TITLE: Deus Ex Machina

AUTHOR: Kelly Keil

EMAIL: klkeil@ameritech.net

WEBSITE: http://grapefruithead.com/kellyfic

ARCHIVE: Anywhere, just keep my info attached.

FEEDBACK: Is the frosting on my cake. I'd love to know
what you think of my story.

SPOILERS: Through S7, especially SUZ and Closure, En Ami,
Chimera, all things, and Requiem

RATING: R (some offensive language, some sexual content,
general blasphemy)

CLASSIFICATION: S, H, A, MSR

DISCLAIMER: Scully and Mulder are the property of CC,
1013, and the all powerful Fox network. The gods,
however, belong to themselves.

SUMMARY: Scully is adopted by a cat with an ulterior
motive.

NOTES: Many thanks to Maria Nicole, M. Sebasky,
Magdeleine, and Cofax for beta and helpful suggestions.
My heartfelt gratitude goes out to Yes, Virginia for
always being there, even in the wee hours of the night.

Dedicated to Mr. Peebles, both real and literary.
______________________

Deus Ex Machina

By Kelly Keil

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous


As gods went, she was pretty old.

Well, goddess, actually, but after racketing around for
several millennia, she'd learned not to sweat the small
stuff. Besides, in this age, the word goddess held no
cachet. It brought to mind middle-aged women who didn't
shave or wear bras and tended to shop at new age stores.
Women who, in general, didn't have much use for men. The
god didn't approve. True, she'd been retired for years,
but the job never quite let you go.

She'd kept a paw in, dabbling in her old vocation from
time to time over the years. She'd done it mostly out of
boredom. It was lonely being a god with no followers, and
immortality tended to drag on and on. Technically she
wasn't supposed to mess with people who didn't worship her,
but if a god can't bend the rules, who can? Just to be on
the safe side, she tended to work on those who were atheists,
or confused in their faith. Above all, she only meddled
with those who needed her most. That way, if the shit ever
did hit the fan, she could always explain to whatever god
she'd offended that she'd only been trying to help.

Her newest victim...er...prospective client fell into the
confused category. The poor woman didn't know what to
believe. Technically she did fall under the purview of
another god, but the woman's faith was very shaky right
now. Close enough. Per the requirements, the woman was
barren. She sensed a man in this woman's life, which was
also necessary. The god was good, but she wasn't up to
immaculate conceptions. The woman's relationship with
the man, however, seemed as uncertain and tangled as a
ball of yarn in the paws of frisky kitten. A challenge.

The god smiled, licking her chops. She liked challenges.

Still grinning, she made her way towards the woman, who
was walking from her car to the door of her apartment
building. It was time to introduce herself.

Once upon a time, Bastet had been her name. Now and
forever, fertility was her game.

* * *

Scully felt something rub up against her ankle and
nearly lost it.

She'd been on edge too much lately. For the past seven
years, if one was keeping track-- a very long time not
relax your guard. Nerves jangling, she looked down at
her feet.

Something was rubbing up against her. Something dark.
Something furry. A cat.

Scully's anxiety switched to annoyance. She wasn't very
fond of cats. They were secretive, sulky, self-absorbed,
and self-satisfied. They came and went on their own
schedule. Come to think of it, that described Mulder
lately. Well, she didn't need him and she didn't need
a cat, either.

"Shoo," she said to it loudly, prodding it with her foot.
"Get away. Find some cat lover to take you in."

The cat didn't budge.

Scully made a feint toward the cat and said, "Boo!"
feeling ridiculous the whole time.

Instead of scampering away, like a wild cat should have,
it sat back on its haunches and regarded her while
licking its paw.

Scully sighed. She didn't have time or patience for this.
"Look," she said, not quite believing she was speaking to
a cat, "I'm going in now. I'm not going to feed you. I'm
not going to pet you. I'm not going to let you sleep on
my bed. Go away."

The cat just looked at her.

Giving up, Scully turned her back on the cat and went
inside. She closed the door firmly in the cat's face
and made her way to the elevator. That's that, she
thought, stretching her neck muscles and feeling the
joints pop. All she wanted tonight was a hot shower and
bed.

And God help Mulder if he called to interrupt her sleep.
Although, come to think of it, he hadn't done that in a
very long time.

With that depressing thought, she let herself into her
apartment and locked the door behind her.

