The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
Part 8
Narrator:
The day of the wedding arrived. The workers had their hands full
carrying out Helmsley's orders.
[RVD and his men are
clearing out the WWF locker room]
RVD: Yo,
is everyone out?
Jobber:
Almost. There's an Olympic Hero still in there. He won't leave.
RVD: Well,
MAKE him leave! C'mon! Helmsley's gonna kick my ass if we don't follow
through ont this!
[In the locker room,Angle
is giving one of the guards a difficult time. Empty milk cartons are strewn
about]
Angle: [he
appears to be drunk] I'm waiting for Shane McMahon!
Jobber:
Helmsley wants your ass outta here!!
[Angle jumps up and
puts the jobber in the ankle-lock submission hold]
Angle: I'm staying
'till Shane McMahon gets here. It's true. It's damn true!
Jobber: HELP!!
Someone HELP! [he taps vigorously]
Angle: I said
I'm waiting for Shane McMahon. [Just then, a hand grabs him from
behind]
[Angle looks up, and
sees that it's Big Show]
Angle: SHOW! [The
jobber gets up, but Big Show knocks him back down again with one punch]
You know, Show -- I think someone spiked my milk!
Big Show: You
sure all you had was milk?
Angle: Of course...
olympic heroes don't drink... [Angle then passes out]
Narrator:
Big Show and Angle were reunited. Big Show told Angle about Shane McMahon
jobbing to Debra's cookies, and the existence of Stone Cold - the bald-headed
redneck. Considering Angle's thirst for vengence, he handled the
Stone Cold news surprisingly well.
[Angle breaks down
and cries over a picture of his medals]
Angle: At last,
I'll get revenge!! [he blows his nose and sniffles, then gets serious]
Where the bald-headed redneck now? I'm gonna make him TAP!
Big Show:
He's with the prince at Titan Towers. But the door is guarded by
thirty wrestlers.
Angle: How
many can you handle?
Big Show:
Ten, I guess.
Angle: Well, darn...
I can't put twenty wrestlers in the ankle-lock at the same time! I need
Shane McMahon to plan this...
Big Show:
But I told you, Shane McMahon is a jobber!
Angle: Yeah, but...
[an idea comes to him] The man in black!
Big Show:
Say what?
Angle: The man
who can make Shane McMahon job will have no problem planning an attack
like this! Let's go!
Big Show:
Where?
Angle: Well
DUH... Find the man in black!
Big Show:
But you don't know where he is?
Angle: I'll simply
use two of my three I's: Intelligence, and Intensity! We'll find him!!
Finally, I'll take my revenge on the man who stole my precious medals!!
[The scene moves back
to Helmsley, shining a title-belt in his chambers]
[RVD arrives]
Helmsley: [annoyed
at being interrupted] What is it?!
RVD: Calm
down, man. I emptied the WWF locker room. Thirty men guard the Titan Towers
doors.
Helmsley:
Double it! The billion-dollar princess won't be swayed by the Alliance!
RVD: The door
only has one key card, and it belongs to ME [points to himself with
each letter] R-V-D!
[Stephanie arrives]
Helmsley:
Damn, what do YOU want... uh... I mean...[smiles] Are you ready
for our wedding? [turns to RVD] Tomorrow morning, your men will
escort us to the WWF parking garage, where every limo I own will accompany
us on our honeymoon.
Stephanie: Every
limo but the four you sent, right Hunter? You know, the ones carrying Jericho's
contract?
Helmsley:
Well... of course. Right.
RVD: [realizing
there's going to be trouble] I'm out of here, man... [he leaves]
Stephanie:
You never sent the limos, did you Hunter? Well it doesn't
matter, Jericho said
he'd return anyway!
Helmsley: [getting
angry] You're a spoiled bitch! Stephie always has to get what
she wants...
Stephanie:
I may be a bitch, but YOU'RE nothing but a HEEL! You have to use ME to
get cheap heat!
Helmsley: [outraged]
How DARE you! [menacingly] Not another word, Stephanie!
Stephanie:
Why? You can't hurt me. And when I say you're a heel, it's
only because you are the filthiest, most disgusting, brutal bottom-feeding
trashbag BASTARD ever to walk the Earth!
Helmsley:
[furious] I said NOT ANOTHER WORD! [He forcefully escorts
Stephanie to her room and locks her in]
[Helmsley exits Titan
Towers and enters the Doghouse. Austin is there. Jericho is still tied
to the chair.]
Helmsley:
[To Jericho] She's picked up your attitude AND insults! And
hey, since you two are so much alike, you might have actually been HAPPY
together! But a couple like you have NO chance in this world. You'll
end up hating each other until you die! So I'll just save you the trouble,
and get rid if you NOW!
[Helmsley sets the
machine to the maximum]
Stone Cold: WHAT?!
You just set it to 'JOBBER TO THE JOBBERS', ya silly bastard!!
[Jericho screams out
in pain as promo after promo quick cuts on the screen in front of him --
Rocky's very first 'blue chipper' promo, various Ultimate Warrior promos,
Hogan promos, and last but not least, a Hardy Boys promo. The entire
world can hear Jericho's cries]
[Angle and Big Show
hear the echoing noise from afar]
Angle: Big Show!
Listen. It's the sound of some SERIOUS pain. My olympic heart made
that sound when Austin stole my medals! It's true! But now, the man in
black makes it.
Big Show:
The man in black?
Angle: The billion-dollar
princess is marrying Helmsley tonight. So the man in black is kinda
pissed...
Big Show: Uh,
and how do you know he even CARES about the billion-dollar princess?
Angle: I just
DO, ok? It's true. It's DAMN true! [Angle and Big Show push their way
through a mass of wrestling fans] Excuse me, olympic hero coming through.
Pardon me, sir. Oh... sure I'll give you an autograph... yes, always drink
your milk! Umm, pardon me... gotta get by... [They struggle to move
even a few feet]
Big Show: [in
a bellowing voice] EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR ASSES!
[the fans bolt]
Angle: Thank You
TO BE CONTINUED