After Math

After Math

That night, for the first time in ages, both Deidra and Severus were able to sleep soundly. Wrapped in each other's arms, peaceful sleep finally found them. The next morning, however, was not so blissful. Waking to a banked fire and a stream of sunlight, Severus at first was a little hazy as to what had happened last night exactly. He remembered meeting Deidra in the hall, he remembered bringing her back here, but after that, he wasn't quite sure. All he got were emotions, rather than memories, he remembered an immense passion, and profound awkwardness and shame, then a soothing cool. But he wasn't sure what exactly had happened to provide him with those emotions.

But one look down at the jumble of sheets and the slight curled up figure lying so quietly next to him told him all he needed to know. Deidra lay on her side, facing Severus, with her knees slightly curled up, and one of the sheets wrapped tightly around her provided her only cover. One look was all it took, and everything came flooding back. The hours of discovery and passion they had spent last night, breaking many barriers and treading into foreign grounds of experience. He remembered his hands, as well as several other parts of him, going placed they'd never dared go before. He remembered the sounds he'd heard from Deidra at different points, sounds he'd never thought to hear from a woman with him. He remembered his immense feeling of inadequacy, and then pride, as he'd made Deidra moan, scream, and writhe with desire that clearly stated her opinion of his performance.

And afterwards, her timid look of fear that he would push her away, which he responded to by settling her firmly into his arms and telling her to go to sleep. Severus also remembered that placid look of contentment he'd seen on Deidra's face just before he followed her into the land of dreams. Neither had moved from that spot for the rest of the night.

But now it was morning, and with it came the harsher realization of what they had done. Looking back again at Deidra Severus realized that they had crossed a dangerous line last night. Though they were engaged, they were not yet technically married, which made their actions rather inappropriate by society's standards. What's more, they had broken their promise to Dumbledore. This didn't bother Severus too much, because he knew that, should Dumbledore find out, he was an understanding and forgiving man, who would not be very angry with them. But Deidra, for her it would be a different story, Albus was her father and she would feel very ashamed and angry with herself for having broken a promise to him.

But all of these concerns were secondary next to what really bothered him. Above all else, Severus was ashamed of his conduct last night. He knew exactly what he'd done, to Deidra and her innocence. He'd destroyed one, and altered the other. He cursed himself for not having more control, he should have waited, should have waited till they were more at leisure to discuss this, should have waited till he was calmer and more in control. Now she would be disgusted with him; he knew how he'd behaved, more like a wild animal than a man in love.

His musings and thoughts of self-loathing were cut short when he felt a stirring next to him this is it, he thought, time to face the music. He was prepared for Deidra to sit up and scream, or hit him, or run in disgust, or even shrink from him. But what he didn't expect, was the look of pure love and serenity she gave him. Shifting slightly, she stretched her arms and reached out a hand to trace the ripples of Severus's now bare chest.

"Good morning," she said lazily, "did you sleep well?"

Severus was completely shocked, but he quickly hid it, responding, "yes, very well, and you?"

"Wonderful!" She said sitting up, "I've never had such a wonderful night, no nightmares at all."

Now Severus could not hide his surprise, letting his curiosity get the better of him, he probed, "do you, remember what happened?"

Deidra raised her eyes coyly and gestured to the disarrayed bed, tangled sheets, and the two of them, "you mean this," she leaned forward on her knees to whisper in Severus's ear, "how could I forget." And she planted a little kiss just under his ear lobe, sending shivers through him.

"And you're, alright," he gulped slightly, fearing the answer.

"Yes, perfectly fine, in fact, I think I've never felt so rested." She stretched her arms again and slid out of the bed, the sheet still draped around her.

Seeing her figure covered only by that thin sheet, Severus almost lost control all over again, but he caught himself in time, smacking himself across his face.

Deidra came back over and sat on the bed next to him. Gently, she raised her hand to where a red mark was now forming on his cheek from impact. "What ever did you do that for?" She said, running her fingers along his cheekbone.

"It was all I could do, I almost lost control again, and now is not the time for any of that." Severus said, standing up and going over to grab his robe from off a chair where it had fallen.

