Antig's Rambling Pointless Author's Notes:


Language notes:
Dontcha hate when authors stick Japanese in their fics and give you
stupid little glossaries like they think they are a high school text
book or something?

Me too.

Mine's at the bottom. ^_~

I crave feedback like a drug. Please feed my obsession. It's healthy,
I swear!

Thanks to Lelu and Jayhyun.

Well, this part was fun to write because I'm in love with Taka. It was
also interesting to play with describing him through Yui's eyes. She's
growing up a lot in this fic! I'm proud of her.

Feedback!! 'Kay? ^_~



From the Ashes
A Yui Fanfic
4/5 Taka

by Antigone


Over summer break the four of us, Tetsuya, Keisuke, Miaka, and I,
became a group- a clique that began separating Miaka and I from our
junior high girlfriends.

That didn't matter to me, I considered myself broken apart from
'ordinary' people forever. After all, I am Seiryuu no miko. How could
anyone who didn't know my story ever understand me? I wonder if Miaka
felt the same say about being Suzaku no miko, as she never made an
effort to contact our old friends, either. Although lately she was
hardly making effort to do anything.

It seemed she had aged about ten years in a month and a half. While
Tetsuya and I would steal glances and blushes that betrayed our mutual
attraction, she just had Keisuke who was grating her nerves. While I
was moving on, she was closing in. I wanted to do anything, anything
to make her happy. But what could I do? I couldn't make the impossible
possible. I couldn't do what the gods couldn't even do.

But I wanted to.

I was the Seiryuu no Miko for goodness sake! I called down a god from
heaven, and nearly destroyed the world. And yet, I still felt
powerless. Stupid laws of heaven.

If I learned one thing from being sucked through the yellowed pages of
an ancient text and becoming one with a deity, it is that the laws of
the world, as we know them, are apparently nothing but bull. Physics,
nature, science, religion, space-time... it's all nothing. And until
you've seen a huge phoenix duke it out with a swirling dragon high
above the Tokyo city skyline, you wouldn't understand the intense lack
of trust for any physical law one gets after such an experience.

So there was always this part of us that believed one more 'rule' could
be bent, and Tamahome would, as he promised, find his way back to his
true love.

Still, when he did, I was pretty damn surprised.

I was meeting Tetsuya for lunch one day at the university cafeteria,
when he waved me over to a table with Keisuke and a handsome boy I'd
never seen before. The tension was palatable as I set down my tray.

Keisuke had his chin in his hands, and his face was tense. Both he
Tetsuya were intently watching the other student, who couldn't have
been more than eighteen years old. He looked a little nervous, but
determined. Immediately I liked him, something about the kindness in
his eyes warmed me.

He was the only one who looked up when I sat down. I smiled. "Hello,
I'm Hongo Yui." Since neither Keisuke or my own boyfriend felt the
need to introduce me, I'd do it myself. Independent modern woman that
I am.

"Hajimemashite. I'm Sukunami Taka." He had a sweet boyish grin, but
there was something coiled behind his hazel eyes. Like some secret, or
some fear. Taken aback, I shook my head slightly, and it was gone. I
was facing a normal college student again.

I smiled back and extended my hand, "Haji-"

Tetsuya cut me off, grimly. "You've both met before," he said shortly.

At my questioning look, he waved his hand to Keisuke who said, "Yui,
you remember Suzaku no seishi Tamahome."

I stood up so fast my chair fell back behind me, and I stumbled to back
away. Taka looked surprised, and worried as he glanced between Keisuke
and me. Tetsuya rushed to my side, as if to protect me.

Protect me? From what? My memories? Myself?

Good luck.

Apparently, I never thought, really thought about seeing Tamahome
again.

"What you did," he had said to me, "was unforgivable..."

They still echoed in my head, looking for a release. Those words
pierced straight through my heart. Miaka had never, ever looked at me
with coldness; always that shining hope and soft pleading that I had
used to scorn.

But Tamahome, his blue eyes glinted with an edge of anger towards me
that had cut me open every time I had dared to look at him after that
fateful night had left me to return to Miaka.

Miaka and I had been like sisters since we were children, but he had barely met me when he
realized I was her enemy. Unlike his miko, he had no cause to even want to forgive me.
To him I was a threat to his kingdom and the girl he loved. I had no idea that he
lost his family, no idea that the Suzaku sei were so close that he felt
their deaths like his own.

I had no idea the hell I put him through, all because I decided I loved
him. Or decided I loved Miaka, so much I burned with the thought of
her together with him. Whichever excuse you want to chose, I have
already driven myself crazy, wondering just what the hell I was
thinking.

But, deep in my heart, I sealed away the rejection, the attraction, the
anger, the jealousy, and the shame of not being forgiven. My feelings
for Tamahome were a bowl of fishhooks I figured I'd never have to shift
through again. After all, I'd never have to see him again, right?

Although much of a part of me believed that he would
come back for Miaka, a much bigger part believed as it wanted. That he,
and my confused, messed-up feelings for him, had disappeared
with the closing of the book.

And I was happy about that. I'm so selfish, even now.

"Yui, are you okay?" Tetsuya was saying, and I became aware, slowly, of
three pairs of eyes boring into me. Awaiting my reaction.

I sighed, shakily, and gave them a reassuring smile. Keisuke looked
concerned; Taka uneasy and surprised. And just like when he first
visited me in the hospital, Tetsuya's face was a blank to me. I felt
uneasy and alone while I forced myself to calm down.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head. "It's just a shock."

Keisuke nodded. "This is huge, isn't it?"

I bobbed my head slightly in agreement, joining him and Tetsuya in
staring at Taka like he was an exhibit behind glass.

