Late Night Decisions
Though they were now engaged, Severus and Deidra felt more segregated than ever. They had become engaged in December, which left five months before school was let out and they would be able to leave the school and go to London to be married. For the sake of the students and staff, Dumbledore had requested that they keep their amore very quiet. The both still slept in their respective bedrooms, and, though Albus had not spoken to that issue directly, it was clear, there would be no public display of affection.
This was very hard on both of them, but particularly on Deidra. Since the moment she'd been restored to her body, she'd clung to Severus as though her life depended on it. But when the students were all back in their rooms and the term resumed, each had had to return to their teaching positions and act as though there was nothing more than professional friendliness between them.
Both Severus and Deidra had promised Albus that they would put their teaching first, until the end of the school year. Then they would have the choice of returning to Hogwarts or going off on their own, just so long as they finished the school year.
This was a difficult promise for the couple to make, but they had both agreed that it was only fair.
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So far they'd endured two months of this cruel separation, it wasn't that bad, they still saw and talked to each other every day, but Deidra still felt as if something was missing, as though she were holding something back.
But she hadn't thought of any of these things tonight, she hadn't thought of the promise to her father, hadn't thought of her yearnings and feeling of awkwardness, all she could think about was her desperate need of comfort at this moment.
She'd woken about a half-hour before, jolted from sleep by a terrible dream that had positively terrified her. She didn't know exactly what it had been; all she could remember were bodies lying in pools of various colored bloods. She didn't remember if she'd seen anyone she knew in particular, only that it had chilled her to her very soul.
Now all she wanted was someone to comfort her and automatically her mind turned to Severus. So, at 1:30 that morning, Deidra had risen from her bed and left her room. She needed no light to guide her, she knew exactly where she was going. As she padded down various hallways she did not question for a minute what she was doing. She didn't give a single moment's thought to the promise she'd made her father, or the common rules of decency, all she thought about was that she would feel safe and comforted when she found Severus.
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Severus had never been able to sleep at night. Even when he was a student he'd been forced to prowl the halls of Hogwarts after hours because his lack of sleep plagued him. And tonight was no different. Wandering the dark halls alone had always given him solace, but not lately. Lately he didn't want to be alone anymore; he just wanted to be with Deidra. But he could not, he had promised Albus, and he meant to keep it.
As he wandered the halls he was not thinking about where he was going, instead he thought of Deidra and of the months since her arrival. They had been some of the happiest and most frightening and sad months of his life. It seemed that every time he thought he finally had her for good, something else stood in the way.
Completely lost in his own thoughts he had paid no attention to what was going on around, no one would be up at this time of night except Filtch anyway, and Filtch always gave clear warning of his approach. Because he wasn't paying attention, Severus did not notice the slim figure wandering aimlessly in his direction until impact.
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Deidra did not have good night vision, she never had, and she didn't need it. She knew where she was going without seeing, so she didn't bother, and as a consequence she didn't see the black clad figure swiftly approaching her.
SMACK! She collided straight with it and tumbled backwards. Scared out of her mind, Deidra began to scream. Realizing who it was that he'd just ran into, Severus knelt next to her, trying to calm her down.
"Deidra, Deidra, calm down, it's just me, it's just Severus, what are you doing out of bed so late, are you alright?" Severus braced his arm across her back, helping her to sit up.
She'd stopped screaming now and was simply sobbing quietly. When the meaning of Severus's words sunk in she clutched his robes, pulling him to her so she could bury her face in his shoulder. She shuddered violently with each sob, which were becoming less and less. Severus just let her cry herself out, wrapping his arms around her.
When she'd finished she lifted her face from his shoulder. It was dark and neither of them could see that well. Shifting Deidra in his arms, Severus fumbled for the wand in his robe pocket. Finally getting a handle on it, he held it out, away from Deidra and muttered, "Lumos." Placing the wand of t he ground next to him, the faint light casting an eerie glow on Deidra's tear stained face.
Taking her face in both of his hands he kissed the top of her forehead, whispering soothing nothings to her for several minutes until she had quieted all together. When she was a little more composed she pulled back from his hands. Brushing the loose strands of hair that had fallen forward out of her face, she gave Severus a weak smile. "What a pair we are, eh."
Severus shook his head, "that we are, what are you doing out here so late, why aren't you in bed." He reached out and stroked her arm. She brought her other hand over and covered his with hers.
"I had a nightmare, actually I've been having them for months, and I couldn't sleep, so I got up to go find you." She looked down pretending to be very interested in the dim light of the wand, while trying to avoid his eyes.
"Well, you found me, that's for sure." Severus chuckled lightly. "But," he added a little more seriously, "I don't think it's a good idea for us to linger here. Knowing Filtch, he'll have caught our scent by now, and, is probably at this very minute bolting toward us, absolutely delighted at the prospect of a capture."
Deidra shifted onto her knees and groaned, "you're right, but where do we go, that man's got a better nose than a blood hound."
Severus rocked back on his heels, "well, why don't we just go back to your room, he wouldn't dare come in there."
Deidra shook her head nervously, "no, no I don't want to go back there, to many bad thoughts hanging in the air."
"You're hard to please," Severus joked, "alright then, where do you think we should go."
"Actually I was hoping I could stay down in your room tonight, I don't want to go back to a big empty bed in a big empty room, not with the thoughts I've been having." She looked at Severus, her eyes full of pleading. At this moment both knew they were on the verge of breaking a very serious promise, and at this moment, neither of them cared.
