Untitled Document
A Moment
~Natsu~
A/N: Rightright.
This isa Kenkeru. Or Taken, or whatever. I wrote it as part
of a gift exchange with the lovely Sharami andtalk about
hard. It's not really a pairing I'm used to (to be honest, I don't
think I've EVER read a Kenkeru before) so cut me some slack. I
apologise if I screw up the characters or if it accidentally-on-purpose
turns into Taito. Okay? Good. UmI think it's going to have
one of those annoying, floaty endings that stops at the wrong
place, leaving you to interpret things for yourself. Sohere
we gowish me luck .
Okay, what is
wrong with this picture? Exciting, loud, upbeat, party-of-the-year
inside, Takeru standing around in the cold outside. Hmm.
It's not like
I wasn't invited or anything; as the 'star' of the basketball
team (according to the school paper, not me), it is my social
obligation to attend. I did my attending. It was loud and sweaty
and I didn't like it. Yeah, I'm young, up for anythingbut
aren't I allowed to get a headache once in a while? And boy, does
my head ACHE. I can still hear the music thumping through the
wall of the school gym (it doubles as an event hall) behind me,
every dull drumbeat pounding mercilessly against my temples.
All I want to
do is go home and go to bed.
How much of
a wet blanket do I sound? Give me a break, I'm exhausted from
a game this morning (nobody should have to get up at seven on
a Saturday morning) and then I have to come to this party all
on my own. You should see it in there. Everyone has a partner
or a little group of friends and followers. I can't work it outnormally
I have lots of friendsbut tonight they all seem to have
got absorbed into the party atmosphere and have randomly forgotten
that I exist. Hikari came with Daisuke, and before you ask, no,
it doesn't bother me that the two of them are dating because,
no, I'm not into her. Or him, before you ask that one as well.
Hikari's my best friend and Daisuke's a pretty good friend too.
There's nothing else there.
I've known for
a while now that I'm most definitely bi. Yes, shock horror, Takaishi
Takeru is not 100% straight. 'However will you sleep tonight?'
as my brother would say. Yeah, that's right, Yamato's bi as well.
And, for that matter, so is my Dad. Personally, I think that it
must be genetic. All in the genes.
"It runs
in the family," Dad agrees seriously.
"You always
have to copy everything I do, don't you Takeru?" My brother
asks with a smile.
"Don't
be silly," My mother says.
I don't think
she wants to think of me turning out like my father. Not that
she'd care if I turned into Yamato of course. They reconciled
recently and now he's at college, doing great, and she couldn't
be prouder of him. He's back for Christmas so he came to the party
too. I would have gone with him, expect Taichi's come back as
well soit would really be pointless and I figured I might
as well go alone.
Naturally, they're
still in there now, pissed and dancing (i.e. groping to music,
while simultaneously trying to swallow each other's tongues) right
in the thick of it. It's scary, how readily people have accepted
their relationship. Probably because they're so open and relaxed
about it, you barely notice that it isn't the norm. Plus, all
the girls see it as the obvious reason why they haven't been asked
out by one of them yet and they can rest easy. Yamato and Taichi
have always been popular individuals. All through high school,
what with Yamato's band being the hit it is, and Taichi being
the captain of the soccer team. The school heart throbs. And together,
their popularity has doubled. I suppose that kind of makes sense
when you think about itit's liketwo for the price
of one. Besides, people admire them for what they stand for. They've
become some kind of symbol forI don't know. Something.
I hope that
I'm so readily accepted for whoever I fall in love with.
Kamiit's
freezing out here. Don't believe me? Okay, wellthe whole
of Odaiiba is covered in white. Trust me, I'm here and it's cold.
I shove my fingers
into my pockets, hunching my shoulders against the icy air. There's
HUGE snow clouds blanketing the sky. Guess we're in for another
round before the night is up. I can feel a sneeze tickling at
my nostrilsdamn noit's not gonna comedon't you
hate that? When you have to sneeze but you justdon't?
"A-choo!"
I jump at the
noise, startled because it definitely didn't come from me. I think.
