The Wild
Chapter IV
When Cole turned to follow Noayak's gaze, he saw that Phoebe was still observing him curiously, and it almost embarrassed him. "What is she thinking? She probably sees only the savage in me," he continued for himself. Cole shrugged angrily at the thought. "If that is what she thinks, then that is what she'll get…" The pain that he felt inside, he hid from everyone else, even from himself.
The girls and Leo were tired and scared, but that didn't keep them from observing their surrounding curiously. Even if in the night, the light coming from a few fires was more than enough for them to get a good look. The habitants of the village had obviously seen them coming from a ways, because many were up in spite of the late hour. The settlement was composed of many tents built around what they figured could have been a public place. One of the tents was noticeably larger than the rest, and at the moment they weren't certain whether it was some place of worship, or rather the chief's habitation.
However, Phoebe, unlike her cousins and Leo, had eyes only for the man that brought them there. She still couldn't believe that he was real. She felt a mix of awe at this improbable coincidence, and embarrassment at the thought of all she had been to him, albeit in dreams. Then a thought struck her. The night before, when they had escaped, it had been following this strange dream of hers. And she couldn't help thinking that she had been right about a man having been kissing her then. "What if it was him," she thought? This idea disturbed her, but at the same time, she couldn't help feeling a little excitement as well. "Why then," she questioned herself, "is he so angry? It can't be just because we tried to escape…"
But of course, she realized that she might have been wrong about all this. Even more so, when she saw the girl kissing him as only a wife would in her world. The pang of jealousy that she felt then was all too real and she tried her best to keep it from showing. Two older men were now approaching him and the girl. The one ahead had much more adornments than the Indians they had met so far, telling her that he must have been an important person among them…
Nasomsee, the chief of the tribe, was coming toward them and he seemed just as annoyed as Noayak at the sight of the prisoners.
The Shaman was accompanying him, staying a few steps behind.
Nasomsee came straight at Cole, keeping his eyes on the prisoners all the while.
"Who are those?"
"We thought better to capture them rather than killing them. There had been enough killing…"
The Chief uttered severely:
"We have barely enough to feed ourselves as it is, so why bring those to us? You should've left them behind."
"They'll work for their keep, I assure you."
Nasomsee wasn't convinced:
"We'll have to watch them. We don't have enough men to do this…"
"It won't matter," Cole assured him, "winter is coming already… In a few days, the mountain will be covered with snow and impracticable. If they try to escape, they'll die from the cold, or get lost in the wilderness. They won't have a choice but to stay here. Moreover, I really don't think that they are any danger to us. "
Nasomsee shrugged:
"They'll be your responsibility, Jolon. And they better work as you said."
Cole simply nodded, feeling a little pressure at this. After all, even if he had wanted them to be there, he was not really the one who had made the decision. However, he was not going to put this on the other men's back. He was their future spiritual leader, and he understood that it was his burden to take this responsibility.
The shaman was now observing him curiously as well, but Cole ignored it. Instead, he went to the prisoners by himself, careful to avoid Phoebe' stare.
"You better listen good, because I won't repeat it." He told them.
"You're alive only because we chose you to be. You've already caused enough trouble, so beware not to try again. You'll work for your keep. Work hard… If you're thinking about escaping, think again. People like you wouldn't survive more than a few days in the wilds, particularly with the winter coming. If you do it anyway, no one will help you. Do not expect your people to come to your rescue either. We've made sure that no one could follow your tracks. You won't get any help but from yourselves. Behave and you'll live, don't…"
He never finished the sentence, but they didn't need him to.
Paige still dared asking for all of them:
"Why didn't you just let us go? Why did you have to bring us here?"
He didn't look at her at first, and she suddenly worried about her temerity.
Then, he turned to her with a wooden expression:
"You would have preferred if we'd killed you?"
His voice was so cold that Paige took a step back, slightly panicked, as she sensed that he could have made good on the threat right then and there.
When he was satisfied that they wouldn't argue anymore, he pursued:
"You will be fed and clothed. Just don't make me regret this."
He then turned around and left without another word.
Two of the braves hurried them along then, directing them toward a tent that seemed too small for all of them. However, by now they were used to close quarters, and it was still better than the pen. All the while, Phoebe couldn't help looking back toward him, only to see him rejoin with the Indian woman. For a savage she was pretty, Phoebe had to admit with a sinking feeling, even as she entered the tent behind the others.
Noayak was still very puzzled by his attitude. She knew him for a tolerant and sweet man. As he came near her, he thought that he could see the reproaches in her eyes, and it didn't help his mood in the least.
"What is it Jolon? You're acting so strangely…"
"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered more harshly than he had intended. Seeing the hurt in her expression, he tried to smile:
"I'm sorry. I guess that those people got to me somehow."
She looked at him in a somewhat probing manner, as if she was trying to read his soul, then she smiled as well.
"Come, I'll make you forget all about the white ones…"
She took his hand, and he followed her with the hope that he indeed could forget in her arms. Still, as soon as she had her back to him, he gave one last look toward the tent, and knew that it wouldn't be so easy…
As promised, they received clothing from the women of the village, while these amused themselves with their garments. It was obvious, however that they were getting the leftovers from them, as the clothing was old and riddled with holes. At first, the girls refused to use them. Eventually though, they realized that the work was too hard and made more difficult by their usual attires. The food was rudimentary, but they didn't go hungry. What was surprisingly difficult for all of them however, was the way people almost ignored them otherwise.
The first few nights, they tried to imagine ways of escaping, in spite of the warnings. But the temperature soon dropped, and they could see for themselves that the mountain was rapidly getting covered with snow. In the end, they simply promised each other that they would try in the spring, and mostly became resigned to living there until then.
It had been over two weeks since Phoebe had left with her cousins, and her parents were going mad with worry. They had already dispatched someone to the settlement, but had yet to hear from him.
Paul was preparing to go himself, not willing to wait one more day. Prue had hardly slept in the last week and she was totally exhausted. Nevertheless, she couldn't find rest. Every time that she let herself drifting, horrible images peopled her nightmares. She wanted to go with him, but he hesitated at risking her safety as well. In the end however, she told him that she had to go or she would wither away from the worry.
One day out in the trip, they met up with the messenger, and the news that he brought devastated them. The party had never arrived at destination and he had realized why on the way, when he found the carriage and the bodies. Seeing this, he had turned around immediately and come back toward the city. However his account left a little room for hope, as the man told them that no girls were among the victims. Because of this, they continued toward the settlement, determined to do anything to find their daughter and nieces.
Meanwhile, the trappers had been looking for the Indians for over two weeks. The one who had been injured had finally succumbed to his wounds, and they demanded revenge for this. However, through a clever maneuver, the Indians had caused them to search in the opposite direction for most of that time. In the end, they had concluded that more men were needed to find this village. What's more, they were also aware that winter was coming rapidly. They decided to return home and come back in the spring with more men, to get rid of the threat…
The traverse took them much longer than they were used to, as they had waited too long to depart. On the way, another of the trappers perished in a snowstorm, when he lost sight of the group and fell off a cliff, blinded by the snow.
When they finally arrived on the other side of the mountain, they found the road and eventually, they also came upon the abandoned coach, along with at least five bodies, riddled with arrows. This outraged them even more. At the time, they had no idea that the Indians had taken prisoners, and they assumed that everyone was dead. They buried the bodies on the spot, and then went to the nearest settlement, determined to get soldiers to help them in the light of these murders.
