Chapters VII - The End of Loneliness

For the next few days, Hermiony could barely sleep through the night. Once she even woke up to the sound of her own screams. Lavender and Parvati also woke up and neither was particularly pleased. There was a definite and building tension between the three of them. Hermiony was the outsider, the know-it-all, and Lavender and Parvati were unable to warm up to her. Sometimes, the two of them would go out to meet Parvati's twin sister, Padma and her friends in Ravenclaw. Neither would ask Hermiony if she wanted to come along. There was another problem too. Both Lavender and Parvati were from wizard families. They could talk about things that Hermiony, in her few months in this strange new world, could barely comprehend. And besides, the two of them constantly giggles like idiots, something that particularly irritated Hermiony.

Hermiony could barely even look at Harry and Ron. She never spoke to them. Once when Harry approached her to ask her what she thought was underneath the trapdoor. She gave him an icy glare and stalked away. The only person to whom she could talk was Neville, and he was so shaken up by what had happened, that he could barely talk to anyone. He did not, however, blame Harry and Ron.

But a week after the incident, six large screech owls dropped a large parcel in front of Harry. Then another owl dropped a card in front of him. Ron and Harry read the card and left with the package. Hermiony refused to care. She was not going to follow them. She just finished eating. Just then she realized she forgot a book from her room. Breakfast was over. She raced to Gryffindor tower. On the marble staricase, she saw that Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Professor Flitwick, Harry, and Ron were discussing something. She heard Harry explain to Flitwick that he had got a Nimbus Two Thousand Racing Broom and it was thanks to Malfoy. Malfoy looked furious as Harry and Ron continued up the stairs. It all made sense to Hermiony. Harry was on the Quidditch team because of his amazing flying which Malfoy allowed him to prove by the Remembrall incident. For breaking the rules and nearly getting her killed, he was being rewarded. She could not stand the unfairness.

"So I supposed you think that's a reward for breaking rules?" she called out angrily while climbing the steps.

Harry responded first, ever so sweetly. "I thought you weren't speaking to us?"

"Yes, don't stop now. It's doing us so much good," said Ron with a sneer across his face.

Hermiony continued up the steps. Once she got back to her room, where she was alone, she let out a loud scream. "I hate them both," she thought to herself, "Why did the Sorting Hat put me with them?"

As she suspected, Harry Potter had been named to the Quidditch team. The youngest house player at Hogwarts in over a century. The entire house of Gryffindor celebrated him and cheered for him whenever he entered the common room. Hermiony could only bring herself to glare at him a little less. However there were no further problems between her and Harry and Ron until Hallowween.

The decorations in the Great Hall were the most beautiful Hermiony had ever seen. She could smell the baking pumpkins and could hardly wait until the feast. She was hoping the day would fly by.

But, as with any day you hope would fly by, it went quite slowly. There was just too much energy in the air and too much to concentrate on. By the time Charms class arrived, Hermiony was practically jumping out of her seat. But today was the day Professor Flitwick finally let them float feathers. Hermiony knew there was no problem. Already she had been able to float heavier objects, and had been able to do so since before she arrived at Hogwarts. Flitwick put the students into pairs. Parvati was naturally paired with Lavender, her other twin. Hermiony hoped that Flitwick would put her with Neville, as he would need the most help. But, in trying to catch Harry's eyes, Neville accidentally got himself paired with Dean Thomas. Harry was paired with Seamus, which meant that Ron was paired with her. Both of them were plenty miserable, but she was unable to tell which one was angrier.

Flitwick was giving instructions that were completely unnecessary for Hermiony. Ron was paying extra attention so he could avoid looking at her. No one in the class seemed to be able to get it quite right. Seamus and Harry set their feather on fire. Ron kept shouting, "Wingardium Leviosa!" and waving his arms around, but was unable to get his feather to move at all.

Finally Hermiony's temper got the better of her. "You're saying it all wrong. It's Wing - GAR - dium Levi - OH - sa, make the `gar' nice and long."

Ron was livid. "You do it if you're so clever," he said, practically shouting.

Hermiony steadied herself, waved her wand slightly, and calmly said "Wingardium Leviosa" - correctly. The feather rose and hovered over their heads. She smiled sarcastically at Ron. "See. It's not hard at all," she whispered to him. His face fell.

