Dangerously Cheesy Doritos at the Coyote Café
By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey
[MeatLoaf's Note: The Coyote Café is an actual Mexican restaurant that I go to a lot. This story takes place at night.]
"I want to watch Barney!" yelled Snape.
Snape, Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore where on their way to the Coyote Café to celebrate the results of the election.
"You should have said something before we left." said McGonagall as she turned up the radio. "Oh! I love this song! We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine..."
"Watch out for that wall!" said Snape.
Professor McGonagall tried to swerve out of the way, but it was too late. Their purple pick-up truck crashed into a wall. But luckily, it was the wall to the Coyote Café so they went inside and decided to deal with the truck later. As soon as they walked in, they saw a long line of people waiting to be seated.
"So many people!" said McGongall.
"We'll never get a seat!" said Dumbledore.
"Get down with you bad self!" said Snape as he picked his nose.
"Riiiight." Said McGonagall.
"I think the line's moving!" yelled Dumbledore.
Sure enough, as soon as the words left his mouth, everyone in the line ran away. Then Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore walked up to the register.
"Helloimstephanieandwelcometothecoyotecafehowmayihelpyou?" asked the young girl standing behind the counter.
"Uh...no?" said Snape.
"SinceAllOfOurTablesAreFilledYouHaveToTakeALittleMoonShapedPieceOfPaperWithANumberOnItAndWhenWeCallOutYourNumberThatMeansThere'sASeatThatYouCanHave. Ya get it? Good! Now go sit down at that bench over there and wait.
Snape walked slowly over to the bench and sat down next to Dumbledore and McGonagall. Snape just sat there concentrating on the little blue moon; trying to figure out what it said.
"...Our...number...is.......356." said Snape. All those years of playing the Phonics Game had finally paid off.
"Now serving number 3!" said the young girl behind the counter. "Who's number three? Serving number three! Three! Three! Three! Nobody's number three? Ok then, now serving number 4! Who's number 4? Serving number 4!..."
"Uh oh..." said McGonagall.
2 hours later...
"Now serving number 355! Who's number 355?..." said the girl in an unusually loud voice.
All thee screaming and yelling had woken up Snape, McGonagall and Dunbledore. McGonagall had only been asleep for a few minutes because she had fallen asleep at number 320. Dumbledore dozed off at 250, but poor Snape only made it to 23.
"Now serving number 356! Who's 356?-"
"We are! We are!" said Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore as they ran up to the counter. Actually, only McGonagall and Dumbledore ran. Snape crawled because he was still half asleep.
"Where's our seat?" asked Dumbledore as he watched Snape drool on the counter because he was asleep.
"Your table's outside! Aren't you lucky? You get to listen to the live band outside!" said the girl behind the counter.
"Cool!" said McGonagall.
"Wicked!" said Dumbledore.
"...Barney..." said Snape in a sleepy daze.
Then the girl led Dumbledore and Mcgonagall (Who was carrying Snape who was asleep at the time) to the outside patio. The walls surrounding the patio were painted with a picture of the desert at night. The band was in the corner and there was a beer bar across from it. Dumbledore sat down at a table close to the door that led inside. Then McGonagall placed Snape in a chair and at between him and Dumbledore.
"Barney..." said Snape.
"I'll be back in a few minutes to take your order." Said the girl who used to be behind the counter.
"My order..." said Snape in his sleep. "Not your order. My order. You can't have it...."
"SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN!!!" yelled McGonagall.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said Snape.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said Dumbledore.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said McGonagall.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said a guy somewhere in Asia.
"Hey!" said Snape "The band is the Beatles!"
Everybody looked at the band. Sure enough, they were the Beatles and they were playing the yellow submarine song.
"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!! A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!! A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!!!" sang the Beatles and somewhere in Asia, a wall fell down.
"I wonder if they do requests." Said Snape.
Snape got up and went over to the band.
"Hey Beatles!" said Snape.
"What?" said the Beatles.
"Could you play the Barney song for me?" asked Snape.
"Um...Ok." Said the Beatles. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too."
"Yay! Barney! Barney! Barney!" yelled Snape as he went back to his seat.
Then the lady that used to be behind the counter came back to take their order.
"First of all," said the lady, "How old are ya'll?"
