Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all
those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy
doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form.
With that out of the way...
Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love)
Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie
Spoilers: All Seasons
Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B
writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd
probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you
can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea,
thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister.
Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and
cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run
in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B
Rated: R just to be safe
Imitor Vita Pro Amor
Part 4
Her anger was boiling as she took fuming steps back home.
How dare he react so...so...nonchalantly... Like she suddenly didn't
matter to him at all?? Her anger subsided slightly to hurt.
She bit her lip, eyes wide, fighting off tears. She growled.
"God Buffy!! What are you thinking?!" she shook her head, trying
to relieve her thoughts, but they weren't coming from her mind, but from
her heart. Her strides were so lengthy, she could see her home nearby
now. She stalked in and out of the street shadows, arms wrapped around
herself. She sighed heavily. "I need to go home, take a long
hot shower, eat some ice cream, pout and whine...maybe wake up Dawnie...pout
and
whine some more... and get some sleep..."
Spike threw himself into his armchair and ripped the cork
out of wine bottle. "Damn you Slayer, and damn your bloody goody
pansy, live, poofy Riley. Boring lil twit. Sodding wanker,
Nancy Boy...and I thought Peaches was bad..." He growled, stomping his
foot. He took a swish of the liquid.
"Don't you realize he's not good enough for you slayer? He's
not the staying kind, luv..." he yelled into the air. "He'll only
hurt you damn it... When he does, chip or no chip, 'll break each
of his bloody limbs is all... 'tll be bleeding good fun..." Spike
chuckled with the visual image of ripping Riley's limbs from his body.
"It will..." he brought the bottle to his cool lips again. He sat
back in his armchair, mentally killing Riley. Anything to distract
his mind from the Slayer.
Buffy smiled softly, stepping out of the shower,
and into her most comfy PJ's. She opted not to wake her sleeping
sister, because well, she did have school in the morning. As much
as her tummy argued with her, she also passed on the ice cream. It
would only lead to brooding and pouting and the waking up of Willow with
an ill timed phone call. Besides, she was tired of thinking
about all her problems. For goodness sakes, she just got back from
kicking the bucket a second time, she should be happy to just be alive.
And she was certainly happy to see her bed. With a sigh, she slipped
under the covers, letting her body relax, even if her mind wasn't ready.
She leaned her head into her pillows, eyes glaring at the ceiling. Damn
it... All she wanted was to live as normal a life as a Slayer could,
and instead it just kept getting more and more complicated. On top of the
demons and apocalypses she had to deal with on a regular basis, there was
also the soap opera that was her life. As much as part of her was
glad Riley was back, she wished he'd just have stayed away and kept things
simple. Having him gone kept him out of her mind. Now, having him
home, it hurt to see him, but it felt good all at once. He was something
safe and familiar that she didn't have to think much about. It left her
heart and mind in a battle of tug o' war for her feelings for him.
Her eyes darted to the moonlight outside her window.
As if that wasn't bad enough, now Spike was obviously upset with her.
Again, she wondered why it mattered so. He was just a friend, a new
friend, and someone she'd never thought she'd ever trust. They'd had the
talk when she'd returned. But she did, and she didn't want to lose any
friendship they were building. There really couldn't be anymore for
them than just friendship. He'd accepted it, and they'd done just that.
Become friends. But she supposed, she should've known talking to him about
her love life wasn't something she could rely on Spike for. Watching
her back and defending and protecting her and Dawnie... that she
could rely on the vamp for, which was a big step alone. Not long
ago, Spike wanted her dead and
vice versa. They'd come a long way. Question was; how much
further did they
have to go?
She groaned, burying her face in the pillow. Why
did she keep questioning her relationship with Spike?! They were
friends, just friends and that's all that she'd ever let it be. He
was a bad guy! Well, a former bad guy. Not that all the men
she's had in her life hadn't turned out to have a really bad streak.
