We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form.
With that out of the way...
Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love)
Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie
Spoilers: All Seasons
Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can
barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea,
thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister.
Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and
cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run
in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B
Rated: R just to be safe
Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to
let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that
affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which
we
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful
songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :)
P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing
:P *EG*
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier
for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy!
Without further blabbings:
Imitor Vita Pro Amor
Part 14
Buffy's heart sank when she reached the dentist's office and
the lights were off and the door locked. She wasn't at school, she'd
called all of her sister's friends from a nearby pay phone and she wasn't
there... and she wasn't at the dentist. Fear racked her entire body.
"Dawnie...where are you?!"
"I don't know where she is, but I know where you'll be soon..."
a deep voice hissed from behind.
Buffy whipped around facing a vampire. She groaned.
"I soooo don't have time to play with you."
He chuckled, and sidled up to her. "It'll only take a
minute, promise." He bared his fangs, expecting her to scream and try to
run.
She sighed dramatically. "You're right." She brought
her knee up and hit his groin. He groaned, tumbling to the floor.
She took out a stake and rammed it into him.
He cried, and then exploded into a pile of ash. "Actually,
more like seconds..." she mumbled, standing up and dusting herself off
before continuing her search. She thundered down the street and checked
every shadow, every whisper... It'd be best to follow this route home,
because if Dawn did go to the dentist, and went home after... She
wondered if she'd go to the Bronze.
But home was closer, so she'd check there first.
Spike wandered the graveyard near his crypt, listening
for Buffy, but knowing she probably wasn't here. Why would she be? She
was probably worried to death about Platelet. He wondered if he should
check the Magic Box. She and the Scoobs might have been putting in a late
night study and they'd lost track of time. He remembered falling asleep
during a research session after Buffy had died… he'd woken up with screaming
with his hair on fire at sunrise because the blinds weren't drawn all the
way. He'd woken everyone up and Red and Tara had tried to put him out,
while Xander just laughed. It had sort of been a bonding moment, he supposed.
He hadn't made a snarky comment at Xander for laughing, and the whelp had
actually asked him if he was okay afterwards. It was funny how grief had
sort of pulled them all together.
Realizing he was just wandering aimlessly with his thoughts,
he stopped. Buffy wasn't here. He knew it, could sense it. It was something
he'd always been able to do, when it came to her. Sighing, he spun around
and decided to try his luck at the shop after all. He pulled out his cigarettes
and lit one, figuring he could have himself a smoke before getting there.
Giles had disallowed smoking in the shop after Spike had inadvertently
gotten close to flammable magic powders and turned everyone's skin green
for a couple of days. It hadn't been pretty. He smiled a little to himself,
remembering the whelp's utter indignance at being called "Lizard boy."
"What're you smiling to yourself about, Spike?"
The vampire looked up sharply at the sound of that familiar,
holier-than-thou voice, and sighed. "What do you want, Cardboard?"
Riley growled. He was tired of being called various degrees
of Captain something or other. "What've you done with Dawn?" Riley questioned,
stepping up to face the impotent vampire.
"What have I done with Dawn? What the bloody hell are you talking
about, White Bread?" the vampire tossed his half used cigarette to the
floor and squashed it with the tip of his boot.
"She went missing. I'm looking for her."
"Playin' GI Joe heroes again, are we Cap'n?"
"Shut the hell up Spike, and answer my question, or I'll…"
"You'll what?"
"I'll kill you."
"You get to try," Spike replied, a smirk on his face. "Now if
you'll excuse me, I've got to visit the Magic Shop." The vampire made to
move around the hulking soldier.
Riley put out a hand to stop him, glaring down at the vampire.
"You're not going anywhere near them. Where's Dawn?"
"What makes you so sure I have her, Sherlock?" Spike drawled,
getting restless. Bloody stupid commando boy. "Used your psychic powers?
Caught wind of her scent? Oh that's right… you're regular Joe. No super
powers. I suppose you just felt like picking on someone you don't think
can fight back, then, is that it?"
Riley growled. "I don't have time for your games. I know you
took Dawn because I went to the Bronze. They said a girl matching Dawn's
description left with an older guy with bleached hair."
"And because there are no other freshmen brunettes and no other
boys who bleach their hair in the whole wide bloody world, you miraculously
came to this stunning conclusion?" Spike was getting bored, and the farm
boy was getting more and more annoying. He grinned internally. It was good
to not have to worry about a whelp like this killing him anymore.
"Don't try me Spike, I'm short on patience tonight. Where is
she?"
"Safe'n warm at home and studying for her Great Expectations
test in the morning, you great big ninny."
"I don't believe you."
"Then what the hell was the point in asking me in the first
place?" Spike shot back. "Now move out of the way, I have places to be,
people to see, that aren't you." The vampire shoved Finn out of the way
and kept walking. He was through.
