Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form.
With that out of the way...
Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love)
Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie
Spoilers: All Seasons
Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can
barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea,
thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister.
Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and
cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run
in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B
Rated: R just to be safe
Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :)
P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*
Without further blabbings:
Imitor Vita Pro Amor
Part 7
Suddenly, it all came crashing down. Unfortunately it wasn't
his lips upon hers, but hands gripping his shoulders pulling him away.
He growled in pain, as if someone had poured holy water on his very heart.
"No way Spike! Get your cold, dead, rotten hands off her!"
Riley growled,
pushing him away.
Buffy's eyes flew open and her heart dropped, and suddenly she
was aware of everything. It was as if time had stopped and now it
was all rushing back to catch up. It felt almost as if an enchantment between
them had been broken, like when Willow had put a spell on her and Spike
before. But this time, it wasn't a spell for magic, it was just a
real, live tender moment and the magical spell between them was shattered.
She looked around the Bronze, and her eyes fell on Spike and Riley.
Spike was thrown bodily to the side by Finn, and stood
there, looking at loss. He stared at Buffy, hoping to see what he
saw moments ago, and not anger. But, unfortunately the fires in her
eyes kicked in and she was fuming.
Xander and Dawn were rooted to their spots in shock. Neither
one of them wanted to get killed, so they stayed out of it.
Tara, Anya and Willow had been watching the scene unfold
from their table. They tried to stop Riley from interrupting
the tender moment. Willow was angered. Spike really had grown
on her and she was hoping Buffy felt the same. It looked as if she
did, until Riley went and ruined it.
She didn't know what to say or do. For once, the slayer
stood, angry as all hell and didn't know what to do. She glared at
Riley with daggers in her eyes. Her eyes fell on Spike again and
there was some anger there too, but her feelings from before still lingered
deep inside and she turned her aggressions away from the vamp. He
looked as if his whole world had been taken from him...little did she know,
that was exactly what it had felt like.
Spike wanted to kill Riley Finn right now, more than he had ever
before, for taking his one sweet moment with Buffy away from him.
But, he knew Buffy would never forgive him for harming the blooded ponce
if he did. Not that the sodding chip in his head would let him, either.
He just stood, hidden in the corner, surrounded by shadows like a peripheral
specter.
Riley began walking to Spike. He was gonna beat the vamp
to a pulp and then stake him. Buffy stalked up to Riley, grabbing
him by the collar of his shirt. "How dare you Riley! Just who
do you think you are?!"
Riley was shocked by her aggression towards him. "But
Buffy, he was all
over you like white on rice! He was trying to seduce you!"
Buffy knew damn well Spike was all over her and she let a feverish
part of her let him do whatever he wanted, and that was her own fault.
That was something to deal with later. "Look Riley, I'm a big girl
and can handle myself. Spike and I were just dancing!"
"C'mon Buff! If he got any closer to you he'd practically
be on top of you! For God sakes it looked like you two were going
at it on the middle of the dance floor!" Riley argued.
Buffy slapped him, not thinking at all, just reacting.
"How dare you! You're not my boyfriend Riley Finn, and I don't
know if I ever want you to be my boyfriend again, but damn it if you wanna
try, stop trying to run my life! I don't need your protection!
I can handle myself!" Buffy fumed. She hated when people crawled
all over her like she was a helpless child who constantly needed to hold
someone's hand. "If you want another chance Riley, you better stop
acting this way, cuz if you ever EVER hurt Spike, I'll kill you myself..."
Riley was taken aback by her statement, and his expressive face told her
just so.
Spike frowned. She just pitied him so. The neutered
vamp who couldn't handle himself. He was a bloody fool for showing
her so much of him tonight. She'd never love the monster inside him.
"Do you hear me?!" Buffy growled.
"Yes," Riley frowned, nodding. "You're right, 'm sorry..."
"Spike is my friend, and either learn to like it or leave,"
Buffy ordered.
There was that dreaded word again...friend.
He nodded. He stared at her for a moment, before storming
off to the bar.
Buffy walked over to Spike, holding out her hand with a displeased,
tight grin. "You okay?"
"Just peachy, ducks," he stepped out of the shadows, afraid
to touch her. He was still on a high from their dance.
