Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all
those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy
doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form.
With that out of the way...
Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love)
Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie
Spoilers: All Seasons
Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can
barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea,
thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister.
Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and
cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run
in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B
Rated: R just to be safe
Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :)
P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*
Without further blabbings:
Imitor Vita Pro Amor
Part 6
That night at the Bronze, Spike held his promise to Dawn
and showed up. When he walked in, his eyes drifted on Buffy
and his whole being lifted. He couldn't help but want to smile.
The smile faded though when she turned and frowned at him.
Dawn ran over and hugged Spike. "You're here!"
"Easy Pint Size," Spike eased the young girl off of him.
"Don't want to piss of big sis..." he paused. "Anymore…"
"Screw her," Dawn waved.
" 'm not big on affection anyway, Nibblet...." Spike chuckled.
"Sure Spike," she rolled her eyes. "C'mon Xander's waiting
for us at the pool table!" she gripped his cool hand and never once flinched
from the coldness.
Spike found her energy infectious, but when his eyes fell on
Buffy his cold heart seized to beat again.
Buffy watched Spike from across the club, where she sat with
Wills, Tara, Riley and Anya. She felt sad seeing Spike's expression,
but she saw him pick up a bit at a joke Dawn told him.
"You want him to leave?" Riley began to stand.
"No," Buffy ordered. "Spike's fine with Dawn. Leave
them alone." she glared at Riley, not having the opportunity to talk to
him about last night yet.
From across the room Spike was watching Xander set up the pool table, his eyes kept drifting back to Buffy. The music in the club slowed down, an announcer mentioned it was 'couple's night' and a familiar ballad started. Couples drifted to the floor. Buffy and Riley included.
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd me shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate
Spike felt the words hit home and he felt suffocated suddenly.
The vampire hadn't needed to breathe in over a 100 years, but suddenly
he felt as if he was choking. He set down the cue and put a hand
on Dawn's shoulder, steadying himself.
"What? What is it?" Dawn asked worried.
He shook his head, trying not to worry her. "I'm fine,
just need...need to go outside a minute..."
"I'll go with…"
"No...Stay with Xander. Play... I'll be...right...back..."
Spike wheezed.
Xander watched Dawn worriedly as Spike jogged out of the
Bronze, seeming as if he was about to pass out. "What happened?"
"I don't know..." Dawn pouted. "I should go after
him..."
"Stay Dawn, you heard him..." Xander warned. She
bit her lip with worry.
Buffy saw Spike run out of the Bronze, looking like he was in
trouble. She left Riley on the dance floor and ran after him.
Spike burst into the cool air and took a deep, shaking breath.
His eyes shone with some deeper meaning and he mentally cursed the singer
of the song, because this was obviously a sick joke to get a rise out of
him. He growled, almost out of control, before pulling out his smokes
and lighter, hoping to calm his nerves.
"Spike!" Buffy called, running down the alley after him.
She found him around the corner, leaning against the wall,
arms around himself as he shakily smoked on a cigarette. He stared straight
ahead, but she knew he knew she was there. He always knew where she was.
And she could always feel him, too. He didn't turn his head, didn't acknowledge
that anything might have been wrong. But she saw the dash from the club.
She saw that pained look on his face, and she couldn't help but want to
be there for him, in spite of everything that was happening right now.
She tried to convince herself that it was simply in her nature to do such
a thing, but looking at him there, she wondered why she didn't just let
him go, if she really was as mad at him or loathed him as much as she told
herself she did.
She leaned against the wall next to him, shoving her hands
into her jacket pocket absently. She waited for something from him, some
indication of what she should do. He kept looking ahead for a while, calming
himself inside. Buffy stood next to him, back to the wall, quietly. She
was waiting for him to say something. Presumably, something stupid again,
so he could get yelled at some more. He was tempted to just go home, walk
straight to his crypt and drink himself into blessed oblivion. But, he
had promised Dawn. And he realized, that with all the wrong he had done
here, he wasn't about to shatter the one thing he had done right. They
stood for a few more minutes, just like that, quiet, and awkward and silent,
listening to the soft music drifting to them from the Bronze.