"I'm 70," said Mcgonagall, "Dumbledore's 156 and Snape acts like he's 5."
"Cool! Senior citizens and children under 10 eat free here! Ya'll don't have to pay!" said the lady, "What do you guys want to drink?"
"I want a coke." Said McGonagall.
"I want lemonade." Said Dumbledore.
"I want my bottle of milk and my binkies!" said Snape.
"Um...sir?" said the lady, "We don't serve pacifiers here."
"Me want my binkies!" yelled Snape as he slammed his fists on the table. "And while you're at it, get me a high chair."
"Um...ok." Said the lady. "What do ya'll want to eat?"
"I want a beef enchilada." Said McGonagall.
"I want a bean burrito and rice." Said Dumbledore.
"Goo goo ga ga!" said Snape. "I'm the baby! Gotta love me!"
"I'll order for him." Said McGonagall. "He wants a beef taco and some French fries. Put it all in a blender so it looks like baby food because I don't think he'll eat anything else..."
"Riiiight...I'll do that. Your food will be ready in a few minutes." Said the lady. Then she went back inside.
"Hey, Minerva," said Dumbledore, "I'm going to go get a beer. You stay here and make sure Snape doesn't do anything stupid."
Then Dumbledore got up and went over to the beer bar.
"Minnie! Read me a story!" said Snape as he whacked McGonagall on the head with a copy of "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss.
McGonagall angrily snatched the book out of Snape's hands and turned to a random page and began reading.
"I do not like them, Sam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham." Said McGonagall in a monotone voice.
"Goo goo ga ga! Read more!" said Snape.
"Somebody help me!" yelled McGonagall.
Meanwhile at the beer bar...
Dumbledore was drinking beer and talking to some fat guy.
"I come from the land down under." Said the fat guy with an English accent.
"Are you sure? You sound like you're from England..." said Dumbledore.
"Me no speak your language." Said the fat guy.
"Then how were you able to talk to me for the past 15 minutes?" asked Dumbledore.
"Uh...no?" said the fat guy.
"Anyway," said Dumbledore, "I'd better be getting back to my table before my food comes. Bye."
"Adios!" said the fat guy.
"Riiiiight..." said Dumbledore as he walked back to the table and sat down.
Snape was laughing uncontrollably and McGonagall was trying to knock herself unconscious with the green eggs and ham book.
"Minnie funny! HaHaHa!" said Snape.
Then the lady that used to be behind the bar came out with the food.
"Here's your high chair, your pacifiers, your bottle of milk and your blender-fied beef taco with French fries." Said the Lady that Used to be Behind the Counter as she handed that stuff to Snape.
"Binkies!" said Snape as he started to suck on his pacifiers.
"Here's your beef enchilada and your coke, Madam." Said The Lady.
"Thank you." Said McGonagall.
"And here's your bean burrito and lemonade, Sir." Said The Lady.
"Thanks." Said Dumbledore.
Then the Lady left.
"Somebody gotta feed me." Said Snape in a whiney voice.
"Um...I have to go to the bathroom all of the sudden. Um...bye." Said Dumbledore as he got up and ran through the door.
"You can't leave me all alone with...him" said McGonagall. She turned and looked at Snape. He had a sheepish grin. Milk was in his hair and beef taco goop was hanging from his goatee. McGonagall almost barfed as she held Snap in her arms and started bottle-feeding him.
A few minutes later...
"I can't find the bathroom. Oh well. I'll hold it." Said Dumbledore as he walked outside and back to the table.
McGonagall patted Snape on the back and he let out the loudest burp that anyone has ever heard. Then she shoved Snape back into his own seat and began to eat her own food.
"Dumblydore is back!" yelled Snape.
"Hello, Severus." Said Dumbledore as he ate his food.
A few minutes later, McGonagall and Dumbledore finished their food.
"Can we go back to Hogwarts now? Me tired." Said Snape.
"We should be heading back home now. It's almost..." said McGonagall as she glanced at her watch, "11:00! It's way past your bed time!"
So Severus, Minerva and Dumbledore got up and went outside.
"Dude! Where's my car?" screamed Minerva.
"It got smashed into a wall, remember?" said Dumbledore.
"Me want to watch Barney!" yelled Severus.
[A cliffhanger. Don't worry, I'm writing the sequel right now.]