The trappers arrived at the outpost only hours before Paul and Prue. The soldiers, who had a camp near the settlement, understood the anger of both the trappers and later, the girl's parents, but they told them that nothing could be done about this until the spring. Paul tried everything to change their mind, even promising them a handsome reward, if they took the risk. He couldn't accept that his daughter might be alive and waiting for them, while he was sitting there doing nothing about it. For weeks after this, he went back to the soldiers' camp every day, always trying to change their mind. Nevertheless, in the end he had to accept their terms. That winter promised to be a long one for them as well, as neither him, nor Prue could bring themselves to leave there. At least, not until they were certain of their daughter's fate…
They had been prisoners for over a month now, and had just about given up hope of being rescued by then. Many things had changed for them during that time. At first, Piper and Leo had tried to hide their feelings from the other two. However, as they were all living in the same tent, practically on top of each other, it had been impossible for them to maintain the façade.
What surprised them as well as Paige however, was Phoebe's lack of reaction to the news. She didn't even try to pretend that it bothered her, and frankly this worried the others. She worked with them, and slept with them, but they could feel that she wasn't there in spirit. She had a few rare moments of animation, but most of the time she was apathetic. Her cousins tried to talk to her many times, but she simply dismissed them, saying that the fatigue did this to her.
At first, they accepted this explanation, as they were exhausted themselves. However, Paige began to have suspicions about her cousin's attitude. From the start, she had been intrigued by her reaction to the man that they now knew as Jolon. However, Phoebe had refused to explain this any further, in spite of the many attempts Paige had made to get her to open up about it. She was certain that something bothered her about him, but it wasn't until now that she had realized something even more revealing. Those rare moments of animation almost always coincided with visits from him. He had not done so very often actually, but on occasions they had needed translation for some tasks that were a little too complex for simple hand gestures. For each of his visits, Paige remembered that Phoebe had seemed to brighten up briefly, and then to fall into an even deeper depression for days afterward.
The people of the village still barely spoke to them, but the little they did had been enough for Paige to begin picking up on the language. She had discovered herself a talent for linguistics, and after a month, she helped the others learning some of it.
Her insight came after one of those little sessions that she had with them before bedtime. Piper and Leo were happy to learn from her, as they felt so isolated in this place. To be able to understand what the people were saying around them would be at least a welcome distraction, they said. However, Phoebe was showing no real interest in this, and Paige had also wondered about it until that night. She came to her, after the others went to sleep, and found her sitting in front of the tent, with what was now her habitual vague expression.
"Phoebe?"
Her cousin barely acknowledged her but she pursued:
"Shouldn't you be more interested in learning about these people? The more we know, the better our chances to get out of here eventually, you know?"
Phoebe became agitated then:
"Why would we need to learn their language? It's the tongue of savages. Jolon can always translate for us…"
Since they had arrived here, Phoebe had been increasingly confused about her feelings. On the one hand, she was longing for something forbidden, unattainable. On the other hand, just the thought of it had her shuddering. Some days, she would spend crushed with the shame of her own desires. On others she would be hoping for even just a glimpse of him. In all this time however, he had not said a word to her. He even went out of his way to never look at her directly, and she couldn't tell anymore if this disappointed her, or if she was relieved.
"Phoebe," Paige insisted, "we can't count on him to be there at all times. You'll have to get over yourself and start making the best of a bad situation…"
Phoebe turned to her with more energy than she had seen in her throughout the whole month. This time she actually looked angry.
"Don't you dare tell me what I should do or think… I have no intention of getting used to this," she added, her hands tracing an invisible circle that embraced the whole village.
Paige answered irritably:
"Wake up, Phoebe. We've been here for over a month and I'm afraid that this is it, at least for the time being. Accept it and live with it."
Instead of answering, Phoebe got up and walked away.
By then, the men had stopped guarding them altogether, as they truly had nowhere to go. Paige watched her going and finally thought that she understood her reticence. Maybe she just didn't want to give Jolon another reason not to come see them. At this moment, she put all of her cousin's strange reactions in perspective, and was appalled at the implication. She needed to know for sure, and decided to follow her, whether she wanted it or not.
Paige caught up with Phoebe at the edge of the village, near the large tent, which belonged to the chief, as they learned eventually.
"Phoebe, I need to talk to you…"
"I think that we talked enough." Phoebe answered curtly, while avoiding Paige's inquiring stare.
"I beg to differ. I tried many times to talk to you about Jolon. But until now, you always gave me the runaround. I demand to know what's the deal with you and this man."
Phoebe gave her a horrified glance:
"There is nothing between us. He's a savage, and if that wasn't enough," she couldn't help adding, almost in a whisper, "he won't even look at me…"
Then her voice rose again, as she continued:
"So why would you think that?"
"For the very reason that him not paying attention to you seems to bother you so much…"
"Get that idea out of your head. I want nothing to do with Jolon. Not now, not ever…"
The pitch of her voice had steadily risen, as she was trying not only to convince Paige, but herself as well. However, she might have thought better of it had she known that he was listening in.
Cole had spent the evening with the chief and his daughter, and just then, was coming out of the tent, when he heard the voices and stopped short.
For all this time, he had been trying to forget about her, with very little success. He had tried avoiding to go anywhere near her for fear that his feelings would be exacerbated in her presence. In truth, every time that he had been to see them, he went away more confused. That week, he had spent away with the hunters, in the hope that a period of time away from the village would help clear his thoughts about it. But neither this, nor the nights he had spent with Noayak in the first few weeks after their arrival, could change anything to his feelings for her.
Just now, he was reminded of the shaman's warning, however.
The Shaman was the only one aware of Cole's dilemma. At first, when he had talk to him about his strange attitude, Cole had tried to dismiss it. But the Shaman was not one to be dismissed so easily, and one evening he had forced a confession out of the young man. He was not so much surprised, as appalled at this turn of event. He had always known that his adopted son had the gift of vision. Thus, the fact that in a way, he had foreseen her coming was not unexpected. What had appalled him was the obvious depth of Cole's feelings for her, and after a lengthy discourse about Cole's duties to the tribe, he had left him with this warning:
"No matter what you may hope from her, she will never be yours. You were right to try and forget about her. She'll never accept you, and what's more, the people would not accept her either."
This conversation had taken place a few weeks earlier, and since then he had redoubled his effort at keeping her out of his mind. However, this had been in vain. Throughout the last week, away with the hunters, all he could think about was to come back here. In the end, he had made up his mind that he had to try and be with her because he couldn't stand being apart. Contrary to what she thought, he had watched her often, no matter how hard he had tried not to. He had even seen the way she looked at him, and dared hoped once more that he had been mistaken about her dispositions. He had already decided to ignore the shaman's warning and try to win her love, even if he had to swallow his pride to succeed.
However, before he could make good on his new resolve, he had received an insistent invitation from the chief to come visit. This one had hinted at a union with his daughter, forcing him to divert the conversation away from it, to Nasomsee and his daughter's disappointment.
Noayak had been somewhat of a comfort in the first few weeks, but lately he had avoided her, and it was probably why she had tried to get him back in this manner. That is how he found himself there to hear Phoebe talking, and crushing his hopes.
Now, her words, even uttered in anger, felt like a dagger through his heart. This time, he couldn't deny it anymore. He wanted to run away, but his legs felt like lead, and that is also why she found him there still.
