A You Won
Ok part 2....same disclaimers as before.
PART 2/3: Sirius
Black
Take your straight
line for a curve
Make it stretch, the
same old line
Pain. That's
all my world is. Not physical, well
not normally, but the kind of pain you invent.
The kind of pain where you can feel your mind at its breaking point and
there is nothing you can do to bring it back.
Well there are things. Doggy
things.
I just reread what I wrote and realized I'm not making any
sense. Damned Azkaban.
Fucking damned Azkaban…I swear if I ever get out of here I'm going to
find a way to burn it to the ground. Then
I'll find a way to kill the rat. No
I think I'll kill the rat first.
It hurts. Every
thing hurts. I try to keep my mind
focused on one thing and They just come back and take that focus from me.
No matter what I do or try, ever thing comes back to pain.
The only thing keeping relatively sane now is the hope that
the rat is alive. That I didn't
kill him. I know I didn't kill
him that day. Damn fucking rat
weaseled his way out of it. But the
wizarding world has this wonderful double jeopardy law, so when I do get out of
this fucking hell hole I can kill him and present his still freshly dead body to
the ministry of magic and tell them to go fuck themselves.
Or maybe I did kill him after all. I don't know anymore.
Try to find if it was
worth what you spent
Why you're guilty
for the way
You're feeling now
Pain again. They
sensed my elation at the thought of killing the rat. Even though he deserves it…for what he did to me…for what
he did to the Potters…for what he did to Harry.
God its all my fault.
If only I hadn't chose the rat to replace me as the secret keeper…if
only I had been there 10 minutes earlier…if only…. If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts.
God I am going crazy.
But it is my fault. I
killed them. I orphaned Harry.
I did but…but I didn't. I
don't know if this confusion is caused by me or the demons that are my
wardens.
Maybe I was crazy all along.
It's almost like
being free
Someone once said that in a persons mind they an find
freedom. That person was a fucking
idiot. The worst prison in the
world is someone's mind.
Padfoot doesn't have my mind. Maybe that's why They don't bother him as much.
Or maybe its because they can sense that I'm no saner than the other
wankers.
I cant do this anymore.
I'm loosing this battle. The
great Sirius Black has given up.
I wont even get a funeral.
Oh well.
And I know soon you
will be
Over the lies,
you'll be strong
You'll be rich in
love and you will carry on
But no – oh no
No you won't be
mine
Pain. I just
want it to end.