Disclaimer: Still don't own 'em.
Author's Note: This chapter was my favourite to write and is possibly my favourite of the whole story. I hope everyone likes it as much as I do.
Thanks: Thanks to everyone who reviewed so warmly! Thanks to Starrynights, Dagmar and DevDev. And extra thanks to Didi, Shawn, Morgan and Hamspam who always seem to make sure I never lack reviews.
Chapter 11
The First Last Kiss
Jason felt the darkness of sleep lifting and tried to chase the cobwebs out of his slightly foggy mind. It was getting harder and harder to wake up when he went to sleep and he seemed to be sleeping more often. He hated that fact, always there to reaffirm what they all knew was to come. Slowly Jason felt his senses returning to him and noticed something before he even managed to open his eyes.
Someone was holding his hand, gently tracing circles on the back of his palm with their thumbs. Jason was quite used to this kind of contact now and, truth be told, he was grateful for it. He relished the small touches his friends bestowed upon him and knew they also cherished the non-verbal communication that sometimes spoke with more depth than words ever could. Under normal circumstances, they were never this touchy, sharing handshakes or quick shoulder clasps between the guys and with the girls occasional hugs or light pecks on the cheek. But now, the constant contact was something they all needed. A simple touch, simply being held or holding, could bring more comfort than anything else. And that was so important to all of them now.
This act of tenderness, however, was different even from that. First of all, Jason could tell the hands that held his belonged to a female. They were too little and tender to belong to any of his male friends who tended to have tough skin from all the activities they took part in, Jason's hands had been like that too until a short while ago.
Jason was slightly puzzled for a few moments to who was sitting with him. As his eyes were too heavy to open still he couldn't see who it was. It wasn't Aisha, he knew that. Her skin was dry, from working out in the savannah with the animals. Tanya's hands weren't as soft as the ones that held his either, they were slightly calloused from playing on the radio station's baseball team. Kim's hands were tougher from constant gymnastic practice and Jason knew she was most likely talking to Tommy. 'Sorting things out I hope', Jason thought briefly. He knew it could be Kat's hands but she had been with him just before Adam, he had already had to say goodbye to her. That left only one person.
"Trini," Jason murmured finally being able to blink open his midnight eyes.
A warm smile and soft voice greeted him, "It's been too long, Jase."
"Yeah, it has." Jason agreed. "When did you get here?"
"About half an hour ago. You didn't keep me waiting too long," Trini replied with a hint of humour in her voice.
"I was always told to never keep a lady waiting," Jason remarked, grinning slightly.
Trini returned the smile before falling serious, "My parents told me your parents aren't going to make it here on time."
Jason fell sombre quickly, "No, Tommy had a hell of a time getting a hold of them in the first place. They went up to the cottage they own and were snowed in there. I was able to talk to them today."
"I'm sorry they couldn't be here." Trini said softly.
"You guys are here with me, it's enough." Jason reassured her. "You're family too."
"Jase, this is a little different than in the past," Trini commented softly. "You're parents should be here with you."
"Having all of you here is what I want. I love my parents, I do, but I haven't been that close to them since I got back from Geneva. I wish they could be here but having your support is what I really need right now. I'll be fine as long as I've got you guys." Jason admitted quietly.
Trini seemed taken aback for a second wondering how on Earth Jason could handle this situation so well before voicing her thoughts, "How can you be so brave through all this? How can you do it when you know what's going to happen? I don't think I'll ever figure out how you managed to stay this strong through all this."
"I had to be strong; I still have to be strong. I don't know what else to do," Jason remarked, "I've always tried to be strong before; why should I stop now?"
Trini looked up at him, tears falling from her eyes. Jason's face became serious at once and he gently wiped a few tears off her cheeks, "Don't cry, Trini. Please don't cry. I'm not worth it. I'm sorry if this hurts you. I never wanted to hurt you, any of you."
"Don't be silly, Jason. It's not like this is your fault," Trini replied brushing the tears that Jason had missed away and putting on a small, brave smile.
"Still, I know this can't be easy on you guys," Jason began only to be silenced by Trini once more.
"There's nothing you could do to stop it. And you know very well we wouldn't have let you face this alone. That's not our way," Trini said firmly, leaving no room for the stubborn former Ranger leader to argue with her. Jason knew better than to take on Trini when she was set on something.
