Captain Nemo Lives on a Yellow Submarine: Part 3

Captain Nemo Lives on a Yellow Submarine: Part 3

By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey

[MeatLoaf's Note: There are a lot of characters in this chapter. Just so you don't forget, I'll tell you right now: Snape, Dumbledore, Minerva, Captain Nemo, Ned Land, Professor Aronnax, Conseil, and Hans.]

"When I was looking through the Nautilus' library," said Captain Nemo to the large group of people standing around him. "I found a weird looking book called the Shepherd's book. It tells all about Atlantis and how to get there. Since Hans is the only one on this ship who can speak the language this book is written in, he's going to take us to Atlantis!"

"Hola?" asked Hans. His huge buck teeth seemed to move a little bit as he said this.

"Of course you're going to take us there, Hans!" said Captain Nemo .

"Hola hola hola?" asked Hans.

"Of course I'll hold your maracas for you while you look at the book!" said Captain Nemo.

Captain Nemo took the brightly colored maracas and handed the book to Hans.

"Gracias." Said Hans.

"You're welcome." Said Captain Nemo.

Hans stood there reading the Shepherd's Book while Captain Nemo started dancing around while shaking the maracas and singing "Duke of Earl".

"Wait a minute!" yelled Ned. "I thought Captain Nemo said he couldn't Speak Spanish so how in the world did he just understand what Hans said???"

"For the same reason why he died of old age in a book called The Mysterious Island that took place in 1865 and yet was somehow only about 35-40 years old in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea which took place in 1868." Said Professor McGonagall.

"Oh!" said Ned. "I totally get that!"

"I didn't know Hans could read." Said Snape.

"Hola!" said Hans.

Captain Nemo immediately stopped dancing and said "You're right Hans, we should go to Atlantis now."

"What is Atlantis?" asked Snape.

"Hola." Said Hans.

"HaHaHaHaHa!" said Captain Nemo. "Don't be silly, Hans. Everyone knows that Atlantis isn't a lost civilization, it's a theme park!"

"Like Disneyland?" asked Snape.

"Yeah!" said Captain Nemo.

"That would actually explain a lot." Said Minerva.

Then everyone went to the front of the submarine and watched Hans steer it. After about 15 minutes, they started to hear strange sounds.

"Hey!" said Professor Aronnax. "I think I hear a whale!

"I think I hear a hoo!" said Horton.

"A WHALE! A WHALE! LET ME HARPOON IT!!!" screamed Ned as he brandished a harpoon.

"Oooohhhh….shiny." said Snape.

Conseil, Ned, and Professor Aronnax ran to the submarine window.

"Let me harpoon it! Let me harpoon it!" screamed Ned angrily as he whacked the window trying to get at the whale.

"No!" yelled Professor McGonagall as she tried to get the harpoon away from Ned. "We can't kill the whales! We have to shave them! Shave the whales!"

"Hola!" said Hans merrily as he steered the submarine into a big tunnel away from the whale.

"Now look what you did, Minerva!" yelled Ned furiously. "You scared away the whale so I didn't get to harpoon it!"

"We have to shave the whales, not kill them!" said Minerva.

"You two can be quiet now because we're at Atlantis!" said Captain Nemo.

"Ooooohhhhhh!" said Minerva.

Then everyone went off the submarine, crossed a bridge, and came to an island covered with ancient ruins and beautiful waterfalls. There were people walking around on the island.

"Lookie!" said Snape stupidly as he pointed at the Atlantis people. "Sea gulls!"

"Let's feed them!" said Minerva.

"Hola!" said Hans.

Hans pulled a leftover burrito that he got from a restaurant called "On the Border". He gave part of it to Snape, part of it to McGonagall, and kept part of it for himself and then the trio began pelting the natives with food. The Atlanteans obviously didn't like this because they dragged them off (along with Captain Nemo, the professor, and everyone else) to the home of their king. The King was sitting on some kind of sofa in front of a tiny pond surrounded by four pillars. There was a very large blanket spread over those 4 pillars and it formed some kind of cheap roof.

"Blankie!" yelled Snape as he jumped up in the air as he attempted, in vain, to touch the 'roof'. "They stole my blankie!"

"Dude!" said Dumbledore. "That's not your blanket! Your blanket's in the trunk of the car!"

"What car???" asked Snape.

"The car we crashed into the side of the Coyote Café." Replied Dumbledore.

"Oh yeah." Said Snape.

In order to get the groups attention, the king gave a pretend cough.

"Some one call 911!" screamed Snape. "The old guy is dying!!!"

Snape ran up to the king and did CPR; all the while screaming "Live, dang it, live!"

"What the heck???" screamed the king. "Someone get this crazy freak off of me!"

The king shoved Snape away and stood up.

"Noooooooo!!!" screamed Snape dramatically. "We're too late!"