Unless I was so lost in my own thoughts that I missed it. It didn't
sound like a me-sneeze. It sounded quieter, breathier - more like
Matt. What would he be doing out here? Oh, I hope he and Tai haven't
had another fight. They never last long, but they're frequent
and passionate and it's always good for Yamato to have a shoulder
to lean on when he shoves Tai away. He has such a habit of working
himself into depression over the most trivial things.
Gritting my
teeth, I trudge through the ankle-deep snow and around the corner
of the building, in the general direction of the sneeze and I
can see instantly that it's not my brother. There's a figure sitting
quietly on a bench, the snow that covered it having been melted
by the streetlight that shines above it, and it's a figure that
I recognise.
"Ken?"
He half turns,
the corner of his mouth twitching in recognition.
"Hey Takeru."
He says in his usual quiet, controlled voice. It's been quite
a while since I've seen him. He and Daisuke are still pretty close
but now that we don't goanymore, the rest of
us have kind of lost contact. He goes to a different school and
I'm always busy with training and stuffyou know how it is.
It must have been at least a year.
"Wow, how
are you? It's been ages since I saw you last," I say, grinning
easily.
He nods, shifting
over on the bench to make room for me to sit down. He looks great.
Kinda different, but great.
"I didn't
know you were coming tonight." I sit down in the space offered,
still smiling. It always makes me feel so good to catch up with
old friends.
"YeahI
don't normally come to parties butI was feeling bored so"
he shrugs kind of awkwardly.
"What are
you doing out here then? It's freezing." I say, rubbing my
arms for effect.
"I could
ask the same of you," he returns and I shrug.
"It's so
loud in there," I say sheepishly, "I've got kind of
a headache. I'm just, you know, not feeling too sociable right
now."
"Huh. Know
the feeling." He tucks a lock of glossy dark hair behind
his ear, looking out across the glittering, deserted playing field
as he talks to me.
"You out
here for the same reason?"
"More or
less," Ken answers simply and there's a moment of silence
where I realise that I don't really have anything to say.
"So"
I start automatically, used to the easy flow of conversation between
Hikari and I, and he turns to look at me expectantly, which suddenly
makes it even harder for me to think of something to say. I've
never really noticed how nice to look at Ken is. His eyes are
this unusual kind of indigo colour with really dark, sooty lashes,
which stand out all the more against his pale, sculpted features.
He looks so much older nowhis hair is longer, his face slightly
more angular
"So"
he prompts.
"Soyes.
Sohow have you been?" I say eventually.
"Not bad.
You?" He lifts his eyebrows as he asks.
"Yeah.
Fine."
He nods, eyes
flicking across my face, no doubt noting the differences there.
Which is fine because it gives me more permission to look at him.
He's wearing a dark, heavy coat, but despite it's warmth, his
cheeks and the tip of his nose are brushed pink by the cold air.
"How's
the basketball? Ken asks, taking it upon himself to keep the conversation
going after my rather pathetic attempts.
"Good.
How's the soccer?"
"The same.
We had a match yesterday. Naturally, we won by a mile," He
informs me, smirking confidently, just like he used to.
"Great.
I had a game this morning."
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
"What was
the score?"
"Ican't
remember. We won."
"Ah. Good."
Silence.
Really heavy,
awkward, uncomfortable silence. I find myself mentally adding
up all the things I like about the boy sitting next to me, from
what I can remember and from what I can see. The commanding grace
of his movements, the calm drawl of his voice, the way he observes
everything so sensitively
Okay, now I
want to go back inside.
"It's really
great about Taichi and your brother," Ken offers helpfully.
A good topic; nice, solid common ground.
"Oh yeah.
Yeah, it is, isn't it? It's cool that they've both found someone."
"I take
it they're happy?"
"Please!
Did you see them in there? You couldn't fit a spatula between
them." I say with a grin, feeling more comfortable by the
second. Ken laughs.
"Yeah.
And it's nice that everyone's so accepting."
"I know.
How about Hikari and Daisuke?"
"Mm."
He pauses. "Are youyou knowokay with that?"