* * *

This was not the first time a door had been shut in
Bastet's face. She took it in stride, like the cat she
was, and walked through the wall, like the god she was.

* * *

Scully awoke with a loud thrumming in her ears.
Something warm, fuzzy, and heavy was lying on her head,
purring like a buzz saw.

"You'd better not be a cat," she warned.

The thing that shouldn't have been a cat but nevertheless
was one stretched, its claws digging into Scully's
shoulder.

"Ouch!" she cried out and sat up, dislodging her visitor.
She raked her hair out of her eyes then drew her knees up
to her chest. As she contemplated her furry intruder, it
groomed itself busily. "I don't know how you found your
way in here, but you'll have to go," she said. "You're
going to have to find someone else to bother."

The cat chirruped at her and seemed to smile.

"No, it's no use. I don't like cats." Scully scooped the
cat up in her arms and marched out of her bedroom and down
the hall to her front door. She almost forgot her keys but
managed to remember to grab them just before closing her
door. As she walked down the hallway toward the elevator,
juggling both keys and cat, she passed by neighbors peeking
outside doorways, looking for their morning papers. She
ignored their stares and walked with her head held high.

If anyone could retain her dignity carrying a struggling
black cat while wearing pink flannel pajamas, it was Dana
Scully.

* * *

The god was nothing if not patient. Immortality tended
to do that to a body. The woman was not making things
easy, but the god was not put out. The easy ones were
never any fun. Persistence was the key. Persistence
and patience. The god had seen mountain ranges wear
themselves down into foothills. She could outwait the
stubbornness of any mere human.

Besides, it wasn't like there was anything else to do.

* * *

Scully was not in a good mood as she drove home from work.
Every night for two weeks she had come home to find that
damned black cat installed in her apartment. She was at
her wit's end.

She had had her landlord inspect her windows and door.
He had pronounced them all intact and impervious to
trespassers, human and feline alike. Scully didn't
believe him. Intruders didn't seem to have any trouble
breaking into her apartment, and the cat kept on turning
up there like a bad penny.

She'd had a building inspector go over her windows and
door with a fine-toothed comb and he'd also proclaimed
her apartment sound. He'd said this while scratching
the cat on the ears. "Cute little thing," he'd said.
"What's her name?"

"I have no idea," Scully had said in chilly tones.

The building inspector had given her an odd look then
hurried on his way.

Her mother had been no help either. "Oh, isn't she
adorable," her mother had proclaimed when she'd first
seen the demon cat. "You really should keep her," she'd
added, chucking the cat under the chin. The cat had
purred loudly in appreciation. "I think you could do
with a pet. And she's such a sweet thing." The cat
had rolled over, showing her tummy. Scully's mother
had obligingly petted her.

The whole thing was disgusting.

Then there was Mulder. She had thought at first he
would've found it amusing--a black cat refusing to
leave her alone. Instead, he had barely listened to
her story, intent instead on their new case. "This
one is special," he'd said. "I can feel it." His
voice was fervent, his eyes bright and glassy. She
was worried about him, but if the truth be told, she
was getting tired of being worried about him.

Right now she wanted to receive moral support on the
whole cat issue from Mulder, and with his current
preoccupation with their missing child case, it wasn't
likely she would get it. The only thing she was willing
to lay money on was that she'd have to forcibly eject a
cat from her apartment until the world ended.

Maybe it was time for her to move. Surely the cat
wouldn't follow her. Surely not. But Scully had a
sneaking suspicion that it would find a way to hound
her for the rest of her life. She could kill it, but
the thought made her stomach knot up. It's just a cat,
she thought, but stomach remained clenched. Why won't
it just go away? she thought. I just want to be left
alone. Why won't it just go away?

* * *

Bastet's patience was starting to wear thin. It
had been centuries since she'd dealt with such a
stubborn human. Tonight, as the woman threw her out
the door of the apartment building, she resisted the
urge to give her a good scratch.

By now she should be sleeping on a soft cushion at
night. The woman should be feeding her tasty things
like tuna and cream. She should already be hard at
work at the real task at hand.

Bastet couldn't believe the woman's continual refusal
to be kept. She'd rarely encountered a human with such
determination to be left alone. The god found it
intriguing, but ultimately an annoyance. Nevertheless
she wasn't giving up. The god would not contemplate
cutting her losses and moving on. Her pride, both as a
god and a cat, wouldn't allow it.