"I'm glad," Jason confessed softly. "I hate to admit it but I was scared no one would want to be around me when I got like this."
"You, of all people, should know we never desert one of our own when they need us. You have reinforced that time and time again. None of us would ever think of letting you go through this alone," Trini chided gently, "We love you too much to do that."
"That means a lot to me," Jason told her squeezing the hand that held his. Trini chanced a glance into the midnight eyes she loved dearly and found they smiled through the shadows of pain. It warmed a part of her that she had long ago learned to silence.
'Tell him', a small yet insisted voice began, not for the first time, in Trini's mind, 'Tell him how you feel! What have you got to lose? You should have told him a long time ago. Do it! Tell him. Now!'
"Jason," Trini began unsure of how she would get this out and praying it would come out properly, "I have to tell you something."
Jason smiled warmly at her, "And what's that?" He encouraged.
Trini started to speak, really just blurting things out in one long sentence, "I should have told you before but I was too scared to and I'm not even sure if I should now but I think I'll go crazy if I don't only I don't know what you'll say and if I should tell you or not but..."
"Trini," Jason interrupted indulgently, waiting for her to stop. Trini halted abruptly, looking slightly flustered, "Trini, your babbling."
Trini flushed softly and said quietly, "I'm not sure I should tell you."
"You know you can tell me anything. You've always been able to." Jason reassured her, "Besides, now you've piqued me curiosity."
"Promise me that no matter what I'm going to say, you won't be mad." Trini requested, searching the brown eyes earnestly.
Jason looked at her curiously but replied without hesitation, "I doubt there is anything you could say that would make me mad."
"Then promise what I'm going to tell you won't upset you," Trini hedged, stalling for a bit more time to work out just how she could phrase what she needed to say.
"Trini, nothing you could say will upset me, I promise it won't," Jason assured her.
Trini took a deep breath and avoided meeting Jason's steady gaze, "Jason...well I...I..." Trini stuttered, before finally blurting out, "Jason, I love you."
Jason was taken aback by the bold statement. It was not something Trini would normally just come out and say and certainly not what he had expected though he wasn't quite sure what he had expected, "You...what?"
Trini had started now, she wasn't about to stop nor was she sure she could stop, "I love you and I have for a long time now. Since before we left for the Peace Conference only...only I didn't think you felt the same way and I didn't want to lose you as a friend so I never did anything about it. I couldn't stand losing your friendship, not after all we've been through together. I had to tell you, though, because I would have driven myself crazy with 'could have beens.' I'm sorry if it upsets you but I had to tell you, I just had to!"
Trini looked down at the pattern on the blanket, unable to look Jason in the eyes. He sighed softly and reached out with a gentle hand to brush a strand of her long, silky, black hair behind her ear, before saying, "I wish you had told me sooner. I never thought you'd feel the same way."
Trini looked up suddenly, startled and hopeful, "You mean...you mean you...?"
Jason nodded slowly, "I always thought you weren't interested. I didn't want to wreak what we already had by telling you or anyone else."
"We both shot ourselves in the foot," Trini commented with a sad, rueful chuckle thinking about how ironic the situation turned out to be.
"And now it's too late." Jason added sadly.
"I wish I had told you sooner. I should have told you earlier," Trini scolded herself, cursed herself for waiting so long.
"I didn't say anything either, Trini. We were both too shy." Jason remarked softly.
"We could have had time together as an us but...Oh Jason, we never even got a chance to be together as a couple," Trini wept silently for the chances and experiences they had missed out on because of their unusual bashfulness.
"Trini, don't. Don't cry, please don't cry." Jason echoed his earlier words in an utterly helpless tone. He hated seeing the former Yellow Ranger cry and if he could have he would have done anything to stop her tears. But the only thing that could bring them to a halt was something he couldn't give her. A way to turn back time or a way to extend the time he had left. He couldn't fix things so they got a chance together. It was too late for that now.
Jason gently smoothed his thumb over her cheek, trying to comfort her, "At least we know that those crushes we had weren't completely useless," Jason offered with a weak smile wanting the tears to stop staining Trini's lovely cheeks.