"You're sure?" I asked them, clenching my fists under the table to keep
my hands from shaking too much. I could at least try to pretend to be
the picture of cool while my insides were twisted into knots.

Tetsuya glanced at me, and I felt sick to my stomach. What was he
thinking? Would this pull us apart... with this constant reminder of my
former obsession, would he even want to be with me anymore? I met his
gaze through the amber of his sunglasses, my eyes pleading with his.

'I can't do this alone,' I thought desperately. And then I felt his
hand close around mine. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been
holding. 'Thank you.' He squeezed my hand slightly and let go. I
understood his message.

My inner turmoil could wait. Right now, more important matters weighed
on us. Like Taka, who was looking at me, at everyone there actually, like a
deer caught in headlights.

"We are positive," Tetsuya said, answering for Keisuke. "Keisuke
wanted to make pretty damn sure before he let this guy at his sister."

"Hey!" Taka protested, but his voice was quickly drowned out by the
schoolgirl-like squealing of the two upperclassmen.

"Oh my god, she'll be thrilled!"

"Yeah! I was thinking after school tomorrow, I'd bring him around."

"Ooh good idea!" Tetsuya added, happily.

Those blockheads and their thing for drama.

"After school tomorrow?" Taka sounded dismayed, and I looked at him
sympathetically. "But you already made me wait so long..." He sighed
when he realized no one was listening to him.

"Sorry about them," I said. The poor guy, did he have any idea what he
was getting into? Although, if he was anything like Tamahome, he
wouldn't care as long as he was with Miaka.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "Tama...er, gomen." I
blushed and ran a hand through my long blonde hair. "I keep wanting to
call you Tamahome, but I guess you'd prefer Taka?"

I was so nervous, addressing him. What do you say to someone who used
to be a mortal enemy, unrequited love and, not to mention, fictional
character?

He _did_ look like him. How could I have missed it? Modern clothes,
hair style and way of speaking, yes. But it was the same eyes, same
smile, even the same voice. My poor heart was pounding with fear for
me, happiness for Miaka.

Taka blinked in surprise at my question. "Yeah, my name is Taka after all so... if it's
not too much trouble, please call me that."

It would take Miaka months to call him Taka, because he would never
correct her. Anyone else who made the mistake, yes, but never ever
her. He was what Miaka wanted him to be, until he realized she only
wanted him. But I digress, again.

"And you are," he continued, "Yui?" Something about the way he said
my name...

My eyes met his and I was the first to know.

The first to share his secret. When he met me, he said 'Hajimemashite'.
Sukunami Taka had no idea who I was.

"Just how much do you remember?" I whispered. Keisuke and Tetsuya were
still too distracted in their plans to pay much attention to Taka and
my conversation.

He cringed slightly and looked at me as though foggy memories were
slowly rising to surface, only to burn away under my gaze like mist
under the sun.

"I remember _her_," he told me finally. I noticed then that he was
wearing the ring that matches Miaka's. Apparently, he saw her, once
on campus with Keisuke, and it all came back. Emotions without
memories, desire without foundation, intense and confusing. A few
dreams and vague reminiscences later and he was hunting down Keisuke
with a request.

Taka hadn't wanted an explanation, he hadn't wanted a
background. He wanted Miaka. He had the ring and knew just enough that
Keisuke was beside himself with excitement and quickly brought Taka
over to meet Tetsuya, who was slightly more skeptical. But he won
them over, he won me over.

And under a shower of cherry blossoms and a flood of tears, he won
Miaka over. All it took was one look and one soft murmur.
Holding up his hand to show her the ring, he said, "Finally, finally
I've found you."

Miaka gaped in shock, then joy, covering her mouth with her hand. The
rings both sparkled in the sunlight.

Keisuke smiled at me smugly and I glared up at him. His buildup was
just cruel, if you ask me. All day, I had watched Miaka's hollow
smiles and downcast looks, dying to say something to her-but Keisuke
just had to wait until the right moment and say just the right words to
lead into the reunion.

But it was a nice effect, the pink of the blossoms, the soft afternoon
glow of the sun.

It took Miaka so long to move that I hesitantly stepped up to her,
raising a hand to place it on her shoulder. "Mi-" I was going to tell
her it was okay, going to gently prod her to go up to him. But my hand
barely brushed the soft fabric of her uniform when she jolted into
life, running to him and leaving me standing there.

"Tamahome!" She ran into his arms, tears running freely down her face.
Taka wrapped his arms around her, hugged her to him like he had done it
a million times before. Like it wasn't the very first time he ever met
her.

My fingers curled slightly as I lowered my hand. Swallowed the
comforting words that Miaka didn't need from me anymore. I waited for
abandonment and rejection and jealousy to slam into my gut, but I only
felt a deep nostalgia bring tears to my eyes.

"Yokatta, Miaka-chan," I murmured softly, ignoring the burning in the
back of my throat as I watched my childhood friend.

At least, everything was coming full circle. Isn't that how all good
stories end?

"Maybe everything has finally worked out," I told Keisuke, and we
shared a geniune smile. Everything since that day Miaka and I opened
the dusty book in the dark room at the national library... maybe, even,
everything since we were born, since we met, everything leading up to
our calling the gods... 'Now', I thought, 'it's all over'.

Of course, I was wrong again.

I'm good at that.

~~

TBC in part 5/5: Me, again

You know you wanna give me: feedback!

Glossary (as I understand it, being in Japanese 201 but far from native
speaker):

Yokatta: lit. 'it was good', can be used for relief (thank god!), or
something like 'good for you' or 'I'm happy for you', which is the
context here.

Hajimemashite: It's only used when you first meet someone. 'Hajimeru'
means 'to begin'. It's like 'nice to meet you' but with a stricter
usage, since you can 'meet' with someone more than once, but not for
the first time.
~~