Then Snape sat down and began to cry uncontrollably.

"Um……?" said Captain Nemo.

"Who are you people and why are you here?" asked the King.

"Aaahhh!" screamed Snape dramatically. "He has amnesia!"

"Shut up, will ya?" said Minerva.

"Anyway," continued the King. "Why are you here?"

"I don't remember." Said Captain Nemo.

"I sure don't." said Dumbledore.

"Neither do I." Said Ned.

"Bonjour!" said The Professor even though he meant to say "no".

"Hola!" said Hans.

"I agree with the Professor." Said Conseil.

"Ditto." Said Minerva.

"Nooooooooooo!!!!!!" screamed Snape.

"Shut up, will ya?" said Minerva again.

"Well," said the King. "You don't seem to dangerous so I am going to let my daughter, Kida, take you on a tour of Atlantis but then you have to go back to where ever you came from. Ok?"

"Sure." Said Captain Nemo.

Suddenly, Princess Kida walked in.

"Hi! I'm tour guide Barbie!" said Kida.

"¿Qué?" said Hans. "¡Tú eres loco!"

"Psyche!" said Kida. "I'm Miss Information! Now everybody get in a line behind me and I'll take you for a ride on an invisible bus! And we're walking we're walking and to the right, we can see the King of Atlantis!"

The King waved at the people.

"Hey, Hans?" said Snape.

"¿Qué?" asked Hans.

"If you were driving a bus," said Snape, "and you picked up 3 people on the first stop, 5 people on the 2nd stop, dropped of 2 people on the 3rd stop, picked up twice as many people on the 4th stop than you did on the 1st stop, then dropped of 2 people, who's driving the bus?"

"¿Yo?" answered Hans.

"Wrong!!" said Snape. "You're driving the bus! HaHaHaHaHaHa! I can't believe you fell for that one! Ha!"

"Grrrrrr……" said Hans angrily.

"And we're walking we're walking and to the left, we see a strange guy holding some flowers and a leash!"

"Hi Vinny!" said Captain Nemo.

"Hey. 'sup?" said Vinny. "Hey! Can someone help me find a sheep who can read? Preferably a Viking sheep?"

"Uh……" said Kida. "And we're walking we're walking and right in front of you, you can see me ignoring the crazy sheep guy! And on the right, you can see some illiterate poverty-stricken children playing in the mud!"

Hans, Snape, and Minerva began to throw bits of rice at the children. Then the children threw clay marbles at Snape.

"Aaaahhhhh!!!" screamed Snape as he cowered in fear. "Help me! They're killing me! Aaahhhh!!!"

"Oh, be quiet. They're just little kids. Ow!" said Minerva when a clay marble hit her on the head.

"Yeah." Said Snape. "Little kids armed with clay marbles of demise y muerto!"

"What in the world?" said Minerva who was half angry and half confused. "You're stupid!"

"I'm not stupid!" yelled Snape. "My mind is like lightning!"

"One bright flash and it's gone!" yelled McGonagall.

"Ha! You just read that off of that guy's shirt!" said Snape as he pointed to an 8th grader who was stroking the invisible cat that he was holding.

"Puurrrrrrrrr……" said the guy. "STAY BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE PLEASE!!!"

"This place scares me." Said Snape bluntly. "Let's go home."

"Ok." Said Captain Nemo. "I'll meet you at that really cool Mexican tourist attraction that's somewhere in America."

"If it's Mexican, why is it in the U.S.?" asked Minerva.

"You'll see. Just be there in two weeks, ok?" said Captain Nemo. "I'll drop you three off in California and you can find your way from there."

Then everyone got on the submarine and went to California. Dumbledore, Snape, and Minerva got off. So, armed with only a compass, a map of Poland, and a McDonald's Happy Meal, they set off to find the tourist attraction.

"Are we there yet?" asked Snape.

[MeatLoaf's Note: It took me a while, but I finally finished writing this chapter. The next one will be up soon….I hope. By the way, I think I'm actually going to write a disclaimer for this chapter!]

MeatLoaf's Magical Disclaimer of Demise y Muerto: Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall belong to JK Rowling, Vinny, Kida, and the King belong to Disney, the little kids with the clay marbles belong to Mingfong Ho, the 8th grader belongs to himself (he's a real person and he really does walk around wearing cool shirts and pretending he has an invisible cat!), The restaurant called "On the Border" belongs to some people, the song called "Duke of Earl" belongs to a group of people who sing (I forgot the name. I'll look it up sometime.) Captain Nemo, the Professor, Ned, Conseil, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and The Mysterious Island belong to Jules Verne, and Hans and the Viking sheep belong to ME!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? THEY'RE MINE!!! The shirt belongs to some company. I'm not sure what it's called but I think it might be "Now and Zen". And last but not least, CPR belongs to doctors and nurses everywhere.