The Journey: Chapter Eight SONG LYRIC CREDITS 8: Out Of Tears (The Rolling Stones)

Chapter 8

Rachel woke up, feeling very sore. She carefully pulled herself up to a sitting position, wincing. Her new daughter lay sleeping in a small cot beside the bed. Rachel wanted to go and pick her up, but her stitches didn't think she should be standing upright just yet.

Begrudgingly, she rang for the nurse.

"Still a bit sore, are you?" the nurse asked her sympathetically when Rachel communicated her desire. Smiling, she picked up the baby and handed her to her mother before quietly exiting the room.

The baby stirred in her mother's arms, but she didn't wake. Rachel gently touched the baby's wisps of blonde hair. She wondered if it would stay that colour, or darken to a shade more like hers. The little girl's nose was so tiny it was barely there, but Rachel was sure the mouth looked like Frank's. "You have a daughter, Frank," she whispered. "A beautiful daughter."

A discreet knock on the open door indicated the return of the nurse. "You have a visitor," she announced, smiling, and then stepped aside.

"David!" Rachel was surprised to see her son here on his own. She hadn't thought Jonathon would let him visit her.

He smiled, "I told Dad I wanted to ride my bike to school, and I left early so I could come and see you on the way," he explained.

"Did Grandad call you?"

He nodded. "Can I hold her?" he asked.

Rachel gently gave him the baby, explaining how to support her head. David studied his little sister carefully.

When she wrapped her tiny fingers around his, he looked up at his mum and smiled. "I think she likes me!" he giggled.

Rachel smiled back; not having the heart to tell him it was only a reflex. She'd been worried how David would react, after being the centre of her universe for the last twelve years, but he seemed quite taken with her.

"Mum," he began suddenly, "We don't have the same Dad, do we?" he asked.

Rachel swallowed. She'd known this question would come sooner or later. She shook her head. "No, you don't."

David nodded, he'd figured this out already. "So who *is* her Dad?" he asked.

Rachel debated how to answer this question, but she finally decided that the direct approach was best. "You remember Frank."

David nodded, thoughtfully. "You should have made him stay, Mum," he said.
Little bugger, thought Rachel. Where had he learnt to be so blunt?

Silly question.

~~ * ~~

"Rachel!" Felix Friedman greeted as he entered his daughter's room.

"Hi Dad," Rachel smiled.

Felix smiled back, but there was something about his smile that put Rachel on guard.

"What is it?" she asked immediately.

He sighed, and sat down by her bed. "I telephoned Helen to tell her where you were," he told her, "And she told me one of your friends was killed last night," he told her gently, "A Detective Alex... St Clare?"

Rachel nodded, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

Rachel wiped tears from her eyes. She would deal with it later, she decided. Trying to smile, she asked her father, "Would you like to meet your granddaughter?"

~~ * ~~

It was almost as if a shadow fell across the room when Jack appeared in the doorway. Rachel didn't know what to say to him, so she waited for him to speak first.

"Alex is dead," he said bluntly.

I can't feel, feel a thing
I can't shout, I can't scream
Breathe it out, breathe it in
All this love from within

"I heard. Jack, I'm so sorry," she told him, knowing words were inadequate.

He nodded, looking as if his world was coming to an end.

"What happened?" she asked carefully.

Jack sat down heavily in the chair her father had vacated. His head dropped into his hands, and Rachel saw his shoulders shake from sobbing. Some minutes passed before he wiped his eyes roughly and looked up to meet Rachel's sympathetic eyes.

"I turned my back on her," he whispered. "It was only for a minute, but it was enough. He stabbed her with a piece of glass, and she died before the ambulance got there."

Rachel felt her own eyes sting with tears as she leaned forward and put her arms around her grieving friend. She felt his tension ease a little as he began crying on the shoulder of her hospital gown. Rachel cried too; for Alex, who was gone; for Jack, who was alone; and for Frank, who was oblivious to everything.

"I'm gonna get him," Jack vowed. "Whoever he is, I'm gonna make sure he gets what's coming to him."

"Jack, don't do anything stupid," Rachel warned, sitting back against her pillows. "She wouldn't want you to."

"I know," he said, looking down. "She said she wanted to talk to me about something," he confessed. "We never got around to it. She's been so distant, I thought she was going to break it off. I thought that was the worst thing that could happen. I could have let her go, if that was what she wanted. I'd rather she was alive and happy without me."

"She loved you, Jack," Rachel whispered. "Don't ever doubt it."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?"

"It does," Rachel insisted. She resisted the urge to quote the cliche; it would be extremely unhelpful at this point.

He took a deep breath, and seemed to push all thoughts of his fiance to the back of his mind. Standing up, he walked around the bed to the cot on the other side. He stared down at the tiny form for a few seconds; his face expressionless.

"You can pick her up if you like," Rachel told him.

She wasn't sure if he'd even heard her or not, until he carefully leaned forward and picked the baby up. She woke up, but she didn't cry, instead squinting at him as if she was trying to figure out where she'd seen him before.

Rachel noticed the faintest suggestion of a smile cross Jack's face. "How would you feel about being her godfather?" she asked carefully.

Jack looked back at Rachel, his face unreadable. "I'd be honoured," he answered quietly. He sat down in the chair by the bed, gently rocking the baby as he did. "What are you going to call her?"

Rachel bit her lip, wondering if now was the right time to ask. She'd never been definite on a name, until her father had told her the news that morning.

"How about Alex?" she asked softly.

"I think she'd like that," Jack agreed softly.

~~ * ~~

Rachel awoke from a doze a few hours later to see Helen carefully placing a package on her bedside table.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologised. "I was trying not to wake you."

"Oh, that's okay," Rachel laughed, wincing as she carefully pulled herself up to a sitting position.

Helen handed the present to Rachel, who carefully took off the wrapping. Underneath was a red jumpsuit and a box of liqueur chocolates.

Rachel smiled. "Thank you!"

Helen leaned over and gave her friend a hug. She sat down next to the bed, and became serious again. "Your Dad told you?" she asked.

Rachel nodded sadly.

"I would have come earlier, but..."

"Yeah, I know," Rachel answered quietly. "You will keep an eye on Jack, won't you?"

"Of course. He's been to see you?"

"Yeah. I don't know what to say to him. Helen, can I ask your advice about something?" she asked, frowning.

"You know the answer to that."

"There was something Alex told me, a few weeks ago. I can't decide if I should tell Jack or not."

"Do you think he should know?"

"Yes... and no. She was pregnant, Helen," Rachel told her. Saying it made her throat hurt with grief.

Helen's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh no! And Jack didn't know?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Maybe it was for the best," Helen said. "What good would it do him to know now?"

Rachel sighed. "Maybe you're right. It just might be the thing that pushes him over the edge."

~~ * ~~

Jack came to visit her every day, looking like death warmed up, and they shared more than a few tears that week. Helen and her father were extremely supportive, and eventually, there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Baby Alex was a charmer. She had everybody who looked at her smiling and making baby noises in seconds. Even Jack seemed to lose a bit of gloom when she wrapped her little fingers around his.

A week after the birth, Rachel was discharged from the hospital, under the proviso she didn't drive or attempt to lift any heavy objects for the next six weeks, which seemed to her a rather excessive period of time.

~~ * ~~


On to Chapter Nine


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