ImitorVitaProAmor6

Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form.

With that out of the way...

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love)

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie

Spoilers: All Seasons

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister.

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B

Rated: R just to be safe

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :)

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*

Without further blabbings:

Imitor Vita Pro Amor
Part 6

That night at the Bronze, Spike held his promise to Dawn and showed up. When he walked in, his eyes drifted on Buffy and his whole being lifted. He couldn't help but want to smile. The smile faded though when she turned and frowned at him.
Dawn ran over and hugged Spike. "You're here!"
"Easy Pint Size," Spike eased the young girl off of him. "Don't want to piss of big sis..." he paused. "Anymore…"
"Screw her," Dawn waved.
" 'm not big on affection anyway, Nibblet...." Spike chuckled.
"Sure Spike," she rolled her eyes. "C'mon Xander's waiting for us at the pool table!" she gripped his cool hand and never once flinched from the coldness.
Spike found her energy infectious, but when his eyes fell on Buffy his cold heart seized to beat again.

Buffy watched Spike from across the club, where she sat with Wills, Tara, Riley and Anya. She felt sad seeing Spike's expression, but she saw him pick up a bit at a joke Dawn told him.
"You want him to leave?" Riley began to stand.
"No," Buffy ordered. "Spike's fine with Dawn. Leave them alone." she glared at Riley, not having the opportunity to talk to him about last night yet.

From across the room Spike was watching Xander set up the pool table, his eyes kept drifting back to Buffy. The music in the club slowed down, an announcer mentioned it was 'couple's night' and a familiar ballad started. Couples drifted to the floor. Buffy and Riley included.

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd me shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

Spike felt the words hit home and he felt suffocated suddenly. The vampire hadn't needed to breathe in over a 100 years, but suddenly he felt as if he was choking. He set down the cue and put a hand on Dawn's shoulder, steadying himself.
"What? What is it?" Dawn asked worried.
He shook his head, trying not to worry her. "I'm fine, just need...need to go outside a minute..."
"I'll go with…"
"No...Stay with Xander. Play... I'll be...right...back..." Spike wheezed.
Xander watched Dawn worriedly as Spike jogged out of the Bronze, seeming as if he was about to pass out. "What happened?"
"I don't know..." Dawn pouted. "I should go after him..."
"Stay Dawn, you heard him..." Xander warned. She bit her lip with worry.

Buffy saw Spike run out of the Bronze, looking like he was in trouble. She left Riley on the dance floor and ran after him.
Spike burst into the cool air and took a deep, shaking breath. His eyes shone with some deeper meaning and he mentally cursed the singer of the song, because this was obviously a sick joke to get a rise out of him. He growled, almost out of control, before pulling out his smokes and lighter, hoping to calm his nerves.
"Spike!" Buffy called, running down the alley after him.

She found him around the corner, leaning against the wall, arms around himself as he shakily smoked on a cigarette. He stared straight ahead, but she knew he knew she was there. He always knew where she was. And she could always feel him, too. He didn't turn his head, didn't acknowledge that anything might have been wrong. But she saw the dash from the club. She saw that pained look on his face, and she couldn't help but want to be there for him, in spite of everything that was happening right now. She tried to convince herself that it was simply in her nature to do such a thing, but looking at him there, she wondered why she didn't just let him go, if she really was as mad at him or loathed him as much as she told herself she did.
She leaned against the wall next to him, shoving her hands into her jacket pocket absently. She waited for something from him, some indication of what she should do. He kept looking ahead for a while, calming himself inside. Buffy stood next to him, back to the wall, quietly. She was waiting for him to say something. Presumably, something stupid again, so he could get yelled at some more. He was tempted to just go home, walk straight to his crypt and drink himself into blessed oblivion. But, he had promised Dawn. And he realized, that with all the wrong he had done here, he wasn't about to shatter the one thing he had done right. They stood for a few more minutes, just like that, quiet, and awkward and silent, listening to the soft music drifting to them from the Bronze.

If you knew what I knew
You wouldn't say what you said
If you knew what I knew
We'd be together instead
Of you breaking my heart
With things that aren't true
My lady, yes,
If you knew what I knew

Time passes by
The only tears I cry
Are filled with this illusion
Fears I have inside
Like a lost soul
I feel like I'm all alone
If only I could feel your pain
Within your heart of stone
I wish, I may
I wish, I might
Be that certain someone
You wish for every night

If you knew what I knew
You wouldn't say what you said
If you knew what I knew
We'd be together instead
Of you breaking my heart
With things that aren't true
My lady, yes,
If you knew what I knew

