Title: The Trouble With Kidnappers (2/

Title: The Trouble With Kidnappers (2/?)

Author: Kira [tenshidejiko@yahoo.com]

See part one for notes and disclaimers

It was the scariest book Josh had ever heard of, and, because of his assistant, had heard the contents of. The Republicans: A History was the kind of book that publishers should turn away from their doors right away, who cares if 43% of Americans claim to be one type of Republican or another. It just should not have been written. Though, Josh thought, some of those 43% say they're independent Republican, so they can be swayed from the dark side. Hmmm…

"Are you enjoying this reading, Mr. Lyman?" his torturer, a 20-something woman named Rochelle, inquired of him, placing the book down on her lap.

"Umm, no, why?" Josh said, but it came out like this instead: "umm, mh, uh?"

"You were smiling," she answered. Damn! Josh thought, she caught me not paying attention. He must have smiled unconsciously while thinking of a plan to convert independent Republicans.

"Oh."

"Shall I continue, or are you ready to tell us what we want?" Wait, they wanted something? All he had to do was tell them what they wanted and he could leave? Why didn't they say that in the first place!?

"Ohkh!"

"Really?" Rochelle asked. Josh nodded. Only too happily, the captor tore the tape from over Josh's mouth, causing him to yelp.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, but it was necessary."

"Not really, but okay."

"We want to know – " The rest of Rochelle's sentence was cut off as the wall exploded, the result of a large wrecking ball crashing through it. Cursing, the woman left Josh to fend for himself as the building fell down around them.

"I paid my rent, what the hell is going on?" she muttered, marching up to the men standing just outside the now large hole that used to be a wall. "What the hell is going on!?"

"Are you aware that this is a corner?" one man asked of her. She nodded. "Hey!" he shouted to the operator. "This is a corner. Take it down!"

"Umm, excuse me, but this is my abandoned warehouse." Rochelle announced, pointing to the now half-dilapidated building.

"Not anymore!" the man exclaimed, letting out a bit of evil laughter. "This property has been bought by Walgreen's!"

"What, are you taking over the world or something?" Rochelle asked. The minuet those words left her mouth, a bag was put over her head and she was dragged away.

Meanwhile, inside the warehouse, Josh sat, still tied to a chair, wondering what they wanted to know. Surly he'd get out of this place unscathed, right? The author wouldn't allow him to get harmed. Seeing a copy of the fic on the floor, Josh craned his head to the right to see the name of the author.

Kira? Oh damn. She was the Josh POV angst author, wasn't she?

His day was not going good.

Of course, that was the last thing he thought before a piece of ceiling fell on him, knocking him unconscious.

**

"You know what?" Kira asked out of the blue while the group was sitting down for lunch. The girls turned to her as they sat in the White House Mess Hall, all four of them huddled around a singular square table. The other assistants whom were employed by the White House sat at the next table over, each of them trying to make it look like they weren't trying to spy on the collective bunch.

"Hmm?" Donna hummed as she pulled her fork out of her mouth.

"They're watching us," she replied, pointing to the group with her chopsticks.

"Yeah, and its kinda freaky," Amber spoke up.

"Maybe we should, well, do something about it," Toni suggested.

"Wonderful suggestion," Donna quipped. Instead of receiving glares, the assistant just got smiles. They knew where her sarcasm came from – Josh – and held a degree of it themselves.

"Maybe we could call them over," Amber said. Donna shook her head.

"No, they like spying on people and talking about what they heard later," she told them.

"How do you put up with it?" Toni inquired.

"I send emails about the food – its great to start rumors and see where they go."

"Really? Was that you the one time when the email went down?"

"No, but that's what gave me the idea," Donna admitted.

"We need a trap," Kira stated out of the blue. Three pairs of eyes landed on her. "We need some way to trap these kidnappers, or at least one of them to get information."

"And how do we do that?" Donna asked. Kira closed her notebook and stood up.

"I'll meet you at HQ," she smiled. Amber nodded knowingly and continued the conversation as she walked off.

"So, what's your opinion on obsession?"

**

"Joshua?" Josh opened his eyes to be blinded by an intense white light. A momentary fear gripped him as he thought he was dead. Was he? Would the author allow him to die?

"Hey, skipper, what's up?"

"What the hell is it with people calling me that!" Josh cried, sitting upright. What was around him scarred him almost to death (again). It was pink – more like a lighter red, filled with feminist posters and pamphlets, with a closet filled with pantsuits and full suits, shoes and work. Yes, work. Lots of it. Papers and laptops littered the nearby table.

It was like CJ haven.

It was CJ haven! Spying a poster on the back of the door, Josh almost fell back onto the cot. It was large, with a picture of CJ that said: CJ for President, she's the woman's woman.

"Joshua, are you alright?" one asked.

"Where – where am I?" he croaked. The group giggled.

"Why, you're in CJ for President headquarters!"

"And we're the members of CJ's groupies!"

Josh screamed. First some weirdoes kidnapped him and now he was in the custody of CJ groupies. Like having one CJ on the Earth wasn't enough.

"I wonder what's wrong with him?" One asked.

"Oh, TJ, you're such a shipper," someone laughed, punching TJ in the arm.

"Is it a crime to want to see Joshua and Claudia Jean together?"

This caused Josh to scream once again.

The girls giggled and went back to their work.