His last comment made Deidra laugh, and she motioned for him to throw her, her own robe, which was lying not far from his. Catching it, she wrapped herself in it, letting the sheet fall to the floor. Standing again, she walked over to join Severus, who was trying to appear modest and look away while she changed. Putting her hand on the back of his neck, she touched her forehead to his.

"What have we done," she asked lightly. But when she met Severus's eyes, she could see his were grim set. "What's wrong?"

Sighing deeply, Severus wrapped his arms around Deidra, hugging her close. "I think you know what's wrong," he mumbled against the top of her head. "We've just done something that is very wrong for two people in our positions, and we broke our promise to your father."

The first part of his reason hadn't moved her, and he hadn't expected it to, but when he mentioned her father, she let out a shallow gasp and broke away from his hold.

Covering her mouth, she had a look of shocked horror on her face, "you're right," she breathed, "what have we done!?" With that she knelt down hard on the floor, covering her face.

Severus sat down beside her and stroked her hair, "Deidra, it's not so bad, we just won't do it again until after we're married, and your father probably won't even find out if we don't tell."

"You're right," Deidra muttered, "after all, it was only once, and it wasn't like anyone saw or anything." Feeling more composed now, she smoothed the hair out of her face, and hulled herself off the floor. "But I'd better go now, so no one does see me."

Still sitting, Severus gestured toward the fireplace, but when he looked at it, his face fell, the fire had died during the night, and to travel by flu powder you need a lighted fire.

Deidra shrugged, "we'll just light another one, that's all."

"Right." Severus nodded and got up to go restart the fire. But just as he bent over it, there was a pounding on his door.

"Professor, it's time for breakfast, can we go, PLEASE!" The slightly high voice said from behind the door.

Lowering his voice considerably he swore, "curse those children, always showing up where they don't belong, and we're stuck now."

Looking around frantically, both tried to think of what to do, but in the end it was Deidra who came up with the answer. "I'll hide down here until after breakfast, and when the cost is clear, I'll light the fire and go back to my room and make my excuses to father later."

Severus looked around one last time before giving a slight nod, "that does seem to be pretty much our only option, well, alright then." And with that he walked into his bathroom and came out not two minutes later looking his usual grim self.

Crossing the room, he stopped to give Deidra a quick kiss on the forehead and whisper, "later my love." To which Deidra only smiled in reply.

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Almost a half-hour later Deidra collapsed with relief on her bed. She had narrowly missed being caught by the house elves as they came to clean Severus's room. She'd just had enough time to get through the fireplace before they opened the door and prayed she hadn't left any of her cloths behind. She felt like squealing for joy as a little child does just after he or she has taken their first turn on the merry-go-round and are still dizzy from the whirling and excitement.

Last night she'd entered a whole new world she'd never knew existed, a world of love expressed through actions as well as words, a world where you are free to climb the tallest mountain and at the end, throw yourself over the edge to experience the giddy exhilaration of flight.

But now she had to deal with the after math, and her first step was to change, and then go find her father.

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She'd found him in his office, entering through the "back way" by means of a picture several halls down from the gargoyle that everyone else used as an entrance, she came out of a stone door in the corner, just hidden by the book shelves. Stepping out, she found her father engrossed in a book, which he appeared to be reading upside down.

"Still playing that old game are you," she said teasingly, "I certainly can't do it, it gives me a frightful headache."

Albus laughed and put the book down, looking up at Deidra, "I don't know how I do it, I guess it comes from having too much time to myself, I have to find something to occupy myself, this is as good as anything else." He pulled up a stool from somewhere behind his desk and gestured her to it.

Wordlessly she walked over and took it. It was something she'd done all her life, sit at her father's feet while they talked. Very gently, he reached out a hand and smoothed a bit of hair that's she'd forgotten to tame before rushing off in search of him. "Late start today." He said.

Deidra nodded, "I finally slept sound last night, and I guess I was really tired because when I woke up, breakfast was already over." She shrugged.

Suddenly, Albus tilted his head to one side, "you look different today."

"I do," said Deidra, unsure of what her father was getting at.

