Author's Note: This is my stupid attempt in trying to write a diary like story.
So basically this story is told by Rinoa and what's happening in her life. I'm
trying to make the events "interesting" ~.^

Rinoa's Diary

1 March
10:23 AM

Something's wrong with me... I know it. No. Actually, something's wrong with
Squall... He's been so distant... he never even eats lunch with me! I've tried
and tried to presude him to go out with me for one afternoon. He refused. And
that's that. It's not like I'm being stupidly selfish, trying to get Squall to
spend all his time on me. I just want one simple afternoon, or even an hour,
just him and me. As I write this, my heart is aching for Squall. His voice, his
touch... just him. I think I will try again today to get Squall out and let him
have some fresh air. That will do him good.


1 March
1:05 PM

Oh dear god! My tears are dropping onto this piece of paper! Am I really an
idiot? A stupid little girl??? I couldn't believe what Squall yelled at me
today! It's still ringing in my ears... painful words...
"Argh! Rinoa! How many times do I have to tell you?! I'm busy!"
I wasn't really hurt by that... so I just said, "But...you've been in this
office forever!"
His next words really hit me... I don't know if he meant it, but if he was
trying to break me up in pieces, he did a very good job.
"Damn you Rinoa! Can't you act a bit more mature instead of whining like a
stupid idiot! I have so much stuff I have to do, you're just making it
harder!!!" He had screamed right at my face. I didn't want to cry... that would
just make me seem more like a stupid idiot, but I just couldn't help it.
Wouldn't you cry if your only boyfriend screamed that into your face? I didn't
intend to bother him... I was just going to tell him to have some fresh air.
Damn him! Damn him damn him damn him!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so mad at him I can rip this
piece of paper up into tiny bits! I don't think he thinks I'm even alive! I'm
just an annoying fly buzzing around him, ready to be swapped aside. And I think
I already am. I just noticed... it's two more days until by birthday. Maybe then
Squall will take a day off, and take me out for dinner. Like last year... oh,
what wonderful memories! I bet he'll bring me out like last year! Maybe he's
acting like this, so I'll feel so surprised when he asks me out! Well, I guess I
should go out and buy a new dress for my birthday! Selphie told me at lunch that
she has my party all planned from the morning until the afternoon. She said the
evening could be left for Squall to take me out! Sweet Selphie! She's just so
good at planning parties! I guess I better hurry to the shopping mall since it's
an hour away from Balamb Garden. Maybe I'll write a bit more tonight.


2 March
7:09 AM

I was to tired last night to do any writing. I found a perfect dress for my
party! I hope Squall will like it! It's a nice sky blue with little sparkles
everywhere. The straps are kind of like my cream dress' ones. Crossed together
and around. I also bought matching earrings and necklace! I couldn't find any
matching shoes, maybe I can ask Quistis or Selphie if they have any that match.
I doubt Selphie would though. But Quistis might. Squall hasn't apoligized...
maybe he thinks I'm the one who should say sorry. I don't think Squall really
looks up to me. I think he thinks that I'm an inmature little girl! After a year
of dating for Hyne's sake! Did it take him a year to regret being with me? Or is
it really just all his office work that's making him all grumpy? Well, if he
does look down on me, I won't have that! I'm going to be brave now, and I'll try
my best to act the most mature, graceful, sorceress he's ever been near! Hmm...
this is NOT going to be easy... I'm just writing all this. But when it comes to
really doing it, I suck at that. Whatever... ack! I'm turning into Squall! Well,
that's the result of being with a guy for a year who says the same words every 5
minutes. I remember something Squall had said to be last week. It really hurt me
to... but I got over it.
"You know what Rinoa? Not much people like you in Garden! You know that?"
I was really sad, and ran out of his office crying. I vow that I will never ever
cry at Squall's harsh words! That better show him that I'm not so easy to squash
into pieces! I'll show everyone that I'm not some spoiled little brat that lives
in a huge mansion in Galabadia! But I guess what Squall said was true...
everytime I walk by a group of people, they start whispering and laughing.
Probably at me. I better get down to the cafeteria... and meet my friends... I
guess my only friends other than Angelo, Zone, and Watts. Squall will probably
be there to. He doesn't even talk to me in the cafeteria much. Just the usual,
"Hi, good morning." and then back to the plate of breakfast. I'm getting use to
it... but he use to be so much nicer. Like...
"Hi Rin. I'll go get breakfast for you if you want." And he would give her a
kinda of smile, but not a very big one since he wasn't use to smiling. But now,
he seems like he's addicted to his work! He doesn't act so mean towards Zell or
Quistis and even Selphie who sometimes acts unmature! I don't get it... oh well.
I'll stop jabbering on, and hurry down to breakfast and to classes.