Severus got to his feet and then helped Deidra to hers. "Alright then, but we'd better get going, I think I hear the hunter now."
At this Deidra gave her first true smile of the night. "It feels just like we're kids again, trying to pretend we don't like each other and sneaking out of our dormitories in the middle of the night to meet."
Stretching his hand out, Severus caressed her cheek, his face full of inscrutable tenderness. "That was a long time ago, and we were both very different then."
"Yes," Deidra added and leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "But some things don't change." And, giving him a mischievous smile, she grabbed his hand and together, they rushed down the long corridor into the darkness.
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Filtch had indeed heard something, but he wasn't sure what it was. Following Mrs. Norris, he snaked around Hogwarts many twists and turns until he saw his cat stop ahead of him. Turning the final corner, he stood in the middle of an empty hallway, empty that is, except for a single wand that lay on the floor, illuminating its surroundings. Curiously, Filtch picked it up, examining it carefully. But after several minutes he still could not figure out who it belonged to. Shrugging, he stuffed the wand in his pocket and turned to his cat. "Don't worry my sweet, it won't belong before the owner comes looking for it." And with that, he turned and went back the way he came.
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Bolting the door behind him, Severus collapsed on his bed beside Deidra, both consumed by fits of laughter. "He must have been furious," Deidra giggled. "To have wound his way to the school, thinking he was hot on the scent, only to end up finding nothing."
"Yes," Severus gasped through his own laughter; "this certainly is like old times." He turned on his side to look at her, their eyes met, and immediately both stopped laughing. Gravely, he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled Deidra to him in a passionate kiss.
At once she opened her mouth to the kiss, fully accepting of whatever he might do. Instinctively, Severus rolled them over so he was on top of her. He continued to kiss her for several seconds longer before he caught himself and pulled away, horror stricken. Moving over to sit on the edge of the bed, he covered his face with his hands.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me, I, I, I." He mumbled for a little longer, than abruptly broke off, unable to finish. He would not face her or take his head from his hands.
Deidra sat for a few moments, rather stunned. She had not seen Severus's actions coming, but when they had, she had felt excitement pulsing through her body unlike anything she'd ever known before. The feel of his body over hers, his lips and hands touching her so possessively, it had been exhilarating.
What was even more shocking to her, was the way her own body had responded so naturally. Although she'd never done anything like this in her entire life, it was as though this was the most natural and normal thing in the world.
Recovering, she turned her attention back to Severus who was still shamefacedly refusing to look at her. Crawling across the space that separated them, she brought her face very close to his. Whispering in his ear, she said, "it's alright, you didn't have to stop."
Severus looked up at her in shock, "but I, I, you, it's, we can-." But before he had a chance to finish, she'd stopped his mouth with her own. Again, Severus lost his control and let his body and his instincts take over. Pushing her back onto the bed he covered her body with his.
Timidly, his hand wandered down to the clasps of her robes. One by one, he undid them, and as he did, Deidra returned the favor, undoing his robes. It took awhile before he'd removed all her cloths as every couple minutes he'd loose his nerve and want to retreat. But each time she pulled him back and urged him on.
Finally they were both bare of clothing and lying together in his bed. But as Severus moved to take the next step, he stopped abruptly and sat up on his knees, looking very embarrassed. Unsure of what to think, Deidra pulled a sheet around herself and sat up so she was eye level with Severus.
"What's wrong?" She whispered, afraid she had done something to make him feel uncomfortable.
"I'm, I'm not sure how to do this, I've never done anything like this before." He looked down at his hands, feeling very awkward.
When Deidra heard this she let out a laugh, causing Severus to look up abruptly, his face flushed scarlet with embarrassment. But she quickly assured him. "Oh Severus, do you think I have any idea what I'm doing either." She reached out and lifted his chin to look into his eyes. "This is my first time too, but I know enough to know that it isn't about knowing anything, or any specific procedure, it's about acting on your feelings and your instincts. Just do what you feel is right, and we'll learn together."
Now it was Severus's turn to be surprised, "you've never done this before, but I thought for sure, after all this years-." But Deidra only shook her head.
"I couldn't, plenty of guys tried, but I never felt ready, so I always avoided it." She reached out and twisted a lock of his hair in her fingers.
Severus caught her hand in his and look into her eyes. "And you feel ready now?" He asked seriously. She nodded solemnly.
"But we don't have to do it if you're not ready, we've got the rest of our lives Severus, it doesn't have to be tonight." She added, not wanting to put him in a situation he might be dreading.
"I want to," he said quietly, "it's just not going to be all that great, I know almost nothing about it."
"Severus, I don't really care about the actual act," Deidra said soberly, "I just wanted to be able to share this with you."
He smiled grimly at her, "well, we'll never get anywhere discussing it all night."
Deidra slid her bare arms up around Severus's neck, "no, no we won't." And with that she pulled him back down on the bed on top of her. Their lips sealed together.
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Author's note:
I promise, this is going to be an actual story with a plot, not just smut, not to say that there might not be some more. But I had to get this out of the way so I could get on with the rest of the story (you know why it's necessary Kyla) after the next chapter you'll have a better understanding of the whole thing if you can't guess it already.
P.S.
Kyla- here's your "tequel," so stop bitching and get on with you story! (but, at the same time, thanks for all the encouragement."