Riley looked after the vampire incredulously, realizing that
it had hurt when Spike had pushed him. But it obviously didn't have an
effect on the undead one. "You killed her!!!" Riley yelled at Spike. "I
knew it! The chip isn't working anymore, is it? And now you're going to
go after them all."
Spike cursed himself, forgetting that any pain caused to a human
was supposed to activate his chip. He'd shown his cards before they were
ready. He came face to face with Riley, the muscle bound idiot glaring
triumphantly at the vampire. "The chip is gone, isn't it? You're going
to kill them all."
Spike refused to be judged by the likes of this replacement
Angel. "Kill them? Not so much. I like them. I might just kill you, though."
"You get to try," Riley responded.
"Very original, I'm impressed, Milkman. But do you really want
to have a go at this?" Spike held out his arms, as if presenting himself.
"If it means I get to kill you, then you're on," Riley responded,
raising his fists and dropping into a crouch.
Spike made no move to do anything. He stood, smirking at the
commando, reading the boy's face, his stance, his eyes. He had more than
a hundred years practice in first fights, and there was nothing he liked
more than a good brawl. Well, maybe a good brawl with the Slayer ranked
higher. The boy, the boy here could have been a fighter all his life, for
all Spike cared, he still didn't nearly have enough experience. Didn't
have the grace and the intuition. The fighter's instinct.
Riley growled, hating that cocky look on Spike's face, like
the vampire knew something he didn't. He feigned an attack with his
right and when Spike retaliated he turned sharply on his heel and used
his other hand. But he didn't feel anything solid under his fist where
it should have been. Spike had seen the change of stance halfway through
its execution and had pushed his upper body backwards, out of Riley's reach,
before getting under the exposed arm and punching the solider twice hard
in the ribs. Riley grunted in pain, but managed to whip around with his
right arm, catching Spike a superficial blow to the side of the head. It
caused Spike to vamp out, but he simply shook it off and grinned. "Scared
yet, boy?" he asked, circling a winded Riley like he was stalking injured
prey.
Riley took a deep breath to gather himself from the blows to
his ribs and stood up again, rotating his shoulder slightly to ease the
tension. "Not yet."
"You will be," the vampire promised. Suddenly Spike darted in,
and when Riley tried to counter, he spun to the right of the hulking commando
and dropped low, sweeping Finn's feet out from under him. The soldier landed
with a thud and a grunt on the hard packed earth of the cemetery. Spike
looked down at the mortal boy, grinning. "I could kill you right now, you
know."
Riley rolled away and stood up, dropping back into a more defensive
stance. "Why didn't you?" he asked, after getting to a safe distance to
regroup.
"Too easy so far," the vampire responded simply. "This is going
to last, Cardboard. Believe me." He cracked his knuckles for emphasis.
Riley felt the first twinge of fear of the evening, deep inside of his
stomach, as he looked into Spike's sparkling, feral eyes.
"Dawn?!" Buffy called out, reaching her house.
"Hey," Dawn called from the kitchen, where she was fixing herself
a study snack before getting started on Great Expectations.
"Oh God, Dawn…where have you been?!" Buffy exclaimed, relief
washing over her at the site of her sister warm and cozy in the kitchen.
"Well, I had to walk to the dentist after school… and they were
behind schedule so I had to wait until like, six before they fit me in,
and by the time I got done it was dark…"
"And you walked home boy yourself?!" Buffy yelped, disbelieving.
"Dawnie you know better than that!"
Dawn shrugged. "I didn't think it would be a long walk," she
responded. "And I figured since you'd forgotten about me completely that
something had come up."
Buffy felt the guilt wash over her in waves. "God, I'm so sorry
Dawn. We were researching this demon thing, and we heard news about Spike,
and I just got completely off track…"
Dawn paused. "You heard news about Spike? Like, what?"
"We overheard some of the customers talking about how he saved
a girl from a demon…"
Dawn smiled to herself. She'd known he was a hero all along.
"So, did you see him?" she asked, nonchalantly.
Buffy looked back at her sister abruptly. "What do you mean?"
The younger girl frowned. That means Spike hadn't found her
yet tonight. Oops. "Um, nothing."
"That wasn't a nothing!" Buffy responded, putting her hand on
her sister's arm. "Are you saying he's back?"
Dawn sighed dramatically. She'd promised not to tell about the
chip after all, she supposed, not if he was back in town or not. "Actually…"
Buffy's eyes got rounder, larger. "He is? You saw him tonight?"
Dawn giggled and nodded. "At the Bronze."
"You were at the BRONZE?"
Yelping, the youngest Summers girl realized her slip. "Well…when
I was walking home, I saw Lisa and some of the others, and they were going
to go study for the test there, and maybe catch some of the live band,"
she babbled. She realized she couldn't tell Buffy about him saving her
from the College boys, and stopped before she revealed too much. "And I
saw him, and he walked me home."
"Oh." Buffy smiled. "That's okay then."
