Late that night, Diego let out a sigh as he walked into his family's hacienda. It was a sound of rage, pain, and confusion. Today had been one of the worst days of his life! It began horribly. Then, it started to worsen. After spending the entire night brooding about both Victoria and his father, he finally went to bed as the sun rose. He had barely managed to get a goodnight through his tight throat as he passed by his father, a man he knew desperately wanted to know the truth.
Diego understood that his father was upset because he had hidden his ability with the sword. Actually, he knew his father was more upset that he was still denying that ability. He had been close to telling his father after they brought Gilberto's body back into the plaza. He had been close twice, but he had been unable to let the confession pass his lips. It should be so easy. "I am Zorro." Four bloody syllables could change his entire life, but they refused to be said. Alejandro knew he was lying when he said fear brought out an ability he had not been aware of before, and he had known that Diego was lying when he denied any knowledge about what Gilberto was going to say before he was shot and killed by the alcalde. It had left their relationship strained, to put it mildly.
As for Victoria, he spent the night not knowing what to think, or even if he should be worrying. At the party she had flirted and laughed at other men's jokes, in a way that he had not seen in years. As the night surrounded him, he tried telling himself it was harmless flirting, but he could not get himself to really believe it. He had known that she was acting odd before the party, but he assumed she was upset with something besides him. Even to Diego, she had denied that she was even upset, so he had given her room, understanding that sometimes a person just needed the space to work out their own problems. She would tell him when she wanted him to know.
But she had not told him. As Zorro, the last time he saw her had been in the tavern's kitchen. Using it as an exit, as he so often did, he found her beside the fireplace with her back turned to him, instead of waiting for him by the door as usual. When she finally turned to look at him, the tight expression on her face froze him in his place, unable to utter a word. They stood that way for what seemed to be forever, but in reality was only seconds. She turned her head towards the entranceway when she heard the noise of the entering lancers. "The alcalde's men. You'd better leave," she said very simply and very quietly, with none of the usual regret in her voice. Diego's heart clinched in his chest, but he left before DeSoto caught him.
Because of prior plans his father made with Maria and Don Vicente, he had not been able to see her for two days. He reassured himself that it was simply a bad day for her. He tried convincing himself that her voice had not been that flat, and her face had been warmer. He almost managed to fool himself completely until the night of the party.
So, he spent last night worrying about Victoria and his father, his mind simply running in circles, unable to make the simplest decision. After finally falling into a troubled, exhausted sleep, it was a mere five hours later when Felipe awakened him to let him know that Don Armando was close to finishing with his father, and would be waiting for him in the pueblo to complete their paperwork. The boy--no, the young man--managed to lighten Diego's mood considerably with his contagious excitement. After years of resisting the de la Vega's pleas to adopt him, he had finally consented to the adoption. Having agreed, he was enjoying every moment.
Diego went to the meeting with Don Armando with a light heart. He and Don Armando spent over an hour talking about Felipe and his plans for the future, since the young mane was considering a career as a lawyer. Armando told him that he would enjoy letting Felipe be an apprentice for a few months. That way, Felipe could see if he really would enjoy the work or not. Diego knew that his future son would be thrilled by the offer.
While talking to Don Armando, he made two important decisions. First, he would tell his father the truth. Don Alejandro deserved to know it. Having only kept the truth from him to protect his father, Diego accepted the fact that the lies were now hurting him. He would enjoy letting his father see the real him, even though the thought of it frightened him. Having been a disappointment to his father as Don Diego, he always reassured himself with the thought that he was not being himself. If he was himself and Don Alejandro was still disappointed, then there was no excuse. He really would be a failure as a son.
The second decision he made was to confront Victoria that night as Zorro. He would take her hostage, ride with her to their place by the river, and insist that she tell him what was wrong. After they worked out whatever the problems were in their relationship, he would take her to the cave. There, he would let her see the man behind the mask. It was time for Victoria to know the truth, too.
Not knowing that everything had changed just minutes before, he walked into the tavern with a smile, planning to enjoy spending some time with his father and Victoria. He was eager to tell them both all the details about Felipe's adoption, including the date that Don Armando thought it would be completed. He walked into the tavern happy and full of expectations, only to have his entire world collapse around him.
