Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.
Author's Notes: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I'm warning you now, this one's a bit of a tear jerker.
Chapter 12
Dying of the Light
In all his years as a doctor Dr. Johnson had never seen a group of friends as closely knit as the ones gathered in the middle sized apartment tonight. Breaking news like this was never easy but at this moment Dr. Johnson hated the career he had chosen with a passion. These friends had the tightest relationship that he had ever seen and just by small observations Dr. Johnson could tell they were losing an important member of their group and that Jason's death would effect them in some ways he didn't even try to understand. From the short time he had had to know Jason, Dr. Johnson had fond he liked the benevolent young man. It saddened him to know yet another kind person would leave the world all too soon. As a doctor, he had seen the same thing far too often for his liking.
"What's the news?" Tommy inquired softly, standing in the hall. He knew they were just out of hearing range of the former Rangers, all gathered in the living room.
"I'm sorry, Tommy but I have nothing good to tell you," Dr. Johnson paused for a moment before going on. "I don't expect Jason will live through the night. He has a few hours still but not more."
Tommy took a deep breath, having known this would come soon but finding now that he faced it he was more terrified than he had ever been before, "What should we do?"
"Make him as comfortable as possible, that's all you can really do for him." Dr. Johnson replied, "If there's anyone who needs to say good bye to him they have to get here quickly."
"We're all here," Tommy replied absently not really registering the doctor's words. The people who were closest to Jason were all there, end of story, "Is there anything I can do for him, at all? Anything to make this less painful?"
Dr. Johnson sighed, "Not really. I have noticed that Jason responses to things best when they come from you so unless you would like me to tell him I'll leave that up to you."
"I want to tell him," Tommy replied knowing that while it would still be painful, if he was the one to tell Jason he would at least have someone there who could really offer him comfort.
"Jason will most likely fall into a coma for his final hours. Have you decided what you will do then?" Dr. Johnson inquired, knowing that is was emotionally draining for friends and family to see their loved ones slip away like that without being able to do anything to stop their death.
"We're staying with him, until the very end," Tommy replied without hesitation, conviction ringing in every syllable he spoke.
"I assumed you would," Dr. Johnson replied, the young man in front of him meeting what he had come to expect of him, "The amount of medication he has in him right now should be enough to sustain him through the night. He may be in a little pain if he tries to hold on too long. Try not to let him do that. I don't think you will need me. If you do just call."
Tommy nodded, "Thank you. When it's over..."
"I need to be informed. Call me soon after, alright?" Dr. Johnson finished, knowing that families sometimes took a small amount of time before informing the doctor of their loved ones passing.
"Okay," Tommy sighed softly. "Thank you."
Dr. Johnson simply nodded before heading for the living room where the others were waiting and then out the door with Billy to explain things to him. Tommy stood in front of Jason's door for a few seconds trying to gather his wits. He wanted to cry and scream and punch something and throw up or do all at once but knew he could do none of the above at the moment. Instead he slowly walked into the dimly lit room.
Jason looked up at his friend as Tommy entered. One look from the dark eyes and Tommy knew Jason was ready for what he had to tell him. He knew it was coming, he was expecting it, waiting for it. It made tears spring to Tommy's eyes to see that look in his best friend's eyes.
"Bad news," Tommy said hoarsely through his building tears.
Jason nodded, so calm it seemed unnatural, "I know."
Tommy heard the undercurrent of fear and pain in the deep voice and saw the etchings of the same two elements on the stoic features. It was the same facade he was trying to keep up in front of the others but not in front of his bro. Not even now. The masks they both wore cracked and fell apart around each other.
Taking a seat beside Jason's bed Tommy opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. He studied his best friend intently reading through the screen of composure Jason somehow maintained through everything thrown his way. Again Tommy tried to force the words he wanted to say out of his throat but after a few moments closed his mouth having temporarily lost the ability to speak.
"I know, Tommy," Jason said softly looking directly into Tommy's eyes, "I know."
Tommy felt tears flood his eyes as he reached out and drew his friend up into a careful hug. Sobbing softly he managed to get out, "I'm so sorry, Jason. I'm so damn sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Jason replied as he wrapped his arms around Tommy, returning the comforting embrace. "It's just my time, that's all. I..."
Jason's voice deserted him and he had to be content with holding his friend. Or was Tommy holding him? Jason wasn't really sure. They both drew comfort from the embrace. The fact that this would be one of the last times they got to share this close contact hurt both of the young men. Jason felt a tear stream down his cheek as he thought of how much he valued the friendships he had formed with his close circle of friends. It hurt so much to leave them.
"I should go get the people you want to..." Tommy said after awhile only to trail off. Even now the subject was left untouched if possible.
"The people I still need to say good-bye to," Jason finished for him.
Tommy nodded as he helped Jason to lie back down on the bed, "Who's left?"