"Yes, you do, you certainly look more rested than usual, that's for sure. But there's something else, something in your face that I've never seen before, and yet, it's oddly familiar." Shrugging his shoulders he added, "it must be your mother, every time I look at you, I see more of her, and less of me."

Deidra laughed partly for the humor of his statement, but also partly from relief that he had not guessed yet, and a moment ago she'd been afraid he'd figured it out. "Don't be silly, everyone knows I'm your daughter, they always say that as soon as they look at me, they know, 'that's Dumbledore's daughter, she looks just like him.'"

Albus patted her head, a rather odd gesture for a father to bestow on a grow child. "You are, as ever, my one comfort in my old age."

"Oh father, don't start that again, you're not old. I'm going down to the kitchens to see if I can scrounge something along the lines of a late breakfast, do you need me to do anything." She'd stood up and was heading for the regular door.

"No, just tell Severus that in the future, it's a lot quicker if you use the passage behind his coat rack, it leads right to the hall off your room, and you don't have to worry about all the business with the fire each time." At his words Deidra looked back in horror, but Albus had already picked up his book again and appeared very engrossed. Turning scarlet with shame, Deidra fled the room as fast as she could, barely managing to close the door behind her.

After he heard the door close, Albus looked back up and chuckled softly to himself, when would they ever learn, the more you try to hide something, the more obvious it was what you were trying to hide.

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For the rest of the day, Deidra stayed in her room, not daring to come out. Who knew, and how much did they know, she couldn't bear to face anyone for fear she might break down at the slightest question and tell them everything.

When she did not come down for lunch or dinner, and he didn't see her around any of the halls at break, Severus began to get worried, so, after dinner, when all the students had returned to their common rooms, he went up to her room.

Knocking softly on the door incase she was sleeping, he opened the door, shaking his head, will she ever think about locking her door, and walked into the room. He found Deidra in tears on her bed. Without a sound he slid on the bed opposite her, and lightly touched her shoulder.

At the contact, Deidra looked up, her face tearstained, and she whispered, "he knows Severus, he knows."

Severus pulled back a little in surprise but then he moved back to pull her into his arms. Laying her head on his shoulder he rocked her gently and asked, "was he mad?"

Deidra shook her head and responded, "he said to tell you that next time use the passage way behind your coat rack, because it leads right to the hallway off my room and then we wouldn't have to bother with the fire business."

Now Severus laughed and Deidra pulled away from him in shock, "why are you laughing, I don't see what's so funny."

Severus shook his head as though he was dealing with a young child and he reached out to caress her cheek with his palm. "Don't you understand Deidra? That was his way of saying that he never really cared if we did it or not, he probably just said that so as to make sure we were very careful about."

Deidra's face was screwed up in thought now and she finally concluded by nodding rather sheepishly, "you're probably right Severus, I was probably just over reacting."

"I think you were." Severus said, smoothing her hair back.

Now it was Deidra's turn to laugh, but her laugh was cut short by a grimace of pain. Concerned, Severus asked, "what's wrong, do you feel all right my love?"

"That's just it, all day today, I've been feeling very tired and very sick, like I'm about ready to throw up." She said massaging her stomach. "At first I thought maybe I was getting the flu or something like that, but I've had those before, and I never felt like this."

"You probably just need to rest, and who knows, maybe it would do you some good to throw up." Severus was holding Deidra again, almost cradling her. "Get a good, full nights rest and it'll probably be gone by tomorrow."

Deidra shifted her weight and grimaced with pain, "you're probably right, but if it doesn't I'll go see Madam Pomfrey tomorrow. But, will you stay here with me tonight." At a curious look from Severus she shook her head. "No, not tonight, I just don't want to be alone when I feel like this."

Severus chuckled, "I figured that was what you wanted, I just wanted to see how you'd respond."

Deidra shook her head. "It's so odd. This morning I felt better than ever, and now I feel like my stomach's swelling up or something it hurts so much."

"Don't worry," Severus insisted, more for himself than her, "it'll probably be gone by tomorrow."

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Author's note:

To Kyla,

Here's your FRICKING chapter two!