Staring Eyes
by
Disclaimer: Not mine. UPN, WB, Jason Katims, all have some claim. I don't.
Author's Note: This is the third such fanfic in this vein, fifth if you include poetry. I'm still trying to deal with Alex's death and Tess's betrayal, because I was a loyal Stargazer and Rebel. (Those damn producers really messed me up!)
Summary: Summer post- S2. Isabel deals... but doesn't, really.
Rating: R
Chapter Two-Clouds
Kyle
My relationship with my father is just a little strained at this point, what with him completely frustrated by his inability to do anything. And, of course, if anyone (namely me) points out that there isn't anything he can do, he bites their head off. This is the first time that he hasn't been able to provide assistance in an alien-related crisis, and he isn't taking it well.
Isabel remains unresponsive. Sometimes, it actually makes me mad. Makes me upset that she thinks she's the worst off about this. That she's the only one affected by Alex's death. He was probably my best friend, too, and it's selfish and bitchy and obnoxious that she thinks hers is the only head that's completely upside-down.
But most of the time, I'm just scared. We lost Alex, and learned that Tess betrayed us. Isabel is my last link to the pod squad. I've never been on good terms with Max or Michael, and I don't really know Maria. Liz, I dated for a while, but I didn't ever really get to know her until recently. And now, she and I don't do much, if anything, together.
So, Isabel is the only person who's here to keep me from severing all ties with the group. And that means that she's the last of my true friends. The last of my 'friends' that care about who I am inside, rather than just who I am on the court or in the field. The only person left who can help me figure out who I am, and what I'm here for.
The last person who won't judge me when I need help figuring out what is wrong in my messed-up head.
So, I got a little upset when she wouldn't speak to me. When she first went on this crusade, I thought that she was mad at Max and her parents, and maybe Michael, because he's usually Max's right-hand man. But I started freaking out when she wouldn't talk to me, because she's never done that. Sometimes she tells me to buzz off, or bite it, but she's never ignored me the way she did that day, before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd gone home in shock after pleading with her to speak to me for at least three hours. We'd watched a movie, and I'd carried on a one-sided conversation again before I went. That was when I gave up, and left the house, a sort of stupefied look on my face, I'm sure.
I gave up summer sports to spend more time with her. The only team I stayed on was track. I'm a jock, I can't stop exercising even if I try, it's physically impossible for me. If I were to try, I'd end up crazy.
Not that I'm not, already.
Anyway, I went to the Evans' house every day. Isabel never obviously responded to me, but some days, her eyes would seem to be looking at me for a fleeting second before they passed through my flesh and bone, and weren't really focused on anything. It had encouraged me, but a couple of weeks after this all started, she'd stopped showing any sign of interaction.
I cried that day, begging her to stay with me, asking her to come back to me. Telling her that Alex had been my best friend, and Tess my only sister, and that I didn't want to lose the last person in the world who I could count on.
For a long time, I thought she wasn't going to do anything, like usual, but then, her eyes came gradually together to look at me, slowly, like it was hard for her. "Isabel?" I'd whispered, sure that my luck wasn't that great.
She looked at me, and traced the lines of my cheek with her thumb. "Kyle," She'd responded quietly.
Throwing my arms around her, my tears of pain and frustration had turned to joy as she hugged me back, squeezing me tightly and telling me that she wouldn't leave like Alex and Tess, that she wouldn't betray me.
Pulling back from her a little, I'd looked her in the eye, glad to see into those brown depths clearly for the first time in weeks. They'd been cloudy and unfocused since this started, and I wanted the mental imprint of Isabel's clear, profoundly sharp gaze burned on my corneas forever.
"Why?" I asked softly.
She shrugged, and turned away from me a little. "I can't really explain."
"Try," I pleaded. "Please?"
She nodded, and turned back to face me. She didn't meet my eyes, though.
"It's like... it's like floating in a cloud, Kyle. There's no paranoia, no anger at Tess or my brother, no pain for Alex, no confusion about my heritage and my place on earth. It all goes away, and my head is just so... peaceful.
"I don't want to hurt anybody, but when I'm like that, I just don't care. Kyle, I can't. I can't care. Something is keeping me from it, and I should care, but I don't. I've never been this content."
She looked at me for a long moment, and then there's the unmistakable sound of a key in a lock. The front door lock. Max was home.
She looked at me frantically. "Kyle, please don't tell him," She begged.
"Why?" I asked quizzically. Max, of all people, would be happy that his sister was. He knew there was way too much pressure on her, much too few chances to be carefree and happy.
She looked at me, hurried but clearly wanting to get her message understood. "Because, Kyle, I've never felt this way before, and if my brother tries to mess with it, he might ruin it." She took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself enough to get the message across. I watched her eyes refocus a little as she regained some kind of control, and decided that she was lucid enough to tell me what was right for her. I listened as she reasoned with me anyway, though.
"Kyle, I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of being freaked out my mind and unable to stop my tears about Alex and my rage for Tess. I just want it to all go away. And that's what this does." She begged me with her eyes, pleading harder than any words could.