Professor Flitwick started to clap. And then he squealed with pleasure. "Oh, well done! Everyone see here, Miss Granger's done it!"

She flushed with pleasure, but quickly composed herself when she realized everyone else was glaring at her.

Following Neville, Harry, Ron, and Seamus, Hermiony left the room. Ron was still in a bad mood and did not bother to keep his voice down.

"It's no wonder no one can stand her. She's a nightmare honestly."

That was too much for Hermiony. She felt the hot tears streaking down her cheeks. She knew everyone felt like that, but to actually hear someone say it aloud, even someone she disliked... Her breath came with difficulty and they sounded like sobs. She ran, knocking into Harry. And she kept running. Not knowing where she was headed, she found her way to one of the girls' bathrooms. She leaned against a wall, and then curled up on the floor in a fetal position, just crying.

"I want to go home," she thought. "I try and I try and I can't make any friends. I hate them all. I miss Mum and Dad. Why can't they be here now? I just want to go home. I'll write a letter tonight and tell them I'm coming home. Then I'll find out from Professor McGonagall how to get back. I'm probably not the first student who couldn't fit in. And I'm sure with a Muggle-born person, they'll understand. It's almost November and I don't fit in. I'll never fit in. I'll never have any friends. All I do is spend my time in the library alone. I'm going to be all alone for the rest of my life, so I might as well be lonely where I have my parents."

She kept thinking these thoughts for the rest of the afternoon. And the tears and sobs did not stop. When Parvati accidentally walked in on her, Hermiony went into a stall, but did not even pretend to stop crying. She knew that everyone would be in the Great Hall enjoying themselves, but she no longer cared.

Much time had passed but Hermiony stayed in the bathroom feeling sorry for herself. At one point she thought she heard a large group of people rustling past her. She wanted to check it out, but just did not have the strength. About five minutes later, she smelled the most pungent odor she had ever smelled and she heard the door lock. She left the stall and saw a troll staring at her with a hungry look. She screamed.

She slunk back against a wall and trembled. Was the school trying to kill her? First the three headed dog and now this. She did not notice anything this time. She could only see the troll and hear his grunts. She completely missed Harry and Ron slip into the bathroom and try to distract the troll. She barely heard Harry as he was yelling at her and trying to pull her toward the door. She was unable to move any muscle in her body. Harry and Ron fought the troll. Hermiony, unable to see anything, sunk to the ground. Then she heard Ron cry out, "Wingardium Leviosa." The troll's club flew out of its hand and knocked it out. After a minute Hermiony meekly asked from the safety of her wall, "Is it - dead?"

"I don't think so," said Harry, "I think it's just been knocked out." He wiped off his wand. He had stuck it up the troll's nose and it was quite dirty.

Suddenly, Professor McGonagall, Snape, and Quirrell entered the bathroom. Quirrell started to whimper just like Hermiony. Snape bent down over the troll. But Professor McGonagall stared with white-hot anger at Harry and Ron.

"What on earth were you thinking of?" she said almost calmly, but with clear anger. She looked at Harry and Ron, whose was frozen with his wand in the air. "You're lucky you weren't killed. Why aren't you in the dormitory?"

Hermiony looked around the room. Snape stared almost malevolently at Harry. McGonagall, in her anger, had yet to notice Hermiony. Quirrell was in no condition to see anything. Ron looked almost as petrified. Harry could not lift his head. She could just stay against the wall in the shadows and not be noticed. But Ron and Harry had saved her life at the risk of their own. Instead of being rewarded, they would be punished. She refused to let that happen, whatever the consequences to herself.

In a soft voice, she called out, "Please Professor McGonagall - they were looking for me."

"Miss Granger!" Clearly her presence surprised McGonagall.

Hermiony got to her feet, with no small amount of effort. "I went looking for the troll because I," she had to think quickly, "I thought I could deal with it on my own - you know, because I've read about them."

This false confession shocked everyone. Ron dropped his wand. Harry looked at her, mouth agape.

"If they hadn't found me, I'd be dead by now. Harry stuck his wand up its nose and Ron knocked it out with its own club. They didn't have time to come fetch anyone. It was about to finish me off when they arrived."

Harry and Ron were still staring at her. McGonagall looked at the three of them, and Hermiony realized that she saw right through the story.

"Well - in that case . . ." McGonagall began, "Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own?"

Hermiony hung her head in mock shame. She looked up a bit and thought she saw a slight twinkle in McGonagall's eye, though her voice gave away nothing.

