::Authors notes: Damn it took me long enough to write and post this eh? Well I have so quit
bitchin'! ^_^ I am leaving the final decision up to all of you. If you would like an epilogue
after this chapter then let me know. This is the final chapter of 'A kiss on the hand' and I
will write and Epilogue if the readers would like me too. Enjoy this chapter. Look for my next
Moulin Rouge fanfiction coming to 'FanFiction.net' soon. Beware though, you will have no idea
what hit you!::
::Disclaimer: Baz, You are a freaking Genius man.. why the hell would I try and take your
characters? *whispers* The insane amount of money he got.. that's why* I MEAN! Nevermind..
Don't sue.::
A Kiss On The Hand.. FINAL CHAPTER
---
Every moment that passes by, my will to live slips away. Who's to stop me from loading that gun
and firing? I have nothing to live for. Once, I lived for her and to love her. Now all I live
for is to see the next day. My dreams are no longer beautiful and happy. They only bring
torment and anguish into my already broken heart.
I have spent weeks in my bed recovering from my sickness. Toulouse and the Argentinian have
come to visit me and make me eat and drink. Sometimes the drink was Absinthe. When I asked why
Absinthe, they smiled and laughed. "To get you drunk of course! It makes the head throb longer!"
I have also begun to let reality sink in.
Life is not about Beauty. Now that Satine is gone, there is no beauty left in the world. Not
even the stars in the night sky could sparkle as bright as her blue eyes. There is no Love
without her. Without Satine, I have no one to love. Not even myself. There is no freedom.
Here I am locked in a run-down hotel room trapped within my own pity and sadness. That's not
freedom. Freedom is to be able to look around and see beauty without having to see her.
Freedom is loving yourself and being to love others. Without the ability to love Satine, I feel
as if I shouldn't love at all. All of this reality leads up to truth. Truth is all I believe
in anymore because truth is reality.
I haven't seen the garish light of day for so long. I instructed anyone who came in to add
another layer of sheets over my shudders. I wanted to block out the sunlight in fear it would
make me smile. Any other feeling besides sadness was what I wanted to feel. Sunlight,
moonlight, and artificial light were all the same to me. I wanted nothing to do with it. It
only brought on reflections of her face. Until now.
---
"Christian? What are you doing down here?" I looked over to Nini who sat on the Argentinian's
lap and put my hands in my pockets. I honestly wasn't sure myself why I was in the dance room
watching the girls rehearse. In some way I was hoping to find Satine. I imagined her coming
down the stairs to the room and running up to me, throwing her arms around me and kissing me. I
yearned to hold her again. I have been living in apathy for weeks now. Before I knew what I
was doing I was hugging the other dancers and even Zidler and Toulouse.
"Christian. We are so glad to see you walking around."
I nodded my head and smiled. Oh how nice it felt to smile again. I was truly happy to be with
them again. The true Bohemian's and yes, even all the beautiful Can-Can dancers. The swing
that once carried Satine had been taken down leaving an empty space in the ceiling. Just like
the empty space that was in heart. My mind was telling me to run and get away from here. But I
knew that would never solve anything. I would only be running from my feelings. I didn't want
to do that anymore. I was sick of lying in bed and marinating in Absinthe and sweat.
I was still unshaven but I combed my hair back and put on a decent suit. The one Toulouse gave
to me.
"Where is she?" I don't think I could have asked a clearer question and yet everyone's face was
puzzled. Accept Zidler's.
"Don't worry Christian. Her funeral is this afternoon."
A sigh of relief escaped from my lips as the Boho's began calling everyone to order. Toulouse
ran around on his short legs carrying a cane with him. Any dancer he could get a hold of he
lifted their skirts with his cane. Now I understand why he carried it around all the time. The
Argentinian was yelling at the doctor about something. A heated dispute on who drinks more
Absinthe no less. He walked out of the room mumbling something while throwing his hands in the
air and smoking a cigar. As soon as the door shut, I heard a loud thump. I knew he had fallen
asleep again. I chuckled to myself as I turned around. I wasn't laughing at his disease of
course. I was laughing at myself for enjoying all the excitement around me again. I have
spent weeks locked away, wanting to forget the world. There is so much Beauty in the world that
once I was back in it; I couldn't believe that I had ever left it.
