A You Won

Part 3...yadda yadda yadda....

Part 3/3: Severus Snape

Take yourself out to the curb

Sit and wait

A fool for life

Alone. I have always been alone. From childhood, though my teen years, and now well into adult-hood I have lived alone. Sure there were times when there were other people in the room, but to them it was as if I were invisible. My parents made it quite clear to me that I was not wanted. My elder brother was the only child they ever wanted or needed. Thus it was my job to shut up and stay out of their way.

I thought things would get better once I left home for Hogwarts. Like every child walking into that castle I too had my hopes and ambitions. I knew that I was to be in Slytherin, and perhaps that's what I wanted. Sometimes I wonder idly what my life would have been like if the sorting hat had put me in Gryffindor. It almost did. I never told any one.

However any dream or ambition I had was smashed on the first day, the day I met James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin.

I didn't hate them. I don't think I ever did. I know now that deep down I wanted more than anything in the world to have a friendship like the three of them shared. The closest thing I had to anything that resembled a friend was Lucius Malfoy, who is a bigger prig than I am.

It was Malfoy who took me to my first DeathEater meeting.

Malfoy introduced me to Voldemort.

Some friend he was.

I never really WANTED to be a Deatheater, but the feelings of belonging to something bigger than myself were more temptation than I could resist, so I joined, was initiated and scarred, and to this day I still bear the mark of my greatest mistake.

It's almost like a disease

For a long time I thought I hated Remus Lupin. For nearly killing me. Part of me knew this wasn't true. After all…he couldn't help it.

I'm a worse monster than he is. I chose my curse.

I've tried to atone for my sins. It was I who had been slowly leaking information on DeathEater movements to the ministry. It was I who informed Dumbledore of Voldemort's plans to eliminate the Potter family. But for all my effort to save the people that for a long time shunned me for some unknown prejudice on both our parts…

I am as responsible for their deaths as Voldemort himself.

So now I am not only a monster, but also a murderer.

I want free of this curse.

According to the latest journal on magical bondage, a magical tattoo forms a bond of flesh and bone to the creator of the tattoo, and the bond can only be broken by death.

I want free of this.

I know soon you will be

Over the lies, you'll be strong

You'll be rich in love and you will carry on

But no – oh no

No you won't be mine

All the loneliness and betrayal. I just want it to end.

~OWARI~

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