He was afraid to feel the loathing and hatred for him in her touch again.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded forcefully. "Yeah." Her mind wrapped
around the concept of what had happened. Had Spike kissed her, she
would've never stopped him. She had been lost in his ocean
eyes and she would never have returned. She would've melted on his
lips. Her heart ached to wonder what it would've been like, but she
knew now that it was best she didn't kiss him. Sadly, a part of her
was thankful Riley interrupted. But the other part was still angry
that he thought he could control her.
"I...I...I'm sorr..." he stuttered.
"Shhh...don't say anything you don't mean Spike," her eyes sparkled
again. And there she was, once again, his Buffy. Eyes
bright and beautiful, heart and soul sending his body to the flames.
He stared at her, unknowing what to say.
Then, as if a mask had been slipped over her, she was gone.
"Think Xander and Dawnie are waiting for you..." she urged, nodding towards
the pool tables.
Will you stay or will you go
Heaven
Heaven knows what my future holds
Questions
Questions linger on my mind
Daybreak
From daybreak to dark of night
'M fallin
I dont know whats come over me
Can't you see
I'm fallin...fallin..
Girl 'm fallin for you
And I pray you're fallin too
Yeah...yeah..
Fallin...Falling
Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you
Ooohhh
'M falling
"Yeah..." Spike nodded, as if nothing had mattered.
His heart tightened as the song ended. He'd fallen for Buffy again
tonight. Only problem was, he thought, was she only loathed and felt
sorry for him. He felt the demon in him raging to get out.
"Guess 'll be getting back to them..." he pulled out his cigarettes.
"See you later, slayer."
She winced at his tone. It was like he'd been a
different person before and now it was back to being the 'Big Bad'.
"Right..." she whispered, her heart at a loss for words.
Riley fumed over by the bar; ordering a beer before plopping down on a stool, his head in his hands. What had gone on since he left? He knew Buffy had said she and Spike were only friends, but God, the way they danced. There was something disturbingly intimate about it. The way his arms held her, the tilt of his head against her cheek. It was in the way her arms clasped around his neck, and she rested her cheek against the column of his throat. They fit together perfectly when they danced, and if he hadn't have stopped them, they would still be out there, pressed against each other with such disgusting familiarity. He touched his cheek gingerly, where her hand had landed. It still stung. Music floated down to him from around the club, and ignoring it, he decided Buffy hitting him was worth the embarrassment and the pain if he had kept that vile monster away from his golden, perfect girl.
Tell me one sweet lie
Tell me our loves just fine
And everything will be all right
Say you're not gonna leave
That you still love me
And we'll start all over tonight
That look is in your eye
And all I can hear, is the sound of goodbye
How dare that animal touch her like that! He growled and slammed back a mouthful of beer, whirling in his bar stool. Buffy was sitting at the table, still looking slightly cross, talking with Anya, Willow and Tara. How was it that when Spike had touched her, she looked to be in complete peace with herself and everyone around her? Yet the moment Riley had intervened, that angry, worried, guarded look had returned to her face?
You're gone
No two ways about it
Though you stand in front of me
It's real easy to see
That you're gone
And it's time to face the truth
That my world just fell apart
And I don't know what to do
You're gone
He glared towards the pool tables where Spike had his arms around Dawn, teaching her where to angle the shot against the cue ball. The vampire growled in annoyance as Dawn slipped, and she and Xander both giggled. What had happened while he was gone? Xander and Spike had bonded? How? Why? Xander had been the most vehement advocate against vampires becoming equal members of the working community that Riley had ever known. But there they were, drinking beer, playing pool, laughing. And Dawn… Dawn had used to like Riley, he remembered. They were okay with one another. He had bought her ice cream. But seeing her with Spike, the ex-commando could tell she was absolutely smitten with him, and he with her. Bitterly, he decided Spike could have Dawn, as long as he stayed away from Buffy. Then he realized what a horrible thought that was to have. Wasn't it true though? They could do whatever they wanted with Dawn if she wouldn't have him as a friend. Let Spike take her. And Xander too, since they'd obviously become so chummy. When Xander made a joke and Spike actually laughed, genuinely, and offered to buy the 'whelp' a beer, Riley couldn't take it anymore. He slammed a five onto the bar and walked over towards Buffy.
