"Psst, Zidane," Blank hissed in my ear, roughly shaking my shoulders.

"Get the fuck off me, man," I could vaguely recall mumbling in half-sleep.

"I'm not joking, monkey-boy, this might be our only chance." I struggled to part my eyelids to see Blank's dark silhouette. Memories of the previous day came flooding back.

"Aw, man," I muttered, rubbing my head. Josiah, the girls' father, had announced at dinner that we'd asked him for his daughters had in marriage. A lie, of course, but how could we tell the gleeful Josie and Meg otherwise when they squealed with delight and embraced each other. He said we'd have it done the following day so we could take our new brides on a honeymoon to Lindblum. Then, bidding Tantalus farewell, we could settle down on the farm. The situation had become dire. It would be more dangerous to stay in Greenburrow than crawl back to Lindblum.

I rose and helped shove our few belongings into a rucksack and pulled on my boots. Groping beneath my pillow to find my daggers; I wouldn't felt secure until they were safely hanging from my belt. I gave Blank a quick nod and he crept out of the room.

Sneaking out of the family from Hell's house was an exhilarating experience. Believe me, I was more nervous than any of the times I'd nearly been caught stealing. Risking years in jail or even being killed seemed an unrealistic consequence if I were found robbing some crusty old noble, buried beneath the rush that accompanied my "hobby." If Blank and I were unable to escape Josie and Meg, we'd suffer the worse possible fate. Forced marriage.

We crept out of the room. I kept a gloved hand on Blank's shoulder as he fumbled for the railing. Gently padding down the stairs, we froze as a board creaked. My tail shot straight--a nervous reaction--as we listened to see if we'd roused any of the family. After a drawn, pressing silence we continued. With each step my heart quickened, threatening to thump itself straight out of my chest. Our gate to freedom loomed closer. I could hardly contain a yelp of glee as I reached the door, eagerly turning the knob.

"AHHH!"

A blood curdling scream--Blank's and my own--cut the silence.

"Grrrrarough!" replied the dragon. Wait... dragon!?

"Shit!" Blank hissed, hitting the ground and dragging me with him. Fluffy--the dragon--`s massive head filled the doorway. Firey breath hissed through the air above us, scorching our backs. A light flicked on upstairs.

"Good heavens!" Mama Char gasped, appearing at the top of the staircase. "What, dare I say, is goin' on here?"

The girls appeared behind her, craning to see over their mother's broad shoulders. Blank and I looked up at the trio from our floor stakehold. My mouth hung open as I scrambled my brain, but no appropriate response arose.

"Fluffy, you dun't ye dare flame in my house!" she scolded, see the wisps of smoke arising from his nostrils. The breast scurried away, whimpering like a naughty puppy.

"Now or never," Blank whispered, his face meeting my eyes. I nodded, and we were up in a flash. Blank, being one to think on his feet, threw up a stage magic vanishing potion I didn't realize he had. A cloud of smoke materialized in the doorway.

I fled with adrenaline mustered speed. My feet hardly touched the ground as I all but flew away from that horrid farmhouse, Blank just a step behind me.

"Josiah! Josiah! Get yo' lazy ass outta bed, them boys are escapin'!"

"Mama! Do somethin'!"

"I don't wanna loose another fiancé!"

"Grrraroughgar?"

"Shut up, you stupid dragon, and go get them!"

We took off down the dirt road. The moon dipped low in the horizon, casting enough light to see the rolling fields of Greenburrow. Our pace slowed, the fatigue of our sprint catching up to us.

"Blank, let's get out of the open," I said between gasps. I gestured towards a grove of deciduous trees beside the road. I suppose being called a monkey, as I often am, isn't a bad comparison. I pulled myself into the higher branches with ease, offering a hand to Blank.

Long minutes passed. Blank and I sat in our hiding place among the trees, both too nervous to speak. He nudged my rib with his elbow, gesturing towards the wide figure of Bubba and another man coming down the path. I clamped down on my lip as I peered down at the passer-byers.