By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey
[MeatLoaf's Note: The Coyote Café is an actual Mexican restaurant that I go to a lot. This story takes place at night.]
"I want to watch Barney!" yelled Snape.
Snape, Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore where on their way to the Coyote Café to celebrate the results of the election.
"You should have said something before we left." said McGonagall as she turned up the radio. "Oh! I love this song! We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine..."
"Watch out for that wall!" said Snape.
Professor McGonagall tried to swerve out of the way, but it was too late. Their purple pick-up truck crashed into a wall. But luckily, it was the wall to the Coyote Café so they went inside and decided to deal with the truck later. As soon as they walked in, they saw a long line of people waiting to be seated.
"So many people!" said McGongall.
"We'll never get a seat!" said Dumbledore.
"Get down with you bad self!" said Snape as he picked his nose.
"Riiiight." Said McGonagall.
"I think the line's moving!" yelled Dumbledore.
Sure enough, as soon as the words left his mouth, everyone in the line ran away. Then Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore walked up to the register.
"Helloimstephanieandwelcometothecoyotecafehowmayihelpyou?" asked the young girl standing behind the counter.
"Uh...no?" said Snape.
"SinceAllOfOurTablesAreFilledYouHaveToTakeALittleMoonShapedPieceOfPaperWithANumberOnItAndWhenWeCallOutYourNumberThatMeansThere'sASeatThatYouCanHave. Ya get it? Good! Now go sit down at that bench over there and wait.
Snape walked slowly over to the bench and sat down next to Dumbledore and McGonagall. Snape just sat there concentrating on the little blue moon; trying to figure out what it said.
"...Our...number...is.......356." said Snape. All those years of playing the Phonics Game had finally paid off.
"Now serving number 3!" said the young girl behind the counter. "Who's number three? Serving number three! Three! Three! Three! Nobody's number three? Ok then, now serving number 4! Who's number 4? Serving number 4!..."
"Uh oh..." said McGonagall.
2 hours later...
"Now serving number 355! Who's number 355?..." said the girl in an unusually loud voice.
All thee screaming and yelling had woken up Snape, McGonagall and Dunbledore. McGonagall had only been asleep for a few minutes because she had fallen asleep at number 320. Dumbledore dozed off at 250, but poor Snape only made it to 23.
"Now serving number 356! Who's 356?-"
"We are! We are!" said Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore as they ran up to the counter. Actually, only McGonagall and Dumbledore ran. Snape crawled because he was still half asleep.
"Where's our seat?" asked Dumbledore as he watched Snape drool on the counter because he was asleep.
"Your table's outside! Aren't you lucky? You get to listen to the live band outside!" said the girl behind the counter.
"Cool!" said McGonagall.
"Wicked!" said Dumbledore.
"...Barney..." said Snape in a sleepy daze.
Then the girl led Dumbledore and Mcgonagall (Who was carrying Snape who was asleep at the time) to the outside patio. The walls surrounding the patio were painted with a picture of the desert at night. The band was in the corner and there was a beer bar across from it. Dumbledore sat down at a table close to the door that led inside. Then McGonagall placed Snape in a chair and at between him and Dumbledore.
"Barney..." said Snape.
"I'll be back in a few minutes to take your order." Said the girl who used to be behind the counter.
"My order..." said Snape in his sleep. "Not your order. My order. You can't have it...."
"SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN!!!" yelled McGonagall.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said Snape.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said Dumbledore.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said McGonagall.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" said a guy somewhere in Asia.
"Hey!" said Snape "The band is the Beatles!"
Everybody looked at the band. Sure enough, they were the Beatles and they were playing the yellow submarine song.
"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!! A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!! A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!!!" sang the Beatles and somewhere in Asia, a wall fell down.
"I wonder if they do requests." Said Snape.
Snape got up and went over to the band.
"Hey Beatles!" said Snape.
"What?" said the Beatles.
"Could you play the Barney song for me?" asked Snape.
"Um...Ok." Said the Beatles. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too."
"Yay! Barney! Barney! Barney!" yelled Snape as he went back to his seat.
Then the lady that used to be behind the counter came back to take their order.
"First of all," said the lady, "How old are ya'll?"