"Rocky, Adam and Billy. I said good-bye to the others earlier," Jason replied taking as deep a breath as he could to try to calm his grief, "And then you bro."
Tommy nodded hating to think about that near time when he would have to bid Jason a final farewell, he didn't know what he was going to say. How did one figure out the final words they wanted to say to someone as close to them as family? "I'll be right down the hall if you need anything, okay? I'll go get Adam."
"Thanks, Tommy," Jason murmured squeezing his friend's hand quickly before Tommy summoned a brave smile and went out into the living room.
There were few dry eyes amongst the former Rangers gathered in that room. Tommy looked around at his old teams for a second before saying, "Jason wants to see you Adam."
For a second Adam looked terrified but then he squared his shoulders and walked down the hall, disappearing into Jason's room. Tommy unconsciously took a seat next to Kim. She instinctively slipped her hand over his and squeezed. Tommy glanced at her, seeing her face was wet and shining with the moisture from her tears. Tommy leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes briefly and rubbing the bridge of his nose, trying to relive and unseen emotional pain through a physical action.
"Billy told you all?" He asked after a few moments.
Silent nods were his reply and Tommy went on, "We're all still agreed on what we're going to do, right?"
"Stay with Jase until the end," Rocky replied softly having been studying his hands with such intensity one would think he was hoping to find some miracle cure to save Jason in the calloused fingers and curving lines.
"If anyone doesn't want to than now is the time to say something. No one will think any less of you if you don't want to stay," Tommy confirmed glancing around at his old teammates.
"We are all staying," Aisha replied softly, "It's the least we can do for him."
Tommy nodded slowly, glad they all felt the same sort of way he did. Now all they could do was wait until that time came...
Jason took his time speaking with Adam and Rocky but when Rocky returned to the living room, his face stained with dried tears, he told the others Jason was fading fast. Billy sighed at the comment made by Jason's successor as he got up to go sit with Jason. Once Billy left Rocky went on to say Jason was starting to tax his strength and that he wouldn't be able to keep it up for too much longer. Even so, his time with Billy was a little longer than the time he had spent speaking with Rocky and Adam.
When Billy came out he was trembling a little with suppressed sobs. Losing the person who had been his big brother all through his adolescence ranked right under losing his mother. He knew from experience that the pain never really went away. Though it would become duller over time it would always be there. Tommy embraced Billy warmly for a few seconds. Billy was the first to break away. His face was streaked with tears but his voice didn't wavered.
"He's waiting for you." Billy said softly.
Tommy managed to nod as he fought down the lump in his throat. Kat put her arm around Billy's shaking shoulders and gently led him to the couch where he sat and buried his head in his hands, sobbing softly. Tommy turned slowly and made his way to Jason's room.
Tommy had walked into Jason's room many times since Jason had been diagnosed. He had seen Jason in unbearable amounts of pain, in fitful half deliriums and so sick the former Gold Ranger could hardly move under his own will. But when he entered Jason's room this time he knew it was different from any other time before. Though his body had wasted away to almost nothing Tommy had never seen Jason so strong before. He was ready for what was to come even if Tommy was not, nor would he ever be, ready to lose him. Jason's spirit still soared, he had never let the warmth in it go out. Soon, Tommy knew, that spirit he so loved would be cut free from the bonds of Jason's body.
"Hey Jase." Tommy said softly as he took Jason's hand in his own.
"Hey bro." Jason replied in the soft, hoarse voice that was all he had left.
"This is it, isn't it?" Tommy asked gently.
"It's almost time." Jason replied softly. "This is the hardest part."
"What is?" Tommy asked.
"Saying good-bye to all my friends, especially you." Jason whispered. "I can't even begin to thank you for all you've done for me. I wouldn't know where to start."
"You don't have to." Tommy told him. "You've helped me so much in the past, through everything. I wouldn't have made it without you. You welcomed me with open arms, you saved me in every way there is. I can't tell you what you mean to me. When you're not here to guide me I don't know what I'll do. What will I do without you, Jase?"
"I'll still be with you. I'll still be there to listen when you need me to just in a different way. I'll never leave you Tommy, not completely. I couldn't do that, not to my bro." Jason whispered feeling a tear streak down his cheek.
"I wish I didn't have to leave you." Jason made no try to stop the tears streaking his face. "I'm going to miss you so much, Tommy."
"Not half as much as I'll miss you." Tommy's voice was rough with emotion as the tears fell from his eyes.
Moving from the chair to the bed Tommy very gently embraced Jason and cradled him in his arms. Jason rested his head against Tommy's chest, relaxing as much as he could in the strong arms. Jason knew he would be safe in Tommy's embrace until the end came.
"You're my brother in spirit, Jase. I love you." Tommy managed through his tears.
"I love you too, Tommy." Jason whispered. "Will you stay with me...until the end?"