"But now that I know you feel the same way I don't want to let you go. I didn't before either but this make it even harder," Trini confessed quietly.
"I know, I wish I could do something to make it easier but..." Jason trailed off, at a loss and fully aware any words he could offer Trini would fall short of what he wanted to say and give to her. How could you wrap up years of experiences and moments and all those other things that came with being in love with someone in a few sentences? It couldn't work, not for them.
"I'm sorry Jason, I shouldn't be putting this on you but I can't help thinking that you're the only person I'll ever really feel this way about and we don't even get a chance to see what could happen between us!" Trini sobbed softly.
"Listen to me, Trini," Jason said in a low, serious tone that caught and held Trini's attention fully, "One day you'll find someone else. Someone who will love you and honour you and take care of you and you'll love him back. He'll make you happy and give you more than I ever could. God help him if he doesn't. Nothing you could have done would change the fact that I won't be around for much longer now. I could never have been able to offer you a future or anything you deserve to have. I wish I could be the one to make you happy but I can't be that person," Jason paused to cup Trini's cheek in his hand, raising her tear filled eyes to met his. "You'll move on. You'll be successful in whatever you choose to do after college, find someone you love, raise a family later on and be happy. Promise me you'll be happy, Trini."
Trini nodded as she put her hand gently over Jason's feeling the warm, soft skin wipe away her tears.
"Tell me you'll be happy, I want to hear you say the words." Jason said softly never taking his eyes away from the brown pools of the women he had loved for a long time.
"I'll be happy, Jase. I promise I'll be happy." Trini whispered as she reached out to wipe away the tear that trickled down Jason's cheek.
Jason managed a shaky smile at her, "One day we can be together, Trini. We just can't be now."
"I know," Trini replied softly, "Jase, just once can I...Can we kiss, just this one time?"
"Trini..." Jason breathed wanting nothing more but knowing it would not be easier on either of them to feel just how much they were losing out on.
"I need this, Jason." Trini told him looking deeply into his midnight eyes, "Just once I need to share this with you. Please, let me. I can't live without knowing what it's like to kiss you." Jason only nodded, too choked up to give his approval verbally.
The second their lips met Jason berated himself for not saying something, anything sooner to make this come about before he only had a short time left on earth. Jason didn't think anything could beat the feeling that shot through him when Trini's lips met his. It was so different from anything Jason had ever felt that it made his head spin as tingles raced up his spin. Trini felt the same thing, wanting nothing more than to make the one kiss they would be granted last for all eternity. The memory of that kiss would have to last her a lifetime as in her mind no one could ever replace the one she had been secretly in love with for years. When they broke apart they were both breathless and both longed for something more they could never have.
"Thank you." Trini whispered. She felt Jason tremble a little as she spoke and looked into his eyes to see if he was in pain. He wasn't but Trini saw something more shocking to her. Jason was crying softly and trying his best to hide it. When Jason cried he didn't hide it.
"Jase..." Trini said softly as she wiped his tears away with nimble fingers.
"Why does this have to be so hard?" Jason asked in a barely audible whisper, "I'm not afraid of death, I'm really not but it's so hard to think of being without you...I don't want to leave you or the others."
Trini didn't know how to answer him but Jason didn't give her enough time to, "You have to be happy, Trini. You have to be happy. I won't be able to stand it if you're not happy. I never could stand it when someone close to me was miserable. You all have to be happy but you do especially. You have to be happy. Please be happy." Jason whispered his voice breaking with suppressed emotional pain.
Trini wrapped her arms around Jason's back and guided his head so it was lying on her shoulder. Stroking Jason's back gently, Trini promised him that they would be happy, that she would be happy. She promised it over and over again. Trini knew she would have to find contentment after this, she couldn't let Jason down.
"It may take a little while but we will be happy Jason. We all will," Trini assured him as Jason cried softly on her shoulder.
"I don't want to leave you," Jason whispered, "I'd do anything to stay but..."
"It's alright. I know you can't. We all know you would stay with us if you could." Trini said softly. Her touch acting as a soothing balm that comforted him marvellously.
After a few minutes Jason's tears subsided. He chuckled softly as he slowly pulled away from Trini's embrace. "I'm sorry, but that kiss made me realize how much I'm going to lose out on."
"You didn't know before?" Trini wondered aloud.