I watched as the dancers rehearsed, and talk amongst themselves. A few looked so tired from the
endless nights of prostituting, a few looked new. One of the girls followed my every movement.
She must have been new for she was being instructed on how to use her skirt properly. When she
asked Nini about me, Nini bluntly told her that I was Satine's. No one else's. Of course Nini
had to explain to the girl who Satine was.
"The sparkling diamond of the Moulin Rouge." That's all I needed to hear. My heart was
satisfied to know that she would not be forgotten for who she was. Now, all I needed to do was
justify her death in fighting the duke. Neither the Duke or I killed her but it was a
justification for me also. He tore us apart once and he shall pay for it.
I patted Zidler on the back as I left the room. He asked me if I was going to her funeral. I
nodded and went back to my room. I tore the sheets off of the window and opened the shudders.
I looked into the remainder of the dark elephant. I closed my eyes remembering our time spent
there. The colors and memories of it flooded into my head as I sang out loud. "My gift is my
song. One day I'll fly away." The sun beamed onto my face and I let it soak into my white skin.
I felt whole when I was with everyone else. It was when I was alone at night in bed without her
I feel so scared and sad. I dream every night of waking up next to her and that nothing was
wrong. The sun shone down upon us and we left the shudders open for the entire world to see us
together. She gets up places a kiss on my forehead as she heads downstairs to rehearse. Later
I go down and dance with her and kiss her. I sing into her ear telling her how wonderful life is.
Even the duke is standing there smiling at us. She gives a magical performance and we go
upstairs and make love all night. Of course, this is only a dream.
---
I watched as her casket was being placed into the ground. I laid a single red rose onto the
casket. "A red rose, redder then your sweet lips." I kissed my hand and patted the casket with
the same hand. I rested the sealed letter next to the rose and whipped a tear from my eye. I
couldn't cry anymore. I knew she was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I walked
away in the rain and let it fall down my face. Everyone else stood around and said their final
goodbyes. I noticed that Toulouse and even the duke weren't there. As a matter of fact,
Toulouse was the one that planned her funeral and the duke had to approve it first.
I rushed back to the hotel and looked for Toulouse. When I found him, I found him lying in his
bed with a bottle of Absinthe. I smiled as I walked over to him and pulled the bottle out of
his hands.
"Toulouse you crazy fool. You will drink yourself to death if you don't..." As I was finishing
my sentence I was patting his face and shaking his shoulders. When I realized that he wasn't
waking up, I placed my fingers on his neck to check his pulse. I screamed for help at the top
of my lungs when I couldn't find his pulse.
"Come on Toulouse! Wake up you fool! WAKE UP DAMNIT!" I violently shook him as I began to cry. "I CANT LOOSE ANOTHER FRIEND AGAIN! NOT NOW!"
I could feel my world being shattered again. I watched as Marie and Zidler checked on him. When
they pulled the sheet over his head I slammed my fist into the wall. I turned my head away and
cried. Once again someone I cared about was taken away from me. We all assumed it was because
he drank too much. I walked out of the room brushing my hand through my hair. I was so
confused on how to feel. Toulouse brought me to the Moulin Rouge, and he introduced me to
Satine. He was my friend and now he is gone. Yet I feel no remorse. Was it because he was an
alcoholic and I was sub consciously expecting it, or was it because I knew that this wasn't what
really happened to him? Sometimes I don't even know how to feel. My life as of late has been
so complicated that I don't want to feel anything anymore. 'No Christian don't do this again to
yourself. You just went through this. LIVE ON CHRISTIAN!' I repeated this in my head over and
over again before I began walking back down to the dreaded stage. I had to face my demons at
some point and now was a better time then any.
---
"Glad you decided to join us Christian. We have been waiting for you."
I looked up onto the stage and saw the Duke and his men standing there holding guns in each of
their hands. I glared at them through glazed over eyes and stood there grasping onto an
invisible gun.
