The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
Part 7
[Titan Towers]
[Stone Cold and Helmsley
are just outside the secret entrance to the Doghouse]
Stone Cold:
The billion-dollar princess is quite independant. A bit skanky though.
WHAT?
Helmsley:
I know. She's got major heat with the fans. When I hired Shane McMahon
to have her jobbed to the Alliance, I thought that was great. But
it's going to be so much more fun when I make her sign that agreement on
our wedding night granting me over half of the McMahon billions.
Once I stash the money away and blame the Alliance for stealing it, the
fans will be outraged - they'll demand I take over the WWF and get revenge!
Stone Cold: [snickers,
then examines a huge door] Now where is that secret panel? [he
finds it and the door opens to reveal a hidden passage] Are you
coming into the doghouse? WHAT? I said are you coming into the doghouse?
Jericho's got his strength back. I'm starting his torture tonight.
WHAT? I said I'm starting his torture tonight!
Helmsley:
[sincerely] Austin, you know how much I love watching you
cut a never-ending promo, but I've got my next title reign to plan, my
wedding to
arrange, my wife to
con, and the Alliance to frame for it; I'm swamped.
Stone Cold: Take
a rest then, ya silly bastard.
[Stone Cold enters
the doghose, and Helmsley leaves Titan Towers]
Stone Cold:
[admiring his torture contraption - a TV screen, attached to a big machine.
Jericho sits tied to a chair facing the screen. There are wires from the
machine attached to his head] Beautiful ain't it? I want you
to be honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. WHAT? I said I
want you to be honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. I think
I'll use the lowest setting. WHAT? I said I think I'll use the lowest setting.
[Stone Cold activates
the machine. Jericho writhes in great pain as Austin promo after
Austin promo airs on the screen in front of him. 99% of the promos consist
of Austin repeating the word "what"]
Stone Cold: [calmly]
As you know, the concept of annoying and pissing off fans is old. Making
you watch this, I've just sucked one year of your life away. WHAT?
I said I just sucked one year of your life away! The lowest setting is
'jobber to a chair-shot'. I might one day go as high as 'jobber to Al Snow',
but I really don't know what that'll do to ya. WHAT? I said I really don't
know what that'll do to ya! Tell me what THIS did. Now be honest.
How do you feel?
Jericho: [crying
in pain] No more! No more! [starts tugging at his hair] If I
have to hear you say WHAT one more time, I'll kill MYSELF!
Stone Cold: WHAT?
[The scene shifts
to Prince Helmsley in his quarters]
[Helmsley's personal
fighter enters the room]
Helmsley: RVD?
RVD: [points
to his shoulders and confirms that he is indeed RVD] The whole F'n
show at your service! What is it, man?
Helmsley: Con-artists
from the Alliance are infiltrating the WWF and plan to con my bride out
of all her money on our wedding night.
RVD: [surprised]
Hey man, I didn't hear anything about that. Don't matter anyway. Just take
it easy, man. I'll take care of it. Here [hands Helmsley a rolled piece
of paper with 'special' filler]
Helmsley: [looking
at the object RVD is offering him] Uh... no...
[Stephanie quietly
enters]
Stephanie:
Any word from Jericho?
Helmsley:
[startled] STEPH! No... um.. not yet.
Stephanie: He'll
come back to torment me. I know he will! [Stephanie sticks her nose
up in the air and leaves in a huff]
Helmsley: [muttering]
Skanky little--- uh... RVD... [turns to RVD] On the
day of the wedding,
I want the WWF locker room emptied!
RVD: [distraught]
Dude... the wrestlers are gonna resist! They're gonna be all pissed and
stuff.
Helmsley: [angered]
Then find some people who'll turn on their fellow workers and HELP you.
I hear Lord Regal is available. I want the locker room emptied before I
marry Steph, got it?!
RVD: That's gonna
be hard, man...
Helmsley:
You think THAT'S hard, try manipulating a non-stop monster push into your
contract sometime!
TO BE CONTINUED