"I did but I never knew what being able to say these words would feel like," Jason tucked a lose strand of hair behind Trini's ears and gently cupped her cheek with his hand. "I love you, Trini Kwan. I've been in love with you since you moved here."
Tears spilled over Trini's cheeks, "I love you too, Jason. I love you so much."
"If it's worth anything, I would want to spend the rest of my life with you if I could," Jason whispered.
Trini didn't hesitate to reply, "It is definitely worth something because I would have said yes to you."
Jason chuckled softly as he realized what that had just sounded like, "Did I just propose?"
"I think so," Trini replied with a soft giggle.
Jason hesitated for a second and then slipped something off his neck. It was a necklace with a thin gold ring on the chain. He had worn that necklace for a long time, since he was ten years old, "This was my grandfather's at one point. He gave it to me just before he died and told me that is had been his mother's and I was to give it to...to the girl I fell in love with."
Trini bit her lip so hard it nearly bleed, her heart aching painfully as Jason continued speaking, "After my funeral, I want you to take this off and don't put it on your hand again. Take it off and move on. I don't want you wasting your tears on me, okay?"
Trini felt fat tears roll down her cheeks as Jason slipped the ring onto her finger, "I will, Jase."
"Promise me?" Jason requested softly.
Trini hesitated for a half second, lost in all that may have been if the situation was a different one, "I promise."
"Thank you for telling me, you don't know how happy hearing you say those words has made me," Jason admitted quietly.
Trini remained silent, wrapping her arms around Jason and holding him as close as possible. Jason wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her slender shoulder. It felt so good to be in her arms that Jason didn't want to let go, even when he started to fall into the depths of sleep that always came to claim him. Trini held Jason until his body slipped into a relaxed and heavy state of sleep. She then eased his sleeping form onto the bed. Trini studied the man that could very well have been her lover before glancing down at the ring on her finger. Neither of them had noticed the small gold chain was still attached to it, they had been to caught up in the moment and its odd beauty. Trini slid the chain off and slipped it into her pocket. She had promised Jason she would take his ring off her finger after his funeral but had said nothing about not wearing it anywhere else.
Author's Note: This chapter was my favourite to write and is possibly my favourite of the whole story. I hope everyone likes it as much as I do.
Thanks: Thanks to everyone who reviewed so warmly! Thanks to Starrynights, Dagmar and DevDev. And extra thanks to Didi, Shawn, Morgan and Hamspam who always seem to make sure I never lack reviews.
Chapter 11
The First Last Kiss
Jason felt the darkness of sleep lifting and tried to chase the cobwebs out of his slightly foggy mind. It was getting harder and harder to wake up when he went to sleep and he seemed to be sleeping more often. He hated that fact, always there to reaffirm what they all knew was to come. Slowly Jason felt his senses returning to him and noticed something before he even managed to open his eyes.
Someone was holding his hand, gently tracing circles on the back of his palm with their thumbs. Jason was quite used to this kind of contact now and, truth be told, he was grateful for it. He relished the small touches his friends bestowed upon him and knew they also cherished the non-verbal communication that sometimes spoke with more depth than words ever could. Under normal circumstances, they were never this touchy, sharing handshakes or quick shoulder clasps between the guys and with the girls occasional hugs or light pecks on the cheek. But now, the constant contact was something they all needed. A simple touch, simply being held or holding, could bring more comfort than anything else. And that was so important to all of them now.
This act of tenderness, however, was different even from that. First of all, Jason could tell the hands that held his belonged to a female. They were too little and tender to belong to any of his male friends who tended to have tough skin from all the activities they took part in, Jason's hands had been like that too until a short while ago.
Jason was slightly puzzled for a few moments to who was sitting with him. As his eyes were too heavy to open still he couldn't see who it was. It wasn't Aisha, he knew that. Her skin was dry, from working out in the savannah with the animals. Tanya's hands weren't as soft as the ones that held his either, they were slightly calloused from playing on the radio station's baseball team. Kim's hands were tougher from constant gymnastic practice and Jason knew she was most likely talking to Tommy. 'Sorting things out I hope', Jason thought briefly. He knew it could be Kat's hands but she had been with him just before Adam, he had already had to say goodbye to her. That left only one person.
