We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form.
With that out of the way...
Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love)
Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie
Spoilers: All Seasons
Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B
writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd
probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you
can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea,
thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister.
Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and
cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run
in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B
Rated: R just to be safe
Imitor Vita Pro Amor
Part 5
Spike walked slowly, his head in a tizzy over what had happened.
He was vaguely aware that he was moving, towards the crypt most likely,
though he couldn't recall giving his feet the direction to move there.
What had he done? He'd destroyed that friendship that was forming, had
shattered that bond before it had time to set. Could he ever get it back?
He would move the earth itself if that were the price, but he wondered
if Buffy would even give him the chance. Not that he could blame her. He
had failed her expectations, again. He had let her down when he promised
he wouldn't, just like that night, on the tower. He was a miserable hero.
The vampire wanted desperately to blame tonight on someone
else, to erase the hurt of disappointing the person that was his sole reason
for living, the one who had given him his only purpose in life. He even
wanted to blame her, because she should have known better than to trust
a soulless demon to do a job. He wanted to convince himself it was her
fault in the first place, because she should have known that in the long
run, he would betray her, because he was evil. But, he just couldn't find
the heart to do it. He couldn't blame her as much as he could hate her,
and so it settled that his pain would rest solely on his shoulders, from
now until eternity.
So immersed in his thoughts was he, that he didn't hear
the crunch of boots on wet grass, didn't sense the enraged heartbeat or
the adrenaline pumping blood of the mortal that charged him. He staggered
at the first punch, but managed to stay upright, spinning around to face
his attacker, the blow having caused his game face to emerge, unconsciously.
It was just another reminder that he would always be a monster, hiding
behind a crude, human mask. When he saw who had attacked him, the sudden
tension left him, his demon mask sliding back with a shake of his head.
He did nothing, said nothing. He simply turned around, telling himself
to keep walking. He wouldn't give the bastard the pleasure of sneering
at his pain.
"What were you doing in her room?" Riley demanded, eyes
blazing with jealousy.
Spike ignored him. He didn't want to face Finn. The all
too plain, all to real man that had come out ultimately victorious through
their monumental struggles.
"I'm talking to you!!!" Riley demanded, indignant and
full of rage. He grabbed Spike by the arm and spun him around bodily, glaring
hard at the insolent vampire.
Spike looked at the boy, for that was all he really was.
An irritating, overconfident, puppy of a boy. He could not find a reason
the be afraid, seeing the soldier glaring down at him. He held back the
urge to laugh and goad the whelp into putting him out of his misery. The
only reason he didn't, was his promise. Until the end of the world. "You
shouldn't be spyin' on her, Finn," he replied, shrugging the arm the held
him off.
Riley was floored. No smart crack? No dry witty remark?
"What happened, Spike? Why would she even let you in?" he growled.
The vampire turned around, facing Riley head on. "Why
don't you ask her, lover boy, instead of going around behind her back?"
Enraged, Riley drew back and punched Spike hard. "Don't
you dare act better than me. You're just an animal." He grabbed the duster
collar and pulled his fist back again, a menacing look in his eye. "Tell
me."
The commando wasn't sure what happened next, but something
attacked him furiously, jumping on his back and screaming barely coherent
demands that he let go and leave Spike alone. Dazed, he lot go of Spike,
grabbed the assailant, and threw whomever it was, off of his back.
"Oh god…" Spike dove to the ground at Riley's feet, his
back cushioning Dawn's fall.
Riley heard the startled yelp, and the soft groan, and
he froze. Looking at the pile that he had thrown to his feet, he felt his
throat go dry. "Dawn? Oh god, Dawn, I'm so sorry…" he started, moving down
to pick her up.
She slapped his hand away, scrabbling to get off of Spike.
"Spike? Are you okay?" she asked, ignoring Riley.
The vampire rolled over onto his back, and looked back
up at her. "You all right, pet? GI didn't hurt you?" he asked, groaning
and sitting up.
She smiled, though he could still see the tear stains
on her face in the moonlight. "Something big and bony broke my fall," she
responded, as they pulled each other up.
"Dawn, God, what were you doing? Why are you out here,
at this time of night?" Riley demanded. "You should be in bed. Buffy could
be worried sick…it's dangerous out here." he started, frantically.
She glared at him. "Yeah, I could get thrown around by
big Boy Scouts," she quipped, eyes narrowed.
Finn ran a hand through his hair. "Aw kid, I'm sorry.
But you shouldn't have jumped me like that."
"You shouldn't have jumped Spike!" she shot back, infuriated
that he thought he could treat the vampire that way just because he couldn't
defend himself.
"He was in Buffy's room. I wanted to make sure he hadn't
done anything to her." It was a lame excuse, and everyone there knew it.
"So you decided to attack him instead of going to see
if she was all right?" Dawn drawled. "The army teach you that?"
"Dawn, stop," Riley said. "C'mon… I need to get you back
home."
She ignored him and looked back at Spike. "I had to talk
to you, before you walked away, thinking no one cared," she said quietly.