"I'm 70," said Mcgonagall, "Dumbledore's 156 and Snape acts like he's 5."
"Cool! Senior citizens and children under 10 eat free here! Ya'll don't have to pay!" said the lady, "What do you guys want to drink?"
"I want a coke." Said McGonagall.
"I want lemonade." Said Dumbledore.
"I want my bottle of milk and my binkies!" said Snape.
"Um...sir?" said the lady, "We don't serve pacifiers here."
"Me want my binkies!" yelled Snape as he slammed his fists on the table. "And while you're at it, get me a high chair."
"Um...ok." Said the lady. "What do ya'll want to eat?"
"I want a beef enchilada." Said McGonagall.
"I want a bean burrito and rice." Said Dumbledore.
"Goo goo ga ga!" said Snape. "I'm the baby! Gotta love me!"
"I'll order for him." Said McGonagall. "He wants a beef taco and some French fries. Put it all in a blender so it looks like baby food because I don't think he'll eat anything else..."
"Riiiight...I'll do that. Your food will be ready in a few minutes." Said the lady. Then she went back inside.
"Hey, Minerva," said Dumbledore, "I'm going to go get a beer. You stay here and make sure Snape doesn't do anything stupid."
Then Dumbledore got up and went over to the beer bar.
"Minnie! Read me a story!" said Snape as he whacked McGonagall on the head with a copy of "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss.
McGonagall angrily snatched the book out of Snape's hands and turned to a random page and began reading.
"I do not like them, Sam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham." Said McGonagall in a monotone voice.
"Goo goo ga ga! Read more!" said Snape.
"Somebody help me!" yelled McGonagall.
Meanwhile at the beer bar...
Dumbledore was drinking beer and talking to some fat guy.
"I come from the land down under." Said the fat guy with an English accent.
"Are you sure? You sound like you're from England..." said Dumbledore.
"Me no speak your language." Said the fat guy.
"Then how were you able to talk to me for the past 15 minutes?" asked Dumbledore.
"Uh...no?" said the fat guy.
"Anyway," said Dumbledore, "I'd better be getting back to my table before my food comes. Bye."
"Adios!" said the fat guy.
"Riiiiight..." said Dumbledore as he walked back to the table and sat down.
Snape was laughing uncontrollably and McGonagall was trying to knock herself unconscious with the green eggs and ham book.
"Minnie funny! HaHaHa!" said Snape.
Then the lady that used to be behind the bar came out with the food.
"Here's your high chair, your pacifiers, your bottle of milk and your blender-fied beef taco with French fries." Said the Lady that Used to be Behind the Counter as she handed that stuff to Snape.
"Binkies!" said Snape as he started to suck on his pacifiers.
"Here's your beef enchilada and your coke, Madam." Said The Lady.
"Thank you." Said McGonagall.
"And here's your bean burrito and lemonade, Sir." Said The Lady.
"Thanks." Said Dumbledore.
Then the Lady left.
"Somebody gotta feed me." Said Snape in a whiney voice.
"Um...I have to go to the bathroom all of the sudden. Um...bye." Said Dumbledore as he got up and ran through the door.
"You can't leave me all alone with...him" said McGonagall. She turned and looked at Snape. He had a sheepish grin. Milk was in his hair and beef taco goop was hanging from his goatee. McGonagall almost barfed as she held Snap in her arms and started bottle-feeding him.
A few minutes later...
"I can't find the bathroom. Oh well. I'll hold it." Said Dumbledore as he walked outside and back to the table.
McGonagall patted Snape on the back and he let out the loudest burp that anyone has ever heard. Then she shoved Snape back into his own seat and began to eat her own food.
"Dumblydore is back!" yelled Snape.
"Hello, Severus." Said Dumbledore as he ate his food.
A few minutes later, McGonagall and Dumbledore finished their food.
"Can we go back to Hogwarts now? Me tired." Said Snape.
"We should be heading back home now. It's almost..." said McGonagall as she glanced at her watch, "11:00! It's way past your bed time!"
So Severus, Minerva and Dumbledore got up and went outside.
"Dude! Where's my car?" screamed Minerva.
"It got smashed into a wall, remember?" said Dumbledore.
"Me want to watch Barney!" yelled Severus.
[A cliffhanger. Don't worry, I'm writing the sequel right now.]