"He went to look for you," Dawn added, hastily. "He needed to
talk to you."
"He did?"
Dawn nodded. "That's why I thought you'd already seen him."
"Oh. I guess I should go…"
"Yes, you should. Go now."
Buffy eyed her sister. "You're anxious to have him back."
"What, aren't you?"
Buffy didn't answer, but got up. "I'm off then. Study."
"I will."
"Good. I'll be back soon. Oh… and call Giles at the shop, will
you? Let them know that you're home? We were all worried sick."
"Kay."
Dawn smiled as she watched Buffy unconsciously fix her hair
using her reflection in the microwave, and straighten her clothes. She
was obviously in a much better mood than she had been earlier. Then, the
slayer was out the back door, closing it softly behind her, smiling a bit.
Dawn was so happy that Spike was back!!!
Riley grunted in pain as his nose broke under the pressure of Spike's attack, and cried out as a booted foot kicked his calf in hard, causing the muscle to cramp. He fell to one knee with a startled yelp of pain. The commando pulled up and managed to block the next kick with his meaty forearms, deflecting what could have been a devastating blow to his collarbone.
Struggling back to his feet, Finn ducked a right hook, only to
have his chin snapped back with a smart uppercut. Retaliating blindly he
lashed out and spun into a powerful kick, but Spike dodged in time to have
most of the force miss him. The kick landed to the side of the shoulder,
only causing the vampire to step back a little.
Finn wiped blood from a gash in his temple from his eye and
flung it aside, glaring at Spike before reaching into his boot and pulling
out an army knife. He spun it in his hand and turned so the blade angled
towards the vamp.
Spike smiled. Now things were getting interesting. He dodged
a double X motion from Riley's knife and pulled his stomach back by hopping
on his tip toes and shooting backwards a step to avoid being gutted with
a midsection slice. This reminded him of a street brawl on the London docks
back in 1897. His mind wandered, and the sharp bite of the knife slashing
across his shoulder to the base of his neck brought him back to the present.
He growled ducked under the next swipe, butting Riley in the stomach with
his head and bowling the commando over.
Grunting, Finn took another swipe at Spike from the ground, only
to have the knife kicked rather painfully from his hand, sending it flying
to lay blade down in the dirt, quivering.
Buffy strolled through Spike's cemetery slowly, trying to piece
out exactly why she was going to see him in the middle of the night, for
no apparent reason. She held back the urge to rush over there like her
body wanted to, and instead, paced herself to a slow walk to give her time
to think. She tried to tell herself she just wanted go see him to welcome
him back, and thank him for walking Dawn home tonight. But she was still
excited, somehow. He was back! He'd come back, after only a few days. This
was a new sensation all together, for her, anyway. She smiled at the thought.
She realized she might want to take this time to tell him how
much she valued his friendship… tell him to never leave again, because
it have devastated Dawn. And in a small way, she allowed herself to think;
it had thrown her a bit off balance. She accepted him as a trusted ally
and friend in her life now, and without him, it was as if she had lost
an integral part of the Scoobies, like Willow or Xander. He was an important
part of it all, now. Maybe she should…
She stopped mid-thought, hearing fighting in the cemetery… the
sound of punches and kicks, both landing and missing… and then… a grunt
that could only be defined as Spike's. Was he already getting himself into
trouble? She broke off at a jog towards the noise and hefted her stake,
coming out from behind a group of trees along the walk. When she rounded
the bend, she gasped and froze, not believing what she saw.
She ducked behind some trees and bushes. Peering through
the leaves she saw Spike and Riley fighting.
Fighting!
Spike was fighting!
A human!
Riley!
She groaned. *Okay Bufftser, so got the point across already.*
She just couldn't believe her eyes at the sight that unfolded itself to
her in the dark shadow of the gravestones. Perhaps it was the shock
of it all that leant to her choice of hiding here instead of stopping them,
before one of them were hurt or killed. She stood, frozen in place
as they brawled savagely on the field.
"How'd you do it, Spike?" Riley said in between gasps of air.
"How'd you get the chip out?"
Spike just grinned. "Guess I was just having a real good
day..." He blocked a tired, lazily thrown punch from Riley, and jumped
back, energy coursing through him in wave upon wave of supernatural stamina.
"I told Buffy you would kill her. I knew you would go
after Dawn!" Riley swung another fist, only to have it blocked with two
hands, and pushed roughly backwards. He grunted and felt his arm sprain,
but thankfully, not break.
"I did nothing of the sort you rotten wanker. I'd never
hurt her, or Buffy or the Scoobies... You… you're another story.
I could kill you for ever hurting her," Spike glared hard with his menacing
yellow eyes.
"So this is some type of justice thing?" Riley laughed.