She settled down and waited until her human was asleep
then whisked herself into the woman's bed. Bar the door
and windows all you like, she thought, you'll never be
able to keep me out.

* * *

Scully came home and found the cat was waiting for her.
It had a resigned look on its face. Until that moment,
Scully hadn't known an animal could look resigned.

"You're getting to be about the only thing I can count on,
Cat," she said. She put down her briefcase and purse.
"Death, taxes, and you. What a combination."

Scully went over to the cat to pick it up for their
nightly sojourn to the front door, but hesitated. She
was wearing a white suit today. She'd never get all
the black cat hairs off of it no matter how many times
she had it dry cleaned. She went instead to her bedroom
to change, the cat following closely on her heels,
probably curious about the change in routine. Once
undressed, she didn't feel like anything but a shower.
Deciding the cat could wait a few more minutes, Scully
stood under the spray and tried to wash off the day's
events.

Today had been a very bad day in a long string of them.
Mulder was preoccupied with their current case to an
extent that she didn't find healthy. Then his psyche
had received a heavy blow after she had told him his
mother was dead. He was teetering perilously close to
a mental breakdown. The only reason she had consented
to performing his mother's autopsy was to placate him.
She felt she should go to him and try to give him comfort,
but right now she was too tired and emotionally drained
to remove the cat, let alone deal Mulder.

After drying off, she sat on her bed in her robe and
tried to work up the motivation to get dressed. I have
things to do, she kept thinking. I have plans to keep.
But her legs refused to move.

The cat entered her bedroom and twined around her ankles.
She could hear its rumbling purr in the silence of her
room. Her arms moved of their own volition and picked
up the cat. I should put her out, she thought, and
rested her cheek against the soft fur. Now she could
feel the purr as well as hear it. The sound soothed her
in an unexpected way, mending her frayed edges.

"He asked me to cut up his mother," she whispered to the
cat. "And I did it. I sliced her flesh and do you know
what I found? Nothing but a body riddled with cancer and
a stomach full of sleeping pills. He made me do this
thing, and for what purpose? He believes what he wants
to believe. Nothing I say matters."

The cat's fur became wet as she cried for Mulder, and
Teena, and also herself. All throughout, the cat
remained motionless and purring. As time wore on and
her tears wore out, Scully found to her surprise that
she felt better.

The phone rang, disrupting the tranquil spell that had
fallen over the room. Scully rose to answer it and
discovered that her legs worked after all.

"No, Mulder," she said into the receiver, "I'd rather
tell you in person....Yes, I'll be right over."

She dressed with no hesitation, rehearsing in her head
how she would break the news to him. The cat lay on
the bed, forgotten for the moment. It was only much
later, as she sped toward Mulder's apartment, that she
realized she hadn't ejected the cat from her home. No
matter, she thought. She seems to be able to come and
go as she pleases. I can throw her out when I get back.
She's always there when I get home.

Late that night, after Mulder had talked and cried
himself into exhaustion, she sat beside his slumbering
body and felt his heartbeat. It reminded her of the
cat's purring. Listening to the rhythmic pulse, she
fell asleep.

Somewhere in her unconscious mind was the thought that
maybe she could surrender to the inevitable and let the
cat stay. The idea wormed its way through her brain,
insinuating itself into areas of conscious thought. By
the next morning she made up her mind. For better or
worse, the cat could stay.

* * *

The god lay on the woman's bed exhausted but extremely
pleased. It had taken an awful amount of energy, but
she had finally gotten through to her human. Before
long, she would be able to concentrate her efforts on
the second phase of the project.

She fell into a deep sleep that did not break when the
woman returned many hours later. The god remained
curled in a tight ball all the while the woman pulled
out clothes and packed them into a bag.

While Bastet slumbered on, the woman called her mother.
"Could you come by and check on the cat while I'm gone?
...Maybe. We'll see....Can you get her some food? And
whatever else she'll need? I won't have a chance before
I leave....Love you too, Mom. I'll see you when I get
back."

Despite being fast asleep, the god heard this and a smug
smile formed on her feline lips.

* * *

Like a cat stalking its prey, the god had seen potential
in the woman from the first and went after it single-
mindedly. Concentrating on one thing to the exclusion
of all else was one of her strengths. What Bastet
lacked, however, was far-sightedness. For cats, there
is only now, not next week, or even tomorrow. The god
was not as limited in her scope as a cat, but she had
spent too many lifetimes in a feline shape not to pick
up a feline point of view. She was therefore horrified
when she got her first glimpse into the woman's soul.

