Bubblegum Crisis Post 2040 File 1: Dominant Species
Part 5: Blood Trails
Chapter 62: Past Perfect
by P. Kristen Enos (bgcpost2040@aol.com)
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A Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040 English Dub Version Fanfic. All rights belong to AIC, ADV Films and the other creative powers that be. I just want credit for writing the story. Contains spoilers! Rated PG13. Yuri warning! Nothing in here should be a shock if you've watched the episodes and paid attention. All I'm doing is filling in the gaps with my own interpretation of events! Special thanks to Greenegret for betaing!
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Under the gentle heat of the afternoon sun, Leon felt his heart tighten as he drove the car up to the stretch of road that led to the perfect spot with a view of the city from the tall hill. He saw the lone figure standing in the extremely familiar stance of almost four years ago, when he had tried an unsuccessful attempt to pick her up by pointing out that he wasn't going to give her a ticket for speeding.
Like then, Priss was dressed in her biker garb and leaning against her motorcycle. And also like then, her attention was focused on the view of the city, seemingly unaware of anything else even though the man had slowly learned that that was rarely the case.
Leon pulled up the car to the curb and got out, anxious to have this conversation and yet dreading it as well. It was hard to believe that it had been only a week since their last talk, which was the fight on the beach.
When he had finally gotten the call that morning that she wanted to meet, he tried grilling Nene for any details to prepare himself. Surprisingly, his coworker and friend actually seemed leery of providing any additional information other than to hint rather bluntly that he needed to hear things from Priss herself.
As he came near, he saw her head tilt as his footfalls apparently caught her hearing.
"Hey, is that a new bike?" he asked in the lightest tone possible.
"A loaner from Nigel's shop. He and Mackey are working on my regular one."
"Ah. So what happened?" he prompted as he leaned against it from the back.
"It took a tumble when I tried hunting down a boomer," she answered simply. Showing that things were indeed different between then and now, she actually turned to him. She gave him a sad look and a simple "Hi."
"Hi," he answered back, trying not to be too focused on the bruise that still swelled her cheek and corner of her mouth. At least he had gotten a preliminary glimpse of it in their phone call, when she said it was a 'training wound.' "So how are you doing?"
"Better. And you?"
"Nuts from missing you like crazy," he admitted softly. "Praying that this won't be the last time we really talk. And if it is... well, hoping that just once you'll be completely honest with me, and don't edit even if you think I'll misunderstand or not get the point at all."
Priss studied him for a moment and then turned her attention back to the view before them. "Would you believe me if I told you that I thought you were kind of cute when you tried to give me that cornball line about not giving me a ticket for speeding? Your charm was definitely goofy, but I admit there something endearing and honest about your effort."
Leon blinked in surprise and said, "Well, then why did you let me think you weren't interested?"
"Because that part was also true," she answered simply. "At the time, I was seriously interested in someone else, and was just waiting for the slightest sign that it was mutual and okay to act upon it. I had been brushed off by that person when you came by that day, and I guess the attention was what I needed at the time to salve my bruised ego and heart. And so, I thought 'If I can't have what I really want right now, a little fantasy material wouldn't hurt to tie things over until the situation changed.'
"But since it wasn't really serious for me, I didn't want to give you hopes that it could lead anywhere real. In the meantime, I enjoyed your attention and your company since you seemed to be okay at the best, and amusing at the worst. At the very least, I thought that maybe we could be friends since I was starting to realize that friends were a good thing to have in your life after all.
"However, even if there wasn't someone else, I still wouldn't have pursued anything real with you. Being attracted to someone isn't the same as wanting the same things, or having the same life vision. I knew back then that you were probably the kind of guy who saw a future with a stable routine, a nice home and children. At the time, my future consisted of singing, riding my bike and kicking boomer ass. I didn't want to start something that I knew would have resulted in a no-win situation for both of us. And I honestly didn't want to hurt you, which would have been inevitable."
Leon swallowed against the knot building in his throat as he said, "Well, four years later it seems that you were right after all about the kind of guy that I am. Does that also mean that your vision of your own future changed to allow you to take a chance on us, and now it's changed back?"
Priss was quiet for a moment and then said, "I don't think I have to tell you that a lot of things were happening at that time, Leon. When you and I went out on the beach that night and talked, I was struggling with the fear of losing these women who had become so important to me despite all of my guards against having someone get too close. Then there was the issue about the hardsuits being boomers... And of course, Galatea had just emerged and all hell was breaking loose. My defined and completed controlled life suddenly felt as if it had been dumped into a blender turned on maximum speed.
"Part of me wanted to quit at that time just to cut my losses and run, to have everything end on my terms, not anyone else's. But I stayed even though I saw the writing on the wall that it was probably the end of not just my life, but Tokyo and probably the world. It was just a matter of waiting for the countdown to happen, and it felt like it would come sooner rather than later.