"You're the monster without a soul." He managed to duck a spin kick
and he using the last of his strength, knocked Spike down with a kick to
his leg. He stood over the fallen vampire. "You know she'll
never love you. She might think she could, but all she'll ever feel
for you is disgust and remorse. She may act as a friend to you, but
only because she'd kindhearted enough to give everyone a chance... she'll
never love you Spike. She only pities you." He chuckled, bitterly,
eyes slightly crazy as he wiped the blood from his lip. "You remind
her too much of Angel. You'll always be a monster Spike. Well, you'll
be dust in a minute or so."
Spike's undead heart cracked at his words. Part of him
knew it was true, while the part of him that had always been ambitious
wanted to believe it wasn't. He growled painfully, a strained cry of pain
and anger that was louder than any physical wound Riley could ever inflict.
Furious, he lunged forward quickly, as if powered by some supernatural
spring, and tackled Riley to the ground. They rolled in the grass
for seconds and Spike landed in a heap, close to where Buffy was.
She gasped, her heart breaking. Her brain racked just
how Spike was fighting. How did the chip stop working? Then she remembered
back to the fight he left and the story she heard today about him rescuing
someone from an electric type demon. The girl said she thought he'd
been injured... dear God... he must've been electrocuted.
The chip must've been disabled... She wanted to stop the fight, but
deep inside, she knew they needed to do this. This would be the only
way anything was decided. So she stepped back a little and watch
the war rage on.
Spike got up first and growled, fiercely growl. A monster's
growl. He picked Riley up by his shirt. "I may be the slayer's
lap dog, but at least she can confide and trust in me. At least she
knows 'll always be there for her. I won't go running the other way
when I make a mistake. Like you, boy. Why don't you stick to what
you're good for, 'n run to get off from some two bit vamp whore?" He pushed
the man across the grass. Glaring fiercely.
Riley glared with back, with the devil in his eyes.
"Ah... looks like 'm not the only one with a monster inside,"
Spike swiped his blood from his wound on his shoulder, bringing it to his
lips. He tasted his blood. "Am I Cap'n...?" he snarled.
"No matter what you are, human, demon...if there's evil in your heart,
you're evil. I don't have to kill anymore, I don't want to, because
I chose not to." he chuckled. "Although, you're making that a tough
decision for me mate..."
Riley had such seething abhorrence and disgust in his eyes as
he struggled to his feet. "I hate you, Spike."
"Feeling's mutual, mate..." He crossed his arms in front of
him and regarded the human intently. "Trust me."
"You left her too you know. She hates you for it too..."
Riley goaded.
"You see... I never really left her. I was always with
her. Always will be. She's in my gut, in my chest and my head.
She's all around me..." Spike sniffed and he swore he smell her perfume
as he said this.
Riley stood ramrod straight, hearing almost the same words from
him as Buffy before. He really had been beat. He stood, snarling
at the vampire. "I'm going to kill you, Spike. I'm going
to kill you and she'll never know you even came back. Once she sees
that you left her too… she'll get over whatever it is she thinks
she feels for you... and she'll be with me..." Riley swore, almost maniacal
in his vehemence.
Buffy's eyes misted up, not believing the hate-laced words that came from Riley. He... he was the monster. His love for her had driven him over the edge. She frowned, watching on. Her gut told her something was about to happen.
"And you say I'm evil," Spike chuckled.
"You're filth, Spike... you're not worthy of someone like Buffy."
Riley laughed. "You're beneath her..."
Spike stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at Riley with
trepidation. He put a hand to his cold heart and closed his eyes.
His words making that night and her voice echoing in the alley.
"It would never be you Spike.... You're beneath me..."
*Damn!* Buffy cursed, hearing the familiar words being
tossed out again like poisonous darts. Spike wasn't moving, and she
knew they had hurt him fiercely. And when he snapped out of it, the vampire
would probably snap Riley's neck. She watched him, facing in her
direction. His eyes were shut tight and he was still, gathering himself.
She knew she should stop this. Yet, she was rooted to her spot.
Spike opened his pain filled eyes.
"Hit a nerve did I?" Riley smiled with satisfaction.
Spike smiled brightly. "I'll live..." he paused, his fangs
bared. "But you won't." He was on him in a second. He
gripped Riley's neck tightly, forcing him to bare his neck for Spike.
He hissed and growled with anticipation.
Buffy's heart broke and she stepped out of the bushes, her stake
raised, however reluctantly. She had to stop Spike!
Spike dove down towards Riley's neck and placed his teeth at the thin layer of skin above the jugular. Every fiber of his demon being begged him to do it, to just rip in and drink well, the blood of the man he had hated and envied for so long. The temptation was burning him up inside. Yet a face flashed before his eyes and he suddenly pulled back with a grunt of disgust, taking small solace from his inability to kill by the look of fear in Captain Breadbasket's eyes.
He took a moment to calm himself and shook off his game face,
throwing down the boy disdainfully. "You're not worth it, Finn.
