Shady Baby

Shady Baby

Chapter 4

Rincewind's Brilliant Idea (So to speak…)

Summary: Rincewind wakes up and discovers that our Lucks is…you'll find out.

Author's note: I am so completely bored out of my head right now, so if this chapter completely and utterly SUCKS, you know why. Still, I think that with the mood I'm in I think I can come up with some great cynicism.

Disclaimer: We at Nightingale Productions would like to say: I own Lucks. She is mine. I can do whatever I please with my own character and creative genius, which currently has me tied to a post in a dark cold room so I can't use my common sense.

Rincewind rolled over and gave a loud moan that they could have heard in the dining hall at Unseen University. His head felt like he had just dove from the top of Cori Celesti and hadn't stopped until he reached the bottom of the Ankh. "Filthy, nasty, rotten bug…"

"Oh, so you're alive, eh?" said a voice. "I thought I'd killed you."

"You're welcome to, if it would make this headache go away" Rincewind groaned, and tried to sit up. He found it made him dizzy, so he lay back down.

"Careful" said the voice again, "You sit up now and your brain will leak out of your ears."

Rincewind opened his eyes for the first time and found himself looking at someone he would never have expected to try and murder him.

Lucks smiled at him, rather reluctantly. "Feeling better?"

"Not exactly" he said, trying to touch the wound. He had about a dozen goose eggs on the back of his head, and it looked like another dozen were about to hatch. "Bugger," he said again.

"Be careful, if my mom hears you say that you'll get another blow on the head."

Rincewind looked over at the girl who had nearly killed him. Her hair was unusually long, and very dark. Kind of alluring, in a way. Her eyes were full of many things, besides a rage to try and bludgeon strangers to death.

"Well, then, who are you?" Rincewind asked.

"I'm pissed off, that's what."
"Really."

"If it wasn't for mother in there, you'd be lying out there on the sidewalk getting ready to be dog food."

"Your mother?"

"She's not the type to live in the Shades, she's too bloody compassionate…she told me to carry you in here or she'd bludgeon me to death."

"This family's awfully keen on bludgeoning" Rincewind said. "Tell your mother thank you."

Lucks mumbled something that Rincewind figured he didn't want to hear.

"So, who are you really, besides pissed off?" he asked cautiously.

"My name's Luoxanna, but everyone calls me Lucks. I prefer that, actually, so unless you're looking for trouble you can call me that."

"I say, do you go around insulting and hurting people everywhere you go?"

"Only on days that end in y."

"I see."

"So, what were you doing in my father's garden, anyway?" Lucks asked; she figured she might as well get somewhere, even if she didn't want him around.

"I got lost…on my way back from the market with some bananas for the librarian, you know, at the University, and I got bloody lost. Your garden looked safe enough, no one wants to be alone in the Shades, at any time of day."

"You must be awfully faithful if you just went to get bananas for some kooky librarian…is it a wizard thing or something, the banana fetish?" Lucks asked.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, um, well, I suppose so, it's more like a way of living for him…um, anyway, then I met up with your lovely skillet, and now I'm here, hoping I'll be able to walk later on to get home. Got all that?"

Lucks nodded. "Ok, Mr., umm…"

"Rincewind" he said. "Assistant Librarian at Unseen University."

"We've established that already, I believe" Lucks said.

Rincewind rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, I suppose. Now, when will I be able to walk, do you think?"

"Not sure" Lucks said, "Give you another day maybe, and then the swelling will have gone down. I'd personally like to let you go now and let the bandits get you, but that's just me, and I don't seem to count for much in this house."

"I say, where do you get this nasty temper?" Rincewind asked.

"Comes natural, along with everything else."

"Aye then."

"I suppose you'll be wanting supper, then?" Lucks asked.

"Wouldn't mind it," said Rincewind. "Have any molluscs?"

"Probably in the garden," Lucks said. "Hold on a minute, will you?"

Lucks got up and headed out of the bedroom door. Her mother was in the kitchen, carving onions.

"He awake then, is he?" she asked.

"Yes, and craving molluscs" she responded.

"We don't have any, give him some stew when I'm done with it" she said absentmindedly.

At that moment, Lucks' father came storming in, an angry look on his face. "Where…what…who…" he stammered.

Lucks rolled her eyes and headed back into the room where Rincewind was. "It's ok daddy, I got him before he hurt the vegetables."

"What do you mean, young lady?" he asked. "I've been looking for you forever, Lucks, FOREVER. I left when you were supposed to be back, and I couldn't find you! What is the meaning of this?"

"Dad I got hung up…there were some guys trying to rob a caravan and I had to do something about it" Lucks said. "Don't worry."

The steam coming out of her father's ears settled from a heavy billow to a light puff. "All right, I just got worried, that's all. You know how it is here."

Lucks smiled.

"Dear, there's a strange man in our back bedroom that Lucks caught out in our garden. He's awake now, I think you should see him" her mother said.

"Awake?" he asked.

Lucks smiled. "Right this way daddy."

Lucks led him to the back room, where Rincewind was sitting up and massaging his head. He turned around and let out sort of a squeak when he saw her father.

"Ah, greetings good sir, my name is Rincewind, Assistant Librarian at Unseen Univ…"

"All right, all right, what were you doing in my garden?" her father growled.

Rincewind told her father the story, in between many grunts and nods. When he got to the part about the skillet, he smiled at his daughter. "Nice job" he said. Lucks smiled to herself.

"So anyway, I'm just lost, and I'd like to be getting home soon, you know, the librarian gets awfully upset when he's hungry and I'd rather not experience his wrath if you know what I mean…"

"All right, all right, Mr. Mince Pie, we'll get you home"

"Rincewind, sir."

"Rincewind yourself, Mincemeat. I'll have Lucks take you back home."

"ME?" Lucks cried. "Why me?"

"Well obviously you can defend yourself better than Rincething here…and you know your way around Ankh-Morpork better than me. Go on, send Killer with you also."

Lucks sighed. "Fine, when do I have to leave?"

"Tomorrow morning you can set off, I'll wake you when it's time. Goodnight Lucks, and you too Rincerind."

Rincewind didn't even bother to correct him. ""Night, my good man."

Lucks sighed as her father left the room. "Thanks a lot," she said to Rincewind with a scowl, and headed out behind her father.

Rincewind sighed and lay back down, trying to sleep. He couldn't concentrate, for the fragments of conversation he heard coming from the kitchen. Lucks' parents were having a discussion about something strange, he gathered.

He got up to listen at the door.

"Mumble mumble to me there was an accident at the marketplace earlier mumbleday," said her father.

"Really? What mumble of accident?"

"Seems that a few burglars mumble disappeared under the earth when trying to steal a few mumbles."

"Really? What caused mumble?"

"Not sure, but that sounds something like one of those magic mumbles. Weird, we don't have any of those around mumble."

"True."

Rincewind took in a breath. Where had Lucks gotten that skillet? He wondered. She was at the market, and he had heard her say something about a caravan and some robbers…

He put it out of his mind, but it seemed to come right back to him. It was strange, and she did have a lot of rage.

Sleep came then, and he didn't really have a choice in the matter.