I could turn my head
Forget what we said
All the words that cut like a knife
Whether you go or stay
You're gone either way
And I'll love you the rest of my life
I can tell your mind is set
And the words you didn't say,
I will never forget
You're gone
No two ways about it
Though you stand in front of me
It's real easy to see
That you're gone
And it's time to face the truth
That my world just fell apart
And I don't know what to do
You're gone
Everyone looked up at him, and all conversation at the table stopped. Willow actually snapped her jaw shut, cutting of whatever she had been going to say while Tara just looked at him a second, then back to the table top. Anya regarded him with her head at a funny angle, and he felt like he was being dissected, complete with scalpels and probes, under her gaze. Buffy just stared him straight in the eye. He lost some of his nerve under her gaze, and tried to deflate then tension. "I'm leaving. Do you want to come?"
I'll never give in or believe it
And I know one day I'll win you back
And you'll love me just like I love you
Right now it's a matter of fact
She was amazed that he had asked her that. Here she was
expecting the Cap'n to pick her up, sling her over the shoulder, grunt,
and say "Want go home now. Go home now?" but instead, he had asked. Oh
God. She suddenly realized she had used Spike's nickname for him. She rapidly
shook her head. "No… um, we're gonna hang out a little more."
"Okay," he nodded, hiding the hurt that flashed in his
eyes and walked away, making his way slowly towards the door.
You're gone
No two ways about it
Though you stand in front of me
It's real easy to see
That you're gone
And it's time to face the truth
That my world just fell apart
And I don't know what to do
You're gone
Buffy watched him go with a frown. He still wanted to be
her big protector, her all important manly man. Sighing, she sipped her
coke and turned back to Willow. "You were saying?"
Willow paused. "I was going to say…what are you going
to do about Riley?"
Buffy almost retorted indignantly, but realized her friend
only had her best interests in mind. She wouldn't make the same mistake
she had made last night. "I don't know. I've been trying not to think about
it," Buffy admitted.
"Isn't that…sort of…I don't know…sort of a sign?" Tara
offered shyly.
Buffy smiled to reassure her. "Maybe. I don't know. It's
complicated. I mean, I screwed up last time."
Willow's nose scrunched indignantly. "YOU screwed up?
What happened to his suck off fest with the skanky vamps?"
Buffy's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Suck off, Will?
A new phrase for Willow's collection of phrases?"
The witch shrugged. "Been hanging around Spike too long,
I guess. But, really. You can't possibly blame yourself for what Riley
did."
"I made it seem like I didn't need him. He needs to be
needed."
"It doesn't mean you should change just to accommodate
him."
Buffy sighed and fiddled with her coke can. "I don't know."
"You just need someone who likes you for you, Buffy. You
shouldn't change just for some boy."
"You make sense Will, but I still don't know. Riley's
my shot at normal life."
"Um…slayer…" the redhead remarked. "Not exactly normal."
Shaking her head, Buffy stopped her with a hand. "Let's
just forget about Riley for now all right?"
Anya, head still tilted slightly shook her head. "What?"
Buffy asked, almost afraid to ask.
Anya took a sip of her soda. "Riley has a nice body. But
he's not that good looking when you really study him. His nose is crooked.
And the sucking off thing? Not a good thing. You should tell him to leave.
Or, beat him up, or something."
Willow and Tara actually laughed. Buffy just shook her
head, but said nothing. When Anya turned her attention to the pool game,
they figured they were safe while the ex-demon was in lusty Xander land.
Until she muttered something about how nice Spike's ass was. Buffy nearly
choked on her drink.
"You can't possibly think that…" Buffy gestured towards
Spike.
Anya shrugged. "I think he has a nice ass."
"He…sort of does," Tara agreed.
"Tara!" Buffy gave the blond her best, 'for shame' look.
Tara shrugged, and Buffy turned to Willow. "You condone this?"
"I can't tell her not to think Spike's ass isn't nice,"
Willow admitted. "It sort of is. And he makes cute, purry sounds when he's
happy," she added, perkily. "Like a big blonde kitty."
"And you would know this, how?"
He fell asleep on the couch during movie night and we
heard him. He was having a happy dream," Anya responded. "Xander wanted
to tape it and use it as blackmail, but Dawn wouldn't let us. We couldn't
find the camcorder anyway."
"Oh, and remember when he…"
Buffy let them go off on their memories, turning her attention
to the pool game where Xander, Spike and Dawn palled around, laughing and
drinking and generally having a good time. She couldn't help but feel like
she'd missed out on a lot, that time she was gone. They had Bronze night,
and movie night, for crying out loud. Spike had fallen asleep on the couch!
