Disclaimers: Characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, not to me. A thank you to my beta Shelley for her assistance.
Classification: Abbey story
Spoilers: Bartlet's Third State of the Union & really any episode that includes Abbey.
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.
Rating: G
Synopsis: Abbey considers The Deal and it's ramifications
Feedback is appreciated, send to maggieck@earthlink.net

The Roads Diverge

He wants to run again. I can see it in his eyes when we talk about the deal. God-damnit I want him to run again. He is a talented and devoted servant to this country. He gathered the best and brightest around him to help him achieve his goals. But I also want to spend the rest of my life with him. With HIM, not with what might be left to me when the MS has ravaged his brain, spurred on by the unimaginable stress of a two term presidency. He has two more daughters who are probably planning on him walking them down the aisle at some point. I'd like him to be physically able to dandle a future grandchild on his knee if the opportunity arises.

He is probably one of the best presidents this country has seen. He certainly cares, every crises scares the daylights out me because I am certain it will be the one to push him into an episode. Every death that has occurred during this administration has been like a lost family member to him. He grieves for these souls who gave that last full measure to this country. Maybe if he didn't care so much it wouldn't worry me so much, but then if he didn't he wouldn't be Jed Bartlet and he'd probably be a pretty crappy president to boot.

I overheard Josh call my husband the Real Thing once during the campaign. He is the real thing, but what happens if he gets re-elected and the MS advances to the point that he can't keep up? Would he have to resign? Would we try to hide it from the public, and pray that the term would end and we could retire to obscurity in New Hampshire before the press finds out? What happens if he doesn't run again? Could we all say goodbye and not look back with regret? For that matter how could we not run again? None of these people will stand quietly by if we just say we're not running for re-election without a good explanation, and I still don't think Jed is willing to let anyone else in on this secret that he hides like a black mark on his soul.

When Leo came to us and asked Jed to run, he said he was tired of voting for the lesser of who cares. I wonder if he knew then that Jed was sick, if we'd even be here today. Jed tries to tell himself that he didn't tell Leo about his condition because he wanted to be president. I think it's more that he didn't want to be sick. They taught us in medical school about the stages of grief. Jed seems to be stuck in denial and I have to wonder if he's hurting himself more by staying there.

However, if we don't run again, will our marriage survive? We are passionate people, quick to love and equally quick to anger. If we walk out of this House after only four years, will we be consumed by the regrets of what could have been? Especially if I go back into medicine and Jed's only option is the lecture circuit and appearances at state funerals to represent the country. Our marriage may have weathered the storms of 30 odd years but will the stress of regret push us so far apart that we lose our way back to each other?

There is no easy answer, I can see several paths laid out before us but each one is rocky and marked with a sign 'Here there be Dragons'. I'm married to the most powerful man on earth, I am an excellent doctor and still I can't find the smooth path that delivers us to where we want to be.