"Trini," Jason murmured finally being able to blink open his midnight eyes.
A warm smile and soft voice greeted him, "It's been too long, Jase."
"Yeah, it has." Jason agreed. "When did you get here?"
"About half an hour ago. You didn't keep me waiting too long," Trini replied with a hint of humour in her voice.
"I was always told to never keep a lady waiting," Jason remarked, grinning slightly.
Trini returned the smile before falling serious, "My parents told me your parents aren't going to make it here on time."
Jason fell sombre quickly, "No, Tommy had a hell of a time getting a hold of them in the first place. They went up to the cottage they own and were snowed in there. I was able to talk to them today."
"I'm sorry they couldn't be here." Trini said softly.
"You guys are here with me, it's enough." Jason reassured her. "You're family too."
"Jase, this is a little different than in the past," Trini commented softly. "You're parents should be here with you."
"Having all of you here is what I want. I love my parents, I do, but I haven't been that close to them since I got back from Geneva. I wish they could be here but having your support is what I really need right now. I'll be fine as long as I've got you guys." Jason admitted quietly.
Trini seemed taken aback for a second wondering how on Earth Jason could handle this situation so well before voicing her thoughts, "How can you be so brave through all this? How can you do it when you know what's going to happen? I don't think I'll ever figure out how you managed to stay this strong through all this."
"I had to be strong; I still have to be strong. I don't know what else to do," Jason remarked, "I've always tried to be strong before; why should I stop now?"
Trini looked up at him, tears falling from her eyes. Jason's face became serious at once and he gently wiped a few tears off her cheeks, "Don't cry, Trini. Please don't cry. I'm not worth it. I'm sorry if this hurts you. I never wanted to hurt you, any of you."
"Don't be silly, Jason. It's not like this is your fault," Trini replied brushing the tears that Jason had missed away and putting on a small, brave smile.
"Still, I know this can't be easy on you guys," Jason began only to be silenced by Trini once more.
"There's nothing you could do to stop it. And you know very well we wouldn't have let you face this alone. That's not our way," Trini said firmly, leaving no room for the stubborn former Ranger leader to argue with her. Jason knew better than to take on Trini when she was set on something.
"I'm glad," Jason confessed softly. "I hate to admit it but I was scared no one would want to be around me when I got like this."
"You, of all people, should know we never desert one of our own when they need us. You have reinforced that time and time again. None of us would ever think of letting you go through this alone," Trini chided gently, "We love you too much to do that."
"That means a lot to me," Jason told her squeezing the hand that held his. Trini chanced a glance into the midnight eyes she loved dearly and found they smiled through the shadows of pain. It warmed a part of her that she had long ago learned to silence.
'Tell him', a small yet insisted voice began, not for the first time, in Trini's mind, 'Tell him how you feel! What have you got to lose? You should have told him a long time ago. Do it! Tell him. Now!'
"Jason," Trini began unsure of how she would get this out and praying it would come out properly, "I have to tell you something."
Jason smiled warmly at her, "And what's that?" He encouraged.
Trini started to speak, really just blurting things out in one long sentence, "I should have told you before but I was too scared to and I'm not even sure if I should now but I think I'll go crazy if I don't only I don't know what you'll say and if I should tell you or not but..."
"Trini," Jason interrupted indulgently, waiting for her to stop. Trini halted abruptly, looking slightly flustered, "Trini, your babbling."
Trini flushed softly and said quietly, "I'm not sure I should tell you."
"You know you can tell me anything. You've always been able to." Jason reassured her, "Besides, now you've piqued me curiosity."
"Promise me that no matter what I'm going to say, you won't be mad." Trini requested, searching the brown eyes earnestly.
Jason looked at her curiously but replied without hesitation, "I doubt there is anything you could say that would make me mad."
"Then promise what I'm going to tell you won't upset you," Trini hedged, stalling for a bit more time to work out just how she could phrase what she needed to say.
"Trini, nothing you could say will upset me, I promise it won't," Jason assured her.
Trini took a deep breath and avoided meeting Jason's steady gaze, "Jason...well I...I..." Trini stuttered, before finally blurting out, "Jason, I love you."
Jason was taken aback by the bold statement. It was not something Trini would normally just come out and say and certainly not what he had expected though he wasn't quite sure what he had expected, "You...what?"