She studied the vampire from across the room, and realized, watching him
play without his duster, that he did have a nice ass. And if two lesbians
could admit it, then why the hell couldn't she? And he had nice eyes. And
when he smiled, in anyway, it was strangely seductive. And the purring
thing? Very cute. She sighed and realized Spike, happy, and purring were
leading to bad Buffy thoughts.
She relaxed in her stool after a moment and decided relaxing
would keep her from bad Spike Buffy thoughts. So she just listened to the
music, and watched them for a bit.
Spike put on a cheerful front for Dawn. He hated seeing
her worry about him, or sad because of him. What he really felt right now
was a whirlwind of emotion, the most prominent, being a raging self-loathing
for the tone he had used with Buffy earlier. It was a defense mechanism
he had, acting like he didn't care. But if she had just looked up at him
again, seen his eyes, she would have known that he hadn't meant a word
of it. He cared more than he was supposed to, and it scared him. Scared
him more than sunlight, more than losing Dru, even more than death. He'd
never felt so earnest in his un-life, and it was making him positively
radiate humanity. It was an unnerving, new feeling. He felt like a newborn
child, not knowing what he was supposed to do with himself. He had felt
pathetic in the light of her pity, and he had lashed out. It was in his
nature.
He realized she had every right to hate him for it. He
hated himself for it.
I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak
I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
Now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure
She fiddled idly with the rim of her Coke, watching Spike pummel Xander at the tables. Dawn had grown bored and snagged a boy from school to dance with. God, why did he have to be so infuriating? One minute, he was everything. He was fire, passion, gentleness, and love. The next, he was aloof, irritating, and distant. Spike was like a roller coaster, up and down, something different and new at every time. She never knew what he was going to do next, couldn't anticipate it like she could an attack. It made her mad at him. Why couldn't he just be one thing, instead of all these everythings? That way, she wouldn't go on this long emotional ride, going high then plummeting down. If he would just stop surprising her, maybe she'd know how to treat him. She could be nice to him, or she could hate him. It should have been that easy.
And I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
This in my life
And I think I'm scared
I think too much
I know its wrong that's the reason
I'm feeling
Maybe she should make him leave. She realized it would
be easier for her, she wouldn't be feeling like this. Like she had been
dropped off by the emotional tornado into the land of Spike Oz. But then,
she realized that was what she had done with Riley. He had been too predictable.
She had known how to deal with him. And then he finally lost it, snapped,
and strove to be different, dark, for her. He had tried to change for her.
Spike changed by his own volition, and forced her to deal with him on each
level, instead of passively, as she had with Riley. It was what made her
want to kill him, but stopped her from doing so all together. She sighed.
Maybe she should make him leave; go to LA or something. It would definitely
make her think less about this entire mess. Forget how much Dawn would
miss him. Or about how much she would miss him, too.
After a second, she sighed in frustration. What kind of
a slayer was she when she didn't even have the heart to make a vampire
leave?
If you're gone
Maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone
Maybe you need to come home
Come home
There's a little bit of something me
In every thing in you
He hated her. Hated her for making him love everything
about her so completely. It made him helpless when he saw her, made his
knees shake and figuratively took his breath away, like a schoolboy. He
hated her for making him love this feeling he got when he was around her.
Xander gasped when Spike missed an easy shot, hearing
the vampire curse to himself. "Not concentrating tonight, Spike, ole' chap?"
he asked, taking advantage of the easy shot himself.
Spike growled. "Somethin' like that."
"Something to do with our old friend Captain America?"
Spike's eyebrow quirked slightly at the reference. "Captain
America?"
"Hey, I made that one up, okay?" Xander replied, sinking
the ball easily. "You have Captain Commando and Cap'n Cardboard. I made
Captain America."
"It's not bad," Spike admitted, allowing a little smile.
"But no, I'm not thinking of that wanker."
Xander shrugged. "I do my best. What with all the nicknames
you deal. Um… it's about Buffy then?" he asked, taking his next shot and
missing completely.
Spike stepped up and did the same. He cursed under his
breath. He needed to concentrate if he was going to keep his undefeated
winning streak against Harris. "Yeah."
"You two got cozy on the dance floor."
Spike's features softened visibly. "Yeah."
"How was it?" Xander asked, almost nonchalantly.
Spike eyed him, and he gave the vampire his best, 'you
can confide in me' look. Sighing, Spike relented, propping his pool stick
on the floor so he could polish off his beer. "It was the closest
to heaven I've ever been," he said after a while. "And now I know I have
to forget it ever happened."