"Don't try to fool us Christian. We have your gun here."
I let my arm drop to my side and let out a sigh. He had me backed into a corner I couldn't turn
away from. I was scared. I had wished for weeks that I would just die so this pain inside of
me would go away. But now that I am on the verge of being killed, my heart is beginning to race
inside my chest as my breathing is increasing. I envisioned my father and my mother telling me
not to leave home. I remembered I told them that I would over come all obstacles. This one
although, I couldn't over come. Here I am face to face with death, and I am running scared.
Maybe not physically, but mentally I am running away.
"You're right Duke. You do have my gun. So what now? Are you going to take the easy way out
and kill me while I am unable to fight? Or are you going to run away scared?"
I gulped as I watched him hold the gun to my face. I closed my eyes readying myself for death.
When he wasn't shooting, I opened one eye and saw that he had the handle of the gun facing me.
A fair fight I was guessing. Only one problem stood in my way. I had never fired a gun before
in my life. I only knew how to work one. Not actually use one. I moved around him and began
making my way up the stairs. Every step I took, he had his gun fixed on me while he held the
other one out in his already sweating palms. Watching him sweat calmed my nerves. It showed
that he was afraid and fear is the only thing that may get between us.
"Go on Christian. Take it." The Duke smiled at me as he held the gun to my hand. I reached
out and took a hold of the handle and stepped in to face him nose to nose. I felt a sharp prick
in my stomach. The Duke's smile faded as it turned into a face of fright. I stepped back
questioning what his facial expressions meant. My world slowed down again as I felt a cool
river trickle down my stomach. As a gust of wind blew through I could feel the shirt I was
wearing stick to my body. I blinked once or twice and removed my hand from where I had felt the
prick. The once creamy flesh was now crimson.
My hearing began to fade as I heard the Duke and his men frantically running around trying to
figure out what to do. I looked around the room as it began to slow down and saw Zidler running
to me in slow motion. I blinked again and let my body begin its decent backwards. Once my head
hit the ground, I saw a beautiful light. It was so bright that I had to close my eyes. I was
terrified of what was beyond that light. Whether it was heaven or hell. I felt no pain anymore
as a voice came out of the light and told me not to be afraid. An all to familiar voice. A
drunken male voice that you could barely understand. They must have a lot of Absinthe in heaven.
I felt Zidler lift me up off the ground as he was saying something. I smiled at him through
closed eyes and let out my last breath of air, whispering her name.
---
I awoke the next morning with her in my arms as the sun shone down upon us. She got up and
placed a kiss on my forehead as she began to get dressed for rehearsal. Later, I went down to
see her perform. I sang in her ear and told her how much I loved her as the Duke watched us
smiling. After the show we went back up to the elephant and made love all night.
Its funny how someone's life ends. One minute you are beginning to live your life again and the
next you are loosing it all over again. Of course I was scared as I lay there on that hard
wooden floor, feeling the blood seep through my hands. Afraid that even in death, I wouldn't be
with her. If that were to be the case, I would rather have been sent straight to the fiery pits
of hell then live my afterlife without her.
Now, I wake up next to her and look into her beautiful eyes as I study her every curve, her
movement, and the way she looks as she sleeps. I loved waking up and feeling her warm body
pressed against mine as her head lay in the nook of my neck. Every morning I would run my
fingers through her long, silky, red hair and watch her as a sleepy smile caressed her face. I
truly had everything once I had her back in my life.
Life is wonderful before and after death. I am free here. I am free to love Satine as I wish;
free to love myself, and the way I feel when I am with her. Beauty is all around me. Satine,
and the Moulin Rouge at its best. Truth surrounds me as I realize that I am with Satine again
and that it is for all eternity. Neither Heaven nor hell may have existed to my knowledge. But
as far as I was concerned, as long as I was with Satine, I was in heaven.
I know you are questioning whether I believe in Love still. The last of the 4 bohemian
revolutionary rules. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like Oxygen, love is a many
splendid things, love lifts up where we belong all you need is love. The greatest thing you'll
ever learn is to love and be loved in return. Even when its love at...
The Moulin Rouge...