Even Riley, in a, leave in the night, don't call or keep in touch kinda
bad. Not only that, but Spike was only somewhat good because he was chipped.
If that thing ever were to malfunction it be all over. He'd be back
to finding ways to kill her, and he could just walk right into the house.
God, what if he tried to hurt Dawn? Buffy frowned. She couldn't
believe her own thoughts. Deep down, somewhere in the dark, hidden place
in her heart she knew Spike would never hurt either one of them.
But she wouldn't let herself fully believe it. Plus, first and foremost,
he was a vampire. Not that Angel wasn't... Why did she have
to make an excuse for every bad reason to be more than friends with Spike?!
She growled, hitting her head on the pillow. "Just stop Buff...
Just stop thinking of Spike! You're supposed to be concentrating
on Riley!" Yet, that was the furthest thing from her mind.
Spike flicked his lighter on, lighting his cigarette. He
took a long drag and inhaled the smoke. He walked out of the cemetery
with a purpose. He was so tired of thinking and speaking aloud to
Buffy when she wasn't there. He was going to talk to her and she
was going to listen, whether she liked it or not. He knew how much
she liked to hear herself talk and how much she detested anything he had
to say. Especially when she knew deep down in that slayer gut of
hers, he was bloody right. He was gonna make her see that he
was right somehow. He exhaled the smoke, snorting. "Like
that blond, stubborn lil slayer would ever see the truth right in front
of her big ol' beautiful eyes!" he flicked his ashes and stalked down the
streets. He wondered again why he was doing this? "Right mate,
you're doing this so she'll stop dancing around in that bleeding mind of
yers. Like she ever would... the...the..lil...dancer of my bleeding
mind..." Spike groaned. "Yer long
gone mate, you're even sounding like the slayer now." He put
the cigarette in his mouth. "With all that nonsense talk she and
her mates make up..." his cigarette hung loose on his lips. Buffy
talk, he liked to call it. The worst part was, deep in his cold heart
he knew he was doing this out of his sick, sadistic, (as she liked to think)
prisoner in jail waiting to break free kinda love he felt for her.
Or as he thought, his pure, good, life altering, mind boggling, heart renewing
pumping, true love. He sighed, shaking his head. He took another
puff of his cigarette and the slayer's lighthearted voice sounded in his
head, "You do know second hand smoke is deadlier than all the vampires
in the world, right?
Spike laughed wickedly. "Nothing's more deadly than
the 'Big Bad' on a rampage, luv..." he tossed his cigarette into the street
for good measure.
"Spikey's comin' for you slayer..." he grinned, licking his
lips. Her house was right upon him now. He stalked up to the
house, leaping up the house to her window. He slipped in and was
about to start yelling at her when his voice caught in his throat and he
smiled an ear splitting grin. She was so precious, so beautiful...
She was fast asleep, snuggling a small stuffed pig, like a child, to her
chest. A small smile played on her lips and the girl known as Buffy
shone through for Spike to see. The girl he saw inside her fiery
nature as the slayer. Good lord, she was so perfect. His anger
suddenly drifted, not wanting to yell, but to help this girl he loved so.
He slipped into the room, and like a person suffering from a split personality,
he took another look at her and he growled silently, shaking his arms,
fists bawled in the air. He ran his fingers into his white hair,
remitting another purring growl. She was going to be the death of
him! He was turning himself into a nancy boy with all this mushy
love for her!! When would he get to
show the fiery passion he felt too?!!
Buffy's slayers senses kicked in, and her eyes flew open.
She shot up outta bed and scanned the room. "Holy cow! Spike,
geez, you scared the mess outta me!!!" she gasped, seeing a figure in the
corner of her room. The moonlight illuminated his peroxide hair.
Her heart slowed its furious pace slightly. It was still racing from
the handsome man staring at her with searing blue eyes.
Spike tilted his head, slightly cocky. "Well slayer, glad
to know I still frighten you since 'm turning into a bloody nancy boy!!!!"
he growled, shouting, his temper snapping.