"I'll be right here with you, Jason. I promised you I wouldn't leave you and I wouldn't be able to leave even if I wanted to." Tommy replied gently smoothing back Jason's hair.
Jason smiled weakly and let his eyes close knowing Tommy would be there with him. Tommy felt Jason's body relax in sleep, his chest gently rising and falling with each breath he took. Ten minutes went by before Kim peeked into the room, her protective nature getting the better of her. Tommy signalled her into the room.
"Get the others." Tommy said quietly so not to disturb the precious being in his arms.
Kim nodded and a few minutes later the former Rangers filed into the room. Trini took one of Jason's hands in hers and Billy held the other. Zack joined hands with Trini, Kim with Billy, Rocky with Zack, Adam with Kim...until they were all joined to Jason through another's hand. Half an hour passed before Jason stirred and blinked open his eyes for what would be the last time.
"You guys..." Jason whispered looking around the circle. "...are what kept me alive all this time. I don't what I would have done without you, ever. You mean more to me than anything. I love you all so much."
Jason felt a tear slid down his face. The love coming from the circle of his best friends, his family, was so powerful he could feel it even as he felt himself slowly slipping away from their grasp. Soon, he knew he would feel it even more strongly, when he left the shell that remained of his body.
"Promise me you'll always stay in touch with each other. That your friendship, the friendship I've been able to share and be a part of, will live on. No matter what happens." Jason said softly.
"It always will, Jase. We'll remember that just as we'll always remember you." Billy made the promise for all of them but every head nodded to seal the pact.
They had decided just after Aisha had arrived that they would all say a final good bye and then rejoin the circle to sit with Jason until he was gone. The circle broke, allowing each person a little space for their good bye.
Katherine was the first up. She gently took Jason's hand in her own.
"You've gotten us through a lot, Jase. You've always been a pillar for us to lean on." Kat whispered.
"It was nothing you couldn't do yourself, Kat." Jason replied softly. Kat bite her lip trying to hold off the tears for just a few more moments.
"You're the best of us all, Jason." Kat whispered before giving his hand a small final squeeze and moving aside so Aisha could say good bye. Aisha put her hand gently on Jason's chest feeling the soft thump of his heart beneath her palm.
"I only wish I could have had more time with you. It has been a blessing just to be in your presence." Aisha said softly.
"The pleasure was all mine, Aisha. You are the kind of bubbly wonderful person everyone needs a chance to know." Jason told her. Aisha smiled gently at Jason before letting Tanya take her place. Tanya gentle stroked Jason's hair as she smiled softly at him.
"You've changed me for the better, just knowing you has." Tanya told him. "You have a spot in my heart, Jason."
"Thank you for trusting me as much as you do." Jason whispered managing to return the smile with a weak one of his own.
Tanya moved away quickly knowing the others would need a little more time. They had been the closest to Jason. Rocky took her place, putting his hand on Jason's shoulder and squeezing gently.
"It's going to be hard around here without you." Rocky managed softly.
"I'm counting on you to keep everyone laughing." Jason replied meeting Rocky's gaze.
Rocky hesitated for a second as if searching for the right words to say. In a very soft voice he said, "Godspeed, Jason."
Rocky squeezed Jason's shoulder again before Adam took his place. Adam took Jason's hand in his own, rubbing it gently.
"You mean so much to me---to all of us. It's an honour to consider you a friend." Adam managed quietly.
"The honour is in having you as a friend, Adam. No one could ask for more." Jason replied.
Adam was too choked up to reply but nodded slowly giving Jason's hand a squeeze before letting Zack take his place. Zack put his hand on Jason's shoulder and grinned weakly.
"Stay the same, Zack. You're the kind of person this world needs." Jason spoke first, looking into the eyes of one of his oldest friends.
"Brave, kind people like you are what this world needs, Jase." Zack's voice was husky with emotion even though he tried to hide it. "You stay cool up in Heaven, okay?"
Jason managed a nod as Zack squeezed his shoulder and let a weeping Kim take his spot. Kim looked at Jason for a second before speaking.
"I love you, big brother." Kim said after a moment, stroking Jason's hair gently and brushing a few strands back in place.
"I love you too, lil' sis." Jason replied feeling a tear roll down his face. "You and Tommy...take care of each other, okay?"
Kim nodded before letting Trini come to sit next to Jason. Trini took Jason's hand as their eyes met. Very gently with her thumbs she traced circles on the back of his hands.
"I'm going to miss you so much." Trini told him quietly not daring to say much more than that.
"I'm going to miss you too, more than you can ever know." Jason replied looking at the girl he had loved from afar for too long. "Remember your promise."
"You'll always be in my heart, Jason." Trini whispered kissing Jason's cheek gently.
Billy took her place, gently putting a hand on Jason's cheek and looking into Jason's dark brown eyes, his green ones shining with tears.
"There has never been a truer friend than you." Billy was crying openly. Jason couldn't help letting tears roll down his cheeks; Billy was his oldest friend.