2 March
2:34 PM

Today at breakfast, I tried to act like nothing had happened the day before, and
that I wasn't a bit mad at all. But secretly, I was mad at Squall. Everybody
said the usual
"Hello Rinoa!" and the "Good morning!". And Selphie would be in her normal jumpy
mood "Hello Rinny!!!!!!" How come Squall didn't seem to mind that Selphie was so
childish? Was it because Selphie wasn't his girlfriend? But I am, so I have to
act all good and mature to be good enough for him?? If that's what he's
thinking, then let him carry on thinking. But this morning, Squall was a bit
nicer... a BIT.
"Hi Rin, have a good sleep?" He had said.
I simply replied without a smile, or a frown. "Yes, infact I had a wonderful
sleep!" Which of course was completely wrong. I had a horrible sleep. I couldn't
even fall asleep until 3:00 AM I think. I don't feel like myself today. I guess
that's because I'm not trying to be myself. Usually I would have been overjoyed
that Squall had said more than the usual "Good morning". But no, I didn't want
Squall to think that I his words to live. No, I won't let him think that I am
not able to live without him. That's partly untrue... but someday, I can't
always have someone protecting me. I have to protect myself sooner or later, or
everyone will laugh at me. A stupid sorceress that needs a knight to protect
her, while she just sits in the corner cutting her nails while her knight is
defending her with his life. I do not want everyone to think of me that way.
I'll change that. I know that Squall has had to save me a billion times! From
space, from Adel, from stupid statues that came to life because of Edea. Now I
want to be able to defend myself. I know I'll be scared, but what's so bad in
trying?



3 March
6:50 AM

I have woken up espcially early today, since it's my birthday! Selphie says I
should be in the ballroom by 9:00 AM. It's the same ballroom that I first met
Squall. I wonder what Squall's gonna wear at the party! He looks so cute in
tuxedos! I'm trying to brush out my tangled hair right now, but there seems to
be a huge knot! Ah, there we go! All unknotted! I'm brushing with my left hand
if you are wondering how I'm writing at the same time. It's making my writing
very sloppy, but it doesn't matter. I still need to feed Angelo, but that
doesn't take long. I have my party dress all layed out on the bed! I'm so
excited! It's my 19th birthday... and I'm still like a little kid writing in a
diary. But what can I say? I feel so much better after all the pain has been put
into words. It seems to left some weight off those shoulders of mine. I have
decided that after today, I will start working on using my sorceress powers. I'm
still a beginner at it, not very good at all. I better hurry and get dressed and
all that stuff. I'll write all about the party as soon as I get back!



3 March
4:12 PM

I'm not crying. It's a miracle, but I did not cry. I really want to, since
Squall decided to skip my birthday party. I was looking forward to see him at
the party! And he didn't even show his shadow! He left a birthday card for
Irvine to hand it over to me. It was a plain birthday card, not a birthday card
with a whole bunch of hearts on it. Just one with a big 19 on it with some
balloons. And inside was simple "Best wishes Rinoa, and a happy birthday. -
Squall". I wanted to cry right then. But I didn't want everyone around me to see
that I would cry over a simple card. Now that I am alone, I still do no want to
cry. Maybe at five Squall might knock and take me out to dinner! The party was
fine... just if Squall was there, everything would have been so much better. But
it was fine... just perfectly fine... oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone's
knocking on my door!!!!!!!! It's Squall coming to take me out to dinner!!!!

4:42 PM

It wasn't Squall.