"I…I heard what happened in Buffy's room, and…" She leapt into his arms,
pushing her head against his chest as a fresh bout of sobs escaped her.
"She shouldn't have said what she did. You're not a monster."
"Shhh, Nibblet. You know you shouldn't be out here," Spike
said quietly, avoiding her statement. He laid his cheek on the top of her
head and hugged her tightly. "It's dangerous."
"Not with you protecting me," she responded, voice muffled
by his thick leather jacket.
He looked down at her adoringly, realizing for the umpteenth
time that he loved this little girl so much it made his heart hurt. "You
should go with Riley and get home, Bite Size," he whispered against her.
She pulled back slightly, knowing he was right. He was
always right, her Spike. "I just needed you to know that I love you, Spike."
He smiled a little, and she saw some life spark back into
his eyes. "You shouldn't love me, pet. I'm a monster."
She felt infinitely less sad, seeing that look in his
eye. Seriously, she put a hand over where his heartbeat would be, had he
one. "You're not a monster where it counts," she assured him, looking straight
into those swirling oceans of blue that were his eyes. His heart was all
that mattered to her; it was all that should matter.
"It doesn't beat, luv," he responded sadly, looking down
at chest as he put his hand on top of hers. God, how he wished it beat,
in times like these.
She withdrew her hand from his heart and wrapped him into
a fierce hug again, leaning against the crook of his neck. "It doesn't
have to."
He smiled wanly at the thought. "You should get back home,
pet."
She withdrew and nodded. "Yeah. Tomorrow night…" she trailed
off, wondering how to say this. "The gang is still going to be at the Bronze
tomorrow night. Come?"
"No Nibblet, you know I can't…" He stepped back warily,
shaking his head. "Sis'd stake me 'fore I was halfway through the door."
Her eyes pleaded with him. "Please, Spike? Don't let that
bother you. Don't let the Captain back there influence it."
"Hey!" Riley protested, halfheartedly. Since when did
Dawn dislike him so vehemently? They used to get along, all right.
She ignored his outburst. "Please? You still need to teach
me how to shoot right, and Xander will be disappointed if you and he don't
get in your weekly Pool game. You know he can hang with just girls for
only so long…"
He studied her face, eyes wide with hope, old tears starting
to dry in the warm night air. His little angel, his promise. He swore he
wouldn't let anyone hurt her, and that threat included him. He sighed in
resignation, and looked downward, not saying anything.
He didn't have to say anything. She knew. "Thank you Spike!"
she squealed, kissing him on the cheek quickly.
"All right then brat, get on home," he urged, smiling
fondly.
"Bye, Blondie," she called back, letting Riley pull her
back down the street, towards the house. He watched them go in silence;
saw Finn put his arm on her shoulder. It was decidedly, the most normal
thing he had ever seen. And for once, for once he didn't care if he acted
like a bloody poof. His heart was broken and damn it all to hell,
he hurt. He felt awful and broody and for once, he was going to go
with it. He pulled out his smokes and defiantly pulled out one.
Then the sodden slayer's voice played in his head
like a broken damn record set to drive him nuts. He growled in pain
and anguish. To hell with it... He lit his cigarette. He took
a long drag. "I really am love's bitch..." He turned on his
heel, shuffling his feet towards the cemetery. His normal swaying
saunter just gave way to depression. He
was only half way down the block by the time his light was gone.
He lit another. He needed to get good and drunk and then get the
hell outta Sunnyhell. It really had seen some serious whoopings of
his ass, but tonight may have been the worst night of his life. Strike
that, second worse night of his life. Flashbacks of weeping over
Buffy's dead body corroded his heart and mind. Her rejection tonight
hurt more than anything he could've imagined, well almost anything.
To see her live and hate him would not nearly hurt as much as to see her
frail, weak body sprawled out and lifeless, again. He knew he'd never be
able to fully escape this place though.
Only one thing kept him here, kept him from running away...
Dawn. No matter how much Buffy rejected him, Bite Size always needed
him and he had promised her. For that he was grateful, and at the same
time, bloody regretful. As long as he stayed in Sunny D keeping an
eye on Nibblet, his undead heart would be completely miserable. So
be it.
If he'd die for Dawn, he'd suffer torture for her
as well. At least someone believed he was capable of love. He only
wished he could prove it to someone else. But, Summers women were
stubborn that way. That he knew well. He decided to visit the
last of the lot of them tonight, on his way back. Maybe she'd know
what to tell him...
Dawn shrugged Riley's arm away from her. "I'm
not your lil buddy Riley, and sorry to say I wish YOU were the one Buffy
wanted to stake."
Riley frowned. "Dawn, what did I ever do to
make you feel this way?"
She glared at him. "Not that I owe you any
explanation what so ever, but you suck. You left Buffy just when
she needed you most."
"I heard about your mom, I am sorry..." Riley apologized.
"Yeah well, that was only the half of it..." Dawn
raised her brows, turning her head away. Her eyes welled with tears.
She blinked them back.
"What else happened Dawnie?" he questioned.
"Nothing you need to hear from me...." she huffed.