"I'll always be with you, Billy. Remember that." Jason managed softly.
"I will, Jase." Billy paused before continuing, " I truly believe that you are and have always been everything being a Power Ranger means. There could never be a greater one than you. I love you."
Jason choked back a sob as Tommy held him closer. He had been holding Jason the whole time, giving him strength. But now he had to say good-bye to his best friend. The person who had been there for him from the first moment they had met and never once, in Tommy's opinion, let him down.
"I love you, Jase. You've given me so much, you saved me. Thank you." Tommy whispered, pressing his lips against Jason's forehead gently.
"Tommy I...I'm not sure what to say...I love you too...I love you guys so much" Jason whispered through his tears.
The circle resumed it's form. Trini and Billy holding Jason's hands and Tommy cradling his broken body.
Jason whimpered softly and closed his eyes for a second. Tommy held Jason closer, wanting him to stay but knowing it was time to let him go. Jason was stubbornly clinging to life. Tommy knew he wanted to let got but couldn't, not without some sign from them that it was alright to leave the pain behind him. That it was alright to leave them behind.
"We're all here, Jase, and we'll be with you until the very end. It's okay to let go." Tommy murmured softly. Jason looked up at him, the dark brown eyes gazing into Tommy's chocolate brown eyes. Through it was costing him, Tommy continued to assure his friend, holding Jason's gaze steadily, "Let go, Jase. We're here with you. I've got you. Go in peace. It's time and we're all here with you. Let go..."
That was all Jason needed to let him die in peace. Jason could hear Tommy's heart beating where his head rested on Tommy's chest. Billy and Trini kept hold of his hands, squeezing in support of Tommy's words. A gentle smile lit Jason's features for the last time. His eyes stayed open but Tommy knew Jason didn't see those gathered around him anymore. Jason was far away now, somewhere farther than they could reach him. His midnight eyes slowly became glassy and then, after awhile, slid shut. Jason's body relaxed in deep sleep as he started to slip away from them. A great peace settled over Jason, he no longer needed to keep fighting for anyone or anything. The serene expression on his face, with the faint smile still curving his motionless lips, was a slight comfort for his friends. It was time for him to go Home and they would stay with him until he was there.
Jason's breathing slowed over the time they sat with him. No one left, or talked or even barely moved. They kept a silent vigil over their departing comrade, friend and brother. It didn't seem like a long time went by, although it was nearly two hours before Jason's body failed him completely. Upon reflection, it would only seem, to them, like mere minutes between the time Jason said good-bye until the time he left them for good.
Jason's breathing became more shallow and raspy as the minutes wore on. Then his breaths became infrequent, ten seconds would go by before he took a soft breath and then it became twenty seconds, then twenty-five...until almost a minute would go by before Jason's chest moved and even then the movement was so small it was barely there.
Jason's head rested just over Tommy's heart and the former White Ranger could feel his breath softly. When Jason exhaled in a sigh like manner Tommy waited for his next breath to come but it never did. His chest lay still.
A minute went by, then two, then five, then ten, then twenty...Jason's chest didn't move. Tommy shifted his position a little and quietly checked for a pulse. There was none to feel under his finger tips.
Jason was gone.
Tommy felt his own emotions spin out of control as he held Jason's motionless form close to him, pressing the lifeless body against his chest as if trying to will just a few more seconds of life back into his friend. He couldn't though at some level, he wanted to believe he could make Jason breath again from sheer will power. It wouldn't happen and the part of him stubbornly clinging to the hope there would be a miracle cure at the last second flickered before dying. It wasn't going to happen.
The tears came and flowed freely. Tommy couldn't have stopped them even if he had had the heart to try. It was simply too hard to contain them. At this point trying to pull himself together was simply too hard. Tommy found it hard to breath; the grief was so consuming it left him winded for several moments. The wound Jason's death inflicted on his soul was so deep it felt like physical pain.
Pressing a kiss against the smooth forehead Tommy gently lay Jason's body back on the bed. For an instant he gazed with hollowed eyes at the body that had once been home to his best friend's soul. Now it was empty, a shell of what had once been a strong, courageous, caring, loyal friend. It hurt so badly Tommy was sure a part of himself had died with Jason. He wanted to curl up beside his best friend and cry until he fell asleep and all the pain went away.
Reality rushed Tommy suddenly as his gaze shifted from Jason to the others. Each was in their own stage of grief and all of them were crying, openly and unashamed of it. Tommy sobbed too, unable to hide his sorrow. Kim hugged him and Billy followed and soon they were all holding on to each other, letting their grief take over for now.
When no more tears would come phone calls were made. The doctor came. Adam called Jason's parents...But only one coherent thought would register in the consciousness of the former Rangers.
'Jason is gone.'
Author's note 2: I'm letting you know now that the story isn't over yet. There are still a few chapters to go so stay tuned.