Bastet was not a powerful god, and her omnipotence was
limited. She had had no way of clearly reading the
woman's thoughts and feelings until she had been welcomed
by her fully. Now that the woman had opened up a tiny
bit of her heart to the cat that had invaded her home,
the god was able to see what she had gotten herself in
for. It wasn't a comforting vision.

The god had anticipated that this woman would be a
challenge; she hadn't expected her task to be impossible.
The woman's barrenness was a piece of cake to deal with
compared to this. How can you get a woman pregnant when
she's celibate? Celibate by choice, at that, and not by
circumstances. The god was incredulous. This was a
problem she had never encountered before. Even that
Spanish nun she'd dealt with centuries earlier was
easier work with than this woman.

Bastet shook herself. No. She would not admit defeat
at this late date. What she needed was a goal. An
obtainable goal. She would take this one step at a time.
She would push things along. Then let nature take its
course.

And if that didn't work, she'd just have to push nature
along. She was a god, after all. She wasn't about to
have her track record marred by one overly fastidious
old maid. It was not to be borne.

In the meantime, she needed to rest and regain her
energy. She sensed exhausting times ahead. Just to
show that she meant business, she got up, ate the tuna
the woman had left out for her then went to take a very
long nap.

* * *

Scully came home in a rotten mood. She threw down her
briefcase and bag then proceeded to strip out of her
clothes. With a grimace of distaste, she threw the
garments in a brown paper bag. "It's the incinerator
for you," she declared.

Cat chirruped inquiringly.

"The clothes, not you," she told the cat.

Cat groomed herself with industry, unwilling to show
that she'd been concerned. Scully chuckled and rubbed
her ears.

"I'm going to take a shower until the water runs cold,
then I'll fix both of us some dinner. Sound good?"

The cat wurfed in agreement.

"It's a date, then."

Later, after she had scrubbed herself pink and then fed
both herself and Cat, Scully began to vent about her day.
Scully would never had admitted it to another soul, but
unburdening herself to the cat made her feel worlds better
afterward. Besides, it was cheaper than therapy.

"I can't believe he left me alone in that scummy room
doing surveillance duty of all things. My nose still
hasn't recovered from the reek of that place.
Unconsciously or not, Cat, I think he's trying to
punish me," said Scully, her hand stroking the cat's
velvety fur. "It's because I went off with Spender
without telling him. God forbid I ditch him for a
change."

The cat huffed and Scully took that for assent.

"He's driving me crazy, Cat. One day he follows me
around practically drooling, the next he treats me
like I have the plague. I'm tired of this limbo-like
state we exist in--not lovers, but more than friends."

Cat asked, "Merow?" as if to say, "Really?"

Scully sighed, weariness filling her. She saw no
change in her future as it stretched ahead of her.
Long years of work awaited her with no family waiting
for her when she got home. She leaned her head back on
the sofa and closed her eyes. Her life was very full,
she told herself. She did good, necessary work. She
made a difference. Her eyes burned with the effort of
holding back unshed tears. She would not cry over this.
It was ridiculous and weak to feel sorry for herself.

The cat stretched up and butted her head against Scully's
chin, chirruping softly.

"Oh well, Cat, at least I have you."

* * *

The god was, for the first time in her existence,
completely at a loss. Her project was going nowhere
fast even though she had been working on it for months.
Nothing she did seemed to work. At best there was no
effect, and at worst her efforts backfired in nasty ways.
Right now the woman and her Mulder were barely on
speaking terms, mostly due to a few minor miscalculations
on the god's part. Okay, so distance didn't make the
heart always grow fonder. Sometimes, it just pissed
off the heart in question.

She was also getting worried. Never before had the god
spent so much time with a human. Bastet found that she
sort of...well...liked it. Not that she'd admit that to
another god. Liking humans too much was dangerous.
Taking a personal interest was one thing. Rolling over
to have your belly scratched was a perk of the job. But
comforting your human because she was feeling blue was
another story. She was a god, not a pet. She owned the
human, not the other way around.

She did not feel affection for the woman. She was not
stalling in order to stay with the woman a little longer.
She wouldn't miss the tuna, or the liver, or the cream.
Not at all. Nor would she miss being petted or scratched
behind the ears. No, sir. She was a fancy free god. It
was only the unfinished business that kept her here.