If you knew what I knew
You wouldn't say what you said
If you knew what I knew
We'd be together instead
Of you breaking my heart
With things that aren't true
My lady, yes,
If you knew what I knew
Time passes by
The only tears I cry
Are filled with this illusion
Fears I have inside
Like a lost soul
I feel like I'm all alone
If only I could feel your pain
Within your heart of stone
I wish, I may
I wish, I might
Be that certain someone
You wish for every night
If you knew what I knew
You wouldn't say what you said
If you knew what I knew
We'd be together instead
Of you breaking my heart
With things that aren't true
My lady, yes,
If you knew what I knew
They listened in silence, until Spike couldn't take it
anymore. Until he couldn't ignore the blasted song and the blasted words
and every damn thing that the Slayer made him feel. He tried, in any case.
"Why did you come out here, Slayer?"
She looked at him in surprise, so caught up in her thoughts,
as if she hadn't expected him to say a word, let alone ask her that. In
all honesty, she really didn't know why she was here, either. It had just
seemed like the right place to be. The right time. It was just, right.
"I… I saw you run, I wanted to, I don't know," she sighed.
"You wanted to what?" he pushed, actually looking at her
this time.
He always pushed, she realized. He always brought her
to the edge, made her see herself. He didn't let her run away from herself.
She hated him for it. She hated how he made her feel when he did it. "I
wanted to make sure you were all right," she admitted, seeing the intense
look on his face.
"I'm okay," he said quietly. As an afterthought, he realized he was
smoking again, and the Slayer was there. He tossed the cigarette on the
floor and snubbed it out with the toe of his boot, expelling the last of
the smog from his lungs. "I just…"
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, because she knew there was
no other way to do this. She couldn't just lean back and let him be the
scapegoat whenever her life was in upheaval. He was easy to put in those
shoes, and she realized no friend, human or not, deserved that sort of
abuse.
He looked at her, not believing he heard what he just
heard. He wondered if he should get his ears cleaned. "Er, come again,
Buffy?"
"I'm sorry. For yelling at you last night."
He sighed inwardly. Last night. He just wanted to push
the memory of it away, pretend it had never happened. But he knew it had.
He knew they had to do something about it, or be forced into this awkward,
quiet relationship that neither of them wanted. "No, luv, I'm sorry. I
know I shouldn't have tried to influence your answer in anyway, but I just
couldn't bloody well stand the thought of that git…er…Riley…making you
cry anymore."
She looked down at the floor, still leaning against the
wall. "I talked to Dawn today. Or at least, she talked at me. I tried to
tell her that it was all because of the chip. I tried to be all, 'Spike's
only helping because of the chip, and the second he gets it out, he'll
kill us all'…" she sighed, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
Hurt flashed across his features for a brief moment, so brief that she
almost wondered if it had been her imagination in the first place. But
he didn't say anything. His jaw clenched and unclenched a little, but there
was no other reaction. She took a deep breath, before going on. "I've been
thinking about this all day, trying to figure out what I believe. I saw
you in the Bronze just then, and I thought you'd come to pick a fight with
Riley." She chuckled a little, but realized she had gone off topic. He
was just looking at her, head cocked to the side curiously, hands stuffed
into duster pockets. "You're my friend, right, Spike?"
He looked positively aghast at the question. "Buffy, if
you don't know by now, luv…"
She stopped him. "Yes, I know. You ARE my friend. And last night,
you were only telling me what you thought. I shouldn't have gotten all
worked up about it, read things into it that might or might not have been
there."
He sighed, and withdrew his hands from his pockets. "I
think…" he looked downward, realizing what he was about to say might not
be as profound as it felt. "I think we both mucked up a bit, luv."
She couldn't help but chuckle a little at his awkwardness.