"Shh..." Buffy warned. "You'll wake Dawn..." She paused.
"Do I have to de-invite you again?!"
Spike lowered his voice slightly. "You don't know what
you're doing to me, luv! You have to listen to me!"
Buffy crossed her arms, staring at him. "Spike, what do
you want?" she looked at her alarm clock. "It's nearly 4am..."
"Slayer...Buffy..." he came to her, sitting on the bed.
"Please, luv... You don't know what you're getting into with
Riley. He'll only hurt you luv, he'll just leave you again!
I can't stand to sit by and watch you be hurt all over again!"
"What do you care?" Buffy frowned. Now, of all times,
he wanted to talk.
"Damn it Buffy. Whether you believe me or not, I LOVE
YOU..." Spike cupped her cheek with his cool palm. "Please...
I know you detest me, know that 'm lucky we could just be friends, but
Riley isn't right for you!" Buffy stared wide eyed at him.
She was speechless, for a change.
Spike stared at her, waiting for her interruption,
waiting for her to drop kick him outta here and tell him never to come
back. When she didn't it took him by surprised and he didn't know
what to say next. "It's just lunacy to consider Riley! The
bloody poof is just too sodden sappy! You need someone who understand
YOU Buffy." he paused. "The rotten wanker left you and expected you
to forgive him for getting some good times with some vamps?!
What kinda poof does that to you?!"
"Spike, everyone makes mistakes..." Buffy excused.
"But how many times had he left you in the night, leavin you
lonely in this very bed luv, to get a thrill with some vamps?!" Spike was
detested by the thought of her being left alone. "You need someone
who'll be there when you wake up, who'll reach over and love you all through
the night! You need someone who not only see Buffy Summers, but see
that a part of you is the slayer... that fiery passion inside your heart
and soul..."
Buffy's throat was dry. She listened with such care.
Her heart was melting. She was beginning to think he was right.
"Someone who knows you're job is to save the world and that
you're still just a girl. A girl who needs and deserves love more
than anyone else I know... A girl who's heart is so..." Spike paused,
gathering some strength. "Tender, sweet, caring, and so loving
she'd give a monster a chance to prove himself a man to you..."
"Oh Spike..." her heart was thudding so hard. "I..."
Spike put a finger to her soft lips. "Buffy, I know you.
I know the sweet girl in you, I know the fiery slayer who wants to help
everyone. And I even see the deep dark side of you. You need a monster
in your man... Not someone like Riley..."
Something in the way Spike said that made her heart clamp up
and she pulled away from his hand. Her eyes glared at him.
"One second... just who are you to tell me what I need?"
Spike saw the change in her eyes. He'd gone too far, said
too much. Now, she was mad. "I… I just meant... since you came
to me to talk..." Spike sighed.
"Yeah, and a big mistake that was. You're just using all
this trouble with Riley as a chance to get with me, aren't you?!" she shoved
him off her bed. "I thought we were friends Spike?!" her temper
was building again. "When are you gonna realize I don't love you!
And I never will!" she glared hard at him. Spike looked up at her
from the floor. Damn his big mouth! He'd gone too far, pushed
her too soon! His blue eyes watched her, his own temper growing.
It was all his fault. Now, he'd probably force her into
the arms of that wanker!
She glared at him, standing up. "Spike, I think you should
leave."
He struggled to find something to say, anything that would
get that look of utter disappointment off of her face. Contempt, and fury,
even disgust and hate, he could deal with, but her disappointment cut him
like a knife. Because he knew she had trusted him to be her friend, and
to support anything and everything she did, as a friend was supposed to.
And he had just blown it. He looked downward, unable to hold her gaze,
unable to face that sad, resigned look that crossed her face, full of that
damned, disappointment. Why wouldn't she hit him, be furious at him, curse
him? If she would just be angry with him, yes, he'd get beaten, and broken,
but at least it would be normal. He would expect it. But seeing that
disappointment… it made him relive the night of a thousand nightmares.