The god repeated this until she believed it.

Or until she nearly believed it. Bastet knew she was
fooling herself. She was in very real danger of ceasing
to be a god. It was the fate for many gods over the
years. Immortality was lonely. Choosing to be mortal
was very tempting. The god knew she was a whisker from
becoming a real cat.

She needed to finish this business and move on, the
farther away the better. She thought warm sun on her
back and sand in her paws might do the trick. In
addition, she would swear off people entirely for a
century or two. She needed some distance from them.
If she could, she'd cut her losses and leave tonight.
Unfinished miracles, however, are death to gods every
bit as much as too much longing to be mortal. One
more unfinished miracle and she'd be washed up for
good. She was caught in a trap of her own making.

The god batted at a milk jug ring while she thought
about her dilemma. Maybe it was time to bring in some
outside help. She had a few favors she could call in
and failing that, deals could be struck. Something had
to be done before it was too late.

Pride goeth before a fall. Bastet understood that all
too well now.

* * *

"This will cost you," the goddess said. "My services
are expensive."

Bastet nodded. "I know, Didi, but I don't know who
else to turn to. The situation is beyond my ability."
Or control, she added silently.

The goddess trilled out a sparkling laugh. "You are
but a little thing. I do not understand why you're
even bothering. She isn't worth it. Find someone else
to occupy your time. Or do you love her?" The goddess
bent down to study Bastet. "Have you forgotten what you
are?" She laughed again, this time derisively. "How
droll. I haven't seen this sort of thing in years."

Of course the goddess was right. She always was about
love. Matters of the heart were her specialty when you
got right down to it. Nevertheless the god resented Didi
rubbing it in.

"I don't have to take this," said Bastet, bristling. "I
am a god, same as you. I have rights."

The goddess peered at her with disinterested eyes. "Do
you need my help or not?"

The god shoved down her pride. "Yes, I do. What's the
price?"

"We'll discuss payment when I've completed my side of
the bargain. Is it a deal?"

Bastet put her paw into the slim hand of the lovely
goddess. "It's a deal."

* * *

Scully felt like a toy on the end of string being
pulled this way and that at the whims of power greater
than she. Coincidences were stacking up at a suspicious
rate.

First had been the mix-up with the x-rays. What were
the odds of that, anyway? Scully thought it was about
as likely as Mulder finding computer generated crop
circles appearing in England. Until she had seen
Daniel today, Scully hadn't realized the ties he still
held her by. He had been her first real love. They
say you never forget your first love, but she had
managed to do so until now. She'd forgotten his
intelligence and naivet, his passion and possessiveness,
his generous nature and sullen tempers. All this time
she had stored away their relationship in her mind as
one of her greatest failures, but now she was beginning
to see how right she was to have moved on with her life.
She couldn't believe he had lived all this time in D.C.
waiting for her. It was ironic that he had been here
all along and she had never run into him until today.

Then there was the girl she'd been seeing all day.
First, she had handed her Daniel's x-rays, then Scully
had almost hit her with her car while talking to Mulder.
The near miss had been due to her inattention, but the
whole scene had felt orchestrated somehow. Later, she
had seen her again before finding that magical temple.
Just who was she? She was important somehow, Scully
felt sure, but how she knew this she could not say.

This was all more Mulder's territory than her own. I
wish he were back here, she thought. He'd have an
explanation for all of this. It might be farfetched,
but it would be an explanation. I miss him. When did
I start to miss him this much?

* * *

The goddess went to the sleeping man and stroked his
hair. "He's lovely, isn't he?" she asked the god.

Bastet shrugged, or would have if cats could shrug.
"He's not hard on the eyes."

"Your human is made of sturdy stuff to be able to resist
this one. What an attractive pair of ninnies they make."
She laughed her silvery laugh and the man moaned in his
sleep.

"Don't wake him," warned Bastet.

"Shush." The goddess leaned close to the man's ear.
"Go home," she whispered. "She's waiting for you. Go
home."

The man moaned again and rolled over.

"There, that ought to do it," the goddess said, standing
up and brushing her hands together briskly. "Come on,
time's wasting."

She and Bastet faded from the room just as the man began
to stir and wake.

* * *

Bastet and the goddess watched over the sleeping woman.

"This had better work," said the god in an anxious tone.