You just aren't bloody well worth it. I kill you now, and you'll
be right. I'd have been nothin' but a beast with a muzzle on. And whatever
it is I have with Buffy means more to me than killing you..." Spike stood
tall over the fallen soldier. "I won't do it." Spike shook his head,
turning his back to the commando, dismissing him. "Now get the hell
out of here before I change my mind and I rip your throat out and dance
in your blood."
Riley watched in shock. He started back peddling on hands
and feet until he felt the distinct crunch of a branch underfoot.
Looking down, he picked up the thick wood and clutched it in his bruised,
bloody hand. "You won't do it, fine." He got up slowly and started
walking with purpose towards Spike's unprotected back. "I will..."
"NO! Put it down now, Riley!" Buffy's voice rang out,
disrupting the tense silence that had fallen on the battleground.
Riley stopped and turned, surprised at her presence. "Buffy!"
He paused, and looked at Spike, who had stopped walking the moment he'd
heard Buffy's voice. "Buffy, he tried to kill me..."
"And he didn't." Buffy walked towards them purposefully, placing
herself in between Spike and her ex. She thanked God the vampire
had once again, gone against the tide of his nature and chose the higher
road. Because if he hadn't, she would have had to kill him. And that might
just as well destroyed her.
She stalked up to Riley, who still held his makeshift stake,
ready to plunge. Shaking, anxious to plunge "I think its time you
left, Riley."
The boy looked incredulous for a moment, as if he had been the
victim to some malicious wrong. Seeing the intent in his old love's eyes,
his surprise melted and indignance flared. "Fine..." Riley spat, wiping
some blood from his broken nose with the sleeve of his shirt. "I'll
call you tomorrow."
"I mean it's time you leave Sunnydale," Buffy restated as she
glared hard at him.
"So that's it, then? You choose him?" Riley's eyes widened
in horror and disgust.
"I didn't choose anyone, Riley. You eliminated yourself."
Buffy stuck her chin up. "Go now. Please." Her eyes welled
up, because in spite of what she'd seen tonight, there had still been the
memory of him just 10 months prior.
Riley tossed the branch he held at her feet. "Fine. You
two deserve each other. Goodbye, Buffy." Riley stared at her one
last time, then stalked into the night. She watched him leave, for what
she hoped was the last time.
After he'd disappeared, Buffy turned tearful eyes to Spike.
She watched him, expressionless.
He stood before her, letting her examine him like he was in
a line up. Uncomfortable, he finally forced himself to toss her a
short smile. "Hey, Buffy..."
Her insides tingled at his voice, the familiarity that was to
be had there. She watched him carefully. He stood before her,
his eyes shining and cerulean in the moonlight, the paleness of his skin
and hair contrasting sharply against them. "You came back..." she
stated, still somewhat in disbelief.
He almost couldn't believe that was the first thing she had
to say to him. He'd expected a, 'how' or a, 'why didn't you kill him,'
but never that. He cleared his throat, wiping away his initial response
of, 'it just happened.'
"I couldn't leave you or Dawn, pet..." he said after a while,
taking a cautious step toward her and gauging her reaction. She didn't
falter as he drew closer, and it served to embolden him slightly.
"I just thought it was what you wanted."
"I never want you to go, Spike," she tried to keep her composure.
"Dawn needs you too much... and I think, I think I need you too..." she
revealed.
His eyebrows shot up, and he had to fight the hardest battle
of his un-life to hold back the smile that threatened to break his composure.
There would be time to smile later. But for the record, Spike could've
died right then and there and been happy. "You…need...me?" he asked,
pausing in between each word to make sure he was hearing and saying this
correctly.
"You're a Scooby now Spike, I need all my friends." She tried
to clear up what she was saying. The question of whether Spike was
something more than just a friend had yet to be answered, but it could
be put off for now. "I'm sorry I made you feel you had to leave."
Spike gave her an almost shy half smile and continued to close
the distance between them. If friendship was the small part of her
she'd allow him to have, then he'd take it.
For now.
He didn't even deserve that much from her, in his mind, when
he speculated about it. "It's all right, luv..." He stopped his advance
on her, when he was almost toe-to-toe with her. "I'd do anything
for you, Buffy. You know that."
"I know," she replied simply.
"About General GI… er…Riley..." he started, his eyes darting
away nervously.
"It's okay, I heard everything..." Buffy stopped him with a
hand on his shoulder. He shuddered involuntarily at the feel of it.
"But, Buffy..." he started. "About the chip..."
She turned his chin so his eyes were locked with her gaze, attempting
to convey with her eyes the most trust and confidence that she could.
"Tell me..."
"I want to tell you, Buffy..." Spike whispered. "It scares
me."
"Why?" She frowned slightly.
"I don't want you to feel like you've got to kill me, luv. I
still want to be good... I didn't hurt Dawn. I swear.
I'd protect you both with my life, chip or no chip." Spike grabbed her
tiny, warm hands, almost desperate that she believe him.
Her body tingled from his coolness, but it wasn't like the uncomfortable
feeling she got when she sensed an enemy. Rather, it was a reassuring feeling.
