Captain Nemo Lives on a Yellow Submarine! Part 1
By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey
[MeatLoaf's Note: Remember that Professor McGonagall crashed the pick-up truck so now everybody's trying to think of a way to get home. Also it helps A LOT if you've read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne because this chapter is sort of a parody of it. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea is my favorite book (Yes, I like it even more than Harry Potter) so I don't really know why I'm making fun of it. And I do realize that Snape, Minerva, and Dumbldore don't live in America, but for the sake of this story, they do. Ok?]
"How the heck are we going to get home?" said Minerva.
"Me scared!" yelled Snape as he started crying.
"Great." said Minerva in a sarcastic voice.
Suddenly, a big black car drove up to them and two men wearing black suits stepped out.
"Greetings." Said one of the men. "You three have been chosen by the government to help in a very special project."
"Do you work for the MIB?" asked Severus.
"No, actually we don't." said one of the men. "Now get in the car and nobody gets hurt."
"Ok. We've got no where else to go so we might as well come with you." Said Dumbledore.
"Good." Said the man.
So everybody got into the car and they drove all the way to Cape Canaveral. Then they got out and the men who were wearing black suits led Snape, Minerva and Dumbledore to a the president's office. The president was sitting in a chair and the back of the chair was facing everybody else, just like in the movies.
"They're here, Mr. President." said one of the men.
"Groovy!" said the President as he turned the chair around.
"Al Gore???" yelled Minerva, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Washington DC? I thought George Bush was the president!"
"George Bush was the president, but then he quit." Said Al Gore.
"I thought George Washington was the president." Said Snape stupidly.
"Um..." said Al Gore, "A little behind the times, isn't he?"
"Yeah." Said Minerva, "But why are you here."
"I decided to move here because Washington DC got too boring for me. And the White House is too big. Now I live in a trailer. But that's not the point. You and your friends are here because I picked you to help fight a giant fish that's been terrorizing boats all over the ocean. Can you help me do that?"
"Sure, but what's in it for me?" asked Minerva.
"If you catch the fish, I'll give you the three things. They can be whatever you want." Said Al Gore.
"Really? Even a giant house?" asked Minerva.
"Yes."
"What about a zebra?"
"You can get a zebra."
"Will you give me the state of Kentucky?"
"If you catch the fish."
"I'll catch the fish for you!" yelled Minerva. "But I just have one question: Of all the people in this country, why did you pick us?"
"Because you have funny names! HA!" laughed Al Gore.
Snape, Minerva, and Dumbledore stared at each other uneasily as they watched Al Gore laugh at them for several minutes.
"Now I'll take you and your friends to the boat that you'll be in when you catch the fish." Said Al Gore.
Al Gore took Minerva, Snape and Dumbledore to the ocean where a small, brown row boat was waiting for them.
"The ship is called the Richard Nixon." Said Al Gore.
"I wouldn't call that a ship." Said Dumbledore.
"Why is it called the Richard Nixon?" asked Minerva.
"Because all the good names like "Titanic" were taken." Explained Al Gore.
"I wouldn't call "Titanic" a good name." Said Dumbldore.
"I thought George Washington was the president." Said Snape stupidly.
"He is." Said Dumbledore sarcastically, "And magic mushrooms have taken over the fridge."
"Really? Cool! I wanna see!" yelled Snape as he jumped up and down with excitement.
Minerva let out a sigh of self-pity.
"Now you have to get into the boat." Said Al Gore.
Everybody did as they were told.
"Don't we get any supplies?" asked Minerva.
"Oh yeah!" said Al Gore as he tossed a little red box to Minerva. "Here you go."
"Is that going to be enough?" asked Dumbledore.
But Al Gore untied the rope that was holding the boat to the dock and the boat floated away before he could answer.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Said Minerva.
"Me too." Said Dumbledore.
"What are we looking for again?" asked Snape stupidly.
"The giant fish." Said Dumbledore.
"Oh yeah." Said Snape. "Who's gonna row the boat?"
"Not me!" yelled Dumbledore.
"Not me!" yelled Minerva.
"Not the vacuum!" yelled Snape.
"I don't trust him with the oars." Said Dumbledore.
"Me neither." Said Minerva. "I guess you and I will have to row the boat."
"Yeah." Said Dumbledore as he picked up an oar and started rowing.
20 minutes later...
"Oh!" cried Snape. "I'm soooooooo tired 'cause I've been working all day!"