His voice is kind of teasing, but there's a note of genuine concern
there.
"Sure.
She's my friendI want her to be happy. Even if it does mean
that I get to spend less time with her." Ken nods, understanding
perfectly. I guess he must feel similarly about Daisuke. And as
I answer his question, I think about it for the first time. I
love Hikari a lot. Not in a sexual way, more like you'd love a
sister andalthough it's wonderful that she's found someone
who's right for herI can't help but feel sad about it. I
don't want her, but I don't want to lose her. And the thought
of not being able to spend so much time with her, her choosing
to sit next to someone who isn't me, her calling on someone else
first, issad. Unfair. Humbling.
"How about
you? Are you okay with it?" I hear myself ask.
"Of course.
Friendships last longer that relationships." Ken says sensibly.
"Definitely."
"And if
you're lucky you can get both at once. And that'll last forever."
Ken looks away, his eyes trailing wistfully across the field again.
"Like Yamato
and Taichi," I mutter, feeling kind of lonely all of a sudden,
"I hope I can have that some day."
"Me too."
"And doesn't
it just seem like you're expected to be with someone? And that
just, like, everyone else in the whole world is in a relationship?"
"Because
of course, you can only possibly be happy if you've got a someone."
Ken continues my thought, slight sarcasm lacing his voice.
"Mm. What
about you?"
"What about
me?"
"Do you
want a girl" he cuts me off,
"I
think." He mutters, looking away from me.
"Okay,
boyfriend." I say, not even slightly phased. And why should
I be? Ken shrugs silently in response, studying the ground between
his feet.
"And you?"
He asks after a pause, "Do you want a" he hesitates,
allowing me to fill in the gaps.
"Either,"
I say with a smile, "I don't knowmaybe."
"Maybe"
he agrees quietly, and more silence follows as we both drift in
our own thoughts. But it isn't an uncomfortable silence this time,
more like the silence of two criminals on death row. A realisation
that this person beside you feels exactly what you are feeling
and therefore understands better than anyone else ever could.
We should never have lost touch. We get on pretty well when I
think about it.
"Takeru?"
Ken speaks my name slowly and I feel a little jolt ofas
he leans to nudge me with his shoulder, attracting my attention
to him.
"Huh?"
"It's snowing."
I follow his
gaze upwards and watch as the sparse little flakes drift slowly
down from the darkness above us. Wow. They seem to appear from
nowhere as they enter the little circle of artificial light that
surrounds us, clear and sharp and sparkling. Across the dark playing
field, the flakes fall as pale little smudges, illuminated by
nothing but the patchy moonlight that leaks through the heavy
clouds.
"Just think,"
Ken's saying, "everyone back in there is missing this right
now."
"Yeah"
Talk about a movie-moment. It always seems weird, unnatural, when
you get a moment like this in real life. I shiver, only partly
from the cold.
"Heydo
you think" Ken starts, but is cut off by a voice that
is way too loud for such a quiet, pensive moment.
"Ken?!
Hey Ken, you out here buddy?" Ken groans.
"That's
one of my friends from soccer," he explains, "I'm getting
a lift home with him."
"We're
all ready to go! Where are you?"
"Guess
that's your cue then," I say cheerfully.
"YeahIt
was great to see you again TK," Ken replies, standing reluctantly,
"Really great."
"Yeah.
Same for you. We'll have to meet up again some time soon, okay?"
I say, realising that I really do mean that.
"Okay.
I'd like that." He says with his usual lazy half-smile.
"See you
then."
"Bye."
He turns on his heel and starts to walk away, out of the light,
and I fix my eyes on the fence at the end of the field, feeling
oddly disappointed.
I hear his footsteps
falter and look up as he turns back, assuming that there was something
he forgot to say. He steps back into the streetlight's circle
and smiles at me before bending down to brush his lips quickly
over mine.
He's still smiling
as he leaves for real.
I stay sitting
there for a while afterwards, until my fingers and toes are completely
numb, and only go inside when Hikari comes to fetch me.
A/N: Umyeah.
That was for you, Sharami.