The Journey: Chapter Six SONG LYRIC CREDITS: You Were Meant For Me (Jewel), Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad? (Def Leppard).

Chapter Six

"Oh yeah? Well screw you too, Christey!" Alex yelled, slamming the door on her way out.

Jack heard a snort from behind him, and turned to see Mick and Rachel doing their best not to laugh.

"What, you reckon it's funny, do you?"

Rachel shook her head, still giggling. "You like her," she accused.

"What?!"

"Come on, it's obvious!" Mick added from his corner.

"She likes you too," Rachel told him, grinning.

"Yeah, right. She just told me to get screwed, remember?"

"Well, you know what that means, don't you?" Rachel asked, all innocence.

Jack shook his head. "I'm not listening to any more of this. I'll see you guys at the bar."
~~ * ~~

"Gees, I could have beaten Jack to a pulp today," Alex complained to Rachel.

"Yeah, you guys did seem to rub each other the wrong way just a bit," Rachel replied, hiding a smile.

"I just wish I knew why he has to criticise everything I say and do!"

Rachel giggled. "That's because he likes you."

Alex frowned. "You could have fooled me!"

"Well, that's his way," Rachel informed her friend.

"And what a charming way it is," Alex observed.

"You like him, too, don't you?" Rachel asked.

Alex said nothing for a minute, but then she nodded. "I don't know why," she shrugged, "He drives me nuts most of the time."

"Don't worry, he has that effect on everyone!"

"I'd noticed," Alex observed, dryly.

Rachel grinned. "Don't reel him in right away," she advised. "Let him dangle a bit, that should teach him."

They giggled like schoolgirls sharing a secret.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked, appearing behind them.

"Oh, nothing," Rachel told him, straight-faced. "You buying?"

Put on the spot, he answered, "Yeah, I suppose. Lemonade?" he asked. Rachel nodded.

"Ah, a Corona, a lemonade, and a glass of cabernet sauvignon," Jack requested.

Alex raised an eyebrow. The barman delivered the drinks, and Jack handed hers over with a small bow of his head. It was all she could do to keep her mouth shut.

"Peace offering," he informed her.

Alex caught Rachel smirking behind his back.
~~ * ~~

Alex and Jack became a couple with a minimum of angst, and Rachel patted herself on the back, being one of the few who was in on the secret. Alex was only with them temporarily anyway, until after Rachel's maternity leave. All they had to do was be discreet until then, but that was much easier said than done. Rumours were rife, but even the silliest of constables were smart enough not to gossip anywhere near Jeff's ears. Rachel couldn't help but be pleased; at least they'd stopped talking about her. For a while.

Weeks slowly passed, and Rachel missed Frank more every day. Postcards arrived about once a month, from Fiji, Samoa (with a special hello to Tommy) and then a longer letter from Raratonga. The speck in the distance became even smaller by the day, and though he said he missed her, he was unwavering in his quest.

Dear Rachel,
Well, if you thought Sydney gets hot, you should try visiting Raratonga! I've docked here for about a week, to replenish my food stores and have a bit of a rest. Maybe I'll give you a call while I'm here. I can't believe I've been gone for five months. I miss you, Rach, do you miss me? I dunno, maybe you're not even reading this. Maybe you've moved on and you're throwing these letters away unopened. Maybe you're laughing at them.

No, I know you wouldn't do that. I can't help thinking it, though. I can't help but wonder, would it, would we ever have happened if I hadn't been leaving? Would we have danced around each other forever, or would we have eventually seen the light?

Do you love me? I'm too scared to hear the answer.

You said it meant something to you, but did you mean it? Or was it safe to say because I was leaving?

Anyway, I'm running out of room, so I'll say goodbye. I'll be thinking of you.

Francis James Holloway

He never sent any kind of return address. Although Rachel couldn't imagine what she would write to him at this late stage. "Dear Frank, Hi, how are you? I'm sorry to tell you this so late, but you're going to be a father in about four months. See you in two years, Love Rachel."

Ridiculous.

She was well and truly starting to show by now, and she'd done all the tests, which came out clean, much to her relief. They'd asked her if she wanted to know the sex, and she'd said no. At least it made her feel better, in some small way, about Frank not knowing if she kept the secret from herself. She'd taken to keeping a journal of letters, writing all the things she wanted to say to him, but couldn't.

