Chapter 13: Destiny
"Hey Ken, what do you know about Fate?"
Ken turned his attention from the beautiful rainbow horizon to the young green eyed boy that sat next to him. Cody had always puzzled him, his wisdom was far beyond his years, and there was something about his eyes that made him look older, much more mature than anyone he'd seen his age.
"What do you mean?" Ken replied slightly cocking his head to one side, his navy blue hair falling over his face
"Well I was thinking about it, and well, what does it mean?" Cody asked, turning his attention back to the sunset
Fate? Why would he want to know that?
"Uh… well I've never really though about it…" Ken admitted biting down on his lower lip, "Why do you want to know?"
"I was think about it and it just doesn't make sense."
It was true, Ken had never really thought about fate and destiny and those kind of things; he mostly relied on science. But maybe that was the reason, he'd never though about fate because it made no sense. What did it mean, sure the dictionary could give a meaning for it, but sometimes things surpassed the knowledge if the human brain.
"My Grandpa told me once, that fate was a force that determines everything you do, your life is ruled by fate, and that it determines your destiny…"He continued
"Well yeah I guess that's right…" Ken agreed half-heartedly
"But he also said that no matter what happens your destiny, or fate never changes, no matter what happens."
"Yeah…"
"I was thinking that… if your destiny never changes and no matter what happens it'll always be the same, then why do bad things happen?"
"Bad things?" Ken echoed him glancing over at his, his eye brown furrowing slightly. "You mean like people dying?"
"Yes, if my destiny is never going to change, and things will always turn out the same, then why did my father die?"
Ken had never thought about that, he had heard that theory before, but he had never thought about it like that. Suddenly his mind filled with questions, as he imagined Codys' had. Why then, if Fate was unchangeable, did Sam die? Why, if his destiny was always supposed to be a digidestined; that no matter what happened it would never change. Why did his brother have to be taken from him?
"I'm sorry Ken, I just, it makes me wonder…" Cody trailed off, his eyes glazing over slightly, his mind sinking back into it thoughts.
"You mean what if…" Ken suggested, "What if Sam hadn't died?"
"Yeah, what kind of person would I be if my father hadn't died? Would I change? Would everything be different? Or would it just be the same?" Cody mused drawing his knees up to his body and resting his head on them.
"You know, I read a book on that once, it was some theories, theories on things like fate, I think…" Ken trailed off his mind sinking further into itself
There are many different dimensions, each like the branch of a tree. There are so many possibilities in life; each branch represents a different possibility. Think of some what ifs' in your life, think of all the possible outcomes, of those few what ifs' and that's only a fragment of the tree. His mind reeled with memories, the words written in the book flooding back to him, along with the many thoughts that had filled his head at the time.
"It said, that fate was like a tree, that all the different possibilities were branches in those trees." Ken started, mouthing the words that flew through his mind
"All the what ifs?" Cody added as if reading his mind
"Yeah, every little possibility, no matter how small was a branch on that tree." Ken continued
"But do they all reach the same point?"
"I don't know, after that it started going into some of Einstein's theories about dimensions."
"Dimensions?"
"Yeah, about how each possibility was a different dimension. That's what the branches on the tree were, dimensions."
"But do they all lead to the same place? Did it mention anything in that book about it?" Cody asked again peeling his eyes from the slowly fading sun to Ken
"I don't know, I don't think it did, you'll have to leave that up to your imagination…" Ken said stretching out on the soft green grass and turning his eyes skyward
"Yeah I guess, so you mean that there's a dimension where my father is alive?" Cody asked hopefully laying back on the grass as Ken had
"Yeah, and a dimension with Sam…" Ken trailed off his mind forming a mental picture of Sam
Why couldn't this be the dimension where Sam was alive? If Sam hadn't died he probably wouldn't have become the digimon emperor, he wouldn't have to carry the guilt and pain on his shoulders. He might still be a digidestined, if what Cody said was true, but the road wouldn't' have been so bumpy. But if that was his fate, he wasn't going to complain, those things had passed and though the memory would never leave him, he had learned some things from it.
**
People change Davis, I'm not the same person I used to be, I can't keep playing these games. He still remember so clearly the day she had spoken those words to him, it still hurt deep inside, and it would probably never stop hurting. She was so kind, but in those few words she had managed to break him so bad, leaving him in the darkness, for there was no light without her, to pick up the shards of his soul.
