Looking Back

Looking Back

"Wes, hi," Angel said.

"Angel… How is everything in Sunnydale?" Wesley asked.

"Good… Buffy killed a major demon the night I got into town.  Life as usual on the Hellmouth… How are things in LA?" Angel asked.

"We're doing quite well.  Fred had a vision about a Feyral demon on the rampage, it was nothing to tax Gunn and I's abilities though.  I paid Cordelia a visit to let her know the good news about Buffy," Wesley replied.

"How are things in Pylea?" Angel asked.

"Cordelia appeared quite content with their progress.  They managed to kill off one of the more radical Priests in battle.  I must say that her look is changing from Princess Leia to Xena, Warrior Princess."

"She isn't fighting is she?" Angel asked with concern.

"She trains in weapons with both the Grooselog and Landoc," Wesley sighed.  "She swears there's no way they'd let her get in over her head."

"Cordy isn't a fight," Angel protested.  "…Well she is, but not that kind of a fighter.  She isn't a warrior.  She doesn't belong on a battlefield, she might get hurt."

"She's a grown woman, I'd liked to have seen you stop her," Wesley replied defensively.

Angel sighed and the line went silent for a time.

"If that's all…" Wesley asked.

"Wait," Angel said then paused.  "How's Fred doing?" he asked quietly.

"As well as can be expected," Wesley replied then hung up.

Angel disconnected then dialed a second LA number.  "Lorne, it's Angel," he said.

"Angel-cakes, how is the small town air agreeing with you?" Lorne asked jovially.

"Could you stop by the hotel and check on Fred?" Angel asked.  "She's never been that close to Wesley or Gunn and…"

"Your one true love's company isn't chasing all thoughts of Fred out of your mind?" Lorne asked.

"I will never quit caring about Fred, no matter what.  What I feel for her has nothing to do with what I feel for Buffy," Angel said icily, then his composure shattered and he added uncertainly.  "Besides I don't thing either Buffy or I believe in soulmates anymore."

"My listening ears are on, Angel-kins," Lorne encouraged.

"Sometimes when we look at each other it's like we never were apart, like it's still '96," Angel sighed.  "But most of the time all I see is how much we've grown apart."

"You fell in love with the girl, now she's all grown up," Lorne suggested.

"She grew hard," Angel said.  "There's a wall between us and I can't get through it, can't see a way around it, and she won't reach back. I'm here, not that it matters to her."

"So why do you stay?" Lorne asked neutrally.

"William told me that she missed me," Angel replied.  "Maybe he's taken up drugs because I don't see it.  Buffy barely talks to me… I shouldn't have come.  I'm hurting Fred, Buffy doesn't want me here, I've hurt her so much in the past I can't blame her… What is it about me that makes me hurt everyone I love?  My parents, my sister, my friends, Buffy, Fred, no matter how hard I try all I've done is bring them misery and disappointment."

"You know that's not…" Lorne began only to be cut off when Angel disconnected the line.