Antig's Rambling Pointless Author's Notes:
Hi again!
Okay, I played with some things that Yuu Watase may have mentioned
another way. You'll see what I mean. But, this what I always perceived happening,
especially with the entrance exam scores.
Please enjoy my small offering of a fic.
And please leave reveiws! Thanks goes to to my beta Lelu (http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=directory-authorProfile&userid=68543)
From the Ashes
A Yui Fanfic
Part 2/5 Miaka.
By Antigone
Facing Miaka was one of the hardest things I had to do, and after
what I had been through, that was saying a lot.
I knocked on her door that morning, dressed in my spare school uniform,
pressed and almost new. I had wanted to scream and burn the
brown fabric before letting it touch my skin, but soon I would be in
high school, wear new clothes. Perhaps then I'll grow out my hair,
really make a new start. And I want Miaka there, I know that for sure.
"Yuuki-san, good morning!" I said when Miaka's mother opened the
door, and she smiled to see me.
"Why, hello, Yui! Here to walk Miaka to school? I'll see if
she's ready."
Miaka wasn't ready, but when she heard her mother say I was here,
she dropped what she was doing (literally, I heard the crash) and flew
into the living room in her socks, shirt untucked, and her hair still down around
her shoulders. Her face was scratched, and bruised slightly,
just like mine, her eyes heavy and tired.
She stopped a few feet in front of me, and for a long moment just
looked at me, expressionless.
My heart pounded. Please, Miaka, please forgive me...
Her lower lip trembled ever-so-slightly, and her large green
eyes slowly began to fill with tears.
"Miaka," I whispered, so softly I could hardly hear myself.
She hesitated... and then, "Yui-chan!"
Typical Miaka, she threw herself at me and I almost fell over,
my book bag crashing to the floor.
For a girl that should have been weak from merging with a god,
she had amazing strength as she hugged me, her arms tightening around
my sore body. But I didn't cringe away from her. Never again will I
fail to return her hug. "You are okay, I'm so glad you are okay."
"Hai," I murmured, putting a comforting hand on her shuddering
shoulder. "It's okay, Miaka. It's really okay."
Yuuki-san was giving us a strange look, and I smiled, my eyes
clearing.
"Mou," I said, pulling away slightly, "you'll make us late."
Sniffling, she looked up at me, uncertainly.
I smiled. "You always make me late, baka."
And in her eyes I see it. The relief, the joy.
"Yui-chan..."
So, it's not everything. But this is a start. We still have a
lot to work out and we both know it. I have a lot to get over.
But she has her best friend back.
And so do I.
As we left, I heard her mother ask Keisuke if Miaka and I had had
a fight or something. The poor boy choked on his coffee, and said,
yeah, something like that. I heard Yuuki-san sigh and comment, "They
never could stay mad at each other, could they?"
It was a little strange, a little difficult, getting back into
the schedule of our everyday lives. It was easier for me than for
Miaka, I think, since she had made so many more emotional attachments
in that world than I had. I had more to forget, and she had more to
remember.
The constant stress of the Exams from Hell loomed on the horizon
and we all focused so much on them that other aspects of our lives
could be put on hold. There was less gossip in the cafeteria, so not
many people speculated about the ring on Miaka's finger. There was
less flirting in the halls, so I didn't have to avoid unwanted male
attention. There was less time for me to reflect, for Miaka to grieve.
We didn't even see each other much, actually.
She worked very hard, though, studied with a lot of focus. When
I mentioned I was proud of her, she smiled sheepishly and admitted she
sometimes imagined that her seishi were watching her. Watching her
work so hard, so they'd watch her get into Jonan.
When she said that, I let my eyes drift to the blue sky and wondered if my
seishi ever watched me. If Suboshi knew Miaka was again the most important
person to me, if Nakago knew I still wore his earring. If they knew I'd never
forget. If they knew I wouldn't even try to.
Then, in a day that went by in a second, a flash of lightening,
the exams were over. Snow fell from the sky, lightly blanketing the
city, even though it should be getting warmer soon. Miaka opened her
mouth to catch the flakes, giggling. I noticed, though, that her eyes
were wistful. I followed behind her, the calm reason to her
flightiness.
"They are over," she was saying. "Finally, all over!"
"Well, we still have to find out if we got in," I pointed out.
"Thanks for reminding me, Yui-chan."
"Are you nervous?" I asked, and we being to walk in step.
"A little," Miaka admitted, "since I want to go to the same high
school as you."
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. She was looking
straight ahead, her spinning the ring on her finger around and around.