Author's Notes: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I'm warning you now, this one's a bit of a tear jerker.
Chapter 12
Dying of the Light
In all his years as a doctor Dr. Johnson had never seen a group of friends as closely knit as the ones gathered in the middle sized apartment tonight. Breaking news like this was never easy but at this moment Dr. Johnson hated the career he had chosen with a passion. These friends had the tightest relationship that he had ever seen and just by small observations Dr. Johnson could tell they were losing an important member of their group and that Jason's death would effect them in some ways he didn't even try to understand. From the short time he had had to know Jason, Dr. Johnson had fond he liked the benevolent young man. It saddened him to know yet another kind person would leave the world all too soon. As a doctor, he had seen the same thing far too often for his liking.
"What's the news?" Tommy inquired softly, standing in the hall. He knew they were just out of hearing range of the former Rangers, all gathered in the living room.
"I'm sorry, Tommy but I have nothing good to tell you," Dr. Johnson paused for a moment before going on. "I don't expect Jason will live through the night. He has a few hours still but not more."
Tommy took a deep breath, having known this would come soon but finding now that he faced it he was more terrified than he had ever been before, "What should we do?"
"Make him as comfortable as possible, that's all you can really do for him." Dr. Johnson replied, "If there's anyone who needs to say good bye to him they have to get here quickly."
"We're all here," Tommy replied absently not really registering the doctor's words. The people who were closest to Jason were all there, end of story, "Is there anything I can do for him, at all? Anything to make this less painful?"
Dr. Johnson sighed, "Not really. I have noticed that Jason responses to things best when they come from you so unless you would like me to tell him I'll leave that up to you."
"I want to tell him," Tommy replied knowing that while it would still be painful, if he was the one to tell Jason he would at least have someone there who could really offer him comfort.
"Jason will most likely fall into a coma for his final hours. Have you decided what you will do then?" Dr. Johnson inquired, knowing that is was emotionally draining for friends and family to see their loved ones slip away like that without being able to do anything to stop their death.
"We're staying with him, until the very end," Tommy replied without hesitation, conviction ringing in every syllable he spoke.
"I assumed you would," Dr. Johnson replied, the young man in front of him meeting what he had come to expect of him, "The amount of medication he has in him right now should be enough to sustain him through the night. He may be in a little pain if he tries to hold on too long. Try not to let him do that. I don't think you will need me. If you do just call."
Tommy nodded, "Thank you. When it's over..."
"I need to be informed. Call me soon after, alright?" Dr. Johnson finished, knowing that families sometimes took a small amount of time before informing the doctor of their loved ones passing.
"Okay," Tommy sighed softly. "Thank you."
Dr. Johnson simply nodded before heading for the living room where the others were waiting and then out the door with Billy to explain things to him. Tommy stood in front of Jason's door for a few seconds trying to gather his wits. He wanted to cry and scream and punch something and throw up or do all at once but knew he could do none of the above at the moment. Instead he slowly walked into the dimly lit room.
Jason looked up at his friend as Tommy entered. One look from the dark eyes and Tommy knew Jason was ready for what he had to tell him. He knew it was coming, he was expecting it, waiting for it. It made tears spring to Tommy's eyes to see that look in his best friend's eyes.
"Bad news," Tommy said hoarsely through his building tears.
Jason nodded, so calm it seemed unnatural, "I know."
Tommy heard the undercurrent of fear and pain in the deep voice and saw the etchings of the same two elements on the stoic features. It was the same facade he was trying to keep up in front of the others but not in front of his bro. Not even now. The masks they both wore cracked and fell apart around each other.
Taking a seat beside Jason's bed Tommy opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. He studied his best friend intently reading through the screen of composure Jason somehow maintained through everything thrown his way. Again Tommy tried to force the words he wanted to say out of his throat but after a few moments closed his mouth having temporarily lost the ability to speak.
"I know, Tommy," Jason said softly looking directly into Tommy's eyes, "I know."
Tommy felt tears flood his eyes as he reached out and drew his friend up into a careful hug. Sobbing softly he managed to get out, "I'm so sorry, Jason. I'm so damn sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Jason replied as he wrapped his arms around Tommy, returning the comforting embrace. "It's just my time, that's all. I..."
Jason's voice deserted him and he had to be content with holding his friend. Or was Tommy holding him? Jason wasn't really sure. They both drew comfort from the embrace. The fact that this would be one of the last times they got to share this close contact hurt both of the young men. Jason felt a tear stream down his cheek as he thought of how much he valued the friendships he had formed with his close circle of friends. It hurt so much to leave them.
"I should go get the people you want to..." Tommy said after awhile only to trail off. Even now the subject was left untouched if possible.
"The people I still need to say good-bye to," Jason finished for him.
Tommy nodded as he helped Jason to lie back down on the bed, "Who's left?"