The End..
*Epilogue???*
bitchin'! ^_^ I am leaving the final decision up to all of you. If you would like an epilogue
after this chapter then let me know. This is the final chapter of 'A kiss on the hand' and I
will write and Epilogue if the readers would like me too. Enjoy this chapter. Look for my next
Moulin Rouge fanfiction coming to 'FanFiction.net' soon. Beware though, you will have no idea
what hit you!::
::Disclaimer: Baz, You are a freaking Genius man.. why the hell would I try and take your
characters? *whispers* The insane amount of money he got.. that's why* I MEAN! Nevermind..
Don't sue.::
A Kiss On The Hand.. FINAL CHAPTER
---
Every moment that passes by, my will to live slips away. Who's to stop me from loading that gun
and firing? I have nothing to live for. Once, I lived for her and to love her. Now all I live
for is to see the next day. My dreams are no longer beautiful and happy. They only bring
torment and anguish into my already broken heart.
I have spent weeks in my bed recovering from my sickness. Toulouse and the Argentinian have
come to visit me and make me eat and drink. Sometimes the drink was Absinthe. When I asked why
Absinthe, they smiled and laughed. "To get you drunk of course! It makes the head throb longer!"
I have also begun to let reality sink in.
Life is not about Beauty. Now that Satine is gone, there is no beauty left in the world. Not
even the stars in the night sky could sparkle as bright as her blue eyes. There is no Love
without her. Without Satine, I have no one to love. Not even myself. There is no freedom.
Here I am locked in a run-down hotel room trapped within my own pity and sadness. That's not
freedom. Freedom is to be able to look around and see beauty without having to see her.
Freedom is loving yourself and being to love others. Without the ability to love Satine, I feel
as if I shouldn't love at all. All of this reality leads up to truth. Truth is all I believe
in anymore because truth is reality.
I haven't seen the garish light of day for so long. I instructed anyone who came in to add
another layer of sheets over my shudders. I wanted to block out the sunlight in fear it would
make me smile. Any other feeling besides sadness was what I wanted to feel. Sunlight,
moonlight, and artificial light were all the same to me. I wanted nothing to do with it. It
only brought on reflections of her face. Until now.
---
"Christian? What are you doing down here?" I looked over to Nini who sat on the Argentinian's
lap and put my hands in my pockets. I honestly wasn't sure myself why I was in the dance room
watching the girls rehearse. In some way I was hoping to find Satine. I imagined her coming
down the stairs to the room and running up to me, throwing her arms around me and kissing me. I
yearned to hold her again. I have been living in apathy for weeks now. Before I knew what I
was doing I was hugging the other dancers and even Zidler and Toulouse.
"Christian. We are so glad to see you walking around."
I nodded my head and smiled. Oh how nice it felt to smile again. I was truly happy to be with
them again. The true Bohemian's and yes, even all the beautiful Can-Can dancers. The swing
that once carried Satine had been taken down leaving an empty space in the ceiling. Just like
the empty space that was in heart. My mind was telling me to run and get away from here. But I
knew that would never solve anything. I would only be running from my feelings. I didn't want
to do that anymore. I was sick of lying in bed and marinating in Absinthe and sweat.
I was still unshaven but I combed my hair back and put on a decent suit. The one Toulouse gave
to me.
"Where is she?" I don't think I could have asked a clearer question and yet everyone's face was
puzzled. Accept Zidler's.
"Don't worry Christian. Her funeral is this afternoon."
A sigh of relief escaped from my lips as the Boho's began calling everyone to order. Toulouse
ran around on his short legs carrying a cane with him. Any dancer he could get a hold of he
lifted their skirts with his cane. Now I understand why he carried it around all the time. The
Argentinian was yelling at the doctor about something. A heated dispute on who drinks more
Absinthe no less. He walked out of the room mumbling something while throwing his hands in the
air and smoking a cigar. As soon as the door shut, I heard a loud thump. I knew he had fallen
asleep again. I chuckled to myself as I turned around. I wasn't laughing at his disease of
course. I was laughing at myself for enjoying all the excitement around me again. I have
spent weeks locked away, wanting to forget the world. There is so much Beauty in the world that
once I was back in it; I couldn't believe that I had ever left it.
