Disclaimer - Guess what: They're all JKR's! I didn't invent anyone! I don't own anyone!

A/N - Okay Author Alert ought to be working again. (Did everybody get it? Tell me if you didn't.) For all those who wanted more on how Harry joined Voldemort my friend the great bumblebee is writing a fic called Whats Cooking which is really hilarious so far. Go check it out.


Chapter 12: Draco


Harry returned to his office trying hard not to think of his parents and what they were probably thinking about him right now. Twichy once again riding on his shoulder tried to get his attention by tickling his cheek and ear, but Harry ignored him. He wasn't in the mood to play. Actually he wasn't in the mood to do anything. Maybe he was just gonna lie back down on his bed and cry.

But what would that change? He was still a traitor. He had still betrayed all the dreams his parents had had for him. His parents who had died for him. Had died so he had a chance to live up to those dreams. Dreams he had betrayed.

Harry closed his office door behind him and threw himself onto his bed. Twichy seemed nervous almost worried, but Harry didn't feel up to calming the ferret. He only wanted to stop thinking, but the thoughts grew stronger and stronger with every breath he took.

'I betrayed my parents, I betrayed my parents.' Harry covered his ears to block out the sound, but of course it didn't work. He shook his head in denial, but still knew that it was true. Twichy was trying to get to his hands probably intending to lick his fingers again, but the sudden motion threw him off and he landed on the bed with a soft squeak of surprise or dismay.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a calm barely audible voice warned Harry that he was in danger of hurting the ferret if he kept moving so suddenly without giving him any advance warning. Harry ignored it. He had to stop his thoughts, had to stop those memories. But he couldn't stop them. They'd never leave him until he was dead.

Dead. Harry sat up, pushed back his sleeves and stared at the two thin white scars on his wrists. It had been so easy. If only that muggle hadn't found him. Why did he have to call an ambulance? Why couldn't he just have ignored Harry? If he had then Harry wouldn't be tortured by these thoughts right now.

Harry jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He picked up a razor blade and regarded it with detached interest for a while. It had been so easy to cut his own skin with one of those. He'd never expected it to be so simple.

Still holding the razor in his right hand he lifted his left turning it so he could see the scar once again. Was it possible to draw that razor so exactly over the scar that it never left that line? He ought to try.

Harry lowered his right hand slowly trying to put it down in the exact same spot he had started to cut his wrist about two months ago.

A sudden squeak behind him startled him. He hesitated. Something white dashed past him grabbed that razor and pulled with all its strength.

"Twichy?" Harry was so surprised that he let go and the ferret dashed back into his room with the razor in his mouth.

"No Twichy!" Harry jelled alarmed racing after the ferret. "Come back! That's dangerous! Drop it! You'll cut yourself! Please Twichy, razors are very dangerous!"

"Exactly my opinion." responded Draco Malfoy.

Harry stared at him. Draco was sitting on Harry's bed playing lazily with the razor in his hand. Twichy was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he had sought cover in one of Draco's pockets? He had obviously handed over the razor to him without much struggle.

Harry suddenly remembered how Twichy had disappeared in the direction of the dungeons when they'd first met. He had then concluded that the ferret belonged to a Slytherin and that still seemed plausible to him. Draco, he'd noticed, spent a lot of time with Severus Snape and probably could be found in the dungeons quite often. It was only logical that Twichy would know him well and when he'd come out of the bathroom seeking cover and had seen Malfoy in his room ...

Wait a minute! What was Draco Malfoy doing in Harry's room? The door had been locked and he hadn't heard anyone enter. He could have used an Alohomora spell of course, but why would he do that and then sneak in unheard only to sit on the bed and wait for Harry to notice him?

"How did you get in here?"

"You brought me in through the door." Draco said as if Harry was supposed to know that.

"I did what?"

"The ferret, remember?" grinned Draco obviously enjoying his confusion.

"Twichy?" Harry looked around for the ferret once more. "Where'd he go?"

"He's right here, Harry. I am Twichy. He's my animagus." Draco appeared to be fighting down laughter.