Trini had started now, she wasn't about to stop nor was she sure she could stop, "I love you and I have for a long time now. Since before we left for the Peace Conference only...only I didn't think you felt the same way and I didn't want to lose you as a friend so I never did anything about it. I couldn't stand losing your friendship, not after all we've been through together. I had to tell you, though, because I would have driven myself crazy with 'could have beens.' I'm sorry if it upsets you but I had to tell you, I just had to!"
Trini looked down at the pattern on the blanket, unable to look Jason in the eyes. He sighed softly and reached out with a gentle hand to brush a strand of her long, silky, black hair behind her ear, before saying, "I wish you had told me sooner. I never thought you'd feel the same way."
Trini looked up suddenly, startled and hopeful, "You mean...you mean you...?"
Jason nodded slowly, "I always thought you weren't interested. I didn't want to wreak what we already had by telling you or anyone else."
"We both shot ourselves in the foot," Trini commented with a sad, rueful chuckle thinking about how ironic the situation turned out to be.
"And now it's too late." Jason added sadly.
"I wish I had told you sooner. I should have told you earlier," Trini scolded herself, cursed herself for waiting so long.
"I didn't say anything either, Trini. We were both too shy." Jason remarked softly.
"We could have had time together as an us but...Oh Jason, we never even got a chance to be together as a couple," Trini wept silently for the chances and experiences they had missed out on because of their unusual bashfulness.
"Trini, don't. Don't cry, please don't cry." Jason echoed his earlier words in an utterly helpless tone. He hated seeing the former Yellow Ranger cry and if he could have he would have done anything to stop her tears. But the only thing that could bring them to a halt was something he couldn't give her. A way to turn back time or a way to extend the time he had left. He couldn't fix things so they got a chance together. It was too late for that now.
Jason gently smoothed his thumb over her cheek, trying to comfort her, "At least we know that those crushes we had weren't completely useless," Jason offered with a weak smile wanting the tears to stop staining Trini's lovely cheeks.
"But now that I know you feel the same way I don't want to let you go. I didn't before either but this make it even harder," Trini confessed quietly.
"I know, I wish I could do something to make it easier but..." Jason trailed off, at a loss and fully aware any words he could offer Trini would fall short of what he wanted to say and give to her. How could you wrap up years of experiences and moments and all those other things that came with being in love with someone in a few sentences? It couldn't work, not for them.
"I'm sorry Jason, I shouldn't be putting this on you but I can't help thinking that you're the only person I'll ever really feel this way about and we don't even get a chance to see what could happen between us!" Trini sobbed softly.
"Listen to me, Trini," Jason said in a low, serious tone that caught and held Trini's attention fully, "One day you'll find someone else. Someone who will love you and honour you and take care of you and you'll love him back. He'll make you happy and give you more than I ever could. God help him if he doesn't. Nothing you could have done would change the fact that I won't be around for much longer now. I could never have been able to offer you a future or anything you deserve to have. I wish I could be the one to make you happy but I can't be that person," Jason paused to cup Trini's cheek in his hand, raising her tear filled eyes to met his. "You'll move on. You'll be successful in whatever you choose to do after college, find someone you love, raise a family later on and be happy. Promise me you'll be happy, Trini."
Trini nodded as she put her hand gently over Jason's feeling the warm, soft skin wipe away her tears.
"Tell me you'll be happy, I want to hear you say the words." Jason said softly never taking his eyes away from the brown pools of the women he had loved for a long time.
"I'll be happy, Jase. I promise I'll be happy." Trini whispered as she reached out to wipe away the tear that trickled down Jason's cheek.
Jason managed a shaky smile at her, "One day we can be together, Trini. We just can't be now."
"I know," Trini replied softly, "Jase, just once can I...Can we kiss, just this one time?"
"Trini..." Jason breathed wanting nothing more but knowing it would not be easier on either of them to feel just how much they were losing out on.
"I need this, Jason." Trini told him looking deeply into his midnight eyes, "Just once I need to share this with you. Please, let me. I can't live without knowing what it's like to kiss you." Jason only nodded, too choked up to give his approval verbally.
