Joey literally shrank in to her seat on the train. She felt about three feet tall. She regretted painfully the last 24 hours.
She looked a mess. She had just barely showered and packed in her rush to leave the campus. She was hungover, exhausted and she was an emotionalbasket case. She had run away from the campus with her tail between her legs. Well, actually driven and it hadn't helped at all that the cab driver had asked if she was all right four times.
Joey had gotten out of the taxi and run frantically to the ticket boothin the train station. She wanted to leave on the next train, she needed to get away from Amherst and Pacey as quickly as possible.
Now that she was sitting comfortably in her seat she took a few deep breaths and concentrated on putting her bag underneath her seat. She shruggedout of her navy blue jacket and placed it gently on the seat beside her.
Joey stared blankly out the window and waited anxiously for the train to pull out of the station. She just kept on reliving the moments over and over.
***
Pacey rolled over slowly and opened his eyes. His heart fell. Joey wasn't there.
Only an hour ago he'd awaken in the same bed and she had been in his arms. He had inhaled her perfume, smiled to himself and fallen back to sleep perfectly content.
Now the whole room seemed empty. Pacey frowned, Joey must have left already for the train station. He wasn't about to go running after her. Not after she had left like that, with out saying goodbye. He prayed that she wasn't angry, that she wasn't regretting it right at that moment. He balled up his fist and punched the mattress. "Damn."
***
Joey sat on the bench outside the Capeside train station waiting for Bessie's familiar truck to pull up. She hadn't realized how homesick she was until she was actually back in Capeside. Finally Bessie's pickup pulledin front of the station.
Bessie ran up the steps and enveloped Joey in her arms. "I've missed you so much." Joey hugged her sister back even harder. "You look like shit Jo, are you okay?" Bessie said bluntly as she stepped back to look at her sister.
Leave it to Bessie to tell it like it is. "I'm just tired. Let's go home I'm starving." Bessie noted the indirect answer and decided to save it for later.
***
Pacey finally pulled himself out of bed, eleven Thursday morning. He picked up his kit and a towel and walked slowly towards the bathrooms. He hesitated slightly and turned the other way and walked to Joey and Emily'sroom. He looked at the door for a few minutes. The notepad had only Emily'sluxurious handwriting, 'Be back in a few days. Have a Happy Turkey day y'all.'
He frowned and knocked hopefully on the door. No answer. So she did leave with out saying anything. Pacey slammed his fist against the door and turned around. He went back to his original destinations, the bathroom.
Awake, shaved and showered Pacey walked back to his room and changed.
Standing in the empty room he looked around at the mess and decided to finally clean up. He turned on the stereo and set about putting away all of his and Bryan's clothes. He laughed at himself, "I must be desperate if I'm cleaning."
***
Bessie was sitting on the couch and sighed as she watched Joey frown for the fourth time in fifteen minutes. "That's it Josephine, we're going to have a talk! Something is wrong with you and I'm not going to put it on the back burner any longer."
Joey looked up, startled at her sister's outburst. "There's nothing wrong with me."
"You already dodged this subject at the train station but I'm not going to drop it this time. Get your ass off that chair and put your jacket on. We're going outside to talk and that's final. We've got the whole weekend Jo. We might as well get this over with now."
Joey relented knowing how unpleasant her sister could be when she was kept in the dark and got her jacket. She followed her sister out the door and on to the back porch. Bessie ordered her to sit on the swing. "I want to know exactly what is going on with you. No bull," Bessie said firmly.
Joey looked at the lawn, the creek, the trees, anything but Bessie. "Something happened yesterday between Pacey and I."
"I'm not a mind reader. What happened?"
"Well we went out for dinner at this place we like and then to a movie.But I'd had a few drinks and we got tired of the movie. So we went out the door and it was raining and in a completely unplanned, unexpected moment.I kissed him."
"Go on," Bessie prodded her, unfazed by the earth shattering news.
"It was just one kiss. But then we went home and we got in to a fight about it. It was silly, but Pacey was shaken up by it I guess. It's all slightly blurry. We made up pretty quickly, since I kissed him again. ThenI slept with him."
"What?" Bessie cried. "Josephine!"
Joey finally met her sisters eyes, "Geez Bessie you know me. We just shared his bed. That's all." "Granted that this is sort of an unusual situation what has you looking so scared?"
Joey sighed quietly, "I left this morning without a word."
"Jo you didn't."
"I didn't know what else to do." Joey's face crumpled, "I woke up in Pacey's room, in Pacey's bed, in Pacey's arms! I was confused, I couldn't remember everything straight. So I panicked. I ran for dear life. I was so worried that he would wake up and catch me leaving him. I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't handle being face to face with him."
"You didn't even say good bye, no note or anything?"
"Nothing. At that point I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I wasn't really thinking about damage control."
"Explain to me why this is such a big problem. You like him right?" Bessie asked abruptly.
Joey put her head in her hands. "Oh Bess I haven't got a clue. I haven't thought about Pacey that way in two years. It was torture letting him go. I'm not sure I ever got over it. Now is not the time to be opening old wounds and starting to like him again."
"I don't know what to tell you honey. Sometimes when you're drunk off your ass you do things you regret. But sometimes you do those things becauseyou don't have the courage to do them sober. It's the difference between making out with some stranger at a club or spilling your guts to your lifelong crush." Bessie got up and walked towards the door, "Think about it."
Joey leaned her head back against the side of the house, "I'm so sick of thinking. Now I know what Dawson must've felt like all those years."