"WHAT???" screamed Minerva. "You haven't done a single darn thing except sit there and moan!"
Snape obviously didn't hear this because he just kept on complaining.
"So hungry....so very hungry." Whispered Snape. "I'm going to open up the supply box and see what we have to eat."
Snape reached over Dumbledore and grabbed the box. Then he opened it up and poured its contents onto the bottom of the boat.
"Let's see, we have a banana, a fork, two combs and a...paperclip?" said Snape.
"That can't be good." Said Dumbledore.
"WE'RE GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH!!!!!!!" screamed Minerva.
Then professor McGonagall buried her face in her hands and cried loudly.
"I don't wanna die!" screamed Minerva.
"Hey look everybody!" said Snape happily as he picked up a small index card. "Al Gore left a note!"
Minerva suddenly stopped crying and said: "Read it!"
"Ok." Said Snape. "It says:
Dear Dumbledore, Minerva and Snape,
You have been chosen to hunt down
and kill a giant fish that has been terrorizing
ships all across the ocean.
I want you to straighten out thepaperclip
and when you see the fish, harpoon it.
Good Luck,
Al Gore
P.S. Nobody has ever actually seen the fish,
but after consulting a Magic-8 Ball we discovered
the it is purple, is two feet long and weighs 48
pounds.
A minute of silence followed.
"I can't believe he wants us to harpoon a fish with a straightened out paperclip." Said Snape.
Suddenly, something hit the boat, causing it to flip over and toss everyone on board into the murky depths of the ocean.
"You're right Minerva, we really are going to die." Said Dumbledore.
"I'm too young to die!" screamed Minerva as she splashed around in the water.
"Not really. You're what? 70 years old?" said Snape.
"I'm young compared to Dumbledore." Said Minerva.
"EVERYONE is young compared to Dumbledore." Said Snape.
"Hey!" said Dumbledore, "I heard that!"
"That's not important right now!" said Minerva "We have to find a boat or something so we don't drown!"
"Hey, I think I found land!"
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, maybe I own the paperclip, but that's it. JKR owns Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore and some movie company own Men in Black. And Al Gore belongs to himself and Kentucky belongs to either the president or the people who live in Kentucky.
[MeatLoaf's Note: Anybody who has read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea knows what will happen next!]
By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey
[MeatLoaf's Note: Remember that Professor McGonagall crashed the pick-up truck so now everybody's trying to think of a way to get home. Also it helps A LOT if you've read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne because this chapter is sort of a parody of it. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea is my favorite book (Yes, I like it even more than Harry Potter) so I don't really know why I'm making fun of it. And I do realize that Snape, Minerva, and Dumbldore don't live in America, but for the sake of this story, they do. Ok?]
"How the heck are we going to get home?" said Minerva.
"Me scared!" yelled Snape as he started crying.
"Great." said Minerva in a sarcastic voice.
Suddenly, a big black car drove up to them and two men wearing black suits stepped out.
"Greetings." Said one of the men. "You three have been chosen by the government to help in a very special project."
"Do you work for the MIB?" asked Severus.
"No, actually we don't." said one of the men. "Now get in the car and nobody gets hurt."
"Ok. We've got no where else to go so we might as well come with you." Said Dumbledore.
"Good." Said the man.
So everybody got into the car and they drove all the way to Cape Canaveral. Then they got out and the men who were wearing black suits led Snape, Minerva and Dumbledore to a the president's office. The president was sitting in a chair and the back of the chair was facing everybody else, just like in the movies.
"They're here, Mr. President." said one of the men.
"Groovy!" said the President as he turned the chair around.
"Al Gore???" yelled Minerva, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Washington DC? I thought George Bush was the president!"
"George Bush was the president, but then he quit." Said Al Gore.
"I thought George Washington was the president." Said Snape stupidly.
"Um..." said Al Gore, "A little behind the times, isn't he?"
"Yeah." Said Minerva, "But why are you here."
"I decided to move here because Washington DC got too boring for me. And the White House is too big. Now I live in a trailer. But that's not the point. You and your friends are here because I picked you to help fight a giant fish that's been terrorizing boats all over the ocean. Can you help me do that?"
"Sure, but what's in it for me?" asked Minerva.
"If you catch the fish, I'll give you the three things. They can be whatever you want." Said Al Gore.
"Really? Even a giant house?" asked Minerva.
"Yes."
"What about a zebra?"
"You can get a zebra."
"Will you give me the state of Kentucky?"