"This sodding chip in my head… Slayer... it may have started
everything out, like you said. Like I was a serial killer in prison.
But luv... I chose to be good, to try and help you, not because the
chip wanted me to. The brain hardware doesn't make me love you, my
gut does, my heart does, my soulless body does. I know you don't
love me Buffy. I can't expect you too, but please believe I'm not
a murderer anymore." Spike proclaimed, nearly on his knees, begging.
"The wiring doesn't make me who I am. I do and you do, and Dawn does.
Please believe me." He stopped suddenly realizing what a git he must have
seemed to be, but not caring so long as she believed him. Because if she
didn't, he'd be destroyed long before she reduced him to ashes.
She stared at him hard, searching his eyes. They weren't
soulful and sad at all, like Angel's, but she saw love in them, she saw
faith in them, and she saw no evil.
"After I found out about the bleeding chip, I ran to LA.
I tried to deny at first, thought it was a bloody fluke or something. And
I didn't want you to ever find out, I couldn't bare the thought of seeing
the look of disgust in your eyes when you looked at me again. I could hear
you in me head, saying, 'there he is, William the bleeding Bloody killer.
Back again.' I was afraid you put the trust you have in me, all on
this chip..."
"Then why did you come back if you thought I'd stake you?" Buffy's
heart was breaking for this vampire...this man...
"I was told you were in danger..." Spike cupped her cheek.
"I couldn't stand the thought of you...of...losing you again. I'd
rather die protecting you and Nibblet."
Buffy almost laughed. Not a, 'ha-ha you stupid fool' laugh,
but a giddy, 'I can't believe it' laugh. "William the Bloody... Spike...you...put
me before yourself?" she turned into his caress. "Again."
"Buffy... I lov..."
"No Spike, please don't." She turned away; still not ready to
face the depth of his feelings for her. What she had initially thought
a shallow pond had grown into a raging, bottomless sea of emotion. "I know
you do." She sighed, brushing back her hair. "I believe you,
I do." She turned back. "But I don't feel the same..." Do I?
He swallowed his disappointment. "I know."
She smiled at him shortly. "Thank you, Spike."
"For what, pet?" he cocked his head to the side.
"For understanding me. For accepting me as I am.
For not asking for more of the slayer or more of Buffy." She smiled.
"For just being my friend and accepting that for what it is. For
coming back home." She gave him a hug. "Where you belong."
Spike felt on fire for a moment. Her warmth made his body
feel like it could burst with actual life from her touch alone. "I'll
take you whatever way I can have you, luv." He held her close for a moment
and breathed in her scent, resting his cheek on her hair. If only
she could accept him for who he was as well, inside and out. He frowned,
feeling a familiar sort of melancholy at his thoughts. Friend he would
be, then. *Even if it hurts like hell*, he thought. And God, did
it ever.
This felt right. Buffy relaxed for the first time in a
long time. Things were back; they were normal, like they were supposed
to be. She sighed as the tension left her body and she rested her head
on Spike's shoulder. She'd missed him. The thought of telling him flashed
across her mind, but she stopped it. He must have known. She pulled back
slowly after a second, looking up into his eyes. They seemed tired. Maybe
a little sad. As they came in contact with her own and the two held gazes,
they turned darker; they churned like oceans. He had one of the most expressive
faces Buffy had ever seen. One just had to grow accustomed to the little
things that made it that way, first. His brow creased slightly and his
eyes turned downwards at the ends. His mouth twitched once in a while,
but for the most part, stayed in a little line. He looked like he
had missed her terribly as well.
She made a mental note to talk to him about what had happened
while he was gone, before pulling out of his arms completely. "We should
go," she said, quietly.
He nodded and let his arms rest against his duster slowly, as
if reluctantly letting go of the feeling itself, even though she was already
gone from them. "Yeah. Well… you know where to find me if you need me,
luv." He turned to head back towards his crypt.
"Spike?"
He turned slightly, eyebrow arched in question. "Yes,
Buffy?"
She smiled. "Dawn really needs help with Great Expectations.
I don't even remember reading it."
His eyes suddenly became a lot less sad, and a genuine smile
irked at his face. He was really quite handsome when he let himself smile
like that. "Bit needs my help, then?" he asked in a teasing tone.
She snorted. "Don't flatter yourself." Then she smiled at the
familiarity of their teasing. It was what made them the way they were,
a strong contributing factor to the bond they had formed. Here, tonight,
it let them know that in spite of the chip, of Riley, of Spike's leaving,
things were back the way they were supposed to be.
"What would you and Bit do without me, cutie?" he asked, turning
around, that cocky swagger back in his step. She thought about the question
seriously, even if it had been asked as a joke. What would they do without
him? She didn't really know.