I watched as the dancers rehearsed, and talk amongst themselves. A few looked so tired from the
endless nights of prostituting, a few looked new. One of the girls followed my every movement.
She must have been new for she was being instructed on how to use her skirt properly. When she
asked Nini about me, Nini bluntly told her that I was Satine's. No one else's. Of course Nini
had to explain to the girl who Satine was.
"The sparkling diamond of the Moulin Rouge." That's all I needed to hear. My heart was
satisfied to know that she would not be forgotten for who she was. Now, all I needed to do was
justify her death in fighting the duke. Neither the Duke or I killed her but it was a
justification for me also. He tore us apart once and he shall pay for it.
I patted Zidler on the back as I left the room. He asked me if I was going to her funeral. I
nodded and went back to my room. I tore the sheets off of the window and opened the shudders.
I looked into the remainder of the dark elephant. I closed my eyes remembering our time spent
there. The colors and memories of it flooded into my head as I sang out loud. "My gift is my
song. One day I'll fly away." The sun beamed onto my face and I let it soak into my white skin.
I felt whole when I was with everyone else. It was when I was alone at night in bed without her
I feel so scared and sad. I dream every night of waking up next to her and that nothing was
wrong. The sun shone down upon us and we left the shudders open for the entire world to see us
together. She gets up places a kiss on my forehead as she heads downstairs to rehearse. Later
I go down and dance with her and kiss her. I sing into her ear telling her how wonderful life is.
Even the duke is standing there smiling at us. She gives a magical performance and we go
upstairs and make love all night. Of course, this is only a dream.
---
I watched as her casket was being placed into the ground. I laid a single red rose onto the
casket. "A red rose, redder then your sweet lips." I kissed my hand and patted the casket with
the same hand. I rested the sealed letter next to the rose and whipped a tear from my eye. I
couldn't cry anymore. I knew she was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I walked
away in the rain and let it fall down my face. Everyone else stood around and said their final
goodbyes. I noticed that Toulouse and even the duke weren't there. As a matter of fact,
Toulouse was the one that planned her funeral and the duke had to approve it first.
I rushed back to the hotel and looked for Toulouse. When I found him, I found him lying in his
bed with a bottle of Absinthe. I smiled as I walked over to him and pulled the bottle out of
his hands.
"Toulouse you crazy fool. You will drink yourself to death if you don't..." As I was finishing
my sentence I was patting his face and shaking his shoulders. When I realized that he wasn't
waking up, I placed my fingers on his neck to check his pulse. I screamed for help at the top
of my lungs when I couldn't find his pulse.
"Come on Toulouse! Wake up you fool! WAKE UP DAMNIT!" I violently shook him as I began to cry. "I CANT LOOSE ANOTHER FRIEND AGAIN! NOT NOW!"
I could feel my world being shattered again. I watched as Marie and Zidler checked on him. When
they pulled the sheet over his head I slammed my fist into the wall. I turned my head away and
cried. Once again someone I cared about was taken away from me. We all assumed it was because
he drank too much. I walked out of the room brushing my hand through my hair. I was so
confused on how to feel. Toulouse brought me to the Moulin Rouge, and he introduced me to
Satine. He was my friend and now he is gone. Yet I feel no remorse. Was it because he was an
alcoholic and I was sub consciously expecting it, or was it because I knew that this wasn't what
really happened to him? Sometimes I don't even know how to feel. My life as of late has been
so complicated that I don't want to feel anything anymore. 'No Christian don't do this again to
yourself. You just went through this. LIVE ON CHRISTIAN!' I repeated this in my head over and
over again before I began walking back down to the dreaded stage. I had to face my demons at
some point and now was a better time then any.
---
"Glad you decided to join us Christian. We have been waiting for you."
I looked up onto the stage and saw the Duke and his men standing there holding guns in each of
their hands. I glared at them through glazed over eyes and stood there grasping onto an
invisible gun.
"Don't try to fool us Christian. We have your gun here."