It played over and over in his mind, the sunlight cherry tree raining its sweet petals down on them. Who would have imagined he would have died at that heavenly place. He had asked her, which he regretted so much; he had asked her to take his heart and hold it safe. But it had only been a game to her, a meaningless game. His days of light had shattered like his heart in her delicate pretty hands.
There under the blooming sakura tree he had tucked one of its fallen flowers behind her ear and asked her so softly to be his. She laughed at the question, took his heart in her hands and crushed it before him. He had laughed along with her at the time, though anyone could tell he was a broken man the instant she had let a soft giggle escape her lips.
People change Davis, I'm not the same person I used to be, I can't keep playing these games with you. Those were the words she had uttered after her mocking laughter had stopped. Those words moving past his shattered heart to attack his vulnerable soul. Her polite way of saying back off, I'm with TK now and don't bother with your sympathy act anymore. She had single handedly broken him beyond repair.
He had contemplated suicide, but what kind of coward would he be then? Running away from his problems was not the Motomiya way. A while after he had asked her and every one else to call him by his proper name instead of Davis. But it had failed; his attempts to shut himself away had failed. Nosy people like Ken had pried through his weak shell and brought him back to face the light.
He had known long before that TK and Kari were in a relationship; they were perfect for each other. Hope and light fit together like strawberries and cream, without one the other would not be. So he played along, he fit the part so perfectly, he pretended not to notice and everyone believed him. It was degrading and humiliating to turn a blind eye on their whispers and pretend to be offended every time someone tried to tell him the 'truth'. But if he didn't then he thought he might go crazy.
For the longest time he had strived to keep up his act, but every day he knew it was breaking. Ken saw through it, of course he would, Ken knew almost everything about him. But he still acted that way around him, even now. A few times he thought he would crack for sure, watching them was maddening, and his heart still had to repair itself.
Then she had come, like a tornado, and turned everything upside down. That day he had met her, her smile was so much like Karis' so warm and welcoming. He had thought he would crack that day; he would break down never to return. Though he hid it so well, he even impressed himself. But that day he felt his heart start to gather the pieces together after so long.
Now she lay here, her skin deathly pale, her body limp and her breaths short and far between. She was dying slowly, slipping through his fingers. Leaving him to piece his heart back together by himself. It was noticeable to anyone that saw him that he could not handle it by himself. After she came he didn't need to act anymore, everything came naturally and her smile kept him going.
He sat hunched over in the darkness next to the bed she lay on. His eyes were sore; they stung from lack of sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept; he was dead tired, but sleep eluded him. Every time he lay down his mind would fill with thoughts and he would lay awake musing through the night. So instead he had assigned himself permanent watch over the comatose girl.
He head the door handle rattle, but didn't even bother turning around to see who would enter. The familiar groan was heard from the door followed by the sound of bare feet padding across the cold wooden floor to his side. He sighed and spared the intruder a glance, catching Kens' warm cerulean blue gaze. He was going to tell him to get rest, but he didn't understand.
"Davis, you should get some rest."
"I'm fine." Davis whispered back through dry lips
"You look terrible."
He was probably right, that happens when you haven't slept in more than thirty hours. But Ken didn't understand, he might as well have declared himself insomniac right there and then, but that would cause too much commotion. They'd say he was going insane, which was half true anyway, but they would ask questions he didn't really want to answer.
"I guess I do." Davis replied nonchalantly
"Come here."
Davis felt Ken wrap his arms around his chest and lift him out of the chair he had been sitting in. He grunted and stumbled to his feet, removing Kens arms from around himself.
"I can walk by myself Ken." He said rubbing the stinging pain out of his chest
"But I'm not sure you'd want to." Ken replied a small smile tugging at his lips
Davis glanced over to the bed on the other side of the room, Ken wanted him to go to sleep, but he knew even if he was laying down his mind would never rest. He looked back at Ken who returned his glance with a sympathetic smile. Now he was going to tell him that if he needed a friends he'd be there for him, and usually he would have accepted a shoulder to cry on, but right now he felt like being alone with his thoughts.
"Davis you know if you need a friends I'm always here for you."
"Thanks Ken." Davis said in reply sitting down on the bed
"Something's wrong I can tell, you haven't been yourself lately, is it Kari?" He asked softly moving over to sit on the bed next to Davis
"No man I'm alright," Davis replied closing his eyes and laying back, "I'm just worried about, Iris."
"Who's worried about me?"
