NERV and put it therapy until his mental condition is stable enough to pilot Eva."

Not seeing any response from Misato, who only looked on at the sleeping pilot, Ritsuko decided to explained more about his condition to her friend.

"Shinji has a form of schizophrenia," the doctor began, "and in order to keep his mind from causing detrimental effects in Eva, we've been giving him special drugs to normalize his brain chemistry. But it seems that the stress he's been going through in his personal life has caused a build up of neurotransmitters, which was significant enough to cancel out the effects of our drugs.

"When he wakes up, there is nothing more we can do for him. Any higher dosage of the medication will cause brain damage. He's going to need to work through this on his own... of course, he's going to need your help."

"...it's my fault... I didn't help him..." Misato whispered to herself, still blaming herself for neglect.

"It's not your fault," Ritsuko softly spoke, putting her hand on Misato's shoulder. The two women remained silent, letting the hums and beeps from the room's medical equipment fill the room. Eventually, Dr. Akagi would leave to continue her workload for the day, leaving Misato with Shinji.

As Misato sat silently at his bedside, Shinji's heart monitor began to speed up, and his breathing beginning to increase in pace. As Misato watched wide-eyed in happiness, Shinji began to wake, his eyes fluttering open, and his head turning to see where he was and who was there.

Nearly jumping on him, Misato embraced him with immeasurable joy. Tears of happiness replaced the tears of pain that had trickled down her cheeks.

*************

Around midnight in the Katsuragi residence, Shinji Ikari lied wide-awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling that had become familiar to him. With the moonlight filtering through his window, Shinji looked at the strange forms in the ceiling, being eerily illuminated by the light.

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata echoed quietly through his room from the earbud of Shinji's SDAT player that had fallen out of his ear. Yet Shinji did not notice the melancholy, angst-ridden melody among his own thoughts of sadness.

Shinji remembered his first words at the hospital, after Misato had let him out of that first heart-felt embrace. He had asked if Asuka had come to see him while he was there...

He remembered Misato's face darken as she leaned in closer and gave him one more, lighter hug. He remembered Misato's voice as she sadly whispered that one word into his ear.

"No."

Hauntingly in his mind, more memories of the day pestered Shinji; he could remember the look of disgust in Asuka's face as he arrived home, and could still feel the sting as she slapped him, only saying one hate-filled word to him.

"Coward."

Prominent in his consciousness, Shinji still could feel his love for Asuka, a love that would never die. It was from part of his soul, a deep part of Shinji that only wanted for Asuka to be happy above all; the same part of him that said it would be better if he was dead. That same part was talking to Shinji telling him now that death was once more his only option. Giggling quietly to himself, the boy rose from his bead and made his way to the kitchen, to retrieve a butcher's knife.

*********

Slowly, the figure entered the room, shrouded in the bleak darkness of the warm Tokyo-3 night. Silently, the boy's bare feet carried him calmly toward the bed, illuminated by the white moonlight pouring through the window. Slowly be walked toward the light, with an instrument of death held by his right hand; the metal of its killing blade glistened in the moonlight, giving it a divine glow.

Gradually, the boy made his way to the bed where a corpse would soon lay. Eventually by its side, the boy crawled methodically onto the bed, bouncing slightly on its springy mass.

The boy put the blade of the weapon to the soft flesh of its target; pushing harshly, he pulled the knife across the bare skin, tearing apart the bonds that let it withhold the life-giving substances beneath it. Blood soon erupted from the rift, covering the skin and pouring down upon the bed, staining its sheets a brownish red. Satisfied, the boy ungracefully threw the knife to the floor and stared down at his cut.

But back at the boy stared the petrified blue-eyed of Asuka Langley Sohryu, eyes whose life slowly faded from behind its beautiful blue color. She reached for her neck, feeling the massive bleeding from the incision in her neck, trying feebly to stop the blood loss from the ruptured arteries and veins. With blood making its way up her throat, Asuka could only say one word before she began to choke and the last spark of life in her fierce form faded from this life.

"... why..."

"Why?" the boy softly responded to the dead girl, "because I loved you so much that I wanted your heart to be free of hatred and pain."

Wiping his hands and clothes with the girl's bed sheets, the boy left the room, leaving his beloved to stare lifelessly at the ceiling.

*********

"Misato..." Shinji quietly said as the slipped past Misato's door, quietly entering her room.

"Shinji?" Misato groggily responded, waking up to see the boy at her door. Quickly, her expression turned to fear. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, Misato," the boy confessed, "I've... I've been having trouble sleeping.... I've just been so sad and miserable the last few days...."

"Come here," Misato urged, her arms open. As Shinji sat down next to her on the bed, he was given a gentle embrace, comforting him. Misato whispered to him, "everything will be alright, Shin-chan... I'm here for you..."

Closing their eyes, the two spent several moments caught in that one comforting moment. In almost a whisper, Shinji asked, "Is it alright if I can sleep here?"

"Of course, " Misato answered, as they both leaned back to the bed, not releasing the embrace long into the night.


T H E E N D

Author's note:
This is the end. There will be no more in this story (mostly because I have no clue on how to possible continue it). This dark fic was written because of many things:
1) my own constant depression, followed by bouts of violent feelings against myself and others
2) my eternal hatred for Asuka, stemming from my own experiences as a shy, anti-social boy who fell in love with an arrogant, bitchy, but beautiful girl who treated me like shit.
3) This second chapter was written because there were some people on FanFiction.net that wanted me to finish it, so I wrote this in like two hours while I was feeling depressed at 1am
One last thing I think people who read this should know: the first chapter was written on November 11, 2000. This second chapter was written on October 4, 2001. That first chapter was my first-ever fanfiction, and I completely forgot about it until two weeks ago, when I found the file on an old floppy. I don't really care about this story, so I don't really plan on revising it. This is the final draft, placed here because I wanted to share something I had written and I don't really feel like revising it.

~Trent Retrix
http://1030.8m.com