I go about my business, I'm doin' fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story not much to say
Hearts are broken every day...
~~ * ~~

Finally, the day came for Rachel to stop working. It was a fairly normal day, work-wise. There was a rather gruesome boat accident, but no one was at fault, and the detectives concluded their investigation before four.

"I always enjoy an easy day," Alex commented, sitting back in her chair.

Rachel laughed. "They're the best kind. I mean, everyone thinks we do nothing but cruise around the harbour, anyway. It's nice when you actually get to *do* that, isn't it?" she sighed. "Ooh," she exclaimed suddenly, frowning.

"What is it?" Jack asked, looking worried.

"Oh, don't panic," Rachel laughed, "The baby kicked, that's all."

"Ooh, can I feel?" Alex asked, eagerly.

"Yeah, sure!"

Alex gingerly put her hand on Rachel's stomach and waited.

Rachel felt the baby kick again.

Alex jumped in surprise. "Wow!" she exclaimed. "How often does that happen?"

"It depends," Rachel answered. "Sometimes I feel like a punching bag, other times there's not much at all. Actually, David wasn't as active as this one," she joked, "Must be the genes!"

"I hope I get to have a baby someday," Alex sighed.

"Better watch it, Jack. You know what they say; one woman gets pregnant and all the others get clucky! And now you're engaged--" Mick teased. Jack took a fake swing at him, but Mick only dodged it and laughed harder.

Alex sat down in her chair again, and busied herself typing.

"Hey, Rach, could you come and give me a hand with something?" Tayler asked, appearing in the doorway as if by magic.

"I suppose," Rachel frowned, smelling a rat. She followed Tayler down the stairs, and to the meal room. She heard the other three detectives following them, trying to be quiet. How on earth had Alex ever managed undercover work when she couldn't stop giggling?

Tayler pushed open the meal room door.

"SURPRISE!!" yelled the rest of the office staff.

Rachel attempted to look surprised. Alex and the boys caught up to her, Alex grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Didn't think you'd get away without a party did you?" she laughed.

"Thanks guys," Rachel said, smiling. Jack handed her a lemonade, and Mick fetched a piece of cake.

"Sit," Tayler commanded, fetching her a chair.
Jeff tapped a spoon on his glass, and slowly the conversation died down. "I won't make a long speech," he began. A few people coughed, quietly. "But let me say that Rachel Goldstein is one of the best detectives I have ever worked with, and we'll all be sorry to lose her, even temporarily."

"Hear, hear," a few voices agreed. Rachel felt her cheeks colour; she'd never really liked being the centre of attention.

"And furthermore," Jeff continued, "I consider myself lucky to count her as a friend."
This time Rachel definitely blushed.

"I've gotten you this gift, Rachel, I hope you'll like it," he told her, handing her a neatly wrapped parcel.

Rachel pulled the paper off to reveal a box of Guylian seashells. Unfortunately, seashells reminded her of Frank. She shoved that thought out of her mind for the moment, and kissed Jeff on the cheek. "Thanks," she told him. Now it was Jeff's turn to blush.
Mick, Tayler, Gavin and Tommy each handed her packages, which revealed in turn more chocolates, clothes for the baby, a box of biscuits and a pendant that Tommy told her was a Samoan good luck charm.

"Hang it over the baby's cot, and the spirits of your ancestors will watch over him," he told her.

Helen then handed a flat rectangular gift. Rachel removed the paper to reveal a photo frame. It was made of gold, with silver leaves around the edge. "It's beautiful!" Rachel exclaimed, giving Helen a hug.

Helen smiled, "Just don't be a stranger, ok?" she ordered, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Hey, that goes for you too!" Rachel told her. "For *all* of you!"

"Rach," Jack said softly.

She turned to him and he handed her a rather lumpy present.

"It's from both of us," Alex told her, grinning.

It was a teddy bear, with a waistcoat and a bow tie. Instead of an eye on the right side, he had a closed lid, so that he looked like he was winking. "He's so cute!" Rachel exclaimed, holding the bear at arm's length, and then giving him a little hug.

"Time for a photograph!" Jeff called. Constable Brennan offered to take the photograph, and Rachel stood between Jack and Alex, looking out of the meal room window, onto the harbour. Again she thought of Frank, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking. Perhaps, somewhere out there, he was wondering what *she* was doing and thinking.
~~ * ~~

Hi Rach,
Well, I miss you. More than ever thought I would. I'm in port for a couple of days, taking some more stores on board, so I figured now was a good time to write. I wish you could write back, but I'll be back out on the open sea by the time you get this. Then again, that might be a good thing, because maybe I can tell you some things I never dared to before.