They listened in silence, until Spike couldn't take it anymore. Until he couldn't ignore the blasted song and the blasted words and every damn thing that the Slayer made him feel. He tried, in any case. "Why did you come out here, Slayer?"
She looked at him in surprise, so caught up in her thoughts, as if she hadn't expected him to say a word, let alone ask her that. In all honesty, she really didn't know why she was here, either. It had just seemed like the right place to be. The right time. It was just, right. "I… I saw you run, I wanted to, I don't know," she sighed.
"You wanted to what?" he pushed, actually looking at her this time.
He always pushed, she realized. He always brought her to the edge, made her see herself. He didn't let her run away from herself. She hated him for it. She hated how he made her feel when he did it. "I wanted to make sure you were all right," she admitted, seeing the intense look on his face.
"I'm okay," he said quietly. As an afterthought, he realized he was smoking again, and the Slayer was there. He tossed the cigarette on the floor and snubbed it out with the toe of his boot, expelling the last of the smog from his lungs. "I just…"
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, because she knew there was no other way to do this. She couldn't just lean back and let him be the scapegoat whenever her life was in upheaval. He was easy to put in those shoes, and she realized no friend, human or not, deserved that sort of abuse.
He looked at her, not believing he heard what he just heard. He wondered if he should get his ears cleaned. "Er, come again, Buffy?"
"I'm sorry. For yelling at you last night."
He sighed inwardly. Last night. He just wanted to push the memory of it away, pretend it had never happened. But he knew it had. He knew they had to do something about it, or be forced into this awkward, quiet relationship that neither of them wanted. "No, luv, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have tried to influence your answer in anyway, but I just couldn't bloody well stand the thought of that git…er…Riley…making you cry anymore."
She looked down at the floor, still leaning against the wall. "I talked to Dawn today. Or at least, she talked at me. I tried to tell her that it was all because of the chip. I tried to be all, 'Spike's only helping because of the chip, and the second he gets it out, he'll kill us all'…" she sighed, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. Hurt flashed across his features for a brief moment, so brief that she almost wondered if it had been her imagination in the first place. But he didn't say anything. His jaw clenched and unclenched a little, but there was no other reaction. She took a deep breath, before going on. "I've been thinking about this all day, trying to figure out what I believe. I saw you in the Bronze just then, and I thought you'd come to pick a fight with Riley." She chuckled a little, but realized she had gone off topic. He was just looking at her, head cocked to the side curiously, hands stuffed into duster pockets. "You're my friend, right, Spike?"
He looked positively aghast at the question. "Buffy, if you don't know by now, luv…"
She stopped him. "Yes, I know. You ARE my friend. And last night, you were only telling me what you thought. I shouldn't have gotten all worked up about it, read things into it that might or might not have been there."
He sighed, and withdrew his hands from his pockets. "I think…" he looked downward, realizing what he was about to say might not be as profound as it felt. "I think we both mucked up a bit, luv."
She couldn't help but chuckle a little at his awkwardness. It was such a human quality of his, positively mortal and adorable in its normalcy. "Yeah. I guess we did. Mess up, that is." She turned and looked up at him, all nervous and hopeful in the moonlight. "Should we go back then? Dawn might worry."
He nodded. "Yeah. We should." He turned around and they walked side by side down the alley. "Er…Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Could I…if you and Riley aren't… I mean…"
She instinctively knew what he was thinking. It wasn't hard with him; they could read each other so well that it frightened them both at times. It was as if they were completely transparent to one another. She wondered if she should be scared at the concept, but decided to ignore it for now. "Spike, would you dance with me?"
His mouth quirked into a self-depreciating little half-smile, and his gaze wandered down towards his shoes. This vampire, this intense, passionate vampire that radiated sex appeal and danger and edginess, looked shy. She smiled at the thought. "Yes."
She touched his arm, without thinking. "C'mon. Then you and Xand can catch up on your manly pool game."
They entered the Bronze, and Spike's gaze automatically landed on Dawn, who had stood, worrying, as she tried to pretend she was listening to Xander's great pool tips. She knew he always lost to Spike, anyway. When she saw her guardian vampire still there, and more importantly, still in one piece and unharmed, the tension left her. He smiled reassuringly at her from across the club, and bade her go back to the game with a nod of her head in Xander's direction.
Riley walked straight up to them, eyes shining with worry, ready to pummel Spike if need be. "Buffy? Are you okay? What happened?"
"I just…" she looked at Spike. "I had to talk to a friend."
"Oh." Riley bit back the comment he had about Spike's status friendship. "Is everything okay?" He put his hands on her shoulders, and the vampire had to bite back, literally, his growl.
"Yeah," she nodded. "We're going to dance now," she added quietly, not meeting Finn's eyes.
"Okay." Riley thought she meant him obviously, and moved to take her hand. But when she slipped by him, the fabric of Spike's coat clutched in her fingers, he realized who she was talking about. "Oh." He physically restrained himself from going after them. They were friends. She could dance with her friends. He would let her have that. But if that damned blood sucker touched his woman…
They reached the floor and she stopped walking, turning to face him nervously. He didn't know what to do as the song started, it was slower than she might have liked, he supposed. He put his hands on her waist and held her at arms length, taking the first move so that she didn't have to. Grateful for his actions, she relaxed a little and rested her arms on top of his, clutching his forearm lightly.