The moment that she had said those words, she had once more left her cousin behind, walking away resolutely. When she rounded the corner of the tent, she found herself face to face with him, and saw his expression. She knew right then what she had done, but it was too late to change it. Until that moment, she had not been certain that he had any feelings for her, or even how she truly felt about him. And now, his feelings were obvious, but so was the hurt.
She tried to apologize:
"Jolon I…"
Not giving her time to finish, he turned away from her resolutely, almost running toward the woods in spite of the late hour. She had thought that her situation was difficult to tolerate until now, but in this instant, she felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Only now, did she realize the depth of her mistake. And it was too late to repair this, she thought.
Her pain was such that she let herself down to the ground, tears rolling freely on her cheeks, and that is how Paige found her. She was astonished at her cousin's sudden turn around, as she was totally unaware of what had transpired. She believed that maybe, she was remorseful for her outburst and tried to reassure her about it. However, this seemed only to deepen her sorrow, to Paige's dismay. That night and the followings, she cried herself to sleep without ever telling Paige or the others the cause of her pain. Cole did not return to the village for a week…
On the morning of the seventh day, Phoebe woke up with a resolution that finally put a smile on her face. She was still worried about him, but somehow she was certain that he would come back soon. "Then," she promised herself, he will have no doubts about my feelings for him." All through that week, she had yet again wondered about being with a man like him, but eventually she had understood that none of it mattered. For the first time in her life, she knew exactly what she wanted, and that was Jolon. Once she had admitted it to herself, she felt better about things, even convincing herself that he would forgive her outburst.
When he actually came back that very morning however, he didn't come to her. She had been preparing to plead her cause, and to tell him how sorry she was for not realizing sooner how she felt. But all of this was for naught when she saw him at last. Instead of giving her a chance to explain herself, he ignored her completely, and went straight to the chief's tent. She learned later that day of his promise to take Noayak as his wife…
Paige was the one who told her, as she had managed to listen in on a conversation between two women at the waterhole. Her task for the day was laundry, and it left her a lot of time to learn the language by doing just that. When she understood what they were talking about, she actually felt a certain relief. Thinking that now, Phoebe would just forget about him. She had not told Leo and Piper about Phoebe's feelings for Jolon, but had soon understood what her chagrin was about. All week, the talk of the village had been Jolon' sudden disappearance. It corresponded exactly to the night when Phoebe had exploded at her and then cried so much. She was still convinced that Phoebe would get over him quickly. How could it have been otherwise? He was just a savage after all. She still entertained the hope that they could escape in the spring and put all this awful mess behind them.
When she told Phoebe the news, she was appalled at her reaction, however. Paige had trouble understanding how her cousin could be so taken with a man that was so uncivilized. She had expected some anger and pain, but never the devastation that she witnessed. There was nothing that she could find to say to her. Phoebe just ran out of the tent that night and stayed out much later than usual. When she came back, she didn't say a word, and neither did she for almost a week.
At last, it was Piper who couldn't take not knowing what was the matter with her, and she decided to question her about it.
"Phoebe?"
Phoebe just kept her back to her and for a moment, Piper thought that maybe she had fallen asleep already. However, after a fashion, Phoebe answered.
"Yes," she said, with a little sigh of impatience.
"What is the matter with you?"
Piper was worried about the answer. Ever since they had told her about Leo and her, she had wondered about her lack of reaction. Now she worried that Phoebe held a grudge against them. In fact, they had barely spoken to each other in weeks. And only for the necessary exchanges…
"Nothing that concerns you," Phoebe finally answered cryptically.
"Your attitude doesn't make sense, Phoebe. You have been like a ghost almost from the moment we arrived here. Is it…" Piper hesitated, "is it Leo and me," she dared asking with a little voice?
Phoebe reacted at this:
"No, of course not… I'm very happy for you and Leo."
Piper was astonished:
"You are?"
Phoebe finally turned toward her:
"I think that you did the right thing by following your heart. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was to have acted so badly toward you. I…I know that I was unfair and I hope that you can forgive me…"
"Of course I forgive you, but still… Where is the Phoebe that I knew?"
Phoebe frowned slightly:
"What do you mean?"
"Don't take offense, because I love you very much either way but… the Phoebe I remember would not have gotten over this so easily…"
Phoebe was about to protest, but Piper continued quickly:
"And she was also full of life and determination. She would never have left an obstacle put her down."
The sad resigned expression returned on Phoebe's face.
"Goes to say that maybe you didn't know me as well as you thought…"
"See, now you are reveling in self pity. What is that? What happened to you?"
"It really doesn't matter. What does is that you made the right choice. You found the man of your dreams and you went after him, no matter the risk or what others would say. I just wish…"
"What?"
Phoebe turned away again:
"Nothing. I'll be fine, don't worry."
However, Piper couldn't help but worry. Far from reassuring her, this little talk had given her more to ponder on. She lied back against Leo, who was already sleeping, but she took a long time before falling asleep herself, as she tried to figure out what was the matter with her cousin.
Paige had heard the whole conversation, but had preferred pretending to sleep. Suddenly, she felt ashamed about her misconceptions. She had just realized how much Phoebe cared about this man, no matter what he was, and it gave her pause.
Ever since they had been taken prisoners, they had had to adapt to so many strange things and give up on most of the amenities that they had taken for granted all their lives. However, there was one that they were not willing to give up on, and it was to at least be able to wash up with warm water and a modicum of privacy. So after a lot of arguments made difficult by the language barrier, they had gained the right to do just that. A small tent had been raised just outside the village with a stove in it, where they could boil water and use it for their ablutions. It had taken them a few weeks to get this, and they were infinitely grateful not to have to bathe in the cold river. In time, some of the women in the village came to use the facility as well, please as they were with the idea. So that Phoebe was not overly surprised to find someone in the tent that day. When she saw who she was though, she had trouble keeping her dignity. Noayak was almost naked when Phoebe entered and didn't seem bothered at being interrupted. However, Phoebe wasn't all that thrilled at seeing her, in this situation or any other.
Noayak was very intuitive by nature. She knew that she had almost lost Jolon to someone else, but until now, she had avoided the strangers altogether, and she had no idea on who was the girl that had caught his eye. In fact, it had been a subject of worries for her, as she was so taken with Jolon. Even after he promised himself to her, Noayak had sensed that something was holding him back. Then, she looked into Phoebe's eyes for the first time, and what she read in them was the same feeling that she knew she would have if she were faced with a rival.
This came as a total shock to her, but she hid it well, and, picking up her clothes, she dressed up slowly, showing all the confidence of the winner while doing so.
At this moment, Phoebe wanted nothing less than to rip her eyes out. She had never felt such a strong feeling about anyone besides her love for Jolon. She hated her with every fiber of her being, even though she knew that it certainly wasn't her fault. When the Indian girl went out of the tent, without a single word to her, Phoebe suddenly remembered Piper's words about how much she had changed. And most of all, she recalled her comment about self-pity…
"You wait," she told herself. "I'm not out of his life just yet." She added with more determination than she had demonstrated in weeks.
In that instant, she promised herself that she would go for what she wanted with everything she was. This decision gave her a jolt of energy that felt good. "I moped long enough," she continued aloud. Then she looked down on herself, realizing that she was far from looking her best. She had been so depressed in the last few weeks that she had not even cared how ugly her clothes were, or how lackluster her hair had become. She didn't dwell anymore on her mistake, but convinced herself that if she just made him look, she would have a chance. She took a brush that they had gotten back from the Indians along with most of their clothes, and began stroking her hair vigorously. Then after washing up, she decided to put on one of her own outfits for a change. Once she was certain that she looked better than she had in weeks, she went back to the village, determined to make a good impression on him.
