DEAR DIARY


Disclaimer: All the characters in this fanfiction universe belong to Joss, the WB television network and everyone else who holds copyright to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series and the Angel series. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Dawn sat on the bed, her legs drawn up close to her chest. She had the newest volume of the Dawnmeister Chronicles balanced on her knees. She had burned most of the chronicles a long time back, but she still had the one she started a year ago. She was glad that one was okay, because she herself didn't exist a year ago.

It was a little over a month since Buffy's funereal and she finally felt okay enough to write in it again. She started writing--

June 30th - Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. .It's, like, nobody cares enough to find out…

With a shock, she realized that was the exact same thing she wrote last year. She threw the pen and volume down on the floor in disgust.

"Anything wrong, Dawn?", asked Mrs. Lazarus.

"N-no, Mrs. Lazarus, I'm just bored", said Dawn, wishing she would go away.

"Well, I have some chores you can do". "That's allright, I can work on my homework", said Dawn quickly, grabbing one of the schoolbooks on the side table next to her bed.

"Okay", said Mrs. Lazarus, smiling "Remember, I'll be at the committee meeting tonight. You can do those chores then. I leave a note on the refridgerator."

Mrs. Lazarus left. Dawn waited until she could no longer hear her footsteps and dropped the book on the floor. She suddenly hated her and being here and having to do summer schoolwork to catch up for missing so much of the school year.

A second later, she cooled down. Mrs. Lazarus means well and at least she had a place to stay. Dawn had stayed with the scoobies for a while, until the Sunnydale Child Services took her away and put her here. Mrs. Lazarus was a foster parent who took in 'troubled' teenagers.

Well, I'm certainly trouble Dawn thought, I nearly destroyed the universe.

In a way she was glad she was here. Staying with the others was harder then she thought. She stayed with Giles for a few days but it didn't work out. Giles drank scotch a little too often and was perpetually awkward towards her. I ruined him when he babysat me that one time! Dawn thought. Maybe he misses Buffy so much, he can't stand looking at me.

Xander and Anya were okay for a while, but Anya grew increasingly jealous at Xander's attention towards Dawn and complained that they couldn't have as much sex as they had when she wasn't here.

Willow and Tara weren't much better. They seemed to be really tense when she was around. Dawn thought maybe it had something to do with that resurrection spell she tried to do with her mother. Besides, living in their dorm on a mattress on the floor wasn't that great.

Giles and the scoobies visited on occasion, but they were trying to continue on with their own lives. They weren't really involved with Dawn as long as they had Buffy

Dawn really missed Spike. She nearly cried when she saw his reaction to Buffy's death. It was all she could do to get him into the shade so he wouldn't be burned by the sun. While she was holding him she thought it was strange that although he was crying, he couldn't shed any actual tears. Hugging herself, she suddenly decided to sneak out of the house and try to see Spike. She asked the scoobies about him, but they didn't say much. Spike only was with them because of Buffy, she thought.

She got up and tiptoed towards the door. There were three other teenagers living with her, Craig, Janni and Buzz, but Dawn was able to snag the room for herself. She poked her head outside the door, looked around and pulled it back in. She closed the door quietly and went over to the window. It wasn't locked, but it took a long time before Dawn could loosen up the window enough so that it could open without making a sound. She climbed out of the window and dropped down into the bushes. She quickly put some distance between herself and the house and headed towards the cemetary.

She finally arrived at Spike's crypt. It was still daylight, so she was pretty sure he would still be here. She slowly pushed the door in and let herself in. Buffy never knocked, so why should I? To her surprise, the crypt was empty. Spike didn't have much stuff, but it didn't look like he'd been here in a while. She tried that trapdoor she saw Spike use when he was telling her that scary story, but no one was down there.

She was disappointed and scared that Spike might have left Sunnydale. She left the crypt and wondered what she was going to do now. She felt a strong urge to go back to her old home and immediately started walking there. I was shut up ever since Buffy died. With the death of Buffy, the title to the house reverted to her father's. Since he was currently untraceable, the house couldn't be sold.

When Dawn got there, she discovered it was locked. She shimmied up the tree just under her window and prayed that the window was not locked. It wasn't. She climbed in and looked around. She nearly cried with homesickness. Nothing had really changed about her room. Most of her stuff was still there, except for the clothes and some personal stuff she took with her before moving to Mrs. Lazarus' home. Everything was a little dusty, but had the feeling of being –preserved.

She was aware of a noise coming from outside her bedroom. She became frightened and thought that someone else had broken into her room, but steeled herself to find out where the noise came from. She went out into the hallway . She thought the noise came from Buffy's bedroom and slowly crept up to it. The door was slightly ajar and she gently pushed it in wide enough so she could slowly stick her head in the doorway.

She was surprised with the sight of Spike sleeping in Buffy's bed. There were a half a dozen liquor bottles scattered around the floor and some of Buffy's clothing and personal items were gathered up in some sort of weird shrine. Spike was facing away from her, but she could see his tousled hair and his bare back as the bed sheet came up to his waist. His black t-shirt and jeans were lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.

After the surprise wore off, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Spike must really miss Buffy. The other scoobies were sad too, but Xander and Willow has someone to comfort him and Giles seemed to do better alone. Dawn felt that she and Spike alone were the ones who really needed Buffy. She pushed the door all the way in and quietly approached the bed. Spike didn't move and he was either in a really deep sleep or really drunk. Feeling lonesome, softly climbed on the bed besides Spike and snuggled up to him and slept.

She was suddenly awaked by a yell.

"Bloody Hell!"