"If you catch the fish."
"I'll catch the fish for you!" yelled Minerva. "But I just have one question: Of all the people in this country, why did you pick us?"
"Because you have funny names! HA!" laughed Al Gore.
Snape, Minerva, and Dumbledore stared at each other uneasily as they watched Al Gore laugh at them for several minutes.
"Now I'll take you and your friends to the boat that you'll be in when you catch the fish." Said Al Gore.
Al Gore took Minerva, Snape and Dumbledore to the ocean where a small, brown row boat was waiting for them.
"The ship is called the Richard Nixon." Said Al Gore.
"I wouldn't call that a ship." Said Dumbledore.
"Why is it called the Richard Nixon?" asked Minerva.
"Because all the good names like "Titanic" were taken." Explained Al Gore.
"I wouldn't call "Titanic" a good name." Said Dumbldore.
"I thought George Washington was the president." Said Snape stupidly.
"He is." Said Dumbledore sarcastically, "And magic mushrooms have taken over the fridge."
"Really? Cool! I wanna see!" yelled Snape as he jumped up and down with excitement.
Minerva let out a sigh of self-pity.
"Now you have to get into the boat." Said Al Gore.
Everybody did as they were told.
"Don't we get any supplies?" asked Minerva.
"Oh yeah!" said Al Gore as he tossed a little red box to Minerva. "Here you go."
"Is that going to be enough?" asked Dumbledore.
But Al Gore untied the rope that was holding the boat to the dock and the boat floated away before he could answer.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Said Minerva.
"Me too." Said Dumbledore.
"What are we looking for again?" asked Snape stupidly.
"The giant fish." Said Dumbledore.
"Oh yeah." Said Snape. "Who's gonna row the boat?"
"Not me!" yelled Dumbledore.
"Not me!" yelled Minerva.
"Not the vacuum!" yelled Snape.
"I don't trust him with the oars." Said Dumbledore.
"Me neither." Said Minerva. "I guess you and I will have to row the boat."
"Yeah." Said Dumbledore as he picked up an oar and started rowing.
20 minutes later...
"Oh!" cried Snape. "I'm soooooooo tired 'cause I've been working all day!"
"WHAT???" screamed Minerva. "You haven't done a single darn thing except sit there and moan!"
Snape obviously didn't hear this because he just kept on complaining.
"So hungry....so very hungry." Whispered Snape. "I'm going to open up the supply box and see what we have to eat."
Snape reached over Dumbledore and grabbed the box. Then he opened it up and poured its contents onto the bottom of the boat.
"Let's see, we have a banana, a fork, two combs and a...paperclip?" said Snape.
"That can't be good." Said Dumbledore.
"WE'RE GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH!!!!!!!" screamed Minerva.
Then professor McGonagall buried her face in her hands and cried loudly.
"I don't wanna die!" screamed Minerva.
"Hey look everybody!" said Snape happily as he picked up a small index card. "Al Gore left a note!"
Minerva suddenly stopped crying and said: "Read it!"
"Ok." Said Snape. "It says:
Dear Dumbledore, Minerva and Snape,
You have been chosen to hunt down
and kill a giant fish that has been terrorizing
ships all across the ocean.
I want you to straighten out thepaperclip
and when you see the fish, harpoon it.
Good Luck,
Al Gore
P.S. Nobody has ever actually seen the fish,
but after consulting a Magic-8 Ball we discovered
the it is purple, is two feet long and weighs 48
pounds.
A minute of silence followed.
"I can't believe he wants us to harpoon a fish with a straightened out paperclip." Said Snape.
Suddenly, something hit the boat, causing it to flip over and toss everyone on board into the murky depths of the ocean.
"You're right Minerva, we really are going to die." Said Dumbledore.
"I'm too young to die!" screamed Minerva as she splashed around in the water.
"Not really. You're what? 70 years old?" said Snape.
"I'm young compared to Dumbledore." Said Minerva.
"EVERYONE is young compared to Dumbledore." Said Snape.
"Hey!" said Dumbledore, "I heard that!"
"That's not important right now!" said Minerva "We have to find a boat or something so we don't drown!"
"Hey, I think I found land!"
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, maybe I own the paperclip, but that's it. JKR owns Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore and some movie company own Men in Black. And Al Gore belongs to himself and Kentucky belongs to either the president or the people who live in Kentucky.
[MeatLoaf's Note: Anybody who has read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea knows what will happen next!]