Piper was the first one to see her, and she opened her mouth in surprise.
"Wow, what is the big occasion?"
Phoebe simply smiled mysteriously, but said nothing. Instead, she began walking toward the part of the village where she knew he spent most of his time…
Noayak had been much more worried about what she found out than she let out. She had gone directly to his tent, knowing that he was there, practicing meditation. She knew that he didn't like to be disturbed on those occasions, but she felt the need for reassurance. Even after they had made love, he would seem to drift far away from her these days, and that's what had given her the idea that someone else was on his mind. Now she knew who the "someone" was, and much more than this, she knew that she wanted him too. It was almost inconceivable that he would prefer this doll to her. But what if it was true? What if the girl came after him and he left her. She couldn't bear the thought. So she entered in spite of her reservation, determined to reaffirm her hold on him.
He was surprised to see her and let her know, but she laughed and came to him playfully.
"Come on Jolon, I can't wait till tonight…"
No matter how he felt about Phoebe, Noayak was still very stimulating, and he could hardly ever resist her. That morning was no exception.
He pulled her toward him and held her tight, as he was already putting his other hand on her breast. It encouraged her and she wormed her hands inside the leather pants, feeling immediately that she had his full attention, so to speak. He was now kissing her hungrily and was almost lost in the moment, when he had the impulse to look behind her. When he saw Phoebe in front of the entrance, he almost pulled away from Noayak. But then, the resentment took over again, and rather than stopping, he continued with even more ardor, throwing the Indian girl to the ground and positively ripping her clothes off of her. Phoebe felt numb at the sight of them. Yet, she couldn't look away for a long moment. At this point she was torn between the horrible disappointment that she felt, and the fascination with the scene before her. He was kissing the other woman all over in the manner that she wanted him to kiss her. She felt paralyzed, forced to watch… Then she suddenly closed her eyes and gathered enough strength to turn away and run. The moment that she had left, he knew instinctively, and pulled away from Noayak. This one was totally confused, as for a moment there he had been more passionate than he had in weeks. By now she knew that it had been since the white people came to the village…
She opened her eyes and looked up to see his face contorted in what she thought looked like shame. He got up at this point, and without a word, left the tent. She wasn't certain what exactly had brought this about, but she had a pretty good idea. Painfully, she realized that she might be losing him…
Phoebe had been running all the way to the water hole, where she sat heavily, looking down in the water. What she saw there looked to her like a pathetic imitation of a woman. She was certain now that he didn't want her anymore. She almost turned away, but then she saw his reflection as well, and she almost screamed in surprise. She had not realized that he had seen her at his tent. Now she was afraid of his reaction, and didn't dare look back at him. Instead, she waited in silence, holding her breath.
He stood there without a word for a moment, and then he asked in a hard voice:
"What were you doing there?"
In that instant in the tent, all he had been able to think about was the humiliation that he had felt because of her, and he had wanted her to suffer in the same manner. But it soon had transformed into shame and pain at the thought of what he was doing. However, he feared that she was there only to crush his feelings some more, and couldn't bring himself to see another meaning into her coming to him.
She wasn't answering, so he repeated impatiently:
"What were you doing there?"
Phoebe took a deep breath and answered, keeping her back to him:
"I… I wanted to see you, to tell you…"
"What," he interrupted anxiously.
She bit her lips, and then continued:
"It doesn't matter anymore. It will not happen again…"
"I need to know," Jolon asked, almost pleading, and the tone of his voice, much more than what he said, gave her a sudden hope.
She got up slowly and turned to him, still keeping her eyes down, afraid, as she was, to have read something that wasn't there in his voice.
He took a step closer, extending a hesitant hand toward her; he put it under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.
"I need to know," he repeated again.
She was speechless, just melting at his touch and unable to answer.
However, when he looked in her eyes, he didn't need her to answer. It was so clearly expressed that he knew as surely as if she had told him how she felt. Jolon bent slightly toward her and she smiled just so, but it was enough. His hand slowly moved from her chin toward the back of her neck and she lifted her face toward him. They were just about to seal what they both felt with a kiss, when Noayak called to him in a loud and reproachful voice.
Phoebe felt this as a slap in the face, and she pulled away right then. The scene that she had witnessed earlier was now burning in her mind. Jolon wanted to hold her, to keep her from leaving, but he remembered only then of his promise to Noayak. Phoebe could read this as well in his eyes and it made her feel horrible. She turned away from him and ran in the direction of the village. She couldn't help crossing path with the other woman, but she avoided her stare, giving her a wide berth and continuing on her way quickly.
Back at the tent, she didn't even stop to answer Piper's questioning look.
She entered and threw herself on the cot with a grunt of rage. Why was it so difficult? She had thought that living close to nature was supposed to make things easier. Well now, she knew that people were complicated everywhere.
Cole had greeted Noayak with a grim stare that didn't do anything to reassure her. Once more, she felt that she was losing him and wept inwardly, but she didn't let him see her chagrin. Instead, she demonstrated rightful anger at his behavior.
"Jolon, what were you doing with that one?" She spat. "She's not even one of the People. She is a stranger to us…"
Cole retorted:
"No more than I was. It didn't keep you from bedding me."
He had said it so harshly that she felt it as a vile insult.
"You're promised to me. Remember that, or my father will have to remind you himself."
She then turned away from him, unwilling to show him her pain. She knew that her words had been harsh, but this didn't give her any urge to apologize since his had been worse.
She went back to her father, but didn't make good on the threat about telling him. At least not yet, she thought. She still promised herself that no matter what, the girl wouldn't end up with him.
Another painful week passed, and the three of them had managed to avoid each other. Cole couldn't help but worrying about Noayak's threat. A promise of marriage was as bonding as the marriage itself in his nation, and what was more, he knew that it would be even worse when they learned that he was thinking of leaving her for a white woman. All the doubts that they had entertained about him in his first few years there would resurface. He didn't want to leave this place. It was his home. However, the more he thought about it, the more he believed that if he couldn't be with Phoebe, maybe it didn't matter all that much. He couldn't seem to make up his mind and thought that a cold bath in the river would help clear his thoughts.
Phoebe had just finished her chores for the day and decided that a walk was what the doctor ordered. She was just as confused and depressed as she had been the week before, going through the motion and hiding her feelings as much as she could from her cousins. Leo had offered to keep her company, as he was finding himself without anything to do as well, but she declined a little too abruptly. She regretted it immediately but couldn't stand the idea of company right now. She had been walking for about fifteen minutes, staying out of sight of the village, but never wandering too far, as she was afraid of getting lost still, when she noticed someone in the river. It didn't take her long to see that it was a man, swimming naked in the water. She quickly hid behind a bush, turning crimson at her own audacity. She was always amazed at how the Indians didn't seem to be bothered by the cold, and swam even in these low temperatures. Against her better judgement, she moved closer still. "Maybe, I am looking for some kind of distraction," she thought to herself. She almost giggled for the first time in weeks at the thought of her naughtiness. When she had moved close enough, always hiding behind one of the many bushes that flanked the riverbank, she dared look back at the man. She was surprised that there seemed to be no one there anymore, until he came out of the water with a splash. Then, she gasped when she recognized Jolon, who was now swimming lazily, coming toward her…
Chapter IV
When Cole turned to follow Noayak's gaze, he saw that Phoebe was still observing him curiously, and it almost embarrassed him. "What is she thinking? She probably sees only the savage in me," he continued for himself. Cole shrugged angrily at the thought. "If that is what she thinks, then that is what she'll get…" The pain that he felt inside, he hid from everyone else, even from himself.