Harry stared at him trying to understand what he'd just heard'. Twichy was what? Or better, was who? He remembered how the ferret sometimes seemed almost human. That made sense actually.

No wait, it didn't. Why would Draco Malfoy the war hero want to play catch with Harry Potter traitor and coward? Harry felt totally confused.

"Rememer: me - ferret - Moody?" Draco asked now really laughing. "The animal comes kind of natural to me."

Harry found himself smiling. Draco's laughter was contagious when he wasn't smirking and sneering at people.

"Why're you called Twichy?" he asked before he could stop himself. That wasn't what he wanted to know. He had other more important questions for Draco.

"Well, originally it's not Twichy, it's Twitchy. You might have noticed what a twitchy little fellow a ferret is." Draco explained. "But after the war, when I first learned how to transfigure myself I was working at a wizarding primary school down in Hogsmede and you know what six year olds are like. They had problems with the t sound as most of them had just lost or were about to lose their front teeth and so they kept saying Twichy."

"You? Primary school? Six year olds?" Harry shook his head in confusion. Those were even more questions he hadn't wanted to ask.

"Well, after I killed my father in the war my mother wanted nothing to do with me anymore and she inherited all the money, so I sort of needed a job. Everything was in total chaos and the children were running wild and getting in everyone's way during the rebuilding so they decided they needed to restart school. Kids kind of like me and there weren't enough teachers so they asked me to do it."

"You killed your own father?" Harry asked beginning to understand why people named Draco among the biggest heroes of the war.

Draco seemed very uncomfortable. He stared down at the floor, swallowed hard several times then looked back up at Harry.

"I had to do it. I didn't want to, but he left me no choice. It wasn't easy. He was the leader of the group that attacked the outer walls with the fireball spells. We knew that they were meant to be only a distraction and had our most powerful fighters hidden inside to await Voldemort's arrival, but that meant that the walls weren't as well protected as the death eaters had expected them to be. Father was keeping them well organised and they were about to break through. If they'd gotten into the castle all would have been lost. At first I was just going to lure him away from his troops. I thought I could talk to him, but he'd have killed me. In the end I had to kill him in self defence. I had no choice. Still Mother won't forgive me. We haven't even talked since."

"I'm sorry." Harry said softly. Draco looked so unhappy and suddenly he realised that life wasn't easy even for the heroes of the great war. Even those who had fought bravely and were admired by everyone wore the scars of that time.

"It's not your fault. I'm okay with it, really. I just get a little sad every time I think of it. It was a bad time, you know. You're lucky that you weren't there. It was horrible. You wouldn't have gotten over it. You with your soft heart. It was hard enough for me and you know what a cold bastard I am."

"Yeah, sure." grinned Harry.

"What? You don't believe me?" Draco asked him grinning back.

"No. If you're so bad, why didn't you join the death eaters?" Harry challenged him.

"Simply because I knew Severus was against them and I didn't want to get on his bad side. I still don't. I never had any real friends before Severus, you know. I wasn't going to risk the only friend I had for my father and a club of murderers. I'd rather die with my friends than live with my enemies."

"And I chose the opposite." Harry said staring at the floor again. Draco had proven to be the better man in the end.

"You didn't know Voldemort's little club the way I did. And you never knew what it was like to be friendless. You made a wrong choice, because you didn't have the necessary warning and you changed your mind once you realised the truth. You came back and were on the right side in the end. That's all that matters."

"Some people I helped torture and kill would disagree with you there."

"Probably. But you paid for that. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Its the only thing you can do. Talk to Severus. He knows. He's been there."

"I'm not Snape. He really didn't know any better and he really did make up for all his mistakes. I knew Voldemort. He killed my parents. How could I go and betray them like that? They died to save me from him. Died so I could fight him."

"They died so you would survive. They only wanted you to live. And that's what you chose. Survival. They never wanted you to be a great hero and defeat Voldemort again and again. They just wanted you to stay alive. And if staying alive meant to join Voldemort and I believe at that moment it did, that's what they wanted you to do."

"You really think so?" Harry asked surprised. He'd never thought of it this way.

