Put on the spot, he answered, "Yeah, I suppose.
Lemonade?" he asked. Rachel nodded.
"Ah, a Corona, a lemonade, and a glass of cabernet sauvignon,"
Jack requested.
Alex raised an eyebrow. The barman delivered the
drinks, and Jack handed hers over with a small bow of his head. It
was all she could do to keep her mouth shut.
"Peace offering," he informed her.
Alex caught Rachel smirking behind his back.
~~ * ~~
Alex and Jack became a couple with a minimum of angst,
and Rachel patted herself on the back, being one of the few who was in
on the secret. Alex was only with them temporarily anyway, until
after Rachel's maternity leave. All they had to do was be discreet
until then, but that was much easier said than done. Rumours were
rife, but even the silliest of constables were smart enough not to gossip
anywhere near Jeff's ears. Rachel couldn't help but be pleased; at
least they'd stopped talking about her. For a while.
Weeks slowly passed, and Rachel missed Frank more every
day. Postcards arrived about once a month, from Fiji, Samoa (with
a special hello to Tommy) and then a longer letter from Raratonga.
The speck in the distance became even smaller by the day, and though he
said he missed her, he was unwavering in his quest.
Dear Rachel, Well, if you thought Sydney gets hot, you should
try visiting Raratonga! I've docked here for about a week, to replenish
my food stores and have a bit of a rest. Maybe I'll give you a call
while I'm here. I can't believe I've been gone for five months.
I miss you, Rach, do you miss me? I dunno, maybe you're not even
reading this. Maybe you've moved on and you're throwing these letters
away unopened. Maybe you're laughing at them.
No, I know you wouldn't do that. I can't help
thinking it, though. I can't help but wonder, would it, would we
ever have happened if I hadn't been leaving? Would we have danced
around each other forever, or would we have eventually seen the light?
Do you love me? I'm too scared to hear the
answer.
You said it meant something to you, but did you
mean it? Or was it safe to say because I was leaving?
Anyway, I'm running out of room, so I'll say goodbye.
I'll be thinking of you.
Francis James Holloway
He never sent any kind of return address. Although
Rachel couldn't imagine what she would write to him at this late stage.
"Dear Frank, Hi, how are you? I'm sorry to tell you this so
late, but you're going to be a father in about four months. See you
in two years, Love Rachel."
Ridiculous.
She was well and truly starting to show by now, and she'd
done all the tests, which came out clean, much to her relief. They'd
asked her if she wanted to know the sex, and she'd said no. At least
it made her feel better, in some small way, about Frank not knowing if
she kept the secret from herself. She'd taken to keeping a journal
of letters, writing all the things she wanted to say to him, but couldn't.
I go about my business, I'm doin' fine Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line? Same old story not much to say Hearts are broken every day... ~~ * ~~
Finally, the day came for Rachel to stop working.
It was a fairly normal day, work-wise. There was a rather gruesome
boat accident, but no one was at fault, and the detectives concluded their
investigation before four.
"I always enjoy an easy day," Alex commented, sitting
back in her chair.
Rachel laughed. "They're the best kind. I
mean, everyone thinks we do nothing but cruise around the harbour, anyway.
It's nice when you actually get to *do* that, isn't it?" she sighed.
"Ooh," she exclaimed suddenly, frowning.
"What is it?" Jack asked, looking worried.
"Oh, don't panic," Rachel laughed, "The baby kicked, that's
all."
"Ooh, can I feel?" Alex asked, eagerly.
"Yeah, sure!"
Alex gingerly put her hand on Rachel's stomach and waited.
Rachel felt the baby kick again.
Alex jumped in surprise. "Wow!" she exclaimed.
"How often does that happen?"
"It depends," Rachel answered. "Sometimes I feel
like a punching bag, other times there's not much at all. Actually,
David wasn't as active as this one," she joked, "Must be the genes!"
"I hope I get to have a baby someday," Alex sighed.