The girls and Leo were tired and scared, but that didn't keep them from observing their surrounding curiously. Even if in the night, the light coming from a few fires was more than enough for them to get a good look. The habitants of the village had obviously seen them coming from a ways, because many were up in spite of the late hour. The settlement was composed of many tents built around what they figured could have been a public place. One of the tents was noticeably larger than the rest, and at the moment they weren't certain whether it was some place of worship, or rather the chief's habitation.
However, Phoebe, unlike her cousins and Leo, had eyes only for the man that brought them there. She still couldn't believe that he was real. She felt a mix of awe at this improbable coincidence, and embarrassment at the thought of all she had been to him, albeit in dreams. Then a thought struck her. The night before, when they had escaped, it had been following this strange dream of hers. And she couldn't help thinking that she had been right about a man having been kissing her then. "What if it was him," she thought? This idea disturbed her, but at the same time, she couldn't help feeling a little excitement as well. "Why then," she questioned herself, "is he so angry? It can't be just because we tried to escape…"
But of course, she realized that she might have been wrong about all this. Even more so, when she saw the girl kissing him as only a wife would in her world. The pang of jealousy that she felt then was all too real and she tried her best to keep it from showing. Two older men were now approaching him and the girl. The one ahead had much more adornments than the Indians they had met so far, telling her that he must have been an important person among them…
Nasomsee, the chief of the tribe, was coming toward them and he seemed just as annoyed as Noayak at the sight of the prisoners.
The Shaman was accompanying him, staying a few steps behind.
Nasomsee came straight at Cole, keeping his eyes on the prisoners all the while.
"Who are those?"
"We thought better to capture them rather than killing them. There had been enough killing…"
The Chief uttered severely:
"We have barely enough to feed ourselves as it is, so why bring those to us? You should've left them behind."
"They'll work for their keep, I assure you."
Nasomsee wasn't convinced:
"We'll have to watch them. We don't have enough men to do this…"
"It won't matter," Cole assured him, "winter is coming already… In a few days, the mountain will be covered with snow and impracticable. If they try to escape, they'll die from the cold, or get lost in the wilderness. They won't have a choice but to stay here. Moreover, I really don't think that they are any danger to us. "
Nasomsee shrugged:
"They'll be your responsibility, Jolon. And they better work as you said."
Cole simply nodded, feeling a little pressure at this. After all, even if he had wanted them to be there, he was not really the one who had made the decision. However, he was not going to put this on the other men's back. He was their future spiritual leader, and he understood that it was his burden to take this responsibility.
The shaman was now observing him curiously as well, but Cole ignored it. Instead, he went to the prisoners by himself, careful to avoid Phoebe' stare.
"You better listen good, because I won't repeat it." He told them.
"You're alive only because we chose you to be. You've already caused enough trouble, so beware not to try again. You'll work for your keep. Work hard… If you're thinking about escaping, think again. People like you wouldn't survive more than a few days in the wilds, particularly with the winter coming. If you do it anyway, no one will help you. Do not expect your people to come to your rescue either. We've made sure that no one could follow your tracks. You won't get any help but from yourselves. Behave and you'll live, don't…"
He never finished the sentence, but they didn't need him to.
Paige still dared asking for all of them:
"Why didn't you just let us go? Why did you have to bring us here?"
He didn't look at her at first, and she suddenly worried about her temerity.
Then, he turned to her with a wooden expression:
"You would have preferred if we'd killed you?"
His voice was so cold that Paige took a step back, slightly panicked, as she sensed that he could have made good on the threat right then and there.
When he was satisfied that they wouldn't argue anymore, he pursued:
"You will be fed and clothed. Just don't make me regret this."
He then turned around and left without another word.
Two of the braves hurried them along then, directing them toward a tent that seemed too small for all of them. However, by now they were used to close quarters, and it was still better than the pen. All the while, Phoebe couldn't help looking back toward him, only to see him rejoin with the Indian woman. For a savage she was pretty, Phoebe had to admit with a sinking feeling, even as she entered the tent behind the others.
Noayak was still very puzzled by his attitude. She knew him for a tolerant and sweet man. As he came near her, he thought that he could see the reproaches in her eyes, and it didn't help his mood in the least.
"What is it Jolon? You're acting so strangely…"
"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered more harshly than he had intended. Seeing the hurt in her expression, he tried to smile:
"I'm sorry. I guess that those people got to me somehow."
She looked at him in a somewhat probing manner, as if she was trying to read his soul, then she smiled as well.
"Come, I'll make you forget all about the white ones…"
She took his hand, and he followed her with the hope that he indeed could forget in her arms. Still, as soon as she had her back to him, he gave one last look toward the tent, and knew that it wouldn't be so easy…
As promised, they received clothing from the women of the village, while these amused themselves with their garments. It was obvious, however that they were getting the leftovers from them, as the clothing was old and riddled with holes. At first, the girls refused to use them. Eventually though, they realized that the work was too hard and made more difficult by their usual attires. The food was rudimentary, but they didn't go hungry. What was surprisingly difficult for all of them however, was the way people almost ignored them otherwise.
The first few nights, they tried to imagine ways of escaping, in spite of the warnings. But the temperature soon dropped, and they could see for themselves that the mountain was rapidly getting covered with snow. In the end, they simply promised each other that they would try in the spring, and mostly became resigned to living there until then.
It had been over two weeks since Phoebe had left with her cousins, and her parents were going mad with worry. They had already dispatched someone to the settlement, but had yet to hear from him.
Paul was preparing to go himself, not willing to wait one more day. Prue had hardly slept in the last week and she was totally exhausted. Nevertheless, she couldn't find rest. Every time that she let herself drifting, horrible images peopled her nightmares. She wanted to go with him, but he hesitated at risking her safety as well. In the end however, she told him that she had to go or she would wither away from the worry.
One day out in the trip, they met up with the messenger, and the news that he brought devastated them. The party had never arrived at destination and he had realized why on the way, when he found the carriage and the bodies. Seeing this, he had turned around immediately and come back toward the city. However his account left a little room for hope, as the man told them that no girls were among the victims. Because of this, they continued toward the settlement, determined to do anything to find their daughter and nieces.
Meanwhile, the trappers had been looking for the Indians for over two weeks. The one who had been injured had finally succumbed to his wounds, and they demanded revenge for this. However, through a clever maneuver, the Indians had caused them to search in the opposite direction for most of that time. In the end, they had concluded that more men were needed to find this village. What's more, they were also aware that winter was coming rapidly. They decided to return home and come back in the spring with more men, to get rid of the threat…
The traverse took them much longer than they were used to, as they had waited too long to depart. On the way, another of the trappers perished in a snowstorm, when he lost sight of the group and fell off a cliff, blinded by the snow.
When they finally arrived on the other side of the mountain, they found the road and eventually, they also came upon the abandoned coach, along with at least five bodies, riddled with arrows. This outraged them even more. At the time, they had no idea that the Indians had taken prisoners, and they assumed that everyone was dead. They buried the bodies on the spot, and then went to the nearest settlement, determined to get soldiers to help them in the light of these murders.