"That's what normal parents do want the most. It's natural instinct. My parents would have felt different about it, but they wouldn't have died to defend me in the first place."

Harry smiled a little. Natural instinct? Wanting him to survive? He'd have to think about that. But not now. Right now he ought to ask Draco some of the questions that he really needed answered.

"Why did you come to see me when I arrived? I bet you had better things to do."

"I wanted to see you. Believe it or not, but now that we're on the same side I actually like you. I wanted to know if you were okay."

"And why did you come to me as a ferret? We could have talked better if you'd been yourself"

"Really? Do you think, you'd have wanted to talk to me? I thought a cute furry little ferret had a lot better chances to receive a warm welcome than a sarcastic old school rival. Twichy's a lot faster when people try to hit us. And I could cheer you up better that way."

"Okay, but why did you come back again? Why did you go to Sirius with me?"

"I'm sorry about Sirius. I thought Remus was right when he said he'd forgive you. You looked so miserable during dinner that I thought I ought to do something for you. I've never seen Sirius like this. He's normally a really nice guy. And he likes ferrets. ... I thought he'd help you. I'm really sorry about the way this turned out. I thought I was helping you when I encouraged you to go. I guess I should have talked to him first. Tested the water a little."

"It's not your fault how Sirius reacted. It was nice of you to come along. Everything else was up to me and Sirius. You couldn't influence it at all."

"I could have tried to keep you two apart. I've got experience."

"Experience?" Harry looked at Draco doubtfully.

"Oh sure. The Ravenclaws aren't always as peaceful as people believe. Cho was a Ravenclaw, remember."

"Cho? What about Cho?"

"Well, I heard about that little fight you had. She can be very mean and some of the other Ravenclaws can as well. I had to learn to keep them apart. I could have done the same with you and Sirius."

"We're not your students, Draco. And we have to get along to work together. Just avoiding Sirius wouldn't have worked. I had to talk to him and I'm glad you came along. I'm just sorry about this." Harry said pointing at the razor in Draco's hand.

Draco looked down at the razor for a while regarding it intently.

"You gave me a bad fright with that. Please, talk to Severus, Harry. He likes you and he wont blame you for anything. He's been through all this. He knows how to deal with it. As I said friends mean a lot to me. I don't want to lose you."

"It wont happen again, Draco. I promise." Harry smiled and held out his hand to Draco who cast one last look at the razor then placed it gently in Harry's hand.

"Thanks. Say, what do you teach anyway? I know that DADA's already taken."

"Runes." Draco smiled at Harry's incredulous stare. "I'd have preferred potions or as you said DADA, but don't tell anyone. It's unofficial. As I said, Severus is the first and still best friend I ever had. I'm not going to apply for his job or the one he wants. I know I'll get potions, if he ever gets DADA. If not, I'm happy with my current subject. I always liked runes."

"Draco, I think I never really knew you. I never would have guessed." Harry found to his surprise that he liked talking to Draco.

Maybe he wasn't all alone after all. He had Draco, Remus, Neville, the Weasleys ... Actually that was quite a lot of people who still seemed to like him.









Big thank yous to my reviewers:

Kit Cloudkicker - Well, you'd be kind and understanding, but Sirius sadly is not, at least not always. I think he'll come around and regret it in a while, but right now that's just the way he thinks about it. I know He's not being fair, but when people get very angry or hurt they just don't act fair anymore. Er ... Why am I defending Sirius anyway? Can anyone explain that to me?

Tia'RaHu - I don't really dislike Sirius, that's why I was a little surprised at the outcome of his chapter myself. I'm mostly indifferent to him. I guess I don't like the fact that he hates Sevi so much though and I don't like it that Harry and co love him, but hate Sevi. That's not fair! (As if life was fair, sorry.) Ah, you read my mind. Or maybe you just talked to one of the two people who've already read the complete story? ... Well, he thought he could run from his memories and start over, but in time he had to realise that he couldn't forget. That's when he tried to kill himself. Well, maybe it's just the German copy or maybe I just misinterpreted what I read, but it always seemed to me that the dark mark was still there, but looked very faded and only got darker and clearer when Voldemort reappeared. (At least that would be a good explanation why Sevi always wore long sleeved robes even before that.) He didn't really want to come back, but he had nowhere else to go and Albus got very pushy. (Harry accuses him of forcing him to come back in ... I think it was chapter 5.)

