Rinoa's Diary

4 March
6:00 AM

I pretty much cried the whole night. Squall completely forgot about me on my brithday! I'm not going down to breakfast! I'm not hungry at all! It was Quistis who had knocked. She asked me "Are you alright?"
I pretended I didn't know what she was talking about. "Of course I am? Why wouldn't I be alright? It was a wonderful party!" I had faked, but I hope I did a good job. Quistis had given me a concerened look. "Are you sure? You didn't seem so well...after Irvine handed you the birthday card Squall gave you..."
Quistis, being my best friend, I told her. I told her what Squall had yelled at me, how he seemed to be ignoring me for the past two weeks. Quistis was concerned for me, and she told me that she was going to pay a visit with Squall. I told her no. I would do so myself. I will go to his office, and I will not cry if he says more cruel things to me. I will be waiting for him in his office when he comes back from breakfast. I want him to explain to me why he's been acting so different. I will not fail, and I will not cry, I will only be one thing. Brave.


4 March
8:00 AM

I must be red from anger. But eyes are not red from crying, I did not cry, and I'm pleased with myself that I didn't cry. I was brave, but I don't really think that helped. I had waited in Squall's office for 15 minutes until he showed up. He was really surprised at first when he saw me sitting on a chair infront of his desk. Then his face turned into a fustrated look, I wasn't welcomed. I didn't care though. I took a breath and said "Good morning Squall..." I have never felt so nervous talking to Squall. I was never nervous talking to him. But then, I was almost shaking. He sighed. A big sigh.
"What is it now Rinoa? I still have..."
"Lot's of work to do." I simply finished for him. I didn't frown, and just laughed. But inside myself, I was whining.
He just nodded, "So why are you here then when you know I'm busy?"
I was getting angry at the tone he talked to me. Simply as if he had no time to talk to a stupid cry baby. "I want you to explain why you've been so odd lately and so rude! And mean!" I said those words very quickly that I didn't even notice I had finished. Squall had taken a while to suck in those words.
"I'm sorry Rinoa! But I really have lot's of work!" Squall had said in a very annoyed tone.
I didn't give up, or just run from his office. "Even if you have "lot's" of work, it doesn't mean you have to be so rude and mean and calling me a stupid idiot!" I had yelled. But I said "Also!" Before he could cut me in. "Also... If you really do love me, you would have at least showed yourself at my birthday party! My birthday is a one year thing damn it! And you just didn't show up and just left a darn birthday card! Do you know how hurt I am?!"
I basically wanted to just run then, but Squall's face grew angry, and I knew I had caused that. But this was way less then what he caused me.
"Rinoa I just don't have the time! I love you ok? But being headmaster isn't easy! Maybe we should go back to dating after a year or so..." He had kind of faded at the last words. He was scared of what I would say next. I think I should reput his words.
The part "Maybe we should go back to dating after a year or so..." basically meant to me "Let's breakup!" I was angry, and I knew my cheeks were red, and burning. I did not run from his office crying.
"So you just want to kick me aside? And after mister headmaster is all unbusy, then it will be my turn for my appointment with you? I'm not like what you think Squall! I don't have to have you in my life. If you want to breakup, then just say so. I won't go jump of a ten story building because I'm weak." I tried to say all that in a steady voice, but I knew my voice was shaking, and it showed I was hurt. I also came prepared. I dropped a pile of papers, my diary from March 1-3. Then I simply turned my back, and left. I think that was the bravest thing I did. I didn't cry in front of him. I'm proud.


4 March
6:20 PM

I didn't go to the caferteria for lunch, and I'm not going for dinner. I spent my afternoon in the training centre. No body would think I would be there. They all probably thought I was crying in my room. Nope. I was training and using my sorceress powers. My magic is getting a bit more powerful, but I still have problems with it. I think another week or so will lessen the problems. Then I can work on stonger magic and powers. Selphie has knocked at my door. I know because she slipped a letter under the door.

Rinoa, where are you? Squall has told us all about this morning! I hope you're okay! Please come to dinner!

I will not come to dinner. Oh Hyne, someone is knocking at the door again. Must be Selphie. I won't answer the door. I'll simply pretend I'm out. No... this is simply like a child throwing a temper tantrum! I don't want Selphie to think of it like that, and tell everyone that Rinoa's having one of her baby tempers. I'll will go answer the door and continue writing right after.

6:45 PM

It wasn't Selphie. It was... Squall. I was so happy to see him, but I did not want to show that, so I stayed put. I didn't say anything, and we just stood starring at each other for a couple seconds until he coughed.
"...Rinoa...I'm sorry..." He had said sadly, with regret in his voice. I didn't care. Weren't sorceress' suppose to be cold and evil.... but I didn't want to be cold and evil either. Squall had reached inside his pocket and took out my diary entries that I dropped on his office floor this morning. He seemed like he wanted to cry, but he tried to cover it all up with a big frown. I still said nothing.
"I...I read your entries..."
"And you're going to say how writing diary entries are for babies right?" I had simply stuck in. He had frowned and brushed out his hair with his right hand.
"No...but I'm really sorry. I didn't know... that I was hurting you so badly... I've just been so busy that I've been in grumpy moods for the past weeks!"
I was glad of his explanation. He still loved me. But I wasn't really sure if I loved him that much anymore. I simply focused my eyes on the diary entries, and made them float out of Squall's hand. This was a trick I had been praticing this afternoon. I was pleased at myself when Squall looked utterly surprised. I made the diary entries drop into my hands and I looked up at Squall and I just said, "Thanks for returning my papers." And I had shut the door slowly behind me. I don't know if I should accept Squall's apoligy. I didn't want this to happen again.... and if I accepted his apoligy, would he think I was to easy to presuade? And after a week he would go back to being an idiot? I don't know... I'm going to drop by the library and start reading seriously. I use to go to the library all the time, but to read the magazines. Reading seriously is something the old Rinoa Heartilly would not do.


7 March
9:00 AM

Wow I haven't written in a while. I've been busy reading a fascinating book called "The Secrets of Sorceress". It's realy amamzing and it's helping me learn what I can actually do. I've signed out ten books, which is the maximine you can sign out in the Garden's library. That's enough for me. I've been training every afternoon for three hours. Now I can use my normal magic spells very well, and they rarely miss my target. I'm even putting Angelo on training! Teaching him new tricks and all that. I haven't been eating in the cafeteria, but I just go to Balamb and buy my grocery there so I can cook my own meals. I'm not that great of a cook, but I'm getting there! I've had annoying knocks on my door for these past three days! It's mostly Squall. Sometimes I answer them, sometimes I don't. The last visit of Squall I had answered. He had a very worried look on his face.
"Rinoa? Where are you these days? Are you still mad? I'm very sorry..."
I just smile at him every time. "Of course I'm not mad Squall! I've just been... doing some catch up work..."
"...Cath up work?"
"Yeah... homework. It's very annoying," I acted as if I wasn't mad at all. I'm getting pretty good at lying. Squall just gives me the worried look, until I say that I have to go back to work. Hmmm, it's time to go out for Angelo's morning training! Heehee! I guess I could review all of his trick's today so he won't forget. Angelo's just such a smart doggy! I like the new me! People at Garden sometimes still whisper about me, but I overheard some of them, and they weren't about how spoiled or umature I am. It was about the new me, how odd and different. But I like that way more. So I like the new me, and I think Angelo likes the new him to!