It was such a human quality of his, positively mortal and adorable in its
normalcy. "Yeah. I guess we did. Mess up, that is." She turned and looked
up at him, all nervous and hopeful in the moonlight. "Should we go back
then? Dawn might worry."
He nodded. "Yeah. We should." He turned around and they
walked side by side down the alley. "Er…Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Could I…if you and Riley aren't… I mean…"
She instinctively knew what he was thinking. It wasn't
hard with him; they could read each other so well that it frightened them
both at times. It was as if they were completely transparent to one another.
She wondered if she should be scared at the concept, but decided to ignore
it for now. "Spike, would you dance with me?"
His mouth quirked into a self-depreciating little half-smile,
and his gaze wandered down towards his shoes. This vampire, this intense,
passionate vampire that radiated sex appeal and danger and edginess, looked
shy. She smiled at the thought. "Yes."
She touched his arm, without thinking. "C'mon. Then you
and Xand can catch up on your manly pool game."
They entered the Bronze, and Spike's gaze automatically landed on Dawn,
who had stood, worrying, as she tried to pretend she was listening to Xander's
great pool tips. She knew he always lost to Spike, anyway. When she saw
her guardian vampire still there, and more importantly, still in one piece
and unharmed, the tension left her. He smiled reassuringly at her from
across the club, and bade her go back to the game with a nod of her head
in Xander's direction.
Riley walked straight up to them, eyes shining with worry,
ready to pummel Spike if need be. "Buffy? Are you okay? What happened?"
"I just…" she looked at Spike. "I had to talk to a friend."
"Oh." Riley bit back the comment he had about Spike's
status friendship. "Is everything okay?" He put his hands on her shoulders,
and the vampire had to bite back, literally, his growl.
"Yeah," she nodded. "We're going to dance now," she added
quietly, not meeting Finn's eyes.
"Okay." Riley thought she meant him obviously, and moved
to take her hand. But when she slipped by him, the fabric of Spike's coat
clutched in her fingers, he realized who she was talking about. "Oh." He
physically restrained himself from going after them. They were friends.
She could dance with her friends. He would let her have that. But if that
damned blood sucker touched his woman…
They reached the floor and she stopped walking, turning
to face him nervously. He didn't know what to do as the song started, it
was slower than she might have liked, he supposed. He put his hands on
her waist and held her at arms length, taking the first move so that she
didn't have to. Grateful for his actions, she relaxed a little and rested
her arms on top of his, clutching his forearm lightly.
If I die tonight
I'd go with no regrets
If it's in your arms
I know that I was blessed
And if your eyes
Are the last thing that I see
Then I know the beauty heaven holds for me
They swayed to the music slowly, never looking at each other. He looked past her shoulder, eyes not really focused on any point. He concentrated on the feel of her body and the warmth and smell of her.
But if I make it through
If I live to see the day
If I'm with you
I know just what to say
The truth be told
Girl you take my breath away
Every minute, every hour, every day
He feared that if he ever looked into her eyes, he wouldn't
be able to look away. He would break down at the thought of not having
more than her friendship. He would be trapped there, staring and gawking
and loving her but no closer than arms length. It would be as close as
he could ever get. Her friendship was all she would ever give. And he had
to accept that. Despite what he felt, the electricity between them, he
wouldn't hurt her by forcing her to accept more than friendship. She would
never love the beast, anyway. So he just danced with her. He pretended
that that was all it was. Just one dance.
Cause every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
If every day was,
As good as today was
Then I can't wait til
Tomorrow comes
A moment in time
Is all that's given you and me
Moments in time
And it's something you should seize
So I won't make
The mistake of letting go
Every day you're here
I'm gonna let you know
That every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
And if every day was
As good as today was
Then I can't wait til
Tomorrow comes
She didn't realize how close they had gotten until he heard his murmur low in his throat, right at her ear. Instead of being startled by his closeness, she wondered why he made that sound, like a lion purring. She rested her head against the crook of her neck, arms wrapped around his throat. He rumbled when he made that noise deep in his chest. She wondered if he even knew he was doing it. She rather enjoyed it, she realized. The way it tickled something inside her. Unconsciously, she pushed closer to him, wanting to hear it reverberate in all of its fascinating glory. It got louder as she grew closer, and she felt his arms tighten around her waist, meeting at the small of her back.