Davis' head snapped up at the sound of the raspy yet familiar voice. He sat up quickly ignoring the sudden rush of blood to his head causing the room to spin. She was awake, and she looked perfectly healthy. Davis stared at her, his mouth hanging open like a breed of fish and his tired bloodshot eyes wide.
"You're awake." He stated getting up and quickly making his way to her bedside
"Yeah, though I feel like crap." She replied rubbing her already messy blue hair
"I can't believe it, you're finally awake." Davis exclaimed resisting the urge to grab her and hug her tightly
"Yeah I wasn't going to sleep forever silly." She said back rubbing the sleep out of her bloodshot eyes, "But you look like you need a few good hours of sleep yourself."
"Don't worry about me, you're awake. I can't believe it, when you blanked out like that I was so scared. You've been asleep for a while, and you condition got even worse." He trailed off realizing he was letting out more that he was supposed to.
He wasn't supposed to say anything about the virus, none of them wanted her to worry about it. It was hard for everyone, knowing their friend had a deadly virus growing inside of her, but it was worse for him because she was the only person he knew that could help him. It was selfish of him yes, but he needed her and he didn't want to lose her like he had lost Kari.
They had discussed the antidote to the virus; it came from a special digimon that live in the mountains somewhere on the other side of the digiworld. Once she was awake they were going to find Yolie and Clive and go searching for the digimon. Trell had told them it took a while, maybe a few years for the virus to mature but he had demanded they start searching for it as soon as they could. He wasn't going to wait; nothing was going to get in his way.
They had also discussed some of the affects of the virus, so far she had shown almost all of the symptoms, but the side affects were even worse. As the virus grew it would move into her brain causing her to hallucinate and hear things. It would take over her bit by bit breaking down her defenses slowly until she cracked. The poor girl had gone through so much already but still fate decided to play these cruel games on her. But he was going to stop it, because if she died then he for sure would die along with her.
"What condition?" She asked cocking her head to the side, some of her messy hair falling over her face
"Well I mean, you looked really pale and sick." He lied biting down on her bottom lip.
"I'm going to go tell Kari and the other that she's awake." Ken interrupted waling out the door leaving the tow alone.
A deathly silence fell upon the room as Davis sunk back into his thoughts watching her bloodshot eyes as they slowly roamed over the surroundings. She looked back at him, her sapphire eyes shimmering with a childish innocence. After all she had been through she could still retain that innocence he loved about her.
"Are you okay?" She asked softly
"I'm fine, what about you?" He asked back just as softly, "Everyone is so worried."
"Davis, I know about the virus." She whispered her eyes shimmering slightly with tears
Davis felt his eyes widen as the words sunk into his head. If she knew, she must have heard them talking the other day.
"Uh, Iris… I'm sorry." He said biting down harder on his lip
"It's okay, it's not your fault Davis, I just…"
She stared deeper into his eyes taking in every last detail of his face. She didn't want to forget Davis when she died because she knew it was close. He was probably the best friend she had ever had and she loved him. She wasn't scared of death, for most of her life she had wished for it, but leaving him and all of her friends behind would be the hardest part.
"I'm not scared Davis, I just don't want to leave you behind." She said mouthing the words she had been thinking
"You're not going to die Iris." Davis said forcefully scooping her hand up in his, "I'm making sure of that."
"Davis it's okay, I'm not scared, I don't mind…"
"Don't talk that way Iris, you will live. There's a cure for the virus, it can be cured, Trell knows of one." Davis replied but it sounded more like he was reassuring himself more than her.
"It's okay… Davis just please don't tell the others. I don't want them to know that I know, they'll just fuss over me and I don't want them to worry."
"Okay, I won't tell, but you don't give up hope, your not going to die you hear me?" He replied squeezing her hand and giving her a hopeful look
"Okay…" She whispered squeezing his hand back.
"Iris? You're awake?"
Iris spun around at the sound of Karis' voice and was met with Kari wrapping her in a tight hug. She still was tortured by the hopelessness she felt whenever she thought of Kari laying limply on that cold metal table. She would never be able to forgive herself for that, but she couldn't let that bother her now, not while Kari was around. For some reason whenever she mentioned she was sorry for what she did Kari would get sad and that was the last thing Iris wanted to do.
"Uh Kari your hurting me," She choked out of constricted lungs
"Oh sorry, I'm just, thank god you're alright." Kari replied letting go of her and looking her over
Iris glanced over the group of people that had suddenly accumulated in her room, everyone on them looking at her or Kari. She couldn't restrain the heat the rose in her cheeks as she met eyes with Davis momentarily. She quickly averted her eyes to look at Trell, her long lost big brother. She still couldn't believe he was alive after all these years. For so long she had thought he had become another victim to them damn Tyrannomon, but here he was, alive.