I let my arm drop to my side and let out a sigh. He had me backed into a corner I couldn't turn
away from. I was scared. I had wished for weeks that I would just die so this pain inside of
me would go away. But now that I am on the verge of being killed, my heart is beginning to race
inside my chest as my breathing is increasing. I envisioned my father and my mother telling me
not to leave home. I remembered I told them that I would over come all obstacles. This one
although, I couldn't over come. Here I am face to face with death, and I am running scared.
Maybe not physically, but mentally I am running away.
"You're right Duke. You do have my gun. So what now? Are you going to take the easy way out
and kill me while I am unable to fight? Or are you going to run away scared?"
I gulped as I watched him hold the gun to my face. I closed my eyes readying myself for death.
When he wasn't shooting, I opened one eye and saw that he had the handle of the gun facing me.
A fair fight I was guessing. Only one problem stood in my way. I had never fired a gun before
in my life. I only knew how to work one. Not actually use one. I moved around him and began
making my way up the stairs. Every step I took, he had his gun fixed on me while he held the
other one out in his already sweating palms. Watching him sweat calmed my nerves. It showed
that he was afraid and fear is the only thing that may get between us.
"Go on Christian. Take it." The Duke smiled at me as he held the gun to my hand. I reached
out and took a hold of the handle and stepped in to face him nose to nose. I felt a sharp prick
in my stomach. The Duke's smile faded as it turned into a face of fright. I stepped back
questioning what his facial expressions meant. My world slowed down again as I felt a cool
river trickle down my stomach. As a gust of wind blew through I could feel the shirt I was
wearing stick to my body. I blinked once or twice and removed my hand from where I had felt the
prick. The once creamy flesh was now crimson.
My hearing began to fade as I heard the Duke and his men frantically running around trying to
figure out what to do. I looked around the room as it began to slow down and saw Zidler running
to me in slow motion. I blinked again and let my body begin its decent backwards. Once my head
hit the ground, I saw a beautiful light. It was so bright that I had to close my eyes. I was
terrified of what was beyond that light. Whether it was heaven or hell. I felt no pain anymore
as a voice came out of the light and told me not to be afraid. An all to familiar voice. A
drunken male voice that you could barely understand. They must have a lot of Absinthe in heaven.
I felt Zidler lift me up off the ground as he was saying something. I smiled at him through
closed eyes and let out my last breath of air, whispering her name.
---
I awoke the next morning with her in my arms as the sun shone down upon us. She got up and
placed a kiss on my forehead as she began to get dressed for rehearsal. Later, I went down to
see her perform. I sang in her ear and told her how much I loved her as the Duke watched us
smiling. After the show we went back up to the elephant and made love all night.
Its funny how someone's life ends. One minute you are beginning to live your life again and the
next you are loosing it all over again. Of course I was scared as I lay there on that hard
wooden floor, feeling the blood seep through my hands. Afraid that even in death, I wouldn't be
with her. If that were to be the case, I would rather have been sent straight to the fiery pits
of hell then live my afterlife without her.
Now, I wake up next to her and look into her beautiful eyes as I study her every curve, her
movement, and the way she looks as she sleeps. I loved waking up and feeling her warm body
pressed against mine as her head lay in the nook of my neck. Every morning I would run my
fingers through her long, silky, red hair and watch her as a sleepy smile caressed her face. I
truly had everything once I had her back in my life.
Life is wonderful before and after death. I am free here. I am free to love Satine as I wish;
free to love myself, and the way I feel when I am with her. Beauty is all around me. Satine,
and the Moulin Rouge at its best. Truth surrounds me as I realize that I am with Satine again
and that it is for all eternity. Neither Heaven nor hell may have existed to my knowledge. But
as far as I was concerned, as long as I was with Satine, I was in heaven.
I know you are questioning whether I believe in Love still. The last of the 4 bohemian
revolutionary rules. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like Oxygen, love is a many
splendid things, love lifts up where we belong all you need is love. The greatest thing you'll
ever learn is to love and be loved in return. Even when its love at...
The Moulin Rouge...
The End..
*Epilogue???*