Each morning
That I get up
I love more than ever
So girl I'd never go away
Never stray
So every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
If every day was
As good as today was
I can't wait til
Tomorrow comes
Every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
And if every day was
As good as today was
I can't will til
Tomorrow comes
I love the moments
Moment we share together
Every Moment
I love every moment
I pray they last forever
I love the moment
Moments we share together
I love the moments
I pray they last forever more
She danced with him as if in a haze, the parts of her brain that should
have told her they were too close, and that she was too comfortable were
far away. She didn't realize what she was doing, because if she did, she
would have pulled away. Because it was wrong.
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
For now, there was just the music. There was the strange purring noise in his chest, the smell of smoke and leather and spice that lingered on him and was, uniquely him. And there was her, dancing with him now. This was her moment separated from the world, her dance behind the curtain. This was her moment with Spike, where she was just a girl, and he was just, a man.
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Spike was drowning. He was surrounded, the smell of her, the feel of her, she was everywhere. It made him ache, in his un-beating, long dead, cold, monster's heart. She was here, with him in his arms, and he couldn't really touch her. He supposed that was all that mattered in the long run though. She was here.
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
He tried to concentrate on the song, tried to cut off that ridiculous noise he was making in his throat at her closeness. Would she realize what she was doing to him? Torturing him in the sweetest way, by letting him be so close? Did she even know? Would she suddenly realize, and shove him away, her eyes shouting "monster!" to the world? He almost waited for it. But when she pushed closer against him, he realized maybe, he would have his moment in the sun, tonight. His arms tightened around her. Maybe tonight, he could be more than a monster.
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
As the song ended, neither of them stopped swaying slowly.
It was as if they were in their own world and nothing and no one existed
around them. Their music never stopped. Spike buried his head into
her sweet hair, sniffing the warm vanilla scent. He grinned, knowing
the familiar smell of her.
He was almost afraid that he was waking up, just as he
was getting closer to heaven, but if tonight would be his only night to
be given such a gift, he was going to do what he'd always done with the
woman in his arms...take it one step further. He closed his eyes,
turning his head in lower. It was buried deep within her pulsing
neck. He felt her veins throbbing, the heat from her body was just
radiating off her skin. His nose was tucked in the warm vanilla scent
of her silky hair. His senses were beginning to go into overdrive
and he couldn't control the purring any longer. He murmured, purring
her name softly, like a lion cub gently purred. "Buffy...."
It was so intoxicating. She couldn't get enough
of the rumble in his throat, how it tickled her and reverberated into the
very innermost depths of her person. Her eyes fluttered close and
her warm body swayed into his cool muscular one. She let him rest
his chin on her shoulder, his head buried in the burrow of her neck.
She felt herself pressing her cheek against his head. She no longer
was in control of herself. Something inside her was using her like
a marionette. And she enjoyed every minute of it.
I don't know how
I don't know why
But girl it seems
You've touched my life
You're in my dreams
You're in my heart
I'm not myself
When we're apart
He wanted so bad to kiss her. His entire being ached, but he knew it was too soon. No matter how much he pushed the girl into things, he'd never rush her into something that just could possibly send her running away from him forever. He did run his cool lips across her neck, sending waves of radiating heat into him. God, for once, he was warm inside. Perhaps that's what drove him to purr and whimper like the lovesick puppy he'd become.
Something strange has come over me
A raging wind across my seas
And girl you know your eyes are to blame
What am I supposed to do
If I can't get over you
I've come to find that you don't feel the same
She smiled so deeply, so contently. His arms around
her felt so comforting and safe. She felt like a totally different
person. She felt like...like...she was complete. She felt as
if she was finally Buffy Anne Summers. She felt herself snuggling
into Spike's embrace and her body felt electric currents running through
her at the feel of his cool lips on her hot skin. She heard the rumbling
in his chest increase dramatically, and the sheer eroticism of the noise
caused her to whimper softly in the back of her throat.