"I mean, it's a promise right?" She smiled at me, so cheerfully,
and I realized I couldn't make myself smile back.
And that's when it started, really started to hit me.
Every memory surfaced clearly.
I had little studies to drown in, and Miaka... well, after a few
days of post-exam time with her, and I wanted to grab her thin
shoulders and shake the genki-ness completely out of her.
I wanted her to admit what she felt, to cry with me instead of
hiding from me, to stop thinking those fake smiles were working on me.
It was so obvious now, and I didn't want her to smile at me, to giggle
like an idiot, to pretend that none of this ever happened.
I was never good at pretending. But she was. Even if the pretending was
painfully obvious.
"Yui-chan?" Miaka turned to look at me as we started our walk
home from school one day. "Are you okay? You've been quiet lately."
It annoyed me that _she_ was the one to ask about _me_, when it
should be the other way around.
"Miaka, are we all right?" I met her eyes, her confused look, "really
all right?"
"What do you mean?" She smiled and reached for my hand again, and
I pulled away.
"Dammit Miaka!"
She blinked.
"Stop pretending!" I took a step back, back and flung out my arms to her.
"Yell at me! Accuse me! Hit me! Something! Don't ignore what happened,
and what I did." I lowered my voice and took her hands, "I know you
went through some horrible things, too. We can't heal if we can't talk
about it, Miaka. You promised you'd get mad at me, so get mad! You
lost the man you love forever, so cry about that! Just, please, tell me
how you really feel."
I took a deep breath, hugging my arms to myself, watching her for
her reaction.
Her initial shock had faded into a quiet acceptance. Like she
knew this was coming.
"I love you Hongo Yui," Miaka began softly, "you are my best
friend. And I never stopped loving you, not for a second. I guess it just
really hurts to think that you stopped loving me. Even just for a little bit."
I couldn't speak as she walked away, but she gave me a small
smile before walking away.
"Good luck with your exam scores, Yui-chan."
Well, I did have good luck.
I had great luck, and she failed.
I expected this last year, expected I would do better than her. Back
Then, I relied on the fact I always did better.
Boys liked me, teachers enjoyed having me in their class. Miaka had always been social, outgoing as she is, in fact, most of the school friends I had were made through her.
I guess I found out what I was really like, without her.
I counted on her admiration of me to make me feel wanted, when I
felt I lost that, that I wasn't the most important, perfect person in
her life, it didn't matter if she loved me. If she cared about me.
Because, dammit, our friendship wasn't about that. It didn't work that
way.
At the time, I thought that if the little bitch didn't even come
back for me... didn't take care of me the way everyone just wanted to
take care of her...
But I never did stop loving her.
Eventually I told her that, when she found out she failed to get
into Jonan and ran to my apartment at nine o'clock at night, sobbing
her eyes out.
"I failed," she had said, hiccupping in my arms as my mother
hurried to make her some tea. "I failed and now we can't go to the same school,
I'm so sorry Yui, I'm so sorry."
I swallowed. Hard. "Miaka-"
"And you'll go to Jonan and meet other people, and you'll leave
me too, and I'll be all alone because Mom is getting married and
Keisuke's moving away, and Tamahome left me, and I can't even pass a
stupid exam..."
"Miaka!" I took her shoulders in my hands and forced her to look
up at me, "Miaka, it's alright." And I found myself looking into tearful
green eyes, just like so many times before. Saw the hopeful, childlike
way I was reflected in her eyes, faithful Yui-chan to make it all better, like I had
throughout our childhood. Every regret I had about what I chose
flew out the window.
I took a deep breath. "I failed it, too."
She gaped at me. "You?!"
I laughed softly. "Yeah, looks like we'll both be going to our
second choice. After all, I gotta take care of you, right?" I winked. "You need
it."
She smiled shakily, unsure if she should be happy that I failed,
but undeniably relieved we'd be together in school.
"Oh, and, Miaka?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you," I kissed her cheek, something I hadn't done since
we were very young children, something as innocent and pure as it was
then.
"I never stopped."
There are some things she will never know, like the crumbled
Jonan acceptance letter in my trash can. Things she doesn't need to
know, because she wouldn't understand. Like how I can love so much it
twists itself into loathing and obsession. How I need to separate my
feelings for this girl into something I can comprehend without it
scaring me. How there is a side of myself I found that makes me
terrified, but also powerful. A side I don't regret finding, even though I
should. Only people just like me can understand this.
And Miaka is nothing like me.