I nodded, hesitantly. I wasn't sure this was the brightest idea in the world, but Isabel deserved a chance to be happy more than any other person I can think of, and I wanted to help her. And Max does have a habit of sticking his nose where it doesn't belong.
Isabel sat back in the chair, and took a few deep breaths. In seconds, her eyes unfocused, and her body relaxed. It was creepy, almost as though her body was being taken over by some other creature.
I almost broke my promise when Max came dashing into the room, asking if she'd spoken, but Isabel needed the break, and I, of all people, knew that.
"No," I told him, avoiding his eyes guiltily, praying he wouldn't notice.
Max's eyes fell. "Are you sure?" He asked.
I didn't want to hurt him anymore, didn't want to hurt anyone, but a promise was a promise.
"Yeah."
He nodded dejectedly. "Okay. Thanks for staying with her this afternoon, Kyle."
I had offered to baby-sit Isabel so that he could go out, for the first time in a least a week, I knew.
"You're welcome. Let me know if you want me to do it again."
He nodded, and I wandered out the door, more confused than ever, but also sure I'd made the right decision. Isabel needed a little peace, and something in those eyes, something told me that she was still rational, still capable of making thought-out choices.
At least when she isn't in that creepy, foggy state.
But now, I'm not sure. She's only getting worse, slipping farther away, and Max's parents are going to send her to a mental hospital if we don't do something soon. Maybe I should tell the 'king'.
A little voice in my head reminds me that a promise is still a promise. You made a pact, Kyle. You can't break it.
But there's something more than a little creepy about what's going on with Isabel. She acts like she's been taken over by something, something other than just her grief and fear. Maybe there really is something. Maybe I should tell Max, so that he can help.
I just can't bring myself to disrupt Isabel's sole chance to escape it all on the off-chance that Max can do something to help, that he hasn't already tried.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyone else probably would have told Max, and Isabel knows it. I guess that's why she trusted me with her secret, and not someone else. They all would have meant well, but they still would have told her brother.
But I know what that pain feels like. I know how that horrible betrayal makes your head itch with anger, but at the same time, a hurt that's deeper than soul-deep. And a confusion about who she really was, whether you were really blind enough to let such a blatant liar fool you, or if maybe, she wasn't always really that person.
Coupled with the pain of Alex's death, I'm certainly screwed up enough at the moment. Isabel's even worse off, though. She has the whole alien angle on this to deal with. She almost left this planet, for God's sake. She said good-bye to everyone she knew, and she was about to leave the only home she'd known, the only parents she'd ever had. It couldn't have been easy.
And that's why I'm not going to tell Max. Because I'm the only other person who understands what Isabel's going through, and I can't betray her.
I'm going to see her this afternoon. I go to her house at least every day, usually two or three times. Sometimes I show up in the morning, and don't leave until late at night. The Evans' said I spend more time in their home than Max does these days. They joked about collecting friends of their kids, saying that Michael used to practically live at their home, too.
They asked if I knew anything about why Michael had stopped visiting so much this summer. I hesitated, and then told them that it probably had something to do with a little blond pixie girl named Maria. They smiled, and laughed a little, and I hope it doesn't get back to Michael that I told them.
Isabel came with me, like usual, without a fight. Everything went pretty much how I'd expected, how it usually did.
At the beginning, I'd hoped that being stared at and avoided like a criminal would draw her out of her shell, force her to act more normal, but as usual, what other people thought had no effect on the former Ice Queen of West Roswell High.
On these long walks, I have a lot of time to think. I have to watch out for Isabel, she's like a little child, walking into streets and people if you don't steer her, but still, there's a lot of empty time in my head, and a lot of the time, I ponder my relationship with her, whatever it may be.
I've been asked more than once if I'm dating her. Usually the girls ask that question, though. The guys always want to know if I've 'banged' or 'fucked' or 'screwed' her. I can't believe I used to consider those people friends.
I tell them to buzz off when they ask questions like that. I tell the school gossips to get lost, and the awe-eyed, drooling sophomore cheerleaders to back off, and the gang that it's 'none of their fucking business'. I don't usually talk like that, in fact I'm kind of a gently-spoken person, but it takes what it takes to get the message across and through the extremely dense skulls of some of the guys I hang out with.
The rumors are everything from me taking advantage of her state, to her faking this so that she and I can hang out a lot without suspicion. Isn't it amazing how the rumors live on, even through the summer?
Personally, I don't have a clue how I feel about my blond beauty. Obviously, I think she's gorgeous, and I do feel possessive towards her, as well as an intense need to protect her. But I can't quite figure out if my feelings are of the sisterly nature, or the best-friend nature, or maybe even the romantic nature.
I hope they're best-friend type. I couldn't deal with another 'sister', and I don't want to have to deal with romantic feelings right now. Especially when she couldn't really be considered an active participant in our relationship, whatever it may be.
God, maybe I should be going to a therapist, too.
[Introduction] [Silence] [Clouds]
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