"Rocky, Adam and Billy. I said good-bye to the others earlier," Jason replied taking as deep a breath as he could to try to calm his grief, "And then you bro."
Tommy nodded hating to think about that near time when he would have to bid Jason a final farewell, he didn't know what he was going to say. How did one figure out the final words they wanted to say to someone as close to them as family? "I'll be right down the hall if you need anything, okay? I'll go get Adam."
"Thanks, Tommy," Jason murmured squeezing his friend's hand quickly before Tommy summoned a brave smile and went out into the living room.
There were few dry eyes amongst the former Rangers gathered in that room. Tommy looked around at his old teams for a second before saying, "Jason wants to see you Adam."
For a second Adam looked terrified but then he squared his shoulders and walked down the hall, disappearing into Jason's room. Tommy unconsciously took a seat next to Kim. She instinctively slipped her hand over his and squeezed. Tommy glanced at her, seeing her face was wet and shining with the moisture from her tears. Tommy leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes briefly and rubbing the bridge of his nose, trying to relive and unseen emotional pain through a physical action.
"Billy told you all?" He asked after a few moments.
Silent nods were his reply and Tommy went on, "We're all still agreed on what we're going to do, right?"
"Stay with Jase until the end," Rocky replied softly having been studying his hands with such intensity one would think he was hoping to find some miracle cure to save Jason in the calloused fingers and curving lines.
"If anyone doesn't want to than now is the time to say something. No one will think any less of you if you don't want to stay," Tommy confirmed glancing around at his old teammates.
"We are all staying," Aisha replied softly, "It's the least we can do for him."
Tommy nodded slowly, glad they all felt the same sort of way he did. Now all they could do was wait until that time came...
Jason took his time speaking with Adam and Rocky but when Rocky returned to the living room, his face stained with dried tears, he told the others Jason was fading fast. Billy sighed at the comment made by Jason's successor as he got up to go sit with Jason. Once Billy left Rocky went on to say Jason was starting to tax his strength and that he wouldn't be able to keep it up for too much longer. Even so, his time with Billy was a little longer than the time he had spent speaking with Rocky and Adam.
When Billy came out he was trembling a little with suppressed sobs. Losing the person who had been his big brother all through his adolescence ranked right under losing his mother. He knew from experience that the pain never really went away. Though it would become duller over time it would always be there. Tommy embraced Billy warmly for a few seconds. Billy was the first to break away. His face was streaked with tears but his voice didn't wavered.
"He's waiting for you." Billy said softly.
Tommy managed to nod as he fought down the lump in his throat. Kat put her arm around Billy's shaking shoulders and gently led him to the couch where he sat and buried his head in his hands, sobbing softly. Tommy turned slowly and made his way to Jason's room.
Tommy had walked into Jason's room many times since Jason had been diagnosed. He had seen Jason in unbearable amounts of pain, in fitful half deliriums and so sick the former Gold Ranger could hardly move under his own will. But when he entered Jason's room this time he knew it was different from any other time before. Though his body had wasted away to almost nothing Tommy had never seen Jason so strong before. He was ready for what was to come even if Tommy was not, nor would he ever be, ready to lose him. Jason's spirit still soared, he had never let the warmth in it go out. Soon, Tommy knew, that spirit he so loved would be cut free from the bonds of Jason's body.
"Hey Jase." Tommy said softly as he took Jason's hand in his own.
"Hey bro." Jason replied in the soft, hoarse voice that was all he had left.
"This is it, isn't it?" Tommy asked gently.
"It's almost time." Jason replied softly. "This is the hardest part."
"What is?" Tommy asked.
"Saying good-bye to all my friends, especially you." Jason whispered. "I can't even begin to thank you for all you've done for me. I wouldn't know where to start."
"You don't have to." Tommy told him. "You've helped me so much in the past, through everything. I wouldn't have made it without you. You welcomed me with open arms, you saved me in every way there is. I can't tell you what you mean to me. When you're not here to guide me I don't know what I'll do. What will I do without you, Jase?"
"I'll still be with you. I'll still be there to listen when you need me to just in a different way. I'll never leave you Tommy, not completely. I couldn't do that, not to my bro." Jason whispered feeling a tear streak down his cheek.
"I wish I didn't have to leave you." Jason made no try to stop the tears streaking his face. "I'm going to miss you so much, Tommy."
"Not half as much as I'll miss you." Tommy's voice was rough with emotion as the tears fell from his eyes.
Moving from the chair to the bed Tommy very gently embraced Jason and cradled him in his arms. Jason rested his head against Tommy's chest, relaxing as much as he could in the strong arms. Jason knew he would be safe in Tommy's embrace until the end came.
"You're my brother in spirit, Jase. I love you." Tommy managed through his tears.
"I love you too, Tommy." Jason whispered. "Will you stay with me...until the end?"
"I'll be right here with you, Jason. I promised you I wouldn't leave you and I wouldn't be able to leave even if I wanted to." Tommy replied gently smoothing back Jason's hair.