"And just when I think things can't get any worse, I finally found out that the one I wanted was in love with someone else, and always had been. So everything I had to look forward to and fought for was gone: my home, my band... and my heart.
"But through it all, you were there, always letting me know that you wanted a chance. And the issue about conflicting futures didn't matter anymore since the world was going to end at any moment. So with nothing holding me back, and nothing to look forward to, I thought 'why not?' And perhaps a part of me rationalized it with believing you weren't that serious about it either. When we went up in the skyhook, I honestly thought I'd never see you again, and that would be it for us.
"Meanwhile, I still had my identity as a Knight Saber to keep me grounded. From the start I believed it was a lost cause, but I was going to damn well die fighting. Hell, I went charging off to face Galatea in space without even thinking about how the heck I was going to get back until I got there. A lot of things happened up there that I never told you about. But the fact was that I seriously thought many times that I was going to die, even to the point of giving up a couple of times and just waiting for the end to finally happen. I stopped being able to tell what was real and what was a nightmare.
"So imagine my surprise when I wake up in the hospital from sun-exposure and dehydration to find out that the world was going to be fine after all. And there you were to take care of me. I decided at the time that that was a good thing after all. But I also knew that it was a matter of time until I'd have to face the music and decide whether or not the choices I made during the revolution were really the choices I would have made if life hadn't been as crazy as it was.
"I knew that staying in Tokyo would mean that it was time to face reality. Even before the white noise problem became the overwhelming issue, I wanted to go off on the world tour almost right away since I knew you would come with me. I guess it was a test, to see if we could make it as a couple, and to see if you really loved me."
Leon heard a possibility and went for it with as much gusto as he could muster. "Well, then I'll quit my job. We can go back to London and continue the tour!" Leon said, "We -"
She shook her head regretfully. "Leon, no, we can't. It's like a dream. Learning the truth is just like waking up in that you can't go back. And I'm sorry if it sounds like I was using you. I didn't want to admit it at the time that's what it was, but I can't pretend any longer. It's the only way I can start being fair to both of us again."
"You came back because Linna was in trouble," Leon pointed out. He was fighting the nauseous feeling rising within him, as if someone had given him a hardsuit punch in the stomach.
"I told you that I realized I wasn't such a loner anymore."
"Well, if that part of you did change, then what about your vision of the future? Maybe it really changed too?"
Priss sighed and said, "The thing is, Leon, I've got a hell of a lot of issues to work through, and I need to do it alone. It was pointed out to me recently that I had been avoiding a lot of tough questions about myself, which I could avoid as long as I stayed away from Tokyo. I've been basically functioning on emotional autopilot for the past three years, not just with you but with life in general. Deep down though, there's always been a part of me still fighting to be heard, and I have to start listening again. It's time to figure out who I really am after all of this. The only thing I know for certain is that the Priss I've been for the past three years is not the Priss that feels real."
Leon frowned and said, "So, when you accepted my proposal, did you know even then that we weren't going to get married in the end?"
"I accepted because it was the best I could ever give you. Would you have wanted me to act any differently?"
The man thought it over and then admitted painfully, "No, I guess not. If what you're telling me is that we should never have gotten together to begin with, then three years of a dream world was better than nothing… So are you going to stay in Tokyo?"
Priss nodded. "One thing I remembered about myself recently is that I am a fighter, and that I don't back down from a challenge."
"Then, is there any chance we really could be friends after all?"
Priss looked at him and said with a gentle smile, "Maybe some day. Definitely not right now. I don't want to give you the idea that being around me is going to help change my mind about us."
"Oh," he answered, the red on his cheeks showing that that was exactly what he had thought.
She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the engagement ring. "I believe this belongs to you. Give it to someone who really is expecting to add a wedding ring to it."
Leon couldn't think of anything to say as he held out his hand and watched her place the ring in his outstretched palm.
"Thank you for everything," she said as she gave him a final kiss on the cheek. "And I am truly sorry. You're a great guy, Leon. You're perfect for someone who just isn't me."
Swallowing against the lump in his throat, he closed his fist around it and shoved it into his pocket. He then cleared his throat and said, "What about the rest of your stuff? Should I send it to Sylia's?"
Priss picked up the motorcycle helmet and said, "I'm going to be staying at Linna's apartment while she's still recovering at the Chang's. You can send everything there for now… And before you ask, I do plan to move out when she's ready to come home."
Stepping back to give her room, Leon's face turned red again as he watched climb her on the motorcycle. Once the woman disappeared around the curve in the road, he looked again at the ring clenched in his fingers.
With a deep sigh, he slipped the ring into his shirt pocket and then focused on the view before him.
-- End Chapter 62 --
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