The trappers arrived at the outpost only hours before Paul and Prue. The soldiers, who had a camp near the settlement, understood the anger of both the trappers and later, the girl's parents, but they told them that nothing could be done about this until the spring. Paul tried everything to change their mind, even promising them a handsome reward, if they took the risk. He couldn't accept that his daughter might be alive and waiting for them, while he was sitting there doing nothing about it. For weeks after this, he went back to the soldiers' camp every day, always trying to change their mind. Nevertheless, in the end he had to accept their terms. That winter promised to be a long one for them as well, as neither him, nor Prue could bring themselves to leave there. At least, not until they were certain of their daughter's fate…
They had been prisoners for over a month now, and had just about given up hope of being rescued by then. Many things had changed for them during that time. At first, Piper and Leo had tried to hide their feelings from the other two. However, as they were all living in the same tent, practically on top of each other, it had been impossible for them to maintain the façade.
What surprised them as well as Paige however, was Phoebe's lack of reaction to the news. She didn't even try to pretend that it bothered her, and frankly this worried the others. She worked with them, and slept with them, but they could feel that she wasn't there in spirit. She had a few rare moments of animation, but most of the time she was apathetic. Her cousins tried to talk to her many times, but she simply dismissed them, saying that the fatigue did this to her.
At first, they accepted this explanation, as they were exhausted themselves. However, Paige began to have suspicions about her cousin's attitude. From the start, she had been intrigued by her reaction to the man that they now knew as Jolon. However, Phoebe had refused to explain this any further, in spite of the many attempts Paige had made to get her to open up about it. She was certain that something bothered her about him, but it wasn't until now that she had realized something even more revealing. Those rare moments of animation almost always coincided with visits from him. He had not done so very often actually, but on occasions they had needed translation for some tasks that were a little too complex for simple hand gestures. For each of his visits, Paige remembered that Phoebe had seemed to brighten up briefly, and then to fall into an even deeper depression for days afterward.
The people of the village still barely spoke to them, but the little they did had been enough for Paige to begin picking up on the language. She had discovered herself a talent for linguistics, and after a month, she helped the others learning some of it.
Her insight came after one of those little sessions that she had with them before bedtime. Piper and Leo were happy to learn from her, as they felt so isolated in this place. To be able to understand what the people were saying around them would be at least a welcome distraction, they said. However, Phoebe was showing no real interest in this, and Paige had also wondered about it until that night. She came to her, after the others went to sleep, and found her sitting in front of the tent, with what was now her habitual vague expression.
"Phoebe?"
Her cousin barely acknowledged her but she pursued:
"Shouldn't you be more interested in learning about these people? The more we know, the better our chances to get out of here eventually, you know?"
Phoebe became agitated then:
"Why would we need to learn their language? It's the tongue of savages. Jolon can always translate for us…"
Since they had arrived here, Phoebe had been increasingly confused about her feelings. On the one hand, she was longing for something forbidden, unattainable. On the other hand, just the thought of it had her shuddering. Some days, she would spend crushed with the shame of her own desires. On others she would be hoping for even just a glimpse of him. In all this time however, he had not said a word to her. He even went out of his way to never look at her directly, and she couldn't tell anymore if this disappointed her, or if she was relieved.
"Phoebe," Paige insisted, "we can't count on him to be there at all times. You'll have to get over yourself and start making the best of a bad situation…"
Phoebe turned to her with more energy than she had seen in her throughout the whole month. This time she actually looked angry.
"Don't you dare tell me what I should do or think… I have no intention of getting used to this," she added, her hands tracing an invisible circle that embraced the whole village.
Paige answered irritably:
"Wake up, Phoebe. We've been here for over a month and I'm afraid that this is it, at least for the time being. Accept it and live with it."
Instead of answering, Phoebe got up and walked away.
By then, the men had stopped guarding them altogether, as they truly had nowhere to go. Paige watched her going and finally thought that she understood her reticence. Maybe she just didn't want to give Jolon another reason not to come see them. At this moment, she put all of her cousin's strange reactions in perspective, and was appalled at the implication. She needed to know for sure, and decided to follow her, whether she wanted it or not.
Paige caught up with Phoebe at the edge of the village, near the large tent, which belonged to the chief, as they learned eventually.
"Phoebe, I need to talk to you…"
"I think that we talked enough." Phoebe answered curtly, while avoiding Paige's inquiring stare.
"I beg to differ. I tried many times to talk to you about Jolon. But until now, you always gave me the runaround. I demand to know what's the deal with you and this man."
Phoebe gave her a horrified glance:
"There is nothing between us. He's a savage, and if that wasn't enough," she couldn't help adding, almost in a whisper, "he won't even look at me…"
Then her voice rose again, as she continued:
"So why would you think that?"
"For the very reason that him not paying attention to you seems to bother you so much…"
"Get that idea out of your head. I want nothing to do with Jolon. Not now, not ever…"
The pitch of her voice had steadily risen, as she was trying not only to convince Paige, but herself as well. However, she might have thought better of it had she known that he was listening in.
Cole had spent the evening with the chief and his daughter, and just then, was coming out of the tent, when he heard the voices and stopped short.
For all this time, he had been trying to forget about her, with very little success. He had tried avoiding to go anywhere near her for fear that his feelings would be exacerbated in her presence. In truth, every time that he had been to see them, he went away more confused. That week, he had spent away with the hunters, in the hope that a period of time away from the village would help clear his thoughts about it. But neither this, nor the nights he had spent with Noayak in the first few weeks after their arrival, could change anything to his feelings for her.
Just now, he was reminded of the shaman's warning, however.
The Shaman was the only one aware of Cole's dilemma. At first, when he had talk to him about his strange attitude, Cole had tried to dismiss it. But the Shaman was not one to be dismissed so easily, and one evening he had forced a confession out of the young man. He was not so much surprised, as appalled at this turn of event. He had always known that his adopted son had the gift of vision. Thus, the fact that in a way, he had foreseen her coming was not unexpected. What had appalled him was the obvious depth of Cole's feelings for her, and after a lengthy discourse about Cole's duties to the tribe, he had left him with this warning:
"No matter what you may hope from her, she will never be yours. You were right to try and forget about her. She'll never accept you, and what's more, the people would not accept her either."
This conversation had taken place a few weeks earlier, and since then he had redoubled his effort at keeping her out of his mind. However, this had been in vain. Throughout the last week, away with the hunters, all he could think about was to come back here. In the end, he had made up his mind that he had to try and be with her because he couldn't stand being apart. Contrary to what she thought, he had watched her often, no matter how hard he had tried not to. He had even seen the way she looked at him, and dared hoped once more that he had been mistaken about her dispositions. He had already decided to ignore the shaman's warning and try to win her love, even if he had to swallow his pride to succeed.
However, before he could make good on his new resolve, he had received an insistent invitation from the chief to come visit. This one had hinted at a union with his daughter, forcing him to divert the conversation away from it, to Nasomsee and his daughter's disappointment.
Noayak had been somewhat of a comfort in the first few weeks, but lately he had avoided her, and it was probably why she had tried to get him back in this manner. That is how he found himself there to hear Phoebe talking, and crushing his hopes.
Now, her words, even uttered in anger, felt like a dagger through his heart. This time, he couldn't deny it anymore. He wanted to run away, but his legs felt like lead, and that is also why she found him there still.