I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
And I bet you need, more than you mind
And I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
This in my life
And I think I'm just scared
That I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling
"Why?"
Spike was thrown from his brooding at Xander's question.
"What do you mean why? I'm a monster remember? All evil and no good. I
thought you knew this, Harris."
Xander shrugged. "You seem like a pretty decent guy when
you peel back the less than attractive exterior personality."
The vampire was skeptical. "And why's that?"
"You helped Buffy on the tower with Glory that one night."
He snorted. "Fat lot of good that did anyone."
"You tried. That's all we could ask for anyway, right?"
Xander winced as he made his next shot go too wide. "And after Buffy…erm…went
on that really long vacation? You slayed. You got bones broken, and cut,
and ripped and bitten, and she wasn't even around to give you brownie points
for it. I figure you were past the brownie points and getting to the caring
area around then. And when you ignored the chip to punch that guy that
was harassing Tara for her lifestyle choices a month ago? That was proof
that you were passed the care area and all up into the friend area."
Spike was oddly touched by the display. "Friend I may
be Harris, but monster is always on top of that."
"You still didn't answer my question."
The vampire regarded the young man warily. After a minute,
he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, a sure sign that he was going to
talk. Spike looked at Dawn on the dance floor with her friend, and decided
she would be all right without his attention for a bit. "You loved her
once, didn't you, Harris?"
Xander nodded. "Yeah. Long time ago. At least, I think
I loved her. Not so sure anymore."
"I watched you two dance once, out on that very floor
you know. She was like a cat. All sleek and graceful. I saw the way you
looked at her out there. Do you remember how it felt?"
"Like I was going to explode?" Xander offered.
"Yeah. Something like that." Spike puffed his cigarette
thoughtfully. "I felt that tonight. I felt like she was everywhere and
I was drowning. I was surrounded, and it was lovely. It was heaven. Then
it ended, too fast, for my liking. She was gone. And I know I'll never
get that again. Not from her. She let go tonight for a little bit, but
she won't let herself slip again. That was all I got, my crumbs." He laughed
to himself. "I'll probably die trying to touch the sun," he muttered. "Maybe
I should just leave. Get out of town, get away from her. Maybe I'll stop
loving her then, and it won't be such torture."
If you're gone
Maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone
Maybe you need to come home
Come home
There's a little bit of something me
In every thing in you
"Leave?" Xander asked. "You couldn't."
Spike growled. "Why not?"
"You promised Dawn, for one. And you care too much to
just turn around now." Xander sunk another shot, as if proving his point.
"How do you know I care?" Spike fumed. He hated this,
the assumption that he was soft, pathetic. He hated that he needed anyone.
"I'm a monster, remember?" he added, punctuating his argument with the
inarguable.
"You keep telling yourself that, Spike. If that's what
comforts you."
I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
This in my life
And I think I'm just scared
Do I talk too much?
I know it's wrong
That's the problem
I'm feeling
If you're gone
Maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone
Maybe you need to come home
Come home
There's a little bit of something me
In every thing in you
She watched him from across the room, noting that Willow
and Tara had taken to the dance floor, while Anya went to collect her fiancée
for a dance before they left. Buffy looked around, suddenly realizing how
alone she was. She saw Spike wave Xander off to go dance with Anya, insisting.
She watched him finish the game by himself before polishing off his beer
and plopping down at the bar. He looked around, studying Tara and Willow,
and smiled crookedly. He turned in Dawn's direction, and clenched his jaw
when he saw her slow dancing with one of her schoolmates, a silly grin
on her face. He made as if to move in-between them. Buffy agreed that the
two seemed a little closer than they should be. But he stopped himself
and sat back down, running a hand through his hair, looking at the girl
in part frustration, part adoration.
His gaze landed on her a second after, and he was surprised
to see her looking back. They caught and held each other's eyes for a moment,
before she looked away, back down at the table.
Buffy sighed and fiddled with her straw, looking at the
empty table around her, and then to her friends on the dance floor. Buffy
alone again. Spike alone again, too. She finished off her drink without
much flourish, and rested her head in her hand, watching them dance with
their significant others. Maybe if Riley hadn't left… she shook her head.
She was still too annoyed at him. Who was he, to march into her life after
a nearly a year of absence, and tell her who she could dance with? The
slayer turned back towards the bar and Spike, but he wasn't there anymore.
She frowned.
TBC...