Thinking about the day, Diego leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. The dull pounding behind his eyes had been there every since Don Vicente spoke those horrible words: Victoria had fallen out of love with Zorro, out of love with him. Taking a deep breath, Diego fought back tears. Today was the end of his world. His father had pounded that point into his brain when he said that Victoria did not love Zorro, had never loved him. Victoria, the love of his life, announced to the world that she had never loved him. Even after all these hours, Diego still could not believe it.
Fortunately, Diego had been in shock for those first few minutes. Knowing himself well enough to understand that, if he had been able to respond, he would have rushed into the kitchen and demanded to know what she meant by her horrible words. He would not have cared who would have heard him either! If he had not been numb earlier, he would have been arrested and hung by now. What he would have said in that kitchen would not have left Victoria, or anyone else, in any doubt about his identity.
He forced himself to stand away from the door. His legs were incredibly weak, and he felt sick. He briefly considered going and confronting Victoria right now, but common sense demanded that he not. He was thankful for Maria walking out of the kitchen when she had, offering him a distraction from Victoria. He now understood that confronting her right then, even quietly, would have only made matters worse, since he was too hurt to discuss the issues with any rationality. Frozen inside with hot rage, he smiled, complimented Maria (or he thought he did), and took her to do her shopping.
Walking slowly past the library, Diego grimaced as he thought about the day. It had been torture to listen to Maria prattle about various subjects as she shopped. Fortunately, she had wanted to do most of the talking. Thinking back, he could only hope that he had made appropriate responses.
After completing her shopping, she had asked him to dinner. He quickly accepted, knowing the cave and Toronado would prove too much of a temptation. If he had been home, Zorro would have ridden into the pueblo to talk to Victoria. So, he even stayed late at the de Corazon hacienda playing games, and even later to talk with Don Vicente about the alcalde and all his taxes.
"Diego," he heard his father's voice quietly say from the library as he walked passed. Another stab of pain sliced through him. He could not face it tonight. He could not face his father. Slowly, he turned to face Don Alejandro even as his heart and mind screamed at him to mumble some excuse and escape.
"Diego? Are you all right?" Alejandro said, standing up to walk over to him. He put his hand on his son's shoulder, and squeezed it reassuringly. Diego looked at his father, and felt the rest of his defenses crumble. Reaching for his father, he hugged him tight. Alejandro returned the hug, holding his son tight. Diego felt his emotions calm; his father's hugs had given him comfort many times as a young boy, and he felt the same warm feeling surrounding him now as it had then. Finally, he could breathe again.
He released his father and stepped back. Alejandro held onto his arms. "Diego?"
He managed to smile, barely. Starting to reassure his father that he was fine, he saw Alejandro's face begin to fall. Diego remembered how much he wanted his father's advice when he first began as Zorro. He had kept his father out of his life for too long. "I will be fine. Really. I don't feel like talking about it tonight. I'm sorry, but I just need some time to work through some things, and then I'll talk to you about it. I promise," he said to Don Alejandro, looking his father straight in the eye.
Alejandro's smile was bright, as were his eyes. At least, Diego had started to work on healing his relationship with his father. He might be grieving about the loss of Victoria--was she truly lost?--but he was happy to be getting back to a regular footing with his father. Alejandro nodded and took a deep breath. "I understand." He squeezed Diego's arms again before walking away, leaving him alone in the library.
Beginning to turn to walk out of the library, Diego saw the panel in the fireplace open. He grinned as an excited Felipe bounced out of the secret passage that was Zorro's home. He stifled a groan when he remembered that today was supposed to have been Felipe's day. He felt incredibly selfish for letting his troubles take that away from the young man.
When a grinning Felipe motioned for him to walk into the cave with him, Diego desperately wanted to fall into his own bed. He wanted to sleep deep and dreamlessly, but he had been selfish long enough. Felipe was excited and Diego was going to enjoy it. After all, it was not every day a man got to prepare for the "birth" of his son!
He entered the cave. The light snack laid on the table surprised him, but confirmed for him that Felipe was indeed celebrating. Since Diego had told him every process in great detail, Felipe knew that today signaled the next to the last stage of the adoption. The Church, the legal guardian of Felipe, had agreed to the adoption, and Diego had signed all the requested paperwork. Within four weeks or so, Felipe should be his son legally as well as emotionally.
Diego smiled as he sat down beside the carefully arranged table. Picked up his glass of orange juice, he offered it up in a toast. "To fatherhood," he said. Diego watched many emotions flash across Felipe's face--love, acceptance, fear, and excitement. His smile was large when he raised his own glass of juice.