The moment that she had said those words, she had once more left her cousin behind, walking away resolutely. When she rounded the corner of the tent, she found herself face to face with him, and saw his expression. She knew right then what she had done, but it was too late to change it. Until that moment, she had not been certain that he had any feelings for her, or even how she truly felt about him. And now, his feelings were obvious, but so was the hurt.
She tried to apologize:
"Jolon I…"
Not giving her time to finish, he turned away from her resolutely, almost running toward the woods in spite of the late hour. She had thought that her situation was difficult to tolerate until now, but in this instant, she felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Only now, did she realize the depth of her mistake. And it was too late to repair this, she thought.
Her pain was such that she let herself down to the ground, tears rolling freely on her cheeks, and that is how Paige found her. She was astonished at her cousin's sudden turn around, as she was totally unaware of what had transpired. She believed that maybe, she was remorseful for her outburst and tried to reassure her about it. However, this seemed only to deepen her sorrow, to Paige's dismay. That night and the followings, she cried herself to sleep without ever telling Paige or the others the cause of her pain. Cole did not return to the village for a week…
On the morning of the seventh day, Phoebe woke up with a resolution that finally put a smile on her face. She was still worried about him, but somehow she was certain that he would come back soon. "Then," she promised herself, he will have no doubts about my feelings for him." All through that week, she had yet again wondered about being with a man like him, but eventually she had understood that none of it mattered. For the first time in her life, she knew exactly what she wanted, and that was Jolon. Once she had admitted it to herself, she felt better about things, even convincing herself that he would forgive her outburst.
When he actually came back that very morning however, he didn't come to her. She had been preparing to plead her cause, and to tell him how sorry she was for not realizing sooner how she felt. But all of this was for naught when she saw him at last. Instead of giving her a chance to explain herself, he ignored her completely, and went straight to the chief's tent. She learned later that day of his promise to take Noayak as his wife…
Paige was the one who told her, as she had managed to listen in on a conversation between two women at the waterhole. Her task for the day was laundry, and it left her a lot of time to learn the language by doing just that. When she understood what they were talking about, she actually felt a certain relief. Thinking that now, Phoebe would just forget about him. She had not told Leo and Piper about Phoebe's feelings for Jolon, but had soon understood what her chagrin was about. All week, the talk of the village had been Jolon' sudden disappearance. It corresponded exactly to the night when Phoebe had exploded at her and then cried so much. She was still convinced that Phoebe would get over him quickly. How could it have been otherwise? He was just a savage after all. She still entertained the hope that they could escape in the spring and put all this awful mess behind them.
When she told Phoebe the news, she was appalled at her reaction, however. Paige had trouble understanding how her cousin could be so taken with a man that was so uncivilized. She had expected some anger and pain, but never the devastation that she witnessed. There was nothing that she could find to say to her. Phoebe just ran out of the tent that night and stayed out much later than usual. When she came back, she didn't say a word, and neither did she for almost a week.
At last, it was Piper who couldn't take not knowing what was the matter with her, and she decided to question her about it.
"Phoebe?"
Phoebe just kept her back to her and for a moment, Piper thought that maybe she had fallen asleep already. However, after a fashion, Phoebe answered.
"Yes," she said, with a little sigh of impatience.
"What is the matter with you?"
Piper was worried about the answer. Ever since they had told her about Leo and her, she had wondered about her lack of reaction. Now she worried that Phoebe held a grudge against them. In fact, they had barely spoken to each other in weeks. And only for the necessary exchanges…
"Nothing that concerns you," Phoebe finally answered cryptically.
"Your attitude doesn't make sense, Phoebe. You have been like a ghost almost from the moment we arrived here. Is it…" Piper hesitated, "is it Leo and me," she dared asking with a little voice?
Phoebe reacted at this:
"No, of course not… I'm very happy for you and Leo."
Piper was astonished:
"You are?"
Phoebe finally turned toward her:
"I think that you did the right thing by following your heart. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was to have acted so badly toward you. I…I know that I was unfair and I hope that you can forgive me…"
"Of course I forgive you, but still… Where is the Phoebe that I knew?"
Phoebe frowned slightly:
"What do you mean?"
"Don't take offense, because I love you very much either way but… the Phoebe I remember would not have gotten over this so easily…"
Phoebe was about to protest, but Piper continued quickly:
"And she was also full of life and determination. She would never have left an obstacle put her down."
The sad resigned expression returned on Phoebe's face.
"Goes to say that maybe you didn't know me as well as you thought…"
"See, now you are reveling in self pity. What is that? What happened to you?"
"It really doesn't matter. What does is that you made the right choice. You found the man of your dreams and you went after him, no matter the risk or what others would say. I just wish…"
"What?"
Phoebe turned away again:
"Nothing. I'll be fine, don't worry."
However, Piper couldn't help but worry. Far from reassuring her, this little talk had given her more to ponder on. She lied back against Leo, who was already sleeping, but she took a long time before falling asleep herself, as she tried to figure out what was the matter with her cousin.
Paige had heard the whole conversation, but had preferred pretending to sleep. Suddenly, she felt ashamed about her misconceptions. She had just realized how much Phoebe cared about this man, no matter what he was, and it gave her pause.
Ever since they had been taken prisoners, they had had to adapt to so many strange things and give up on most of the amenities that they had taken for granted all their lives. However, there was one that they were not willing to give up on, and it was to at least be able to wash up with warm water and a modicum of privacy. So after a lot of arguments made difficult by the language barrier, they had gained the right to do just that. A small tent had been raised just outside the village with a stove in it, where they could boil water and use it for their ablutions. It had taken them a few weeks to get this, and they were infinitely grateful not to have to bathe in the cold river. In time, some of the women in the village came to use the facility as well, please as they were with the idea. So that Phoebe was not overly surprised to find someone in the tent that day. When she saw who she was though, she had trouble keeping her dignity. Noayak was almost naked when Phoebe entered and didn't seem bothered at being interrupted. However, Phoebe wasn't all that thrilled at seeing her, in this situation or any other.
Noayak was very intuitive by nature. She knew that she had almost lost Jolon to someone else, but until now, she had avoided the strangers altogether, and she had no idea on who was the girl that had caught his eye. In fact, it had been a subject of worries for her, as she was so taken with Jolon. Even after he promised himself to her, Noayak had sensed that something was holding him back. Then, she looked into Phoebe's eyes for the first time, and what she read in them was the same feeling that she knew she would have if she were faced with a rival.
This came as a total shock to her, but she hid it well, and, picking up her clothes, she dressed up slowly, showing all the confidence of the winner while doing so.
At this moment, Phoebe wanted nothing less than to rip her eyes out. She had never felt such a strong feeling about anyone besides her love for Jolon. She hated her with every fiber of her being, even though she knew that it certainly wasn't her fault. When the Indian girl went out of the tent, without a single word to her, Phoebe suddenly remembered Piper's words about how much she had changed. And most of all, she recalled her comment about self-pity…
"You wait," she told herself. "I'm not out of his life just yet." She added with more determination than she had demonstrated in weeks.
In that instant, she promised herself that she would go for what she wanted with everything she was. This decision gave her a jolt of energy that felt good. "I moped long enough," she continued aloud. Then she looked down on herself, realizing that she was far from looking her best. She had been so depressed in the last few weeks that she had not even cared how ugly her clothes were, or how lackluster her hair had become. She didn't dwell anymore on her mistake, but convinced herself that if she just made him look, she would have a chance. She took a brush that they had gotten back from the Indians along with most of their clothes, and began stroking her hair vigorously. Then after washing up, she decided to put on one of her own outfits for a change. Once she was certain that she looked better than she had in weeks, she went back to the village, determined to make a good impression on him.