"Relax," said Didi. I know what I'm doing." She
snapped her fingers and the phone began to ring. "Now
all we have to do is sit back and watch the fireworks."

The gods faded away as the woman woke.

* * *

Scully saw the girl again and this time she was
determined to catch her. She ran forward and grabbed
her arm, not even sure what she was going to say, when
she saw that it was Mulder.

She was momentarily confused then her heart began to
thump in her chest. It was as if she were seeing him
for the first time, or perhaps just seeing him with
new eyes. I love him, she thought. My God, I'm in
love with him. I have been all this time. How have
I not seen it?

Taking Mulder's arm, she went back with him to his
apartment and told him everything that had happened
to her over mugs of tea and wedges of the English
shortbread he'd brought home with him. With every
word she felt freer and lighter and she wondered why
she'd been so reticent in the past. Instead of
talking to my cat, she thought, I should have been
talking to him.

"Scully," she heard him whisper, "are you asleep?"

She'd closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened
them, she found Mulder's face inches from her own.
"No," she whispered back. "Not yet."

His lips were a breath from hers, yet a chasm away.
What if every event of her life had led up to this
moment? Who was she to throw away what fate was
tossing up before her?

She leaned forward and touched his lips with her own.
Around her, time slowed. All that existed was this
room with Mulder and her in it. The quiet sounds
around them were amplified: the pounding of her
pulse, the bubbles surfacing in the aquarium.

Everything seemed to happen in such a deliberate way
that Scully felt as if destiny had fallen down on their
heads. Fingers found fever hot skin, unbuttoning and
unzipping, until each of them was naked before the other.
She felt Mulder's mouth on her nipples and cried out.
The sound reverberated in the room, building to a
crescendo as he touched and kissed her. Mulder's voice
joined hers as she straddled his thighs and pulled him
inside her. They moved together, desperate to make up
for lost time, to relieve the agony of waiting, to
assure each other that all this was real.

"Oh, my God," moaned Scully as felt Mulder come within
her. It was too much and she had to bite down on
Mulder's neck in order to keep from flying apart into
pieces. How long had it been since she'd felt the heat
of a man's body? She couldn't think. She felt her own
climax and shattered anyway, falling into shards all
around him. He gathered her close and for that moment
at least, they were one.

* * *

The god lay in the warm sun and tried not to think of
the woman. Everything was fine now, she told herself,
trying hard to be convincing. Scully had her man and a
baby on the way. It was what the woman had dreamed of,
in her most secret hours, when only the god was privy
to her thoughts.

She's happy, Bastet decided. Just let it go.

When the miracle had been successfully performed, the
god had felt her self-imposed bond to the woman break.
She had left that night, escaping from the apartment as
easily as she had broken in. At first she had only
thought to run for as long as she could in any direction
away from the woman. With her power drained from the
completed miracle, Bastet had had to hole up in an
alley to recharge her energy. When she had at last
been able to, she had shed the cat body and taken on
human form. Traveling long distances as a cat was
nearly impossible, and Bastet was still afraid of
being trapped as a feline forever. It was bad enough
that the human face she'd created had pointed features
and vivid green eyes.

The god had eventually made her way to her first home.
It was good to see the sea again. The Mediterranean
had never looked so blue. She spent long hours basking
in the sun and looking at the water, playing tourist.
She was frazzled by her recent experience but she had
a very long time to chill out.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I have a message for you."

The god looked up and saw a young boy standing beside
her. He was also dressed as a tourist, in shorts,
sneakers, and a baseball hat. She noticed that hat
and sneakers were embroidered with golden wings.

"Let me guess," she said. "My bill from Didi."

The messenger shrugged. "I don't read 'em, just deliver
'em. Do you want me to wait for a reply?"

"Give me a second to read it," she said. Let the price
be something I can afford, she hoped.

The letter read as follows:

Bastie darling,
I have already taken my prize for helping you. He
is very delicious. Thank you ever so much.
Hugs and kisses,
Didi

"Oh, fuck," said the god.

"Is that the message you want me to take back?" asked
the messenger with disapproval.

"No, wait. I have to do something. I had no idea that
bitch, excuse me, that she would even consider doing
such a thing. Can you wait for me to write a few
letters?" Bastet wrung her hands together. This was
all her fault. She should have foreseen it and never
asked that oversexed hussy to help her. Dammit.