Both of them grinning like fools, they began to eat the fruit with enthusiasm. The pitcher of orange juice quickly disappeared. Felipe held his final glass of juice up to make another toast. Diego's heart stopped beating, and then began thumping quickly in his chest when he heard a small voice whisper, "To sonhood." Looking at Felipe's nervous face, he decided that today was turning out to be great after all.
Diego stood on shaking legs and held open his arms. Hugging the boy--young man--close to him, he whispered, "Felipe, I am so proud of you. You are a wonderful young man whom I'll be proud to call 'son'. You have been a extraordinary ward and servant." He pulled away from Felipe, holding onto his arms like his father had done to him only a few minutes before. "I'm happy--no, I'm thrilled that you are working on your speech, but I want you to remember one thing: You don't have to speak for me to be proud of you or for me to love you. It will make your life much easier, and that's why I'm glad."
Felipe nodded, and Diego saw the tears shimmering in his brown eyes. "I know," he whispered. "I'm doing this for me."
Excitement bubbling over in him, Diego again hugged his soon-to-be son. "It's been a long day, and I think it is time for you and me to go to bed."
Felipe signed a question, and Diego looked down at his shoes. "What happened in the pueblo? I'm not sure what you mean," he denied without thought. He really had gotten use to lying since the birth of Zorro. Too much lying and hiding, Diego thought, not even sure that he knew the truth anymore.
Felipe's face twisted in anger, and Diego could hear the younger man's breath echoing in the cave. Felipe's signed his response so quickly Diego had a hard time understanding. "You know that something happened to me today." He put his hand on Felipe's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Felipe, don't worry about me. Today's your day."
Felipe shook his head violently. "No," he struggled to whisper. "My day is the day I become your son," he answered, his voice slowly sounding firmer as he spoke.
Looking in Felipe's eyes, Diego saw that he would have no peace until he told him some reason for his--and his father's--mood. He could lie, give some silly excuse, but Diego was tired of the lies, and Felipe had been his confidante for years. He was also becoming a man who could face the problems of the world. "Victoria told my father that she realized--" Diego stopped, forcing himself to take a deep breath. He did not want to say it, did not want to make it any more real. "She realized that she no longer loves Zorro. She claimed it was simply infatuation all these years."
Felipe stared at him, wearing a half-grin on his face--the look of a man waiting for the punch line to a joke. "I-I haven't talked to her myself, but somehow I believe she was serious." Diego slowly turned, his shoulders slumped, and walked away from his future son. He did not see the confused frown that was on the young man's face.
Felipe felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Victoria was a beautiful lady and a smart business owner, but more importantly to him, she had always been like a mother to him. Until this moment, he had expected her to one day be his mother, having known for years that Diego planned to marry the beautiful tavern owner. They loved each other very much, of that Felipe was sure. He did not care what Diego or Victoria said: She was in love with Diego, and had been for years.
The young man frowned suddenly as he thought about Victoria's behavior the past week. Often in the tavern delivering fresh eggs and milk, Felipe had noticed that the beautiful seƱorita seemed unusually jumpy. Looking back, he could see the sadness that had been on her face. He had not seen her smile once in the last week, not even when he walked into the tavern.
A small tear slid down his face, and he quickly wiped it away. Hurting for Don Diego, he realized his own loss. If what Diego thought to be the truth turned out to be reality, tonight he had lost another mother. Felipe closed his eyes to pray, just like his first mother taught him to do so long ago.
***
The next morning, Alejandro watched as his son moved food around on his plate. "Diego," he finally said quietly, putting down his napkin on the table. Diego glanced up at him with a dazed look in his eyes that worried Don Alejandro. "Diego, either eat or don't! Moving it around your plate only uses energy," he instructed. He meant for it to be teasing, but the concern in his voice kept it from being so. Diego glanced down at his plate as if seeing it for the first time. Then, he looked up and tried to smile, before pushing his plate away from him.
"I'm sorry. I just don't feel very hungry this morning," he explained. Alejandro noticed how drained his son sounded. Leaning back in his chair, Diego stared at his glass sitting untouched on the table. "I was thinking how life seems to have its own path, no matter how much you try to guide it to where you want to go."