"Iris I'm glad your awake," Cody said in his soft raspy voice
"Thanks Cody…" She replied refusing to break eye contact with Trell
"Iris, its good to see your well." Trell said nodding his head causing his longs bangs to cover his eyes completely
He looked hesitant, carefully picking out the right words. She knew when he did this; she could see it immediately. Like the time her favorite teddy bear had been accidentally used as fire wood, he didn't want to tell her so he became uncharacteristically quiet around her. She knew what it was about this time too, he didn't want her to know about the virus.
"Well are you feeling well enough to be filled in on the plans?" Trell asked his eyes still hidden underneath his unruly bangs
"Yeah I guess, just let me get myself cleaned up first." She replied standing up from her place on the bed.
"Okay…" Everyone filed out of the room leaving her alone.
She felt awkward around them now, knowing they were trying to hide something from her that she already knew. She could tell exactly when they would hesitate and move around the subject, it was so easy when you knew. She shrugged her shoulder and made her way towards the small bathroom that connected to her room, slipping off her light nightgown as she did.
She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, the first time shed seen herself since shed been tortured by Gatomon. It was amazing how much she had changed; she didn't even know her own body anymore. She traced a finger over a larger purplish scar that ran across her stomach, flinching at the thought of just how that scar had come to be there. She cursed herself for thinking about such things; she had to forget it or it would soon consume her wholly.
But she still couldn't believe how many scars and small fading bruises covered her body. She had been in so much pain at the time she didn't know what hurt more. The large scabby gash on her leg looked like it would have been the worse out of all, but she was sure some parts would have been worse. She shook her head vigorously straining to clear her mind of such thoughts. She didn't want to slip into depression, which she knew would happen if she kept thinking along those lines.
She turned away from the mirror, the image of her scarred body still lingering in her eyes. She had caring friends, loving friends she needed them at this time and she sure hoped they were ready to give her the support she needed. She flicked the shower taps on with ease and stepped under the warm relaxing flow of water; all her worries suddenly drifting away.
**
"Okay guys you ready?" Davis called out to the rest of the digidestined team
"Wait!" Iris yelled jumping off Megapolarmons' back and running over to Trell
She didn't want to miss this chance; it could be the very last chance for her to finally be able to stay with her older brother. She ran over to him, her hair blowing around her face in the howling wind. Today wasn't exactly the best day to be searching for their lost friends, it was cold, windy and the clouds were ominous and gray. But they decided they couldn't wait any longer, they had to find them and defeat Witchmon and Gatomon no matter what the weather.
"Come with us!" She yelled over strong wind
"I can't," He said back
She reached him and flung her arms around his neck. She knew he wasn't going to come and this could very well be the last time she saw him for another forever. She didn't want to let him go again, she had had hardly any time to talk to him and she missed him so much. But it was her duty as a digidestined to destroy Witchmon and she couldn't abandon her friends.
He carefully returned the embrace his hands only lightly touching her shoulder blades. She wanted more time with him, she wanted to stay here with him forever. For things to go back to the way they used to be. But things always changed and she knew she couldn't go back, it was impossible with her current status. So she savored these last moments with him holding him so tight.
"Please, I don't want to loose you again." She pleaded pulling away from him
"Iris, you know I wish I could, I want to protect you like an older brother should. God forbid another that Gatomon hurts you again, if so I'll hunt her down and turn her into a doormat. But this is your destiny Iris, not mine and once again we have to part ways. I'm sorry, our paths were only intertwined for brief moments, but I will remember them forever."
"Trell…" She whispered as he took one of her hands in his own
"Now go, your destiny awaits, may our paths cross again." He brought her hand up and kissed it lightly.
She felt the tears bubble up in her eyes, but forced them back. She didn't want to cry in front of him, that would just prove her to be weak, but she could barely restrain herself. With one last wistful look over her shoulder she ran back to Megapolarmon and jumped on her back, signaling the rest of the group to go ahead.
She glanced back at him one more time, at his long hair blowing gracefully in the strong wind, his deep brown eyes steady and warm as she had always remembered the. She was never going to forget him, she never could, and as she rode off into the vast plains she would almost picture a silent tear roll down his taunt cheek. She hoped he never forgot her too, for their paths would cross again, she would make sure of it.