I love you, Rach. I'm sorry I never managed to tell you that before, but I think you knew anyway, didn't you? You always saw straight through me.

I remember more now about the night before I left, but it's so hazy I sometimes wonder if I imagined it all.

Rachel's hand involuntarily drifted downwards to rub her swollen abdomen. The baby made its presence known by doing a somersault. "It definitely happened, Frank," she said softly, unable to contain a maniacal giggle at the irony of his statement, and the absurdity of her situation.

I don't know if we'll ever do it again, but I want you to know I'll never forget the way it felt to hold you in my arms and make love to you.

Francis James Holloway

Rachel shivered. 'Damn you, Frank,' she thought. 'How dare you turn me on when you're not around to follow through!'

Have you ever needed someone so bad?
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have?
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart?
Have you ever needed someone so bad?

A knock on her front door made Rachel jump. Guiltily, she refolded the letter and shoved it back in its envelope, before carefully manoeuvring herself out of the chair.

She'd have to get a stool to sit on or something. Standing up was getting harder as the baby grew.

"Alex!" she exclaimed, opening the door to reveal her friend on the doorstep.

Alex smiled, a little uncertainly. "Can I come in?"

Rachel frowned. "What's wrong?"

Alex bit her lip. "I don't know what to do," she admitted.

Rachel worriedly guided her to a chair, and sat down herself. "Tell me all of it."

"I'm pregnant, I think," Alex confided.

"What, is it an epidemic?" Rachel wondered aloud. Then she saw the look on her friend's face. "It's not a good thing?" she asked carefully.

"Well... I dunno. Part of me is really excited about the idea, it's just... when Mick was joking around the other day, about me being clucky, you know?"

"You're worried about Jack?"

"Yeah. It didn't seem like it was something he was looking forward to."
Rachel shrugged. "It's not something he's going to admit in front of Mick, is it? Not very 'blokey'. I think you're underestimating him. He asked you to *marry* him."

"We didn't talk about having a family though."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't want one. You have to talk to him about it. He would make a great Dad, you know."

"I'm just not sure what to do."

"That's up to you," Rachel said, "But I'd recommend finding out for sure, then you can move on from there. One step at a time."

"Yeah. Thanks, Rachel."

"Anytime."
~~ * ~~

Rachel shifted uncomfortably on the couch. It was much easier than getting up at this point. Since she'd left work, there didn't seem to be much else to do other than to watch television shows. She couldn't believe she actually cared whether pretty-boy Joel and silly-girl Felicity got back together or not.

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours...

Finished already? Rachel grunted in disgust. Now she'd have to watch again tomorrow to find out.

She'd picked up the remote and began flicking through channels to see what else was on, when her doorbell chimed.

Too hard to get up. "Come in," she called. It was probably Jack and Alex, or Helen, come to visit her. No one else would come by this late. She heard the door open behind her, and swivelled in her seat as far as she could.

"Hi," she greeted, "I'd get up, but--" she stopped as her eyes told her it wasn't Helen, or Jack, or Alex standing on her carpet.

It was Frank.

Rachel froze; Frank smiled.

"But you've turned into a couch potato since I've been gone?" Frank asked, smiling.
Rachel frowned, then realised he couldn't see. The back of the couch was blocking his view of her from the shoulders down. She closed her mouth, wondering what to do.

She had literally seconds to decide, as Frank started walking towards her. Unfortunately, her brain seemed to be wrapped in cotton wool, and she couldn't say anything.

Three more steps and he would see for himself.

Two more.

One more...

Rachel jerked awake. Her heart was thudding in her chest, and she was breathing heavily. Even the baby was restless, turning somersaults..

It was the third time she'd had the same dream. All this stress couldn't be good for her. She slowly rolled out of bed and headed for the kitchen to get herself a drink of water.

Why was she having all these dreams now? Maybe it was caused by roller coaster hormone levels or something. Then again, maybe her brain wasn't getting enough exercise without crims to catch and crimes to solve. That coupled with her very real fear of Frank showing up at the most inconvenient moment possible, even though if he stuck to his own schedule she wouldn't see him for at least another year.

Chapter Seven looks good...

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