Spike put on his best, 'everything is normal in good old Sunnyhell'
expression as he and Buffy walked back to her house. He was thrilled that
she'd even let him within a fifty-mile radius of Dawn without the safety
net his chip provided. Hell, he had half expected her to shove wood into
his heart and smile while she waved 'bye-bye, William.' Hell, if he'd told
the Scoobies first they would have killed him right off and Buffy would
never have… He stopped. Scoobies. Oh God.
Buffy turned around when the sound of Spike's footprints beside
her stopped, and she looked at him. "What is it?"
"The gang. I've got to tell them. 'Bout the chip."
She frowned. "Right now?"
He nodded. "The sooner the better, luv, you know that."
"Yeah, I guess so. Let's go then, they're were supposed to meet
back at the shop after the whole hunt for Dawn thing… they're probably
still there researching and…"
"No luv, you go'n be with Bit, she's been alone long enough.
I'll go'n tell them myself."
Was he suicidal? She gaped. "Spike you know that if I'm not
there, they'll…"
"No, we don't know, luv." He put his arms out to stop her tirade
before it could start. "This is something I want to do by myself, Buffy."
"What? Why?" They would kill him. Or try, anyway, now that he
could fight back, she supposed.
Spike sighed and ran his hands through his hair, trying to find
the best way to answer her. The way that wouldn't make him come across
as the world's biggest wet puppy. "I…well…" He sat down on the curb, facing
the other side of the street. "How do I say this?" the vampire chuckled
nervously and reached into his pocket, absently searching for a cigarette.
Then he realized what he was doing and stopped mid pat, looking first at
Buffy, then to his hand. He brought it down and let it rest on the cement,
fingers drumming a bit. "What to say, what to say…" he muttered to himself.
Buffy smiled a bit at his antics to quell smoking around her.
He was considerate too, who knew? She sat down next to him, close, but
not touching. "Just tell me the truth, Spike."
"Was afraid you'd say that." He fidgeted uncomfortably where
he sat on the sidewalk. He supposed starting from the beginning was always
best, and took a deep breath, more to prepare himself than for actual need
of oxygen.
"Luv, after you'd…gone…" She waited patiently while he gathered
himself. "I was going to take a noonday stroll. Was going to go 'n meet
Mister Sunshine for the last time, cuz it hurt so bloody damn much. It
hurt to just be there, to be standing there alive, but all alone. I felt
like someone had taken my insides'n crushed 'em against the heel of their
boot'n spit on 'em before settin' fire to 'em. It was bloody awful. It
was almost sunrise after the whole Glory business had finished and we'd
seen you… lyin'… there, on that pile and… I broke inside. Shattered like
a like I was made out of glass, 'stead of vampire. Was going to just stay
out'n incinerate myself because I thought it might make the hurt leave
me the hell alone. But Nibblet wouldn't have any of it. Girl reminds me
a lot of her big sis, you know. She was bleedin' and scared, and she'd
just seen you jump off a buildin' to save her life. She wouldn't let me
do it, wouldn't see me kill myself. She told me that she needed me, the
Nip, and that we needed to live by your words'n stay together and live."
He took an unneeded breath and eyed Buffy, just to make sure she wasn't
holding back a trail of laughter at what a wanker the former master vamp
had become.
But she didn't say anything. In fact, she put his hand on his
forearm, gently. He recognized it as a gesture of comfort, and wondered
what… oh bloody hell. It was because he was crying again. He hadn't even
noticed. He held back the urge to laugh at what he'd become. He was crying,
in front of Buffy. Like a right poofter. Swiping ineffectually at the tears
running down his face, Spike blinked and looked skyward, calming himself
down. "Well… those were a long three months luv, without you here runnin'
everything the way you do. Red took over as leader, I suppose, knew she
always had it in her. And I, I took care of Dawn. Like I promised I would.
And to this day, 've only broken it once, you know."
Before she could comment, he urged ahead with his sob story.
"Anyway, like I said, they were a hard three months. It was torture everyday
just knowing we had to go to bed every night, only to wake up to a world
that didn't have you in it anymore. I remember just wanting the rest of
the world to stop, to not move anymore and recognize what had happened
to you. But it kept going, and we had to, too. But bloody hell, how it
hurt. Everyone was hurting so much that if you reached out in front of
'em…" he articulated the point by pushing his hand out and wiggling his
fingers a bit in front of him. "…you could feel their pain, wigglin' about
around 'em like a wall, keepin' 'em off from really joining the rest of
the world. Red said we should take up the patrols again, after you'd been
gone about a week. Said that there was still a world out there that needed
saving, and that she wouldn't let all your hard work'n sacrifice be for
nothin' cuz your mates were too miserable to get off their arses and try'n
preserve the work you did all your life. So I said I'd do it by myself
that they wouldn't have to worry about it. I told 'em I'd patrol every
night, then look in on Dawn, then go back to the crypt. I said it wouldn't
be a bother, and that that way no one would have to worry about gettin'
themselves killed doing a job they weren't cut out for. But she'd have
none of it, that wicca. Said it was somethin' we had to do together. So
we did. We trained hard, and we fought, stopped an apocalypse, killed a
nest of vamps in the nieghborin' town even." He chuckled to himself a bit
at the memory.