**

"Has anyone seen Rochelle?" Analyn inquired when she walked into the new headquarters after a day of displaying (and fixing) her Toby for President sign over on Zeigler Street. Incidentally, it was right near Amber's house. How the enemy was so lucky as to live near a Zeigler Street was beyond her.

"She disappeared after the warehouse was demolished," Corey yawned. "How's the campaign going?"

"I think it would help if the candidate knew he was running," Mackenzie commented.

"That and the fact that the presidential election isn't for awhile."

"Wait," Analyn started. "We could change that."

"Huh?"

"Get someone to kidnap the writer and make her change the election date!" Analyn jumped up. "C'mon, we kidnapped Josh, we can kidnap her!"

"Don't you think she'll see us coming?" Mackenzie asked.

"Okay, we'll hold other agents for ransom!"

"Yeah!" Corey agreed.

**

Agents Claire and Eileen were sitting outside a café in Washington DC for some lunch before making their way to HQ. It was a great little place that tried to look like a French Café in the middle of a monument to American Government.

Little to say, it was a little out of place.

After finishing, Claire and Eileen stepped out of the café into the sunlight (as it was still a beautiful day) and put on their Josh Sunglasses.

They were on their way now.

That is, until a Toby for President sign distracted them. They couldn't see the Toby groupies running up behind them and placing bags over their heads before shoving them into a van and driving off. While making their getaway, they didn't notice Claire and Eileen press their tracking buttons.

On the computer station in the Josh Lyman Fan Club Agent HQ, two red dots started blinking…

**

Title: The Trouble With Kidnappers (3/?)

Author: Kira [kira@foreverbright.net]

See part one for disclaimers and such.

"We're going to move the capitol," Shawn announced, standing on a podium in front of a room full of attentive people. "It's much too cold in the winter here – the capitol needs to be in California."

"Aren't the CJ Havenites going to claim they thought of that?" one faceless crowd member shouted out.

"We have a plan to keep the Havenites under wraps."

"What is that plan?" another inquired. Shawn shook his head.

"I can't announce that in a room full of people!" Muttered oh's and okay's filled the silence as the people realized how stupid that sounded – tell a plan in a room full of people. "I can say it has to do with backfire; in fact, that's the name of the plan: Backfire." Dustin groaned from his seat off to the left. What an idiot!

"Thank you, Shawn," Melissa smiled, standing up and moving to the podium so that to prevent Shawn from spilling anything else. Shawn took the hint and started walking back to his seat, tripping over a cord in the process. The room shook with laughter as Melissa smoothed down the front of her plain black skirt.

"We are the ones who will take this election – we have planning and punctuality on our side!" she called out, causing the audience to jump to their feet.

Yes, they were going to take the vote because they were the best – and no group of "agents" was going to be able to stop the Sam Groupies.

**

While the Sam Groupies were conspiring to move the United States capitol back to Sam's home state of California, the CJ Havenites were catering to Josh's every need as he lay on a pink bed with a red blanket draped over him. At least it was more comfortable than the cot he'd woken up on.

Girls continued to move about the small bedroom as they continuously checked up on him and spewed theories on his relationship with CJ. Well, most were about that. Quite a few were about CJ and Toby, and Josh recalls one being about Sam and CJ.

These shippers were insane!

Their questions centered on things he'd seen and what he thought they meant. When he told them he didn't think anything should be taken the way they were taking it, they looked as it they were going to cry and rushed out of the room.

"Hello, Joshua." TJ entered the room, carrying a tray containing his dinner. There was one thing he had to admit – TJ really did know what he liked. Pushing the fact that the reason she knew all this was because she was a Josh/CJ shipper author, he smiled at the level of dedication one person could have for him.

Just like Donna.

As TJ came closer to him and set the tray down on the small nightstand to his left, Josh wondered how Donna was doing. Was she worried? Was she looking for him?

Wait a minute! What about his fan club! He had a large following, just like those Toby lovers and these CJ groupies now; what were they doing to find him?

Did they even know he was gone?

"Joshua? Joshua, are you alright?" TJ's voice floated to him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, fine," he replied. In reality, his head was pounding and he couldn't move his left arm. "What happened to my arm?"

"Oh, you broke it," TJ answered a little too cheerfully. "SJ came in and put a cast on it. But don't worry, SJ's a doctor."

"Oh yeah, that makes me feel better," Josh quipped, moving to sit up. A nice charred cheeseburger sat awaiting him.

"You should be as good as new by the fourth part," TJ smiled.

"That's good, this is taking entirely way too long. Hey, you know me, do I have a fan club like this?"

"Yes," TJ answered, her voice quivering.

"Yes? What's wrong?" TJ took a moment to collect her thoughts, then shifted on the bed.

"Your fan club is the most feared. That's why nothing's happened to you that doesn't come out good in the end. They have agents, a secret headquarters, and the best people in charge."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. I'm hoping you get better before they find us because I don't know if we can stand up against them. They're like the CIA of groupies. You should see their web site."

"There's a web site?"

"Yeah. I go there for information sometimes," she replied. "For my stories," she added quickly. Josh smiled. He had a friend here, a friend that might be able to help him get home.

**

"Hey, guys?" Toni called, turning from the Agent Tracking Screen. Many green dots covered the globe, many of them converging on their present location. However, two were red and blinking wildly.

"What's up, Toni?" Amber asked, walking over to her.

"Claire and Eileen have activated their distress signals."

"Do you think they've been kidnapped?" Donna asked.