TBC in part three: Tetsuya
Hi again!
Okay, I played with some things that Yuu Watase may have mentioned
another way. You'll see what I mean. But, this what I always perceived happening,
especially with the entrance exam scores.
Please enjoy my small offering of a fic.
And please leave reveiws! Thanks goes to to my beta Lelu (http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=directory-authorProfile&userid=68543)
From the Ashes
A Yui Fanfic
Part 2/5 Miaka.
By Antigone
Facing Miaka was one of the hardest things I had to do, and after
what I had been through, that was saying a lot.
I knocked on her door that morning, dressed in my spare school uniform,
pressed and almost new. I had wanted to scream and burn the
brown fabric before letting it touch my skin, but soon I would be in
high school, wear new clothes. Perhaps then I'll grow out my hair,
really make a new start. And I want Miaka there, I know that for sure.
"Yuuki-san, good morning!" I said when Miaka's mother opened the
door, and she smiled to see me.
"Why, hello, Yui! Here to walk Miaka to school? I'll see if
she's ready."
Miaka wasn't ready, but when she heard her mother say I was here,
she dropped what she was doing (literally, I heard the crash) and flew
into the living room in her socks, shirt untucked, and her hair still down around
her shoulders. Her face was scratched, and bruised slightly,
just like mine, her eyes heavy and tired.
She stopped a few feet in front of me, and for a long moment just
looked at me, expressionless.
My heart pounded. Please, Miaka, please forgive me...
Her lower lip trembled ever-so-slightly, and her large green
eyes slowly began to fill with tears.
"Miaka," I whispered, so softly I could hardly hear myself.
She hesitated... and then, "Yui-chan!"
Typical Miaka, she threw herself at me and I almost fell over,
my book bag crashing to the floor.
For a girl that should have been weak from merging with a god,
she had amazing strength as she hugged me, her arms tightening around
my sore body. But I didn't cringe away from her. Never again will I
fail to return her hug. "You are okay, I'm so glad you are okay."
"Hai," I murmured, putting a comforting hand on her shuddering
shoulder. "It's okay, Miaka. It's really okay."
Yuuki-san was giving us a strange look, and I smiled, my eyes
clearing.
"Mou," I said, pulling away slightly, "you'll make us late."
Sniffling, she looked up at me, uncertainly.
I smiled. "You always make me late, baka."
And in her eyes I see it. The relief, the joy.
"Yui-chan..."
So, it's not everything. But this is a start. We still have a
lot to work out and we both know it. I have a lot to get over.
But she has her best friend back.
And so do I.
As we left, I heard her mother ask Keisuke if Miaka and I had had
a fight or something. The poor boy choked on his coffee, and said,
yeah, something like that. I heard Yuuki-san sigh and comment, "They
never could stay mad at each other, could they?"
It was a little strange, a little difficult, getting back into
the schedule of our everyday lives. It was easier for me than for
Miaka, I think, since she had made so many more emotional attachments
in that world than I had. I had more to forget, and she had more to
remember.
The constant stress of the Exams from Hell loomed on the horizon
and we all focused so much on them that other aspects of our lives
could be put on hold. There was less gossip in the cafeteria, so not
many people speculated about the ring on Miaka's finger. There was
less flirting in the halls, so I didn't have to avoid unwanted male
attention. There was less time for me to reflect, for Miaka to grieve.
We didn't even see each other much, actually.
She worked very hard, though, studied with a lot of focus. When
I mentioned I was proud of her, she smiled sheepishly and admitted she
sometimes imagined that her seishi were watching her. Watching her
work so hard, so they'd watch her get into Jonan.
When she said that, I let my eyes drift to the blue sky and wondered if my
seishi ever watched me. If Suboshi knew Miaka was again the most important
person to me, if Nakago knew I still wore his earring. If they knew I'd never
forget. If they knew I wouldn't even try to.
Then, in a day that went by in a second, a flash of lightening,
the exams were over. Snow fell from the sky, lightly blanketing the
city, even though it should be getting warmer soon. Miaka opened her
mouth to catch the flakes, giggling. I noticed, though, that her eyes
were wistful. I followed behind her, the calm reason to her
flightiness.
"They are over," she was saying. "Finally, all over!"
"Well, we still have to find out if we got in," I pointed out.
"Thanks for reminding me, Yui-chan."
"Are you nervous?" I asked, and we being to walk in step.
"A little," Miaka admitted, "since I want to go to the same high
school as you."
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. She was looking
straight ahead, her spinning the ring on her finger around and around.