"Those were bondin' times for me'n the rest of the gang, you
know?" he asked, finally getting to his point. "We had to rely on each
other, to live, like you said. Always knew you were a smart chippy. Anyway,
we watched each other's backs cuz there was no one else there to do it
for us, and we did good at it. Though it wadn't the same without you, because
it hurt every time we dusted a vamp and we realized you weren't there in
the middle of it all, fightin' your fight, we did it. Cuz there was no
one else to. We saved each other more times those three months than I can
count. We got to be…friends. I think." Spike shook his head. "What 'm sayin'
is, this isn't just through you anymore, luv. Though you're an important
part and everythin', and we're ecstatic your back…" he added hastily. "It's
just…"
"You want this to be about your friendship with the gang, not
something they allow just because of me," she finished, understanding.
"You want this to just be about you and them. To see if those months mean
the same to them as they did to you, even though I'm back."
He looked nervous, afraid he had hurt her feelings or something.
"Yeah, luv. Something like that. Is that… is that all right?"
She smiled, a little in surprise. Everyday, she saw him grow
more. Saw a little more of that humanity that had always set him apart
from his breed surface, and a little more of the demon in him recede.
He took her silence at his question as a no, and instantly moved
to apologize for being a terrible person, but stopped when he looked into
her eyes. "Buffy?"
She blinked back tears, feeling like a sap. "I'm so proud of
you."
He stared back in confusion. She was…did she say… was she really?
His eyes lit up. She was. And those weren't tears of hatred, or loathing.
She was proud of him. His heart soared. He realized one of the tears had
escaped her façade, and he reached for it gently, catching it on
the side of his index finger. "Hey now, no tears huh? We still haven't
seen if they'll stake me or not," he joked quietly.
"They won't, Spike."
"We'll see."
Dawn jumped from her deep concentration of Great Expectations
when she heard the door close behind her. She whirled around, seeing Buffy.
"Oh. Hey."
"Hey, Dawn." Buffy smiled and sat down next to her sister on
the couch. "How's it going?"
"Slowly. Did you know that Dickens got paid by the word, so
he made his sentences as long as possible?" Dawn rolled her eyes and set
the book down on the coffee table. Then she paused, noticing the remnants
of tear tracks on her sister's face. "What happened? You and Spike didn't
fight, did you? And you didn't…" she trailed off, too horrified to say
what she thought. Had her sister killed him? Had she not given Spike a
chance to talk?
"No! No… God no, I didn't kill him."
The younger girl relaxed. "God, heart attack much? What's with
the waterworks then?"
Buffy shook he her head. "It's nothing. Spike was being sweet."
"Spike is always…wait… did you say sweet? You admitted that
he's sweet?!" Dawn giggled. "Finally."
"What?" Buffy asked, wondering what her sister was laughing
about now.
"I've known it forever and you've known him two years longer
than I have. You think it's the blondeness?"
Buffy frowned but her eyes sparkled. "Yeah, well, get back to
studying, freshman. Spike will be back in a while to help you."
"Good!" Dawn exclaimed, relieved. "I'm sick of trying to analyze
this myself. At least he knows what he's talking about when we go over
these stupid books," the brunette lamented, over dramatically as she glared
at the worn paperback copy that lay on the table in front of her. She frowned.
"Where is he now, anyway?"
"Impatient much?" Buffy shook her head. Then she stopped, realizing
that her sister expected an honest answer. How would Dawn react when she
told her that she'd let her protector go into uncharted territory without
any backup? "He um, he wanted to go and tell the guys about the chip
thing."
Dawn balked instantly, like Buffy knew she would. "He WHAT?"
"He wanted…"
"No, I heard you. But I mean, WHY? They'll kill him! Or…they'll
try to… and he'll have to fight back so they don't, and then that'll just
seal it and… why aren't you with him?"
"He wanted to do it himself."
"WHY?"
"Because…" Buffy paused. "It was noble. He was being noble."
Perplexed, the younger girl sat down. "Are you drunk?
I thought you'd die before you admitted he was noble."
"No! No… I'm not drunk. And he wanted to do it alone. Because…"
Buffy searched her mind for an appropriate answer, something Dawn would
understand. "Oh, never mind."
"Because he wanted to test how strong a friendship they all
had?"
"Okay, I guess you do understand." Buffy paused. "You don't
REALLY think that they'll kill him, do you?"
Dawn looked thoughtful for a second, and then leaned back into
the couch, unsuccessful. "Um… I don't really know."
Buffy sighed and mirrored her sibling's position on the couch.
"Me neither. But he wanted to do it without me, and I said I'd let him."
"If this kills him, you know that he'll never try to be noble
again."
"I know."
TBC...
