Heero woke
as they were wheeling him into the emergency room. "Dekim?" he whispered.
"Dead."
My hand tightened on his. "Don't talk."
"Are— you—
all right?"
I nodded
jerkily. "Fine assassin you are. Why couldn't you shoot him or something? Did
you have to jump between us?"
"He had
his finger on the trigger. I was afraid— reflex action."
"So you
let the son of a bitch shoot you."
"Not— my
plan. Everything went wrong. I was waiting for Dekim. No time. He got there just
before— you."
"I told
you not to talk. Do you want to die, baka?"
"No."
His eyes closed. "No, I want to live."
***************
"How is
he?"
I looked
up to see Wufei standing in the entrance to the waiting room. "Another hospital,"
I said wearily. "We've got to stop meeting like this."
"How is
he?"
"He's in
X ray right now. They think the bullet missed vital organs, but he's lost some
blood."
"He'll survive. Heero's tough."
"Hai.
But he's thickheaded baka. He had a gun and didn't use it. He let himself get
shot. Did he expect me to be grateful?"
"He
probably didn't think at all. Are you grateful?"
"I don't
know. I don't know anything."
"Except
that you're glad Heero isn't dead."
I was
glad about that. Everything else was a blur. I leaned my head against the wall
behind me. "You blew up the windmill."
"And
the money and Dekim with it."
"Why?"
"It was
the only way I could be sure that the currency was destroyed. I didn't want it confiscated
and put in some security warehouse someplace. Your government is very fond of
storing things for a rainy day."
I glared
at him. "You worked with Dekim, you bastard."
He
nodded. "My prime objective was always to get Trieze. He was the one who was going
to demand the release of prisoners. I had to work with Dekim to make sure Trieze
was erased from the picture." He smiled slightly. "It was my extreme pleasure
to supply him with the bomb he used on Trieze's helicopter and the one he gave
Catalonia to blow up the counterfeit installation."
"You could
have stopped Catalonia from picking up the money."
He
shook his head. "I didn't know the details. Dekim just used me as he used
everyone else."
"But if
it had come down to a choice between ridding yourself of Trieze or stopping
Collinsville from happening, what would you have picked?"
Wufei was silent.
"You still
would have chosen Trieze." I whispered.
"My country
can't afford to have people like Trieze alive. We live with the threat of
terrorists every moment of everyday. My wife died because of men like Trieze."
His gaze was cold as he met my eyes. "Yes, I would have sacrificed a hundred Collinsville
if it meant keeping those prisoners from being turned loose."
Heero
had once said Wufei was more accepting than he was. It wasn't true. The man
before me was totally relentless.
He smiled.
"You're shocked. Remember I told you that we all have our priorities? Dekim
just wasn't as high on my list as he was on yours. You might ask yourself what
you would have sacrificed to get Dekim."
"I don't
think I would have sacrificed you, Wufei."
His
smile faded. "I hoped I wouldn't get you killed, but I had to destroy the currency.
The only way I could find it was to tell Dekim to use it was a ploy to draw you
into the trap." He grimaced. "If Heero had called and let me know what he had
learned from Catalonia, that wouldn't have been necessary. By the way, the local
police picked up Catalonia near the windmill an hour ago. He was screaming to
high heaven about a deal he made with Heero."
I didn't
care about Catalonia. "You just stood there. You were going to let Dekim shoot
me."
"Was I?"
He shook his head. "I was only waiting for my chance to be a hero. You and Heero
didn't give it to me."
"You're
not a hero."
"No, I'm
only a man with priorities." He turned to go. "I'm leaving tomorrow night. I'll
stop by in the morning to see Heero."
"Do you
think he'll want to see you?"
He
nodded. "He might be angry that I used you, but Heero understands priorities."
"Bullshit."
"Oh, he
does. No one wanted Dekim more than Heero did, but he didn't take the sure kill
last night. I think he understands priorities very well."
***************
Heero
was sitting up in bed when I came in the next afternoon. "Are you supposed to be
up?"
"I'm fine."
He scowled. "But they won't let me out of here."
"It
serves you right for getting shot." He didn't look well, but he looked better.