"Why DID you decide to come back now Riley? Why couldn't you have
just stayed away?" she snapped.
"Well, I'm sorry you felt that way Dawn, but I missed
your sister a great deal. I want to make amends," he explained.
"Well beating up on Spike isn't going to change
her mind. Regardless of how Buffy's feelings for Spike differ from
mine, I know she thinks of him in a slightly higher regard than most vamps.
He risked a lot for us." they approached the Summers' home.
"Like what Dawn? He's already dead!" Riley argued.
"And he'd die again, for either one of us..." Dawn huffed,
defending her friend.
"Why would he do that?" Riley asked, disbelieving.
"For love..." Dawn stared him down. "Something you obviously
know nothing about, Riley Finn." she broke him down with a penetrating
glare. He remained silent, speechless. She snorted, shaking
her head. Then she turned to her house, stalking up to the door and
unlocking it with her key. "Goodbye, Riley."
He watched as she locked the door behind her, shutting
him out.
Spike plopped down on the soft grass. He frowned,
staring at the tombstone in front of him. He touched the cool stile,
making sure it was real. " Allo mum..." he whispered.
"Sure could use some of your hot cocoa..."
The thing he loved most about Joyce Summer's cocoa
was her special presence that came with it. She, much like Dawn,
always treated him with kindness and generosity. She saw past the
monster in him, and Spike made no quorums about it. He was indeed
a monster. He thought of all the people to see past it, it would
be Buffy, because she had always wanted the same thing Spike wanted.
She wanted someone who would see past the Slayer and see Buffy Summers.
"How's heaven been treating you mum?" he murmured
with affection. "They got those cool marshmallows there?" he smiled
fondly. "I wish I could erase time and bring you back. I know
you weren't really on my side or anythin'... but I really could
use your help with the Slay... Buffy..." he paused, heart shattering.
"I messed up real good this time, luv..." he sighed, overcome with sadness.
He sat and talked, whispered and even said nothing
at all until the telltale signs of the sun rising began to show.
He bid the resting place a goodbye, with a short smile. "Thanks for
the talk mum... Until next time," he grazed the tombstone in finality.
Then he walked backwards, eyes not coming off the tombstone. He finally
turned and headed for his crypt before he turned into dust.
The morning sun crept into the kitchen windows as
Dawn and Buffy sat at the table in silence. The only sounds were
of spoons dipping into cereal bowls. Buffy eyed her sister, wondering
what she was angry about. "So, you gonna talk to me at all this morning?"
"Not if I didn't have to," Dawn shrugged, anger burning inside
her.
"What did I do?" Buffy frowned.
Dawn glared at her, her tone not softening. "You acted
like a real jerk! Sometimes, you can be so mean I wonder if it's
YOU that doesn't have the heart..."
Buffy sighed, her temper rising a bit. "You were eavesdropping
last night?"
"Yeah... heard Spike climb in..." Dawn crossed her arms.
"Don't try to turn this around on me Buffy."
"It's not nice to eavesdrop Dawnie," Buffy scolded.
"And it's not nice to treat your friend the way you did!
He was only trying to help you! Not get in your pants!" Dawn fought
back.
"Dawn!" Buffy's eyes widened. "Really! C'mon..."
"It's the truth! He was just telling you what was in his
heart. And he DOES have one Buffy. He risked his life, be it
may that he's already dead, he'd have died again for REAL for us!" Dawn
continued. "Can't you see past the monster? It's not him anymore!
He's changed!"
"Because of a chip Dawnie. Because of a tiny, electronic
chip!" Buffy tried to reason. "If that chip were to ever malfunction
we'd all be in real danger from Spike! He's a master vampire!"
"Than why hadn't you killed him before the chip?!" Dawn protested.
"And if you really thought it was all because of the chip would you really
let him in my life, in our lives? If you thought for one second he
could only be acting this way because of the chip, you wouldn't have re-invited
him in or into our lives!"
Buffy didn't have an answer for her. Her anger was at
its boiling point. She was the adult, not Dawn. "Look
Dawn, we're not discussing this any further. Spike had been a great
help and I do want to keep him as a friend and trust him further, but right
now I don't know what to think of him." she paused, wishing she'd treated
him better last night."
"Riley attacked him," Dawn tattle-taled. "Last night,
after Spike left. I followed him. I don't care if you punish
me for leaving the house, but I couldn't let Spike leave like that."
Dawn continued on in a rush. "When I caught up to him, Riley was
attacking."
"What?" Buffy gaped.
"He came up with a lame excuse that he was afraid Spike
hurt you... like he could..." Dawn snorted. "I think he just beats
up on him now cuz he knows he can..."
"Enough Dawn..." Buffy snapped. She ran a hand through
he blonde hair.
Dawn glared. "I can't bel..."
"Dawn, I said stop. Please, I can't take anymore this
morning," Buffy's mind was spinning with information. Her heart went
out to Spike again. Yet, she couldn't believe Riley would just attack
Spike with no cause. She'd speak to both of them later about it.
If she could face Spike. "Let's get you to school," she sighed. "We'll
talk more at the Bronze."
TBC...