If I die tonight
I'd go with no regrets
If it's in your arms
I know that I was blessed
And if your eyes
Are the last thing that I see
Then I know the beauty heaven holds for me

They swayed to the music slowly, never looking at each other. He looked past her shoulder, eyes not really focused on any point. He concentrated on the feel of her body and the warmth and smell of her.

But if I make it through
If I live to see the day
If I'm with you
I know just what to say
The truth be told
Girl you take my breath away
Every minute, every hour, every day

He feared that if he ever looked into her eyes, he wouldn't be able to look away. He would break down at the thought of not having more than her friendship. He would be trapped there, staring and gawking and loving her but no closer than arms length. It would be as close as he could ever get. Her friendship was all she would ever give. And he had to accept that. Despite what he felt, the electricity between them, he wouldn't hurt her by forcing her to accept more than friendship. She would never love the beast, anyway. So he just danced with her. He pretended that that was all it was. Just one dance.

Cause every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
If every day was,
As good as today was
Then I can't wait til
Tomorrow comes

A moment in time
Is all that's given you and me
Moments in time
And it's something you should seize
So I won't make
The mistake of letting go
Every day you're here
I'm gonna let you know

That every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
And if every day was
As good as today was
Then I can't wait til
Tomorrow comes

She didn't realize how close they had gotten until he heard his murmur low in his throat, right at her ear. Instead of being startled by his closeness, she wondered why he made that sound, like a lion purring. She rested her head against the crook of her neck, arms wrapped around his throat. He rumbled when he made that noise deep in his chest. She wondered if he even knew he was doing it. She rather enjoyed it, she realized. The way it tickled something inside her. Unconsciously, she pushed closer to him, wanting to hear it reverberate in all of its fascinating glory. It got louder as she grew closer, and she felt his arms tighten around her waist, meeting at the small of her back.

Each morning
That I get up
I love more than ever
So girl I'd never go away
Never stray

So every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
If every day was
As good as today was
I can't wait til
Tomorrow comes

Every moment
We share together
Is even better
Than the moment before
And if every day was
As good as today was
I can't will til
Tomorrow comes

I love the moments
Moment we share together
Every Moment
I love every moment
I pray they last forever
I love the moment
Moments we share together
I love the moments
I pray they last forever more

She danced with him as if in a haze, the parts of her brain that should have told her they were too close, and that she was too comfortable were far away. She didn't realize what she was doing, because if she did, she would have pulled away. Because it was wrong.

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

For now, there was just the music. There was the strange purring noise in his chest, the smell of smoke and leather and spice that lingered on him and was, uniquely him. And there was her, dancing with him now. This was her moment separated from the world, her dance behind the curtain. This was her moment with Spike, where she was just a girl, and he was just, a man.

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Spike was drowning. He was surrounded, the smell of her, the feel of her, she was everywhere. It made him ache, in his un-beating, long dead, cold, monster's heart. She was here, with him in his arms, and he couldn't really touch her. He supposed that was all that mattered in the long run though. She was here.

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

He tried to concentrate on the song, tried to cut off that ridiculous noise he was making in his throat at her closeness. Would she realize what she was doing to him? Torturing him in the sweetest way, by letting him be so close? Did she even know? Would she suddenly realize, and shove him away, her eyes shouting "monster!" to the world? He almost waited for it. But when she pushed closer against him, he realized maybe, he would have his moment in the sun, tonight. His arms tightened around her. Maybe tonight, he could be more than a monster.

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

As the song ended, neither of them stopped swaying slowly. It was as if they were in their own world and nothing and no one existed around them. Their music never stopped. Spike buried his head into her sweet hair, sniffing the warm vanilla scent. He grinned, knowing the familiar smell of her.
He was almost afraid that he was waking up, just as he was getting closer to heaven, but if tonight would be his only night to be given such a gift, he was going to do what he'd always done with the woman in his arms...take it one step further. He closed his eyes, turning his head in lower. It was buried deep within her pulsing neck. He felt her veins throbbing, the heat from her body was just radiating off her skin. His nose was tucked in the warm vanilla scent of her silky hair. His senses were beginning to go into overdrive and he couldn't control the purring any longer. He murmured, purring her name softly, like a lion cub gently purred. "Buffy...."
It was so intoxicating. She couldn't get enough of the rumble in his throat, how it tickled her and reverberated into the very innermost depths of her person. Her eyes fluttered close and her warm body swayed into his cool muscular one. She let him rest his chin on her shoulder, his head buried in the burrow of her neck. She felt herself pressing her cheek against his head. She no longer was in control of herself. Something inside her was using her like a marionette. And she enjoyed every minute of it.