"Miss Granger, five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this," she said, "I'm very disappointed in you. If you're not hurt at all, you'd better get to Gryffindor tower. Students are finishing the feast in their houses."

Hermiony left, confused for a second. "Oh," she thought to herself, "the Halloween feast. They must have taken everyone to the houses because of the troll."

As she walked toward the tower, she thought about Harry and Ron. "They came to find me. Even Ron. I've misjudged them."

Thoughts like that swam through her mind until she got to the tower. "Pig snout," she said to the Fat Lady and entered into the common room where everyone was eating. No one noticed her. And she preferred it that way. She wanted to talk to Harry and Ron when they came. To thank them. She stood by the door.

A few minutes later, they came through the portrait hole. She had a whole speech prepared, but none of them could look at each other. They all muttered "Thanks" and went to get some food. No one had, noticed they were gone. Not even Percy.

She was not sure why exactly, but from then on she and Ron and Harry were inseparable. They even invited her to meet Hagrid, who that first day seemed imposing, but now was like a favorite uncle. Hermiony especially loved his fearsome looking, but gentle boarhound, Fang. Hermiony, in turn, helped them study, which was a boon to Harry who was swamped with Quidditch. She even lent him "Quidditch Through the Ages" so that he could learn the history and strategy of the game.

But the troll incident was still not resolved with one person, Professor McGonagall. Hermiony desperately wanted to tell her the truth, but did not dare. But one day after class, McGonagall told Hermiony, "Miss Gragner, please follow me to my office."

They entered a room surrounded by books neatly lined along shelves. All over there were animal figurines, mostly cats. On the far wall, there was a small picture of a young couple and a baby. The young couple was smiling and playing with the baby swaddled in pink blankets. Hermiony was curious about whom they were, but was too afraid to pry.

"Please, sit down," said McGongall.

Hermiony sat at one of the desk chairs. They were plush, red and gold velvet and quite comfortable. McGonagall sat at the chair behind her desk.

"Hermiony," she said gently, and then stopped. Hermiony looked at her in amazment. It was the first time that McGonagall had ever called her by her given name.

"Hermiony, I want to know about the troll. You didn't really go after it did you?"

Hermiony was in shock, but she had to keep up the pretense. "Yes, Professor I . . ." but McGonagall waved her off.

"Your story was convincing. Professor Snape thought that the five-point penalty was far too lenient. But I have always been able to see the past the truth. I know you lied to us to protect Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley."

"Yes. I'm sorry," replied Hermiony, hanging her head in real shame.

"Why did you lie?" asked McGonagall.

"They saved my life. I didn't want them to get in trouble."

"I didn't realize that you were close to them that they would risk their lives instead of hunting for a professor. In fact, I was under the impression that you didn't like them and vice versa."

"No, we didn't like each other then. I don't know why they tried to find me."

"I also noticed you weren't in the Great Hall during the feast. Why?"

"It's embarrassing, Professor. You'll think less of me."

"No, I don't think I will."

"I was in the bathroom. Crying. I wanted to go home so badly."

"Were you unhappy with your magical education."

"No," replied Hermiony emphatically, "I was just lonely."

"And now?" Professor McGonagall asked. "Are you still lonely?"

"No, Professor. I feel like I'm starting to find my place."

"Hermiony, you're one of the most gifted students I've ever taught. I knew that the first time I saw you in your house. And I noticed over these past few months that you haven't been happy here. Yet after the troll attack, when most students would be traumatized, you actually seemed happier. I wanted to know why.

"I have to say that very few students have the courage to lie to me. And even fewer have the loyalty to protect even their friends when they can avoid trouble for themselves. I won't forget that. In fact, I'm giving Gryffindor back the five points I took away. But if anyone asks, you will reply that I was impressed by your performance today in class.

"And now, Miss Granger, we both have another class, so I will bid you good day."

The two of them left the office and went opposite ways along the corridor. Hermiony felt strange. Professor McGongall treated her kindly, almost gently. It made Hermiony feel warm and appreciated, but at the same time, McGonagall was the last person she ever expected to treat her like that. And she called her "Hermiony". It just seemed so unlikely. By the time Hermiony got to History of Magic, she was thoroughly confused. Luckily Binn's boring lecture gave her a chance to think a little bit more about that conversation.