Jason smiled weakly and let his eyes close knowing Tommy would be there with him. Tommy felt Jason's body relax in sleep, his chest gently rising and falling with each breath he took. Ten minutes went by before Kim peeked into the room, her protective nature getting the better of her. Tommy signalled her into the room.
"Get the others." Tommy said quietly so not to disturb the precious being in his arms.
Kim nodded and a few minutes later the former Rangers filed into the room. Trini took one of Jason's hands in hers and Billy held the other. Zack joined hands with Trini, Kim with Billy, Rocky with Zack, Adam with Kim...until they were all joined to Jason through another's hand. Half an hour passed before Jason stirred and blinked open his eyes for what would be the last time.
"You guys..." Jason whispered looking around the circle. "...are what kept me alive all this time. I don't what I would have done without you, ever. You mean more to me than anything. I love you all so much."
Jason felt a tear slid down his face. The love coming from the circle of his best friends, his family, was so powerful he could feel it even as he felt himself slowly slipping away from their grasp. Soon, he knew he would feel it even more strongly, when he left the shell that remained of his body.
"Promise me you'll always stay in touch with each other. That your friendship, the friendship I've been able to share and be a part of, will live on. No matter what happens." Jason said softly.
"It always will, Jase. We'll remember that just as we'll always remember you." Billy made the promise for all of them but every head nodded to seal the pact.
They had decided just after Aisha had arrived that they would all say a final good bye and then rejoin the circle to sit with Jason until he was gone. The circle broke, allowing each person a little space for their good bye.
Katherine was the first up. She gently took Jason's hand in her own.
"You've gotten us through a lot, Jase. You've always been a pillar for us to lean on." Kat whispered.
"It was nothing you couldn't do yourself, Kat." Jason replied softly. Kat bite her lip trying to hold off the tears for just a few more moments.
"You're the best of us all, Jason." Kat whispered before giving his hand a small final squeeze and moving aside so Aisha could say good bye. Aisha put her hand gently on Jason's chest feeling the soft thump of his heart beneath her palm.
"I only wish I could have had more time with you. It has been a blessing just to be in your presence." Aisha said softly.
"The pleasure was all mine, Aisha. You are the kind of bubbly wonderful person everyone needs a chance to know." Jason told her. Aisha smiled gently at Jason before letting Tanya take her place. Tanya gentle stroked Jason's hair as she smiled softly at him.
"You've changed me for the better, just knowing you has." Tanya told him. "You have a spot in my heart, Jason."
"Thank you for trusting me as much as you do." Jason whispered managing to return the smile with a weak one of his own.
Tanya moved away quickly knowing the others would need a little more time. They had been the closest to Jason. Rocky took her place, putting his hand on Jason's shoulder and squeezing gently.
"It's going to be hard around here without you." Rocky managed softly.
"I'm counting on you to keep everyone laughing." Jason replied meeting Rocky's gaze.
Rocky hesitated for a second as if searching for the right words to say. In a very soft voice he said, "Godspeed, Jason."
Rocky squeezed Jason's shoulder again before Adam took his place. Adam took Jason's hand in his own, rubbing it gently.
"You mean so much to me---to all of us. It's an honour to consider you a friend." Adam managed quietly.
"The honour is in having you as a friend, Adam. No one could ask for more." Jason replied.
Adam was too choked up to reply but nodded slowly giving Jason's hand a squeeze before letting Zack take his place. Zack put his hand on Jason's shoulder and grinned weakly.
"Stay the same, Zack. You're the kind of person this world needs." Jason spoke first, looking into the eyes of one of his oldest friends.
"Brave, kind people like you are what this world needs, Jase." Zack's voice was husky with emotion even though he tried to hide it. "You stay cool up in Heaven, okay?"
Jason managed a nod as Zack squeezed his shoulder and let a weeping Kim take his spot. Kim looked at Jason for a second before speaking.
"I love you, big brother." Kim said after a moment, stroking Jason's hair gently and brushing a few strands back in place.
"I love you too, lil' sis." Jason replied feeling a tear roll down his face. "You and Tommy...take care of each other, okay?"
Kim nodded before letting Trini come to sit next to Jason. Trini took Jason's hand as their eyes met. Very gently with her thumbs she traced circles on the back of his hands.
"I'm going to miss you so much." Trini told him quietly not daring to say much more than that.
"I'm going to miss you too, more than you can ever know." Jason replied looking at the girl he had loved from afar for too long. "Remember your promise."
"You'll always be in my heart, Jason." Trini whispered kissing Jason's cheek gently.
Billy took her place, gently putting a hand on Jason's cheek and looking into Jason's dark brown eyes, his green ones shining with tears.
"There has never been a truer friend than you." Billy was crying openly. Jason couldn't help letting tears roll down his cheeks; Billy was his oldest friend.
