Altered States
A Legend Of Zelda Fanfiction
By OJR
Part 3
As they lay in a prone
position on the floor, Jamie, Link and Zelda were frustrated by the impotence
they felt at the hands of these petty crooks. Jamie had hurriedly explained in whispers that what they were carrying
were guns – powerful kinetic weapons – and that they were very lethal.
"I SAID SHUT UP YOU FUCKING
PUNK!" The man cracked Jamie on the
head with the butt of his shotgun. Jamie decided that these guys didn't want to kill anyone and decided to
take his life in his hands so Link could do some of that hero stuff.
"Is that it? I hardly felt it." He was being foolish and he knew it.
"What did you say?"
"I said you hit like a
bloody girl." He was grinning in what
he hoped was a suicidally maniacal way and got up to his knees. The robbers had stopped filling the holdalls
they brought with them. The crowd
looked on, horrified. Zelda looked at
him with concern in her eyes. Link
smiled to himself.
"Take the piss would you?"
"Augh!" That was the sound of all the wind being
knocked out of Jamie's lungs and the gunman punted him in the chest. Jamie sprawled back and shakily got to his
knees.
"C'mon *koff* you can do
better than that." He hoped that Link
would come up with something soon before he got his ribs broken or got
shot. The man placed the shotgun barrel
to Jamie's temple and growled.
"You some kind of nutter
mate? You wanna die?"
"Yeah, I guess so, better
than smelling your distinctive odour for two more seconds, asshole." The rest of the gang started laughing. The robber knelt next to Jamie's ear in what
he thought was a macho, threatening manner.
"Give me one good reason why
I shouldn't blow your fucking brains out, sonny?"
"Because I'm about to break
your nose, disarm you and my friends are going to do something similar with
your gang." And with that he leapt up,
driving his forehead into the robber's nose and kicking the gun up and out of
his hand. Link threw a Deku nut at the
other four men. Before they had got
their weapons up they were blinded and two were brought down by a punch from
Link and a roundhouse kick from Zelda. The other two tried to regain their senses and their sight returned just
in time to see Jamie snatch the shotgun out of the air and fire it into the ceiling. Zelda and Link were already holding the
pistols from the other two and had them well on their way to pointing
menacingly at the two robbers.
"Discard your weapons" said Link to the startled and shell-shocked
robbers, who had no idea he had no idea how to use it (as he looked like he was
very prepared to do so). They
obediently set their weapons down, which were promptly kicked away by Zelda.
After the robbers had been
safely bound and secured and the police were on their way, Jamie took the opportunity
to slump against the wall clutching his ribs and his head.
"Are you alright? How do you feel?"
"Like a car hit me." Zelda nodded sympathetically "After the
stampede of horses ran over my head." She giggled. She took out a
bottle with some red liquid in it.
"Here, drink a bit of
this." She smiled as she handed him the
bottle. He sniffed it tentatively and
sipped it.
"Ugh, tastes like cabbage
water…uh?" He felt very strange, like a
warm wave creeping from his belly outward. His ribs were enveloped in the glow and the pain melted away, quickly
followed by the pain in his head. The
trickle of blood from the small gash on his head had stopped and there wasn't
even a trace of said gash when he nervously probed his scalp.
"Wow! That was great! What's in it?"
"I don't know, only the
apothecaries in Hyrule know the ancient recipies."
"Well it knocks two aspirin
into a cocked hat." Link walked over.
"That was some of the most
unorthodox diversionary tactics I have ever seen. I'd advise you to leave the hero stuff to me next time, for your
own sake."
"Don't worry man, I don't
intend to repeat that anytime soon." He
stood up just as the police arrived.
They returned home wearily,
and after some explaining of the days events to Jamie's concerned parents they
decided to retire to bed. Tomorrow was
another day and they still had to go shopping for Zelda and Link. Well, this little holiday for our heroes is
turning out to be very interesting.
Jamie tossed and turned in
his bed, unable to sleep. He couldn't
get Zelda out of his mind. The only
thing that was out of Jamie's mind was Jamie himself. He'd always had a nasty habit of falling for unobtainable girls. This one was so massively unobtainable in so
many ways he was totally guilt ridden just thinking about it. She was beautiful, charming, intelligent,
caring and could really kick ass when the need arose. He smiled and laughed to himself as he turned over, finally dropping
off to sleep.