The night she died. It was as if he'd failed her, again. He couldn't take
that. Not again. He'd die a thousand deaths, endure having every bone broken
in his body, to avoid living that moment again.
Choking back a sob, he got up off the floor slowly, eyes
not even seeing anything around him. She was right; he should leave. He
turned and headed out the window, pausing slightly at the sill, as if he
were going to say something. Instead, he let out a breathy shudder and
climbed out. He was vaguely aware of the window closing behind him. And
for the first time in 120 years, Spike truly felt dead inside.
She watched him go, a shattered, torn expression left unguarded
on his face. For a moment, she forgot her anger, felt her heart go out
to him. She could see the pain he was in, sense the anguish radiating from
his body like fever. But her resolve didn't crumble, because she
wouldn't let it, and she told herself, that no matter how much it hurt
to see him like this, he had brought it upon himself when he breached her
faith in him. It was his fault. He should have stayed back and let her
deal with this herself. He shouldn't have tried to influence her decision…
he shouldn't have told her what was in his heart.
She put her hand over her mouth. What was a friend? Someone
to talk to, to share your deepest secrets with. Someone you could be yourself
around. A friend was someone who loved every bit of you, even at your worst.
A friend was honest with you when the world lied, told you what you needed
to hear, and not what you wanted to hear.
With her hand on her face, she felt wetness on her face,
not having realized the fact that she was crying until now. The window
shut behind him, and she watched him climb out, a mysterious disquietude
surrounding him as he did. He seemed to truly fade with the shadows, tonight.
She wanted to open the window, call out to him, and stop him from leaving.
She wanted to erase that dead look from his face, and that haunted, emptiness
in his eye. But her tenacity held true to form and she stood rigid, unmoving
from the spot, tears she did not feel sliding down her cheek, before falling
to the floor in crystalline droplets.
She tried to ignore that ache in her chest and tried to
focus on how wrong he had been, to say those things to her. How wrong it
had been, for him to say what was in his heart. She tried to tell herself
that he had crossed a boundary, that he had broken a sacred trust. She
tried to tell herself that he shouldn't have tried to influence her. She
tried to admit to herself, that he wasn't an influence, already, whether
he tried or not. Sitting back onto her bed desolately, she stared at the
window in which she had seen him go. Maybe if she kept telling it to herself,
she'd start to believe it. He had been wrong.
Dawn withdrew her ear from her sister's door and slipped back into her
room silently, closing the door behind her. Tears tracked down her face,
and she buried herself into her pillow to drown out the sobs. Her heart
went out to the vampire that had been her best friend, her guardian, her
keeper, and for a while, her only everything. Was she the only one that
could see his love? Was she the only one that saw past the classification,
into the heart of the man? His love was pure, even if he was not. He was
not a monster. He had more soul than many humans. His heart was real. Why
was she the only one that saw that?
And with each indignation the youngest Summers came across,
the more her empathy for Spike turned to anger at the world. She raged
internally, against Angel, against Riley, against Parker, and against even
Buffy, for the injustice of Spike's situation. Why should he, her protector,
her keeper, and most of all, her friend, pay for the crimes of those before
him? Why should he be put into a glass box, classified with a species
and set aside as a beast just because of what he was? What about who he
was? It wasn't fair, and she refused to let the brash, egotistical, honest,
gentle, passionate man she loved so much be destroyed because of it. Getting
up and wiping her face with the back of her hand, she headed to her closet
and changed hastily. She wouldn't let him walk away from here thinking
no one cared.
She was ready in record time, truly not even remembering
what happened between her room and the street as she crawled out the window.
Taking off at a dead sprint down the road, she could still see his dark
figure walking slowly by the end of the street. She resisted the urge to
call out to him, and sped up to meet him, instead. He had to know that
someone, anyone, cared. He had to know someone believed in him.
TBC...