Piper was the first one to see her, and she opened her mouth in surprise.
"Wow, what is the big occasion?"
Phoebe simply smiled mysteriously, but said nothing. Instead, she began walking toward the part of the village where she knew he spent most of his time…
Noayak had been much more worried about what she found out than she let out. She had gone directly to his tent, knowing that he was there, practicing meditation. She knew that he didn't like to be disturbed on those occasions, but she felt the need for reassurance. Even after they had made love, he would seem to drift far away from her these days, and that's what had given her the idea that someone else was on his mind. Now she knew who the "someone" was, and much more than this, she knew that she wanted him too. It was almost inconceivable that he would prefer this doll to her. But what if it was true? What if the girl came after him and he left her. She couldn't bear the thought. So she entered in spite of her reservation, determined to reaffirm her hold on him.
He was surprised to see her and let her know, but she laughed and came to him playfully.
"Come on Jolon, I can't wait till tonight…"
No matter how he felt about Phoebe, Noayak was still very stimulating, and he could hardly ever resist her. That morning was no exception.
He pulled her toward him and held her tight, as he was already putting his other hand on her breast. It encouraged her and she wormed her hands inside the leather pants, feeling immediately that she had his full attention, so to speak. He was now kissing her hungrily and was almost lost in the moment, when he had the impulse to look behind her. When he saw Phoebe in front of the entrance, he almost pulled away from Noayak. But then, the resentment took over again, and rather than stopping, he continued with even more ardor, throwing the Indian girl to the ground and positively ripping her clothes off of her. Phoebe felt numb at the sight of them. Yet, she couldn't look away for a long moment. At this point she was torn between the horrible disappointment that she felt, and the fascination with the scene before her. He was kissing the other woman all over in the manner that she wanted him to kiss her. She felt paralyzed, forced to watch… Then she suddenly closed her eyes and gathered enough strength to turn away and run. The moment that she had left, he knew instinctively, and pulled away from Noayak. This one was totally confused, as for a moment there he had been more passionate than he had in weeks. By now she knew that it had been since the white people came to the village…
She opened her eyes and looked up to see his face contorted in what she thought looked like shame. He got up at this point, and without a word, left the tent. She wasn't certain what exactly had brought this about, but she had a pretty good idea. Painfully, she realized that she might be losing him…
Phoebe had been running all the way to the water hole, where she sat heavily, looking down in the water. What she saw there looked to her like a pathetic imitation of a woman. She was certain now that he didn't want her anymore. She almost turned away, but then she saw his reflection as well, and she almost screamed in surprise. She had not realized that he had seen her at his tent. Now she was afraid of his reaction, and didn't dare look back at him. Instead, she waited in silence, holding her breath.
He stood there without a word for a moment, and then he asked in a hard voice:
"What were you doing there?"
In that instant in the tent, all he had been able to think about was the humiliation that he had felt because of her, and he had wanted her to suffer in the same manner. But it soon had transformed into shame and pain at the thought of what he was doing. However, he feared that she was there only to crush his feelings some more, and couldn't bring himself to see another meaning into her coming to him.
She wasn't answering, so he repeated impatiently:
"What were you doing there?"
Phoebe took a deep breath and answered, keeping her back to him:
"I… I wanted to see you, to tell you…"
"What," he interrupted anxiously.
She bit her lips, and then continued:
"It doesn't matter anymore. It will not happen again…"
"I need to know," Jolon asked, almost pleading, and the tone of his voice, much more than what he said, gave her a sudden hope.
She got up slowly and turned to him, still keeping her eyes down, afraid, as she was, to have read something that wasn't there in his voice.
He took a step closer, extending a hesitant hand toward her; he put it under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.
"I need to know," he repeated again.
She was speechless, just melting at his touch and unable to answer.
However, when he looked in her eyes, he didn't need her to answer. It was so clearly expressed that he knew as surely as if she had told him how she felt. Jolon bent slightly toward her and she smiled just so, but it was enough. His hand slowly moved from her chin toward the back of her neck and she lifted her face toward him. They were just about to seal what they both felt with a kiss, when Noayak called to him in a loud and reproachful voice.
Phoebe felt this as a slap in the face, and she pulled away right then. The scene that she had witnessed earlier was now burning in her mind. Jolon wanted to hold her, to keep her from leaving, but he remembered only then of his promise to Noayak. Phoebe could read this as well in his eyes and it made her feel horrible. She turned away from him and ran in the direction of the village. She couldn't help crossing path with the other woman, but she avoided her stare, giving her a wide berth and continuing on her way quickly.
Back at the tent, she didn't even stop to answer Piper's questioning look.
She entered and threw herself on the cot with a grunt of rage. Why was it so difficult? She had thought that living close to nature was supposed to make things easier. Well now, she knew that people were complicated everywhere.
Cole had greeted Noayak with a grim stare that didn't do anything to reassure her. Once more, she felt that she was losing him and wept inwardly, but she didn't let him see her chagrin. Instead, she demonstrated rightful anger at his behavior.
"Jolon, what were you doing with that one?" She spat. "She's not even one of the People. She is a stranger to us…"
Cole retorted:
"No more than I was. It didn't keep you from bedding me."
He had said it so harshly that she felt it as a vile insult.
"You're promised to me. Remember that, or my father will have to remind you himself."
She then turned away from him, unwilling to show him her pain. She knew that her words had been harsh, but this didn't give her any urge to apologize since his had been worse.
She went back to her father, but didn't make good on the threat about telling him. At least not yet, she thought. She still promised herself that no matter what, the girl wouldn't end up with him.
Another painful week passed, and the three of them had managed to avoid each other. Cole couldn't help but worrying about Noayak's threat. A promise of marriage was as bonding as the marriage itself in his nation, and what was more, he knew that it would be even worse when they learned that he was thinking of leaving her for a white woman. All the doubts that they had entertained about him in his first few years there would resurface. He didn't want to leave this place. It was his home. However, the more he thought about it, the more he believed that if he couldn't be with Phoebe, maybe it didn't matter all that much. He couldn't seem to make up his mind and thought that a cold bath in the river would help clear his thoughts.
Phoebe had just finished her chores for the day and decided that a walk was what the doctor ordered. She was just as confused and depressed as she had been the week before, going through the motion and hiding her feelings as much as she could from her cousins. Leo had offered to keep her company, as he was finding himself without anything to do as well, but she declined a little too abruptly. She regretted it immediately but couldn't stand the idea of company right now. She had been walking for about fifteen minutes, staying out of sight of the village, but never wandering too far, as she was afraid of getting lost still, when she noticed someone in the river. It didn't take her long to see that it was a man, swimming naked in the water. She quickly hid behind a bush, turning crimson at her own audacity. She was always amazed at how the Indians didn't seem to be bothered by the cold, and swam even in these low temperatures. Against her better judgement, she moved closer still. "Maybe, I am looking for some kind of distraction," she thought to herself. She almost giggled for the first time in weeks at the thought of her naughtiness. When she had moved close enough, always hiding behind one of the many bushes that flanked the riverbank, she dared look back at the man. She was surprised that there seemed to be no one there anymore, until he came out of the water with a splash. Then, she gasped when she recognized Jolon, who was now swimming lazily, coming toward her…