The raw pain in Diego's voice stunned him. "You make your own choices," Alejandro replied, trying to comfort his son, but unsure of the cause of the anguish.
Diego looked at him. "Yes, you're allowed to make your own choices, but other's are free to make theirs, too. Circumstances take your life in a direction that at one time you couldn't imagine it taking."
Alejandro shook his head, struggling to understand what his son was and was not saying. "Diego, I don't claim to comprehend the choices you've made in your life. Honestly, I'm not even sure I know what they have been," he began.
Diego's smile was bittersweet. His eyes again looked to the table for answers. "No, I've not shared a lot of my decisions with you, and I'm sorry about that, but it seemed like the best thing to do at the time."
Don Alejandro sat quietly for several seconds. Finally, he leaned across the table and asked the words that had been pounding away in his brain: "Why? What did I do--?"
"You?" Diego started and focused on his father again. Leaning forward, he said, "Father, you've done nothing but be a wonderful father, a wonderful example for me to follow."
Bebe walked out to clear the dishes from the table. Alejandro watched as the two bantered about the meal. He could see concern in Bebe's eyes, too. She had been Felipe's age when she began working in the de la Vega hacienda, and Diego had been a toddler always getting under feet. She adored him, but then all the servants did. His heart had been shown many times to them all; they respected him because he always took the time to talk to them, and he really listened to what they had to say. Alejandro wondered if his son had any idea how protective, how fiercely loyal, they were. Somehow, he doubted it.
After Bebe left the room, Diego stood and walked over to his father. Placing his hand on Don Alejandro's shoulder, he said, "We need to talk later. When I feel more centered, I have a lot to tell you." His voice cracked at the end.
Looking up at his tall, handsome son, Alejandro put his hand over Diego's and patted it. "Good," he said with tears hidden in his voice. "Good! It would be good for us to talk again."
Alejandro saw his pain echoed in Diego's eyes. However, his son actually smiled before turning to walk away from the table. A few steps away from the table, he again stopped and turned around to look at his father. "I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to the de Corazon's rancho for the day. Don Vicente invited me to go riding with him this afternoon."
Watching his son's slow movement out of the room, Alejandro remembered something he wanted to discuss. "Diego," he called out. Diego's surprise at the tone of his father's voice showed on his face. He stood silently by the doorway. "Diego, don't play with Maria's affections, please."
Diego flinched, and then gave a confused smile. "Maria's affections?"
Alejandro smiled at his son fondly: The young man was too often oblivious to the most obvious of facts. "She has a tendre for you, my son."
Diego's mouth dropped open. Smiling, he shook his head. "I think you must be mistaken, Father. She's been a good friend, but--"
"Diego, I hear it in her voice. I see it in her eyes. She thinks she's in love with you. Don't play with those affections. If you visit her and act the 'friend', I'm afraid she will fall in love with you, son. Be careful and aware of her feelings, Diego, or she'll start imagining your wedding day--"he warned.
"Wedding day?" Diego laughed, but it sounded hollow. "I thought everyone in this pueblo has decided that I'm not the marrying type," he said with a catch in his voice. "I'm sorry, Father, but I fear Maria probably finds me more of a bore than a potential husband. Don't worry, though. I'll be careful and makes sure she knows that I consider her a friend. I'm not looking for a wife. Not now, at least," he whispered.
Alejandro wondered at the words, but he kept his questions to himself. If Diego were suffering from a broken heart, he would let Alejandro know when he could talk about it. He had said so, and Alejandro was determined to respect Diego's request for time. Remembering how Diego behaved yesterday, he warned, "Well, make sure you don't treat her the way you did in the tavern yesterday!"
"Whatever do you mean?" he asked, a puzzled frown on his face. Alejandro could hear the confusion in his voice.
He shook his head. Maybe his beliefs about the lack of romance in his son had been right after all. "Telling a woman how beautiful she is doesn't say 'I want to be friends' to a lady," he said with a grin.
Diego's jaw dropped. "I told her that she was beautiful?"
Alejandro laughed, thinking Diego was joking. After all, his staid son seldom even drank a glass of wine. He definitely was not drunk yesterday afternoon, so there was no reason to think he could not remember. "Very funny! The whole tavern talked about the new, romantic Diego after you left."
Diego nodded slowly, his eyes distant and unfocused. "Of course, I'll pay more attention to what I'm saying." Walking out the front door of the hacienda, he left behind a concerned father.