His chest and shoulder were bandaged, and his color was almost normal. "Was
Wufei here?"
He
nodded.
"He said
you'd understand."
"I do."
"Well,
I don't. I feel... betrayed. I thought he was my friend."
"He was
your friend."
"Friends
don't make you bait in their little traps."
He was
silent.
"I don't
care about priorities. It's not right. He shouldn't have done it." My hands clenched
into fists. "And I still like the bastard. That's not right either."
"What
do you want me to do? Explain him? Make excuses for him?" He shook his head. "I
can't do that. I won't do that. Any more than I would for myself. We both used
you and betrayed you. No amount of regret will change that fact. You have to
either forgive us or try to kick us out of your life."
"Try?"
"You might
succeed with Wufei. You won't with me." He said harshly. "I need you. Do you
know how hard that is for me to say? I won't let you go. I don't care if
you think I'm a bastard. If you try to get away from me, I'll follow you. God
knows I'm good at the hunt. I won't bother you but you'll know I'm there."
I shook
my head.
"Don't
shake you head. It's going to happen."
"Maybe
it will. But not because you bully me."
"I'm
not bullying you. I'm just telling you how it is." He paused. "Is it Quatre? Do
you still blame me for Quatre?"
"No, no
any longer. You didn't know he was going to Tenajo. I don't even blame you for
sending me there. It was wrong, but I can understand. Those damn priorities again.
You and Wufei are obsessed with them."
"No
more than I'm obsessed with you."
"I don't
want to be any one's obsession. I have enough obsessions of my own." And Heero
could very well become one of them. He had dominated my life from the moment he
had entered it.
"Do you
think I'm talking about some sick fixation? We're good together."
"You
mean sexually."
"Hell,
yes, but more than that. And you know it." He hesitated. "I... care
about you. I don't want you to walk out of my life. I want to stay with you."
And I
wanted to stay with him. The knowledge came suddenly and surely. I wanted Heero
more than anything else I had ever wanted in my life. But I couldn't have him.
Not yet. Maybe never. "And do you want to talk to me about Nakoa?"
He
stiffened. "What do you mean? I've told you about Nakoa."
"You haven't
told me about your parents, your sister... You haven't told me about Midorikawa
Hikaru. And don't tell me you're not that man anymore. Everyone's born with a soul,
but it's experiences that make us what we are. I know Heero Yuy. I don't know
Midorikawa Hikaru. I deserve to know both. I won't settle for anything less."
He was
silent a moment. "I'll tell you."
"But
you don't want to talk. For God's sake, do you think I want to force confidences
out of you? I just want you to be able to let the past go. If you can come to me
and say that you've done that, then maybe we'd have some hope of-" I stood up. "This
isn't getting us anywhere. It's all too soon. Right now, I don't know how I
feel. I'm sad and angry and grateful, but I-"
"I don't
want your gratitude. I want you to— But I'll take the gratitude if you go along
with it."
"It's too
soon." I moved toward the door. "I can't deal with it. I can't deal with you, Heero."
"You're
not going to learn by running away."
"I'm
not running away. I have things to do. I'm going back to Collinsville and work
with the CDC and make sure they have a cure in case this damn mutant anthrax surfaces
somewhere else. I have to go to the hospital and check on Iris. Then I'm going
to Canada to the ranger station where Trowa and Catherine left their car and
wait for them to come out of the woods. It should be any day now." I had to
steady my voice. "I have to be there to tell them about Quatre. I'm not
running. I have a life, Heero."
"I don't.
Not yet. But I'm trying. Just give me a little time and I'll get there." He said
roughly. "Go on, get out of here. But you can be sure I'll see you later."
I
walked out.
I loved
him and I was walking out on him. At the moment when he was so alone. What
would a man do when the obsession that had driven him for years vanished? I
wanted to go back and tell him—
No, it
was too soon for both of us. There was too much pain and regret to overcome in one
day. Maybe later.
If
there was a later.
*****
*raises
a brow again* There you go minna. *thinks* Weeeeeeell, maybe this needs an Epilogue
instead of ending here, neeeeeeeeeeee? *smirks*