He heard her moan and it drove him insane.
He wanted to caress her everywhere, to kiss her, to do things he wasn't
allowed to do with her. He wanted her to fill his cold world with
warmth.
Cuz 'm fallin...fallin...
Girl I'm fallin for you
And I pray you're fallin too
I've been fallin...fallin
Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you
Fallin...fallin...fallin...
When I laid eyes on you
Fallin...falling..fallin
Yeah
He suddenly felt unsure and afraid, like this was some
surreal fantasy he had drunk himself into, and that in actuality, he was
still on the floor of his crypt, miserable and too drunk to walk.
He slipped his head up, pulling back slightly so he could look at her..
He examined her small frame wrapped in his. There she was, eyes shut
so tight, body so warm and wrapped around his, a smile dancing on her lips.
And much to his delight, re realized he was completely lucid, and this,
this was very, very real. This was his moment. This was his salvation,
his one chance at reaching skyward, and he'd live a hundred more years
with this memory forever emblazoned in his mind.
She opened her eyes, looking up into the swirling blue
eyes penetrating her. His smile was totally infectious and she felt
hers grow. For a moment, she saw a flicker in his eyes. In
that flicker was love, innocence, respect, tenderness, honesty, sadness,
and just raw beauty. She tilted her head, examining his features.
Inside that soulless undead body was a heart. Something she
thought vampires could never possess, even soulful ones. But
she saw his briefly. It was there, bare and naked to her eyes,
for just a moment. She felt part of her fixed resolve to hate him
always, deteriorate.
She realized she wanted to kiss him. It scared her
at first, but her body was not her own tonight, her soul and heart had
taken premise. Her voice was trembling as she whispered his name.
"Spike..." For she was beyond shocked to feel the emotions that coursed
through her. She never thought a vampire could give off so
much heat, so much...life. His eyes showed her tonight that being
a monster didn't make you who you were. It was your heart who made you
who you were. It was terribly frightening to Buffy to take in, though
she told herself she always should have known it. However, she didn't want
to admit it in its entirety, because if this was the case, how could she
ever explain what happened with Angelus? But, her heart wouldn't let her
go off into that heated debate right now, and she let herself become fixated
to Spike's eyes and arms. She wasn't ready to leave. She wasn't
sure she ever wanted to.
I lose my step
I lose my ground
I lose myself
When you're around
I'm holding on
For my life
To keep from drowning in your eyes
Girl what have you done to me
To make me fall so desperately
To think that I don't even know your name
No, no
How am I supposed to live
If I can't get over this
If you decide that you don't feel the same
He cradled her in his arms, close, but not too close that
he couldn't look into her beautiful eyes. He couldn't find a name
for the feelings he suddenly felt. He looked in her eyes and there
was so much written in them, he was afraid she was seeing right through
him and looking at someone else. She couldn't possibly be looking
at Spike with admiration and content, with trust and....love?????
He reached up, cupping her cheek. He brushed her soft skin with the
pads of his fingertips. He brushed them so gently across her cheekbone
down the base of her neck, like she was made of fine china. He leaned
in, forehead against hers. He took a breath; he had to. He
was suffocating in her smoldering eyes. He breathed on her lips,
tickling them. "Buffy...luv...can I please kiss you?" His voice was raw,
pained, like he had trekked across the desert to the gates of oasis and
had to wait for admittance.
Her eyes fluttered and closed as she leaned in, with a
minute motion as her answer. She pressed her hands on his leathered
back, pulling him even closer. She could feel the coolness
of his lips close by, and sense his unneeded shuttering, labored breath.
The quivering anticipation nearly destroyed her, right then and there.
She was going to drown in him.
Cuz 'm fallin...fallin...
Girl 'm falling for you
And I pray you're falling too
I've been fallin...fallin..
Fallin...
TBC...