I don't know how
I don't know why
But girl it seems
You've touched my life
You're in my dreams
You're in my heart
I'm not myself
When we're apart

He wanted so bad to kiss her. His entire being ached, but he knew it was too soon. No matter how much he pushed the girl into things, he'd never rush her into something that just could possibly send her running away from him forever. He did run his cool lips across her neck, sending waves of radiating heat into him. God, for once, he was warm inside. Perhaps that's what drove him to purr and whimper like the lovesick puppy he'd become.

Something strange has come over me
A raging wind across my seas
And girl you know your eyes are to blame
What am I supposed to do
If I can't get over you
I've come to find that you don't feel the same

She smiled so deeply, so contently. His arms around her felt so comforting and safe. She felt like a totally different person. She felt like...like...she was complete. She felt as if she was finally Buffy Anne Summers. She felt herself snuggling into Spike's embrace and her body felt electric currents running through her at the feel of his cool lips on her hot skin. She heard the rumbling in his chest increase dramatically, and the sheer eroticism of the noise caused her to whimper softly in the back of her throat.
He heard her moan and it drove him insane. He wanted to caress her everywhere, to kiss her, to do things he wasn't allowed to do with her. He wanted her to fill his cold world with warmth.

Cuz 'm fallin...fallin...
Girl I'm fallin for you
And I pray you're fallin too
I've been fallin...fallin
Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you
Fallin...fallin...fallin...
When I laid eyes on you
Fallin...falling..fallin
Yeah

He suddenly felt unsure and afraid, like this was some surreal fantasy he had drunk himself into, and that in actuality, he was still on the floor of his crypt, miserable and too drunk to walk. He slipped his head up, pulling back slightly so he could look at her.. He examined her small frame wrapped in his. There she was, eyes shut so tight, body so warm and wrapped around his, a smile dancing on her lips. And much to his delight, re realized he was completely lucid, and this, this was very, very real. This was his moment. This was his salvation, his one chance at reaching skyward, and he'd live a hundred more years with this memory forever emblazoned in his mind.
She opened her eyes, looking up into the swirling blue eyes penetrating her. His smile was totally infectious and she felt hers grow. For a moment, she saw a flicker in his eyes. In that flicker was love, innocence, respect, tenderness, honesty, sadness, and just raw beauty. She tilted her head, examining his features. Inside that soulless undead body was a heart. Something she thought vampires could never possess, even soulful ones. But
she saw his briefly. It was there, bare and naked to her eyes, for just a moment. She felt part of her fixed resolve to hate him always, deteriorate.
She realized she wanted to kiss him. It scared her at first, but her body was not her own tonight, her soul and heart had taken premise. Her voice was trembling as she whispered his name. "Spike..." For she was beyond shocked to feel the emotions that coursed through her. She never thought a vampire could give off so much heat, so much...life. His eyes showed her tonight that being a monster didn't make you who you were. It was your heart who made you who you were. It was terribly frightening to Buffy to take in, though she told herself she always should have known it. However, she didn't want to admit it in its entirety, because if this was the case, how could she ever explain what happened with Angelus? But, her heart wouldn't let her go off into that heated debate right now, and she let herself become fixated to Spike's eyes and arms. She wasn't ready to leave. She wasn't sure she ever wanted to.

I lose my step
I lose my ground
I lose myself
When you're around
I'm holding on
For my life
To keep from drowning in your eyes

Girl what have you done to me
To make me fall so desperately
To think that I don't even know your name
No, no
How am I supposed to live
If I can't get over this
If you decide that you don't feel the same

He cradled her in his arms, close, but not too close that he couldn't look into her beautiful eyes. He couldn't find a name for the feelings he suddenly felt. He looked in her eyes and there was so much written in them, he was afraid she was seeing right through him and looking at someone else. She couldn't possibly be looking at Spike with admiration and content, with trust and....love????? He reached up, cupping her cheek. He brushed her soft skin with the pads of his fingertips. He brushed them so gently across her cheekbone down the base of her neck, like she was made of fine china. He leaned in, forehead against hers. He took a breath; he had to. He was suffocating in her smoldering eyes. He breathed on her lips, tickling them. "Buffy...luv...can I please kiss you?" His voice was raw, pained, like he had trekked across the desert to the gates of oasis and had to wait for admittance.
Her eyes fluttered and closed as she leaned in, with a minute motion as her answer. She pressed her hands on his leathered back, pulling him even closer. She could feel the coolness of his lips close by, and sense his unneeded shuttering, labored breath. The quivering anticipation nearly destroyed her, right then and there. She was going to drown in him.

Cuz 'm fallin...fallin...
Girl 'm falling for you
And I pray you're falling too
I've been fallin...fallin..
Fallin...

TBC...