"Yer pa's got the whole town out lookin', ain't he?" said the stranger.

"Aye, an' `e better `cause them boys hurt my sisters, I dun know why them city boys always do this to my baby sissies. If Fluffy dun chew `em real good when he sniffs `em out, my pa's gonna make `em real sorry to run away like that."

As I leaned closer to hear the conversation, my foot slipped. I tumbled forward, falling between the branches. My tail curled around one of the lower wooden shafts, and I hung ridiculously upside down.

"Hey! There's thatun monkey-boy now!"

"Damn you, Zidane! You're clumsiness got us in this situation in the first place!" Blank hissed, dropping to the ground with his sword drawn. I flipped down beside my companion, my twin daggers flashing into my hands.

"Zade, you go an' get my papa," Bubba grunted, standing menacingly before us. The other man nodded and took off shouting.

"We found `em! We found `em!"

"Look, Bubba," I said with a shrug. "We don't want to have to hurt you, so if you'd kindly let us pass--"

"I dun think so!" the pig-like man snorted, charging us. We rolled on either side of him, my dagger catching on his shirt and leaving a shallow gash across his belly.

"Aaaargh! Y'stupid little pricks are gonna pay fer this!" he shouted, clutching his gut.

I hopped onto my feet, readying to flee once more, when something caught my eye. An airship loomed into view, the buzzing engines growing louder.

"BLANK!" I screamed, pointing an excited finger. "LOOK!"

If Blank had eyes in the normal sense, they would have widened with surprise. "Man, I've got to be seeing things!"

With a newfound burst of energy, we sprinted in the direction of the ship. It hovered over a field, sprays of air pressing the wheat flat in the breeze. By this time, the whole town had been alerted to our location.

"Mama, there they are!"

"Blankie-poo, don't run away from me, you silly boy!"

"Raroagh!"

"You tooty-fruits get back here or I'll shove me rifle up yer asses!"

I peer up at the airship as it loomed overhead. In the artificial light powered by the mist engines, I could see the silhouette of Tantalus.

"What are you guys doing down there?" asked Cinna with a crocked grin, his club resenting casually on his shoulder.

"Lower the ladder, idiot!" Blank shouted.

"You two better have an explanation for disappearing on us! You know how much trouble we went to in order to come here and save you?" Baku's voice boomed.

"Come on boss, this ain't no time to joke around!" I whined.

I glanced over my shoulder. The entire mob was charging towards us from across the field. The girls carried torches as the walked, holding up their skirts and giggling as if this were some game. Mama Char welded a pitchfork. Bubba, shirt bloodied, raged about how he was going to tear us to bits. Josiah rode upon the back of Fluffy, the dragon, with his gun barrel gleaming.

I never climbed so fast in my life.

"Hurry up," I growled, slapping Blank's butt.

"Yeah, yeah."

We collapsed onto the deck, finally relaxing. Our companions circled around us.

"You'll never believe what happened to us," I said with a wry grin.

"You're right, we probably won't," Marcus commented with obvious sarcasm.

"Sugars, y'all were lucky we got you out of there," Ruby said. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Your accent..." Blank said, reading my mind, his disbelief clear. "You're not from..."

"I'm from none other, dollface! Why do y'all think we came so fast to rescue you when we's got y'letter? Char's my auntie, y'know! This sort of thing happens whenever young men pass through the town, why do you think I left?"

My mouth gaped and drew into a smile. Blank and I were sent into a fit of childish giggles. Imagine, after all that! Things certainly made sense, considering one as odd (although beloved) as our Ruby would come from such a wacky farming community.

As the ship pulled away, I took one last look at Greenburrow. Char and Josiah angrily waved their pitchfork and gun. Josie and Meg clung to each other, waving. I swear, I could hear them say, "Bye, boys! Come visit us again soon!"

And that, my friends, is the exciting conclusion to the weirdest experience of Zidane Tribal's young life.