"Better watch it, Jack. You know what they say;
one woman gets pregnant and all the others get clucky! And now you're engaged--"
Mick teased. Jack took a fake swing at him, but Mick only dodged
it and laughed harder.
Alex sat down in her chair again, and busied herself typing.
"Hey, Rach, could you come and give me a hand with something?"
Tayler asked, appearing in the doorway as if by magic.
"I suppose," Rachel frowned, smelling a rat. She
followed Tayler down the stairs, and to the meal room. She heard
the other three detectives following them, trying to be quiet. How
on earth had Alex ever managed undercover work when she couldn't stop giggling?
Tayler pushed open the meal room door.
"SURPRISE!!" yelled the rest of the office staff.
Rachel attempted to look surprised. Alex and the
boys caught up to her, Alex grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Didn't
think you'd get away without a party did you?" she laughed.
"Thanks guys," Rachel said, smiling. Jack handed
her a lemonade, and Mick fetched a piece of cake.
"Sit," Tayler commanded, fetching her a chair.
Jeff tapped a spoon on his glass, and slowly the conversation
died down. "I won't make a long speech," he began. A few people
coughed, quietly. "But let me say that Rachel Goldstein is one of
the best detectives I have ever worked with, and we'll all be sorry to
lose her, even temporarily."
"Hear, hear," a few voices agreed. Rachel felt her
cheeks colour; she'd never really liked being the centre of attention.
"And furthermore," Jeff continued, "I consider myself
lucky to count her as a friend."
This time Rachel definitely blushed.
"I've gotten you this gift, Rachel, I hope you'll like
it," he told her, handing her a neatly wrapped parcel.
Rachel pulled the paper off to reveal a box of Guylian
seashells. Unfortunately, seashells reminded her of Frank.
She shoved that thought out of her mind for the moment, and kissed Jeff
on the cheek. "Thanks," she told him. Now it was Jeff's turn
to blush.
Mick, Tayler, Gavin and Tommy each handed her packages,
which revealed in turn more chocolates, clothes for the baby, a box of
biscuits and a pendant that Tommy told her was a Samoan good luck charm.
"Hang it over the baby's cot, and the spirits of your
ancestors will watch over him," he told her.
Helen then handed a flat rectangular gift. Rachel
removed the paper to reveal a photo frame. It was made of gold, with
silver leaves around the edge. "It's beautiful!" Rachel exclaimed,
giving Helen a hug.
Helen smiled, "Just don't be a stranger, ok?" she
ordered, wiping a tear from her eye.
"Hey, that goes for you too!" Rachel told her.
"For *all* of you!"
"Rach," Jack said softly.
She turned to him and he handed her a rather lumpy present.
"It's from both of us," Alex told her, grinning.
It was a teddy bear, with a waistcoat and a bow tie.
Instead of an eye on the right side, he had a closed lid, so that he looked
like he was winking. "He's so cute!" Rachel exclaimed, holding
the bear at arm's length, and then giving him a little hug.
"Time for a photograph!" Jeff called. Constable
Brennan offered to take the photograph, and Rachel stood between Jack and
Alex, looking out of the meal room window, onto the harbour. Again
she thought of Frank, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking.
Perhaps, somewhere out there, he was wondering what *she* was doing and
thinking.
~~ * ~~
Hi Rach, Well, I miss you. More than ever thought
I would. I'm in port for a couple of days, taking some more stores
on board, so I figured now was a good time to write. I wish you could
write back, but I'll be back out on the open sea by the time you get this.
Then again, that might be a good thing, because maybe I can tell you some
things I never dared to before.
I love you, Rach. I'm sorry I never managed
to tell you that before, but I think you knew anyway, didn't you?
You always saw straight through me.
I remember more now about the night before I left,
but it's so hazy I sometimes wonder if I imagined it all.
Rachel's hand involuntarily drifted downwards to rub her
swollen abdomen. The baby made its presence known by doing a somersault.