The second their lips met Jason berated himself for not saying something, anything sooner to make this come about before he only had a short time left on earth. Jason didn't think anything could beat the feeling that shot through him when Trini's lips met his. It was so different from anything Jason had ever felt that it made his head spin as tingles raced up his spin. Trini felt the same thing, wanting nothing more than to make the one kiss they would be granted last for all eternity. The memory of that kiss would have to last her a lifetime as in her mind no one could ever replace the one she had been secretly in love with for years. When they broke apart they were both breathless and both longed for something more they could never have.
"Thank you." Trini whispered. She felt Jason tremble a little as she spoke and looked into his eyes to see if he was in pain. He wasn't but Trini saw something more shocking to her. Jason was crying softly and trying his best to hide it. When Jason cried he didn't hide it.
"Jase..." Trini said softly as she wiped his tears away with nimble fingers.
"Why does this have to be so hard?" Jason asked in a barely audible whisper, "I'm not afraid of death, I'm really not but it's so hard to think of being without you...I don't want to leave you or the others."
Trini didn't know how to answer him but Jason didn't give her enough time to, "You have to be happy, Trini. You have to be happy. I won't be able to stand it if you're not happy. I never could stand it when someone close to me was miserable. You all have to be happy but you do especially. You have to be happy. Please be happy." Jason whispered his voice breaking with suppressed emotional pain.
Trini wrapped her arms around Jason's back and guided his head so it was lying on her shoulder. Stroking Jason's back gently, Trini promised him that they would be happy, that she would be happy. She promised it over and over again. Trini knew she would have to find contentment after this, she couldn't let Jason down.
"It may take a little while but we will be happy Jason. We all will," Trini assured him as Jason cried softly on her shoulder.
"I don't want to leave you," Jason whispered, "I'd do anything to stay but..."
"It's alright. I know you can't. We all know you would stay with us if you could." Trini said softly. Her touch acting as a soothing balm that comforted him marvellously.
After a few minutes Jason's tears subsided. He chuckled softly as he slowly pulled away from Trini's embrace. "I'm sorry, but that kiss made me realize how much I'm going to lose out on."
"You didn't know before?" Trini wondered aloud.
"I did but I never knew what being able to say these words would feel like," Jason tucked a lose strand of hair behind Trini's ears and gently cupped her cheek with his hand. "I love you, Trini Kwan. I've been in love with you since you moved here."
Tears spilled over Trini's cheeks, "I love you too, Jason. I love you so much."
"If it's worth anything, I would want to spend the rest of my life with you if I could," Jason whispered.
Trini didn't hesitate to reply, "It is definitely worth something because I would have said yes to you."
Jason chuckled softly as he realized what that had just sounded like, "Did I just propose?"
"I think so," Trini replied with a soft giggle.
Jason hesitated for a second and then slipped something off his neck. It was a necklace with a thin gold ring on the chain. He had worn that necklace for a long time, since he was ten years old, "This was my grandfather's at one point. He gave it to me just before he died and told me that is had been his mother's and I was to give it to...to the girl I fell in love with."
Trini bit her lip so hard it nearly bleed, her heart aching painfully as Jason continued speaking, "After my funeral, I want you to take this off and don't put it on your hand again. Take it off and move on. I don't want you wasting your tears on me, okay?"
Trini felt fat tears roll down her cheeks as Jason slipped the ring onto her finger, "I will, Jase."
"Promise me?" Jason requested softly.
Trini hesitated for a half second, lost in all that may have been if the situation was a different one, "I promise."
"Thank you for telling me, you don't know how happy hearing you say those words has made me," Jason admitted quietly.
Trini remained silent, wrapping her arms around Jason and holding him as close as possible. Jason wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her slender shoulder. It felt so good to be in her arms that Jason didn't want to let go, even when he started to fall into the depths of sleep that always came to claim him. Trini held Jason until his body slipped into a relaxed and heavy state of sleep. She then eased his sleeping form onto the bed. Trini studied the man that could very well have been her lover before glancing down at the ring on her finger. Neither of them had noticed the small gold chain was still attached to it, they had been to caught up in the moment and its odd beauty. Trini slid the chain off and slipped it into her pocket. She had promised Jason she would take his ring off her finger after his funeral but had said nothing about not wearing it anywhere else.
