Insane and Really Weird Stuff About Tortall
Yes, I am insane. Yes, this is what I always knew it would come to this. The point where I simply abandoned any semblance of mercy here and simply recorded something that has no logical connections as far as you can see. But I can… I think… maybe I can't. Well, I hope you enjoy reading it! Although the chances of that are slim to none…
It was a beautiful day in Never Never Never Never Always Land. This land's official name was Tortall. Alanna the Lioness strode by a tall, green tree. The elves in it were plotting. They were plotting to rub their hands together. They were probably plotting something else, too, but never got an actual chance to stick up Alanna, so it didn't follow like every other story would have followed. Instead, giant and vicious polar bears emerged from the snow that had conveniently fallen directly above an evil rock.
Alanna said, "What snow?" Someone began beating her up, and she quieted. "Errmm… I mean…" Her voice trailed off as she tried to remember what she was supposed to say. Suddenly, she brightened! "Stand up and fight, oh vicious white beast thingamajigs!"
The leader looked at her and laughed. "Hehehehehehe, you're spunky! Why should we? You're not big enough to make us a breakfast!" The leader laughed a really annoying, MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! type laugh. "But we'll eat you anyway," he consoled the Lioness hurriedly as it became apparent that she was close to tears. "But ONLY because we like Daine!"
Alanna tried to battle, but was outnumbered! She was counting toes, making sure she still had thirty, when suddenly she realized, "HEY! I don't need to fight like this! I have magical stuff!" She used her magical stuff and went far, far away, to Pirate's Swoop, where George was training pelicans to dive for pots of gold.
"Oh, hi, Alanna!" George called cheerfully as he gestured to a pinecone to drop its leaves on her head. It obeyed the former King of Thieves obligingly, and Alanna yelped as a beak pecked her hair. "GEORGE!" she screamed in her eldest child, Thom's, ear. "Ouch! That hurt!" Thom told his mother purely. "I don't care! GEORGE, GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!"
There will be MORE, fear not… just not now, because I'm too sleepy.
And finally… the moment you've all been waiting for… in my spare time I decided to undertake:
Lady Reena's Challenge
Faithful, the orange-dyed cat, used virtual reality to play with a black-and-red bouncy ball on the Internet, listening satisfied as it hit a box of lucky charms, one of its sides which gave the amazing fact that the "tallest man on earth was 8 feet and 11.1 inches!", with a resounding PLOOP! "Hey!" shouted Tris, "I am being greatly amused by nothing in particular, and the fact that Ginger Spice isn't even in the Spice Girls any more because she dyed her hair the wrong color!"
*Josh bravely ignores the claps of admiration for a moment, then is among the crowd, giving autographs. "You see," he explains modestly, "I had to do all sorts of Hebrew assignments where I fit an unlimited number of words into one sentence. I now set forth a NEW challenge: who can beat my two-sentence story that has completed all of the qualifications of Lady Reena's Challenge?"*
P. S. This is my first story not done in play form, so rejoice because I don't need to have those stars around everything and make your eyes swim with italics anymore.
P. P. S. *Much*