the great bumblebee - Well, Sirius was still on the run. That's why he couldn't be there for Harry as much as Harry needed him, but Sirius feeling guilty and not wanting to admit it might have something to do with his angry reaction. Well, it was just an idea I thought might be fun. If it doesn't work out it's okay with me, but these things have a way of getting better than you'd expect them to so I think it's gonna be great. Donky? What's that? I know donkey, but not donky. (Well, I guess bablefish probably didn't know what it meant either.) Ah, yes the yoghurt! Thanks for reminding me. By the way I always type one handed. I never learned to type and it keeps one hand free to hold a manuscript ... or yoghurt. Experiment? What kind of experiment? Physics? Chemistry? Biology? (Don't experiment on ferrets or green hedgehogs!) Other things? Where are you moving to? Careful there: Mary Sue's back in Australia.

Red Spoon - Harry can't safe Hogwarts. It's not even in danger. No, I've got other plans for my last chapter.

Zinia - Well, I try not to write stories that everybody else has already done before. (I could be satisfied with just reading those then.) It's been really hard for Sirius and he needs some time to get used to being around Harry again. I think there's a good chance they'll make up in time though. No, nothing planed with Harry and the students. They don't really care much about him. He's only the caretaker to them. And as long as he's nicer than Filch, they're not going to complain. As for Harry's robes and next pay check: I don't know. This story's never going to get that far. It'll end after the next chapter, but it's safe to assume that it'll be at the end of the month. You want Sevi? Next chapter! The grand finale is for him.

LanaMariah - Well, you guessed most of it. Not bad. Who said you'd get Twichy answers? Yes, you did of course and I almost put it in the A/N, but I deliberately avoided telling you in advance. Where did I slip up? Write fast? This story has been finished for almost a month. I'm working on my Draco fic right now. *ducks* Hey, it wouldn't be half as interesting if I posted it all at once. Well, guess who my two favourite characters are. ... Wait, I think I already told you.

Sara - Hm, nice idea, but my plans do not involve any kind of attack or heroic deeds and Harry doesn't die either. Can't tell you any more yet. As for Twichy: Well, the secret's out. He's Draco.

Silveray - Well, sometimes we all do things that we regret later. In Harry's case it was just a very, very big thing.

Freda Potter - It's not about them accepting Harry, it's about Harry accepting himself. But that's for the next chapter. Yes, he is Draco. What's so female about the ferret? Sorry, don't see it that way.

the plot ruiner - Hey, that's okay. You're really not the only one who guessed. I don't bite (much) either. (Well, not people who just happen to know my plot.) Now lets see: You're definitely not my Mum nor do I think you're my best friend. ... So which one of the two told you my plot? ... Do you know what I'm planning with Sevi? Please tell me if you do (cause then I'll have to stop giving them advance printouts.) No, honest, I'd like to know if you can guess.

Elizabeth L. Digby - Ah, thanks! It was a little tight and dark in that hole. Well, if you think Sirius was right, what do you think of Draco's reaction now. (Should I get back into the foxhole? No, you're not gonna get angry about something Draco does, are you?)

Juliana Black - Hey, hey! Stop that with the hair! Calm down please. More's right here. See? It's okay. ... Well, that's interesting. All the people I expected to get angry with me, think Sirius' reaction was right. I guess that must be why he made me write it like this. Yes, I like doing things you wouldn't expect. And I keep stopping, so every teacher gets the attention he or she deserves.

Snidgey - Um ... well, was that better than Sirius? Hey, Draco's my favourite. I almost made his the last chapter, but that role just fit Sevi so much better and I love Sevi almost as much as Draco. Yep, one more and we're done ... And then Draco gets his own very long fic. (At least so far it's threatening to become a very long story.)