"I mean, it's a promise right?" She smiled at me, so cheerfully,
and I realized I couldn't make myself smile back.
And that's when it started, really started to hit me.
Every memory surfaced clearly.
I had little studies to drown in, and Miaka... well, after a few
days of post-exam time with her, and I wanted to grab her thin
shoulders and shake the genki-ness completely out of her.
I wanted her to admit what she felt, to cry with me instead of
hiding from me, to stop thinking those fake smiles were working on me.
It was so obvious now, and I didn't want her to smile at me, to giggle
like an idiot, to pretend that none of this ever happened.
I was never good at pretending. But she was. Even if the pretending was
painfully obvious.
"Yui-chan?" Miaka turned to look at me as we started our walk
home from school one day. "Are you okay? You've been quiet lately."
It annoyed me that _she_ was the one to ask about _me_, when it
should be the other way around.
"Miaka, are we all right?" I met her eyes, her confused look, "really
all right?"
"What do you mean?" She smiled and reached for my hand again, and
I pulled away.
"Dammit Miaka!"
She blinked.
"Stop pretending!" I took a step back, back and flung out my arms to her.
"Yell at me! Accuse me! Hit me! Something! Don't ignore what happened,
and what I did." I lowered my voice and took her hands, "I know you
went through some horrible things, too. We can't heal if we can't talk
about it, Miaka. You promised you'd get mad at me, so get mad! You
lost the man you love forever, so cry about that! Just, please, tell me
how you really feel."
I took a deep breath, hugging my arms to myself, watching her for
her reaction.
Her initial shock had faded into a quiet acceptance. Like she
knew this was coming.
"I love you Hongo Yui," Miaka began softly, "you are my best
friend. And I never stopped loving you, not for a second. I guess it just
really hurts to think that you stopped loving me. Even just for a little bit."
I couldn't speak as she walked away, but she gave me a small
smile before walking away.
"Good luck with your exam scores, Yui-chan."
Well, I did have good luck.
I had great luck, and she failed.
I expected this last year, expected I would do better than her. Back
Then, I relied on the fact I always did better.
Boys liked me, teachers enjoyed having me in their class. Miaka had always been social, outgoing as she is, in fact, most of the school friends I had were made through her.
I guess I found out what I was really like, without her.
I counted on her admiration of me to make me feel wanted, when I
felt I lost that, that I wasn't the most important, perfect person in
her life, it didn't matter if she loved me. If she cared about me.
Because, dammit, our friendship wasn't about that. It didn't work that
way.
At the time, I thought that if the little bitch didn't even come
back for me... didn't take care of me the way everyone just wanted to
take care of her...
But I never did stop loving her.
Eventually I told her that, when she found out she failed to get
into Jonan and ran to my apartment at nine o'clock at night, sobbing
her eyes out.
"I failed," she had said, hiccupping in my arms as my mother
hurried to make her some tea. "I failed and now we can't go to the same school,
I'm so sorry Yui, I'm so sorry."
I swallowed. Hard. "Miaka-"
"And you'll go to Jonan and meet other people, and you'll leave
me too, and I'll be all alone because Mom is getting married and
Keisuke's moving away, and Tamahome left me, and I can't even pass a
stupid exam..."
"Miaka!" I took her shoulders in my hands and forced her to look
up at me, "Miaka, it's alright." And I found myself looking into tearful
green eyes, just like so many times before. Saw the hopeful, childlike
way I was reflected in her eyes, faithful Yui-chan to make it all better, like I had
throughout our childhood. Every regret I had about what I chose
flew out the window.
I took a deep breath. "I failed it, too."
She gaped at me. "You?!"
I laughed softly. "Yeah, looks like we'll both be going to our
second choice. After all, I gotta take care of you, right?" I winked. "You need
it."
She smiled shakily, unsure if she should be happy that I failed,
but undeniably relieved we'd be together in school.
"Oh, and, Miaka?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you," I kissed her cheek, something I hadn't done since
we were very young children, something as innocent and pure as it was
then.
"I never stopped."
There are some things she will never know, like the crumbled
Jonan acceptance letter in my trash can. Things she doesn't need to
know, because she wouldn't understand. Like how I can love so much it
twists itself into loathing and obsession. How I need to separate my
feelings for this girl into something I can comprehend without it
scaring me. How there is a side of myself I found that makes me
terrified, but also powerful. A side I don't regret finding, even though I
should. Only people just like me can understand this.
And Miaka is nothing like me.
TBC in part three: Tetsuya