"It definitely happened, Frank," she said softly, unable to contain a maniacal
giggle at the irony of his statement, and the absurdity of her situation.
I don't know if we'll ever do it again, but I want
you to know I'll never forget the way it felt to hold you in my arms and
make love to you.
Francis James Holloway
Rachel shivered. 'Damn you, Frank,' she thought.
'How dare you turn me on when you're not around to follow through!'
Have you ever needed someone so bad? Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't
have? Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell
apart? Have you ever needed someone so bad?
A knock on her front door made Rachel jump. Guiltily,
she refolded the letter and shoved it back in its envelope, before carefully
manoeuvring herself out of the chair.
She'd have to get a stool to sit on or something.
Standing up was getting harder as the baby grew.
"Alex!" she exclaimed, opening the door to reveal her
friend on the doorstep.
Alex smiled, a little uncertainly. "Can I come in?"
Rachel frowned. "What's wrong?"
Alex bit her lip. "I don't know what to do," she
admitted.
Rachel worriedly guided her to a chair, and sat down herself.
"Tell me all of it."
"I'm pregnant, I think," Alex confided.
"What, is it an epidemic?" Rachel wondered aloud.
Then she saw the look on her friend's face. "It's not a good thing?"
she asked carefully.
"Well... I dunno. Part of me is really excited about
the idea, it's just... when Mick was joking around the other day,
about me being clucky, you know?"
"You're worried about Jack?"
"Yeah. It didn't seem like it was something he was
looking forward to."
Rachel shrugged. "It's not something he's going
to admit in front of Mick, is it? Not very 'blokey'. I think
you're underestimating him. He asked you to *marry* him."
"We didn't talk about having a family though."
"That doesn't mean he doesn't want one. You have
to talk to him about it. He would make a great Dad, you know."
"I'm just not sure what to do."
"That's up to you," Rachel said, "But I'd recommend finding
out for sure, then you can move on from there. One step at a time."
"Yeah. Thanks, Rachel."
"Anytime."
~~ * ~~
Rachel shifted uncomfortably on the couch. It was
much easier than getting up at this point. Since she'd left work,
there didn't seem to be much else to do other than to watch television
shows. She couldn't believe she actually cared whether pretty-boy
Joel and silly-girl Felicity got back together or not.
Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours...
Finished already? Rachel grunted in disgust.
Now she'd have to watch again tomorrow to find out.
She'd picked up the remote and began flicking through
channels to see what else was on, when her doorbell chimed.
Too hard to get up. "Come in," she called.
It was probably Jack and Alex, or Helen, come to visit her. No one
else would come by this late. She heard the door open behind her,
and swivelled in her seat as far as she could.
"Hi," she greeted, "I'd get up, but--" she stopped as
her eyes told her it wasn't Helen, or Jack, or Alex standing on her carpet.
It was Frank.
Rachel froze; Frank smiled.
"But you've turned into a couch potato since I've been
gone?" Frank asked, smiling.
Rachel frowned, then realised he couldn't see.
The back of the couch was blocking his view of her from the shoulders down.
She closed her mouth, wondering what to do.
She had literally seconds to decide, as Frank started
walking towards her. Unfortunately, her brain seemed to be wrapped
in cotton wool, and she couldn't say anything.
Three more steps and he would see for himself.
Two more.
One more...
Rachel jerked awake. Her heart was thudding in her
chest, and she was breathing heavily. Even the baby was restless,
turning somersaults..
It was the third time she'd had the same dream.
All this stress couldn't be good for her. She slowly rolled out of
bed and headed for the kitchen to get herself a drink of water.
Why was she having all these dreams now? Maybe it
was caused by roller coaster hormone levels or something. Then again,
maybe her brain wasn't getting enough exercise without crims to catch and
crimes to solve. That coupled with her very real fear of Frank showing
up at the most inconvenient moment possible, even though if he stuck to
his own schedule she wouldn't see him for at least another year.