"I'll always be with you, Billy. Remember that." Jason managed softly.
"I will, Jase." Billy paused before continuing, " I truly believe that you are and have always been everything being a Power Ranger means. There could never be a greater one than you. I love you."
Jason choked back a sob as Tommy held him closer. He had been holding Jason the whole time, giving him strength. But now he had to say good-bye to his best friend. The person who had been there for him from the first moment they had met and never once, in Tommy's opinion, let him down.
"I love you, Jase. You've given me so much, you saved me. Thank you." Tommy whispered, pressing his lips against Jason's forehead gently.
"Tommy I...I'm not sure what to say...I love you too...I love you guys so much" Jason whispered through his tears.
The circle resumed it's form. Trini and Billy holding Jason's hands and Tommy cradling his broken body.
Jason whimpered softly and closed his eyes for a second. Tommy held Jason closer, wanting him to stay but knowing it was time to let him go. Jason was stubbornly clinging to life. Tommy knew he wanted to let got but couldn't, not without some sign from them that it was alright to leave the pain behind him. That it was alright to leave them behind.
"We're all here, Jase, and we'll be with you until the very end. It's okay to let go." Tommy murmured softly. Jason looked up at him, the dark brown eyes gazing into Tommy's chocolate brown eyes. Through it was costing him, Tommy continued to assure his friend, holding Jason's gaze steadily, "Let go, Jase. We're here with you. I've got you. Go in peace. It's time and we're all here with you. Let go..."
That was all Jason needed to let him die in peace. Jason could hear Tommy's heart beating where his head rested on Tommy's chest. Billy and Trini kept hold of his hands, squeezing in support of Tommy's words. A gentle smile lit Jason's features for the last time. His eyes stayed open but Tommy knew Jason didn't see those gathered around him anymore. Jason was far away now, somewhere farther than they could reach him. His midnight eyes slowly became glassy and then, after awhile, slid shut. Jason's body relaxed in deep sleep as he started to slip away from them. A great peace settled over Jason, he no longer needed to keep fighting for anyone or anything. The serene expression on his face, with the faint smile still curving his motionless lips, was a slight comfort for his friends. It was time for him to go Home and they would stay with him until he was there.
Jason's breathing slowed over the time they sat with him. No one left, or talked or even barely moved. They kept a silent vigil over their departing comrade, friend and brother. It didn't seem like a long time went by, although it was nearly two hours before Jason's body failed him completely. Upon reflection, it would only seem, to them, like mere minutes between the time Jason said good-bye until the time he left them for good.
Jason's breathing became more shallow and raspy as the minutes wore on. Then his breaths became infrequent, ten seconds would go by before he took a soft breath and then it became twenty seconds, then twenty-five...until almost a minute would go by before Jason's chest moved and even then the movement was so small it was barely there.
Jason's head rested just over Tommy's heart and the former White Ranger could feel his breath softly. When Jason exhaled in a sigh like manner Tommy waited for his next breath to come but it never did. His chest lay still.
A minute went by, then two, then five, then ten, then twenty...Jason's chest didn't move. Tommy shifted his position a little and quietly checked for a pulse. There was none to feel under his finger tips.
Jason was gone.
Tommy felt his own emotions spin out of control as he held Jason's motionless form close to him, pressing the lifeless body against his chest as if trying to will just a few more seconds of life back into his friend. He couldn't though at some level, he wanted to believe he could make Jason breath again from sheer will power. It wouldn't happen and the part of him stubbornly clinging to the hope there would be a miracle cure at the last second flickered before dying. It wasn't going to happen.
The tears came and flowed freely. Tommy couldn't have stopped them even if he had had the heart to try. It was simply too hard to contain them. At this point trying to pull himself together was simply too hard. Tommy found it hard to breath; the grief was so consuming it left him winded for several moments. The wound Jason's death inflicted on his soul was so deep it felt like physical pain.
Pressing a kiss against the smooth forehead Tommy gently lay Jason's body back on the bed. For an instant he gazed with hollowed eyes at the body that had once been home to his best friend's soul. Now it was empty, a shell of what had once been a strong, courageous, caring, loyal friend. It hurt so badly Tommy was sure a part of himself had died with Jason. He wanted to curl up beside his best friend and cry until he fell asleep and all the pain went away.
Reality rushed Tommy suddenly as his gaze shifted from Jason to the others. Each was in their own stage of grief and all of them were crying, openly and unashamed of it. Tommy sobbed too, unable to hide his sorrow. Kim hugged him and Billy followed and soon they were all holding on to each other, letting their grief take over for now.
When no more tears would come phone calls were made. The doctor came. Adam called Jason's parents...But only one coherent thought would register in the consciousness of the former Rangers.
'Jason is gone.'
Author's note 2: I'm letting you know now that the story isn't over yet. There are still a few chapters to go so stay tuned.