Taran - Well, I'm not a big Sirius fan, but I don't actually hate him. And that's the reason Ron is Egypt. He's there because I didn't want him in here. He and Voldemort are the contenders for my most disliked character. I also hate Rita and Lockhart. (Though my friend Renate is currently hard at work making me learn to appreciate Lockhart with her fic. Too bad it's all in German. You'd probably like it too.) Luci can stick around though. I need somebody I don't feel sorry for hurting or sending to Azkaban every once in a while.

Harry's Daughter, Lily - Well, I guess by now you know that you were right of course. Isn't he a cute little ferret?

Sophie B. - Hey, you're right about Sirius, no question. Taran understands him really well, don't you think? Yes, I was trying to trick you. I wasn't when I wrote the first ferret scene, but when so many people didn't get it at first I decided to play mysterious. Er ... no Ginny isn't married so Draco doesn't have any kids. ... Wait he might have married Cathy! ... Er ... But I haven't introduced Cathy yet. She's in my next fic and I really don't know if she'll ever go out with Draco at all. ... There, not disappointed, I hope.

Midasgirl - No, he didn't kill anyone personally. (I figured then they wouldn't have let him out of Azkaban after only five years.) I think he even says so in chapter 7. Sniff! What's so bad about this chapter? It's one of my favourites. I couldn't write this without a Draco chapter. Okay, okay, Sevi will be up in a week. Promise.

Courtney - Er ... no with anyone planned here. Not because I don't like it, but because I can't write it. The characters never seem to do what I want them to whenever I try romance. Oh, I don't think JKR's Harry is ever going to do anything like this, but that's exactly why I wrote it. Consider it a 'What if' fic. Yep, Draco's cool and of course he has matured. It would be sad if he hadn't after all these years. As for Twichy: Well, you know by now.

J. L. Matthews - Well, I guess if Sirius had been going (er ... is that grammatically possible?) to turn into Padfoot on Harry, he'd have done it the moment Harry arrived. Maybe even at the welcoming feast. Yes, he only ever loved Harry for being James' son after all. As for the ferret understanding his words: Harry only realised that subconsciously. He'd have shied away, if he'd ever suspected Twichy to be a person. The next step therefore came as a total surprise.

Calcus Angel - Hey, I don't review everything I read either. Sometimes one just doesn't really know what to say. That's okay with me even though I love reviews. Er ... Harry tells me to ask you to let Sirius live. He still likes him anyway.

onecooleann - Hi and welcome!

Sphinx - Well, Harry just didn't quite feel up to defending himself. That's the problem with depressed characters. They tend to agree with everybody who tells them off. ... Second Chapter? Where? Gotta go read that at once! ... Well, no hug, but close enough I hope.

Solitary Starlight - Er ... sorry, but I never promised it was done, did I? Yes, but you know that by now. ... I didn't know that Hermione actually said twitchy (I read the German version, that's why I wouldn't know the exact English phrases.) And I never wanted to make it a mystery, but after I first mentioned him only two people seemed to have gotten it so I just kept it up. Oh, I'm not sure about what exactly happened to Peter, but rest assured that he is very, very dead. I suppose somebody has to write the reports and house elves are probably even worse at spelling then they are at grammar. Also: Can you imagine a house elf assigning detentions. "Now Ron Weasley and Harry Potter Sirs, please sit over here and have some nice cookies while Dobby and Winky scrub floor for you!" Now that has to be a terrible punishment! I bet even Neville would become a notorious rule breaker that way. What do you mean sorry? I love long reviews!

Ruby - I don't understand what was wrong with Amazon either. I tried it again just before I finally got that code from pay-pal and the link worked, but at the very last moment it told me ff.net was currently unable to receive payments and I should try again later. (But later I had that code and pay-pal worked fine.) Well, we don't know if Sirius didn't cry once the door closed behind Harry, but right now he's convinced himself that he hates Harry. It might pass in time.








In the next chapter: Well there's only one war hero left for Harry to meet. How will Severus react to Harry? and Will Harry finally accept that he still has friends in the wizarding world?

A/N - Well, of course Twichy is Draco. What do you think of their meeting? Please R/R.