His eyelids flew immediately opened and she became fully awake. She sat up in the bed and was treated to the sight of a naked Spike standing there with a shocked and slightly confused expression on his face. She couldn't help giggling with the shock of seeing a nude Spike. She took the sexual educational course so she recognized the different parts, but she wondered why is hair was a different color there than the blonde color of the hair on his head.

Spike's confusion wore off as he became aware that he wasn't wearing anything and that he was being looked at by a fifteen-year-old Dawn. He grabbed a pillow and covered his middle.

"What are you doing here, little bit?" he said with anger and embarrasment.

"What are YOU doing here", Dawn asked after getting control of the giggles. "You're not living at your crypt anymore?"

"Well, this place isn't being used is it? Felt someone should keep it up" Spike said, shifting the pillow around while looking for his clothes.

"Looking for these", Dawn said, holding up the shirt and jeans, shaking them. "And you just miss Buffy like I do."

"Do not", Spike said, making a one-handed grab for the clothes.

"You don't get these back until you say you do!" Dawn, moving the clothes out of his reach.

Clenching his jaw, he said through gritted teeth "Okay, I do. Now hand those over!"

Smiling, Dawn pushed the clothes off on his side of the bed. She leaned down on the bed on her side, supporting her head with her hand while her elbow was in the middle of the pillow. She kept her gaze on the discomfited Spike who tried to get the jeans on without losing the pillow.

"Do you mind?" Spike said, arching his eyebrows indicating that she should turned around.

"No, I don't, keep going" Dawn said, trying to suppress another fit of the giggles. But she shifted over to her other side, her back to Spike.

Spike dropped the pillow and proceed to pull on his shirt and jeans. He carefully pulled up the zipper and smoothed his hair back, he turned around and sat down on the bed. As he was pulling on his black socks and shoes. , he was hugged from behind by Dawn"

"I missed you" hardly anyone comes around to see me anymore.

"I 'spect they have something called living to do. Hungry?"

"Starving!. There still food here?" Dawn said.

"Well there's no one here to eat it, is there?" Spike said, getting up and starting for the door. Dawn followed and they went down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Spike went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of blood.

"Got milk?", Dawn asked?

"Yeah, I sometimes mix in the blood just to get a different taste", Spike said, bringing out a carton while Dawn scrounged around for cereal.. Spike grabbed a mug, poured some of the blood it in, returned the bottle to the fridge and nuked the mug in the microwave.

Dawn put the cereal and milk in the bowl and sat down at the kitchen table. Spike, taking the now hot blood out of the microwave, joined her.

"So, why is your hair brown down there and blonde up there?" Dawn said in mock innocence, between mouthfuls of cereal.

He had wrapped his hands around the mug and was taking a sip before nearly choking on it when he heard the question.

"Cheeky little monkey aren't you?" Spike said, putting the mug down and wiping his mouth.

"Spike? I wanted to ask you something. We didn't get much chance to talk after, um, you know, and no-one will tell me anthing. What happened to you guys after.. after I got kidnapped?" Dawn said nervously. Something pretty heavy must have went down before the gang tried to rescue her, becuase no one would talk about it.

"I know why, but seeing as you're asking, I tell you, but only if you tell me what happened to you" Spike said, wondering if she could handle talking about it, though she was a 'Bitty Buffy'.

"O-Okay". Dawn told Spike about her capture by Glory/Ben, what happened after Spike was tossed off the tower, Buffy's last words. Something she was not able to do with the scoobies. Spike in turn, spoke about Buffy going into a catatonic state, the dissent in the magic shop over Dawn, how he was invited back into the house by Buffy and the battle against Glory/Ben and the minions.

"It's getting pretty late, I guess I better get back before the den mother comes back", Dawn said, taking the now empty bowl and washing it in the sink before putting it away. She turned around and said, "I'm glad I came here and, well, I liked talking to you about….stuff".

"Same here, Little Bit. You best be off now", Spike said. He got up and walked over to Dawn and gave her a kiss on the head. "You ought to run away more often", he said with a smile :"Will you be okay getting back?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'd like to see you again though"

"Anytime. Well, maybe not anytime, just give me a bit of warning is all. Buffy was never to good at that."

"It's getting pretty late, I guess I better get back before the den mother comes back", Dawn said, taking the now empty bowl and washing it in the sink before putting it away. She turned around and said, "I'm glad I came here and, well, I liked talking to you about….stuff".

"Same here, Little Bit. You best be off now", Spike said. He got up and walked over to Dawn and gave her a kiss on the head. "You ought to run away more often", he said with a smile :"Will you be okay getting back?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'd like to see you again though"

"Anytime. Well, maybe not anytime, just give me a bit of warning is all. Buffy was never to good at that."

Dawn climbed back into her bedroom and froze when she saw Janni was sitting there. Janni was a timid 14 year-old girl with the frizzy red hair and glasses. She bounced on Dawn's bed a little with a big grin on her face.

"Where have you been?", Janni said watching Dawn picking up the notebook and pen she threw down earlier that evening.

"Around. Is Mrs. Lazarus back yet?" Dawn said carefully, not sure what Janni would do.

"Nope, not yet. She tried to come in here before she left, but I covered you", Jannie said, the grin back on her face"

"Thanks, is that chore list on the fridge yet?", said Dawn.

"Yep", said Janni.

"Well, why don't I your chores as well as mine?", Dawn told Janni.

"For a week?", Janni quickly said, bouncing on the bed again.

Dawn sighed, "Yes, for a week"

When Janni left, Dawn plunked herself down on the bed and opened the notebook.

She wrote (again):

June 30th - I know who I am. I'm real and I do have somebody who cares

Dawn smiled as she wrote down what happened tonight. She was looking forward to making new entries in the future..

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