The god wanted very much to smite something, but smite
wasn't in her arsenal. Instead she did the practical
thing and wrote her letters. The only way to sort out
a dispute like this was through arbitration.

* * *

The first chairgod stepped to the podium. "Folks, I
know it's been a long day, but the other gods and I
have nearly come to a decision. Please bear with us
a few minutes longer.

Didi looked over at her and stuck out her tongue.
Bastet didn't deign to respond.

Behind them, various gods, demi-gods, and immortals
murmured and whispered to each other. This was the
most exciting thing to occur in decades.

The first chairgod banged his gavel on the podium.
"Don't make me come out there and damn you," he said.
"Now, these are they key elements as we see them.
Aphrodite performed a service for Bastet. An undisclosed
payment for said favor was agreed upon by the two parties.
Are you with me so far?"

Both gods nodded at him.

"Great. Now is where we get to the difficulties." The
god began to chew on the end of his long beard in an
absent-minded way. "Didi here claimed that she took her
desired payment as agreed to in the bargain. Bast, on
the other hand, said that Didi took something as payment
that should have been out of bounds. Didi retorted that
as there were no specifications to the payment, she can
have what she wants. Bast returned that the thing in
question did not belong to her, and thus cannot serve
as payment. Yada, yada, yada."

"Get on with it, Jo," said a chairgoddess behind him.
"We may have all millennia to deal with this, but as
the payment in question is human, it also comes with
an expiration date. I'd like to resolve this before
the question becomes moot."

"Point taken, Gaia," he replied. "I think we should
bring it to a vote. Okay, let's go. Starting with
you at the end, Al."

Each chairgod in turn rose and gave his or her vote.

"There we go," said the first chairgod. "All settled.
The council has decided five to two in favor of
returning the payment. I think we're pretty much in
agreement," he gave very hard looks to the two gods who
had voted against the majority, "that what you took was
not a proper forfeit. That is all, thank you. Now we
can all go home."

He and the other gods started to leave but Didi's
voice cut them off. "Wait. I'm still owed something,
aren't I?"

Bastet looked anxious. Didi was in a steaming snit
now and who knew what evil thing she'd ask for.

The first chairgod sat back down and the other chairs
followed. "Very well. We might as well settle this
here and now. I don't want a repeat performance of
today, thank you very much."

"I want her to give up immortality," Didi proclaimed.

Gasps went up from the crowd behind them. Gods began
shouting in protest. This sort of request was unheard
of.

"For one lifetime," Didi finished. "I want you to live
a lifetime without powers or knowing what you are. To go
through life being ordinary. It will be entertaining to
watch, I think. It doesn't make up for what I am losing,
but it will do. You will provide me with years of laughter.
I find that to be fair compensation."

Bastet let out the breath she'd been holding. The price
was high, but it was fair. There was no complaint she
could reasonably make, but she did have one objection.
"You don't have the power to force that on me, Didi," she
remarked.

"But we do," said the first chairgod. "As spokesgod for
the council, I will accede to your request of payment,
Didi, as being fair and aboveboard. A little cruel, to
be sure, but we aren't here to judge that sort of thing,
are we? We will make the necessary arrangements. Didi,
you may go. Court is dismissed. Bast, come with us, if
you please. And remember dear," he added as she drew
near, "it isn't forever. Being human is pretty awful,
but you do get used to it. Take it from me." He winked
at her and gave her hand a sqeeze. "And don't look so
worried. I won't put you anywhere too terrible."

* * *

"Scully, it's a girl." Mulder beamed with happiness and
accomplishment as if he had done this all on his own.

"Of course it's a girl," panted Scully. "We knew that
months ago."

"It's nice to know for sure, though," he replied,
grinning ear to ear.

"True," said Scully, gazing at her baby for the first
time, "since we didn't pick out any boy's names and
he'd look pretty silly going through life named Rose."

"Isn't she beautiful?" he asked anyone who'd listen.
The doctors and nurses had long since stopped paying
attention to him.

"Those eyes, though," said Scully, studying her daughter.
"I've never known a baby to have green eyes from birth.
She's got your hair, too." She stroked the soft strands
and was reminded of the fur of a kitten. "We're very
lucky, Mulder," she said.

"Luck had nothing to do with it," said Mulder.

And that was the truth.



The End
_____________________

Please write me and tell me what you thought. Or, barring
that